屋顶人（2025）

杰德，我需要你开始打扫卫生间
[Duane] Jade, I need you to start on the bathrooms.
乔斯琳，请把所有的鸡蛋、面糊、
Joslyn, can you please take out all the eggs, batter,
肉饼和麦满分从冰柜里拿出来，好吗？
patties and McMuffins out of the freezer, okay?
等我启动所有设备后就来帮你
I’ll help you once I turn everything on.
早上好，各位
[singsongy] Good morning, team.
不，不，不要
[Jeffrey] No, no, no.
别害怕
Don’t be scared.
照我说的做，就不会有人受伤，明白吗？
You just do what I say, no one gets hurt, okay?
不，不，你看
[gasps] No, no, look.
枪口朝下
Pointing it down.
好的，现在我要说一句礼貌
Okay, now, I’m gonna say a polite
又愉快的"早上好"，然后你们要跟着说一遍
and cheerful "Good morning," and then you guys say it back.
早上好
Good morning.
不...杜安，要等我说完之后
No... Duane, after I say it.
流程是这样的 明白吗？
That’s how that works. Okay?
现在，早上好，各位
Now, good morning, team.
早上好
[all] Good morning.
是的 完美
Yes. Perfect.
我说做什么，你们就照做 明白吗
I say what to do and you guys just do it. Okay.
我要你们把外套重新穿上
I want you to get your coats back on.
杜安，拿上你的外套
Duane, grab your coat.
嗯？拿上你的外套
[Duane] Huh? Grab your coat.
我没有外套，先生
I don’t have one, sir.
你没有外套？你怎么会没有外套？
You don’t have a coat? How do you not have a coat?
我刚刚忘了
I just forgot.
好吧，你今天只能稍微受点冻了
Well, you’re just gonna have to be a little cold today.
好吧，我们走
All right, let’s go.
您先请 女士优先
After you. Ladies first.
现在，听我说
Now, listen to me.
你们不会死在这里的
You guys aren’t gonna die in here.
我一出去就报♥警♥
Soon as I’m out of here, I’m gonna call the cops
他们会放你们出来的
and they’re gonna let you guys out.
说不定还能放一天假
Probably get the day off.
不，别，别这样
No, don’t, don’t.
别那样看着我
Do not look at me like that.
杜安，住手
Duane, stop it.
因为这都是你的错
’Cause this is your fault.
好冷
It’s cold.
你是认真的吗？
Are you serious?
该死
Dang it.
真不知道是哪个白♥痴♥
I don’t know what kind of jerk
上班连自己的外套都不带
doesn’t bring his own coat to work.
满意了吗？开心了吗？
Okay? Happy now?
我耳朵好冷
[Duane] My ears are cold.
故事讲到这里
[Jeffrey] This is the part of the story
我希望你正在好奇
where I hope you’re wondering
像我这样的好人怎么会沦落成罪犯
how a nice guy like me ends up becoming a criminal.
喂？
[Scheimreif over speaker] Hello?
这东西开着吗？
This thing on?
喂？
Hello?
妈的！
[Jeffrey] Shit!
拜托 杜安
[Scheimreif over speaker] Come on, Duane.
早上好 呃 欢迎光临麦当劳
Good morning. Uh, welcome to McDonald’s.
我让你稍等一下
I’m gonna put you on a brief hold.
搞什么鬼，杜安？
[Scheimreif over speaker] What the hell, Duane?
我不能责怪我的父母
[Jeffrey] I can’t blame my parents.
我有个美好的童年
I had a good childhood.
我从来就不擅长读书或循规蹈矩
I was just never good at school or behaving.
但我在某些方面确实很有天赋
But I was good at certain things
这些天赋对军队来说极具价值
that were really valuable to the military.
但退伍之后
But after my discharge,
我不知道自己该何去何从
I didn’t know where I fit or what to do
也不知道该如何给予我的孩子们其他孩子所拥有的东西
or how to give my kids the things that other kids had.
于是我做出了一些糟糕的选择 这些选择让我失去了其他选择的机会
So I made some bad choices that took away some other choices.
而那些错误的选择都始于两年前
And those bad choices all started two years ago
在我女儿的六岁生日派对上
at my daughter’s sixth birthday party.
好了，你得许个大愿望
[Jeffrey] All right, you got to make a big ol’ wish.
再来一个
One more. [scattered clapping]
你许愿了吗？许了什么愿？
Did you make a wish? What’d you wish for?
一辆自行车 自行车？
[Becky] A bike. Bike?
我不确定自行车能不能正好装进
I don’t know if a bike is exactly gonna fit
这个箱子，不过...把它撕开吧
into this box, but... rip it open.
我要跟你比赛 没错
I’m gonna race ya. Yeah.
你怎么看？
What do you think?
很酷吧？这是我那套老式建筑模型玩具
It’s cool, right? It’s my old Erector Set.
我们打开看看
[baby babbling] Let’s open it up.
这里面有 200 个零件
There’s 200 pieces in here.
不！
[pieces clattering] [boy] No!
我是说，有发动机、齿轮、滑轮、
I mean, you got engines, you got gears, pulleys,
轮子、车灯、开关
wheels, lights, switches.
有了这东西，我们几乎能造出任何想要的东西
We can make almost anything that we want with this thing.
听着，凡是你能想到的，我们都能造出来，明白吗？
Look, anything that you can dream, we can make it, okay?
你和我一起干 意下如何？
Me and you. What do you say?
能用它造辆自行车吗？
Can you make a bike with it?
是啊
[stammers] Yeah.
是啊
Yeah.
真不敢相信我认识的那个 82 年的家伙
[Steve] I can’t believe the dude I knew
连辆自行车都买♥♥不起
from the 82nd can’t even afford a bike.
那你倒是说说你怎么混得这么好
Well, tell me how you’re doing so well.
让我想想
Well, let me see.
就在这周，我帮两个日本人搞到了护照
Just this week, I got two Japanese dudes passports.
每本五千美金
That’s 5K a pop.
假护照要五千美金？
Five grand for fake passports?
不，是真护照 老兄...
No, for real passports. Man...
需要我帮忙吗？
Can I help you with that?
帮个屁忙，你不行
Hell motherfucking no, you can’t.
你啥也帮不上
You can’t help me with shit.
你疯了吗？
[laughs] You crazy, man?
你♥他♥妈♥根本帮不上任何忙
You ain’t helping me do a goddamn thing.
我不需要你的帮助
I don’t need your help.
再说了，我们都知道循规蹈矩
Plus, we already know that doing things the right way
本就不是你的强项
is not your superpower.
无所谓 那...
Whatever. That’s...
好啊，那你倒是说说我的强项是什么？
Okay, then tell me what my superpower is, then?
请赐教，佛陀 嗯
Enlighten me, Buddha. Mm.
那条水管的流量是多少？
What’s the flow rate on that hose?
每分钟 12 加仑 嗯哼
12 gallons per minute. Mm-hmm.
这条街上有多少栋房♥子？
How many houses is on this street?
二十八
Twenty-eight.
其中有多少栋有烟囱？
And out of those, how many got chimneys?
车♥库♥呢？
Garages?
有多少户使用热泵而非传统空调？
How many of ’em use a heat pump instead of a traditional AC?
你是想让我推销暖通空调系统还是怎么的？只是...
You want me to sell HVAC systems or something? Just...
不，不，老兄，我是想说明一个观点
No, no, man, I’m trying to make a point.
那就请说明你的观点
Then make the point, please.
观察
Observation.
细节
Details.
你能看到别人看不到的肮脏勾当
You see shit people don’t see.
你简直像是有透视眼似的
You got like a little X-ray vision going on.
怎么，你以为他们把你送到中美洲是因为你枪法准吗？
What, you think they dropped you off in Central America ’cause you a good shot?
你是这么想的吗？不，不是的...
Is that what you think? No. No...
不，他们抛弃你是因为你的洞察力
No, they dropped you because of what you see.
妈的，要是我有你这样的头脑
Shit, if I had a brain like yours,
我早就统治这该死的世界了
I’d be running the whole goddamn world.
你是我见过最聪明的蠢货
You know, you the smartest dumb nigga I ever known.
这太疯狂了
That shit crazy.
你现在可以不用继续往泳池里放水了
You can stop filling up that pool now.
根本没人会进去的
Ain’t nobody gonna get in there.
那玩意儿冷得要命
That shit cold as hell. [laughs]
所以，妈妈多半会想知道
[Jeffrey] So, Mama is probably gonna want to know