实习医生格蕾

Grey's Anatomy S18E12

Part 5 March 30, 2022, 11:25 a.m.

- Change. -Yeah.
过去两年与我想象的完全不同
The last two years were not what I expected,
我一直在思考
and I've been thinking about, you know,
我想要以何种方式生活
the way I want to live my life,
也许和其他人的不一样
and maybe it's not like other people
或不像我舅舅希望我的那样
or like how my uncle wants me to.
你知道他是出于好意
You know he means well.
他太担心我会变成我妈那样
He is so worried about me becoming my mother
以致于他看不到我现在真正的样子
that he doesn't see, you know, who I'm actually becoming.
人很难生活在父母的阴影之外
Very hard to live outside the shadow of your parents.
对他让事情变得更难了
Yeah, well, he's making it harder.
永远得听他的否则就休想
It's always been his way or no way.
你总有一天会看到的
You'll see that -- eventually.
你愿和他聊聊吗
Will you talk to him?
你可以自己说
You can.
你可以的
You can.
在理查德后我不再做人们期望我做的事
"I stopped doing what was expected of me after Richard.
我开始做只对我自己最有利的事
I started doing what was best for me, and only me."
我不是责怪你抛弃我
Now, I'm not judging you for giving me up.
我只是觉得你以我为耻
I just feel like you're ashamed of me.
我是你与一个没选择你的已婚男人
I'm the child of an affair with a married man
婚外情生出的孩子
who didn't choose you.
告诉我我错了
Tell me I'm wrong.
第一次遇见比尔和黛安时
"The first time I met Bill and Diane,
我非常紧张害怕他们会对我评头论足
I was so nervous that they would judge me.
但事情并不是那样
But it was nothing like that.
他们是非常善良有爱和勤奋的人
They we really kind, loving, hardworking people
真的想要一个孩子
who really wanted a child."
你选择了我的父母吗
You chose my parents?
我知道他们会好好对待你
"I knew you were going to be in good hands.
他们是我的首选
They were my first choice.
我知道
I just knew."
他们问我是否想偶尔了解
"They asked if I wanted the occasional update
你的最新情况
about how you were doing."
-他们这么问吗 -我当然拒绝了
- They did? - "Of course, I declined."
-你拒绝了吗 -是的
- You declined? - Hmm.
我不是晚宴请柬爱丽丝
I'm not a dinner invitation, Ellis.
你居然拒绝了
You declined?
你对我一点都不好奇吗
You weren't the least bit curious about me?
你是那种认为
You're the one who thinks
你触碰到的一切都非同寻常的人
that everything you touch is extraordinary.
你就不想看看我是否符合要求吗
Didn't want to see if I fit the bill?
不不不看着我爱丽丝
No, no, no. Look at me, Ellis.
你现在不许回避我
You don't get to avoid me now.
-看着我 -你希望我说什么
- Look at me! - What do you want me to say?!
说我原本不希望这样吗
That I wish it was different?
说我希望你梅瑞狄斯我和理查德
That I wish that you and Meredith and me and Richard
能成为一个快乐的大家庭吗
could have been one big, happy family?
这是个幼稚的幻想
Well, that was a childish fantasy.
永远不会这样
It was never gonna happen!
我我在这里
I -- I'm here.
每天生活在伟大爱丽丝·格蕾的阴影之下
Living every day in the shadow of the great Ellis Grey.
生活在她的生活呼吸走路和说话错误中
Her living and breathing and walking and talking mistake,
这个人根本不够好不值得被赞扬
the one who wasn't good enough to be approved.
你不知道我那时有多难
You don't know how hard it was for me.
但我振作起来开始新生活
But I picked up the pieces, and I moved on.
我做到了靠我自己
And I did it -- on my own.
我每天都在想
And I spent every day
为什么我不值得
wondering why I wasn't worthy.
你有没有考虑过我的感受
Didn't you ever think about how I might feel?
我做了决定就会坚持到底
I made a decision, and I stood by it.
我一点都不后悔不再见你的这个决定
That decision not to see you I do not regret one bit.
我很自豪这个决定
That decision I am proud of!
亲爱的
Baby, hey.
怎么了出什么事了
What happened? What's going on?
你还好吗
Are you okay?
那个女人...
That woman --
实在太可怕她...
She's awful. She --
她和梅瑞狄斯形容的一模一样
She was exactly how Meredith described her.
我觉得我没法读完这封信了
I don't think I'm gonna finish the letter.
那就不读
Then don't.
记住
And know that...
无论信上写什么都无法改变
whatever it says does not change
你是个超棒的人
the amazing person that you are.
我知道
I know.
好吧
Okay.
我只是希望我不需要让她知道
I just wish I didn't need her to know that.
过来
Come here.
读完大学会让你有更多选择
Finishing school is gonna give you more options.
这是大多数人没有的奢侈
It's something most people do not have.
-大多数人你在说我妈吧 -对
- Most people -- You're talking about Mom? - Yes.
你妈本有许多选择的但她全都丢掉了
Your mom could have had options, but she threw them all away.
她一次次地犯同样的错误
She made the same mistake over and over and over again.
-我知道我在场 -那就像样点
- I know. I was there. - Then act like it!
我不是她
I'm not her!
-我的天 -等等你等等停下
- Oh, my- - Wait, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Please, stop.
停停停停下不不
Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop. No, no.
停下我...
Stop, stop, stop. I-i-i --
我只是想给你最好的好吗
Look, I just want what's best for you, okay?
根据你想要的不是我想要的
Based on what you want, not what I want.
不是根据很多人生经验
No, based on a lot of life experience.
你知道吗大部分人和你不一样
You know, most people aren't like you.
不是每个人某天醒来就马上知道
Not everyone wakes up one day and immediately knows
他们想要做什么
what they want to do.
我需要靠自己搞清楚一些事情
I need to figure some stuff out by myself.
为什么那样不行
Why can't that be okay?
我只是...
I just...
我不想让你经历挣扎
I don't want you to have to struggle.
你能不能自信一点
Will you give yourself some more credit?
你从监狱里把我保释出来过吗
Have you ever had to bail me out of jail?
或者在路边接过我
Or, like, pick me up off the side of the road?
再或者把药片从我手上拿走
Or -- I don't know, take pills out of my hand?
-没有过 -因为你尽职尽责
- No. - Because you did your job.
我没事的是因为你
I'm okay, and it's because of you
我甚至能有环游世界的想法
that I can even think about traveling the world.
我会继续上学我保证
I will go back to school. I promise.
我会确保自己有选择
I'll make sure that I have options.
但为了我做到这些
But in order for me to do that,
你得停止指挥我的每一步
you have to stop trying to dictate my every move.
你要让我搞砸
You have to let me mess up
改变几次自己的主意
and, like, change my mind a few times.
-如果我碰毒品... -夏洛特
- And if I do drugs... - Charlotte.
会是植物类的好吗
...they will be plant-based, okay?
所以冷静下来
So calm down.
我确实有一个遗憾
"I do have one regret."
你快走吧
Please, go.
我希望你和梅瑞狄斯见面
"I do wish that you and Meredith could have met.
她会需要你这个妹妹
She could have used a sister.
她和我太像了
She's so much like me.
固执非常专注
Stubborn, singular-focused.
我感觉你会给她带去好的影响
I have a feeling you would have been a good influence on her."
真正的姐妹
True sisters.
我们的确是
We are.
我不是梅瑞狄斯最好的母亲
I wasn't the best mother to Meredith.
我有很高的期待
I had high expectations
但她不能经常达标
which she couldn't always reach.
但对你我尽力做到最好
But I did my best with you,
把你送去寄养
by giving you away.
我知道你同比尔和黛安一起生活会更好
I knew you would be better off with Bill and Diane.
没错
I was.
嘿我的宝贝