追寻人生（2014）

Chasing Life S01E18

Part 5 April 13, 2021, 12:55 p.m.

对不起我会补偿你的明天晚饭吧
I'm sorry, I'll make it up to you. Dinner tomorrow?
玩得开心很好
Have fun. Okay.
我会在自选区那里
Well, I'll be in the self-help section.
《癌症患者指引》《有尊严地去世》
阿普丽尔
April.
多米尼克你好
Dominic, hi, hey.
恭喜你
Congratulations.
我都不知道你会来
I didn't know you were coming.
我只是想支持你
I just wanted to support you.
可以吗
Is that okay?
你不想我来吗
Do you not want me here?
不想的话我可以走
'Cause I could go, I can--
要是有些人你不想让我撞见的话
I mean, if there are, like, people here you don't want me to meet.
天呐她在这里是吧
Oh my God. She's here, isn't she?
-谁 -你不想让我见到的人
- Who? - Whoever it is you're trying to keep me away from.
-那就是你新女友吗 -不是
- That's your new girlfriend? - No.
不那是我妈
No, that is my mother.
我还以为她在监狱呢
I thought she was in prison.
天呐她越狱了吗
Oh my God, did she break out?
不不她前几周刚被释放
No no, she was released a couple of weeks ago.
我一直在帮她安顿生活
I've been helping her get settled.
你好像不是很开心啊
You don't sound happy about that.
对了只有你一个人知道她进过监狱
By the way, you're the only person who knows about the whole prison thing.
外婆还以为她去马里兰州了
Graham thinks she's been living in Maryland.
有什么需要我帮忙的吗
Got anything I can do to help?
小多
Dom?
瞧瞧你我可真是太自豪了
Look at you. Oh, I couldn't be more proud.
你现在是名作家了
You're a real author!
阿普丽尔她是我妈玛丽安
April, this is my mom Marianne.
妈妈这是阿普丽尔
Mom, April.
你怎么样呀
And how are you?
我很好我看起来不好吗
I'm fine. Don't I look fine?
鲁索先生
Mr. Russo?
他们想要我再去签些书
They need me to go sign some books.
你真的没事吗
Are you really all right?
是的我不仅仅是没事
Yeah, in fact I am better than all right.
我很好
I feel good.
我觉得...
I guess, good as--
跟没事一样好
as much good as all right is.
但是我...
But I'm...
走吧我和阿普丽尔会很好的
Go, I'll be fine here with April.
医疗上解释不了我的头疼和抑郁
So there's nothing medical to explain the headaches, the depression?
我还时常很愤怒
I've also had these kind of, like, bursts of anger.
如果你的肿瘤影响了你的大脑皮质的话
If your tumor had been compromising your cerebral cortex,
那是有可能的因为大脑皮质在感性意识
which plays a key role in perceptional awareness and thought,
和思想方面很重要
then possibly.
但对你来说并不是这样
But for you, this wasn't the case.
或许手术损坏了我的大脑
Well, maybe the surgery did something to my brain.
或者是昏迷的问题
Or the coma.
当然这也是有可能的
Sure, I suppose it's possible.
任何事都有可能
Anything is.
你能做点什么改善一下吗
Well, can you do anything about it?
不大能
Probably not, no.
你这种手术有可能会发生这种脑损伤
Some brain injury can happen with your kind of surgery.
还有你的药就算它们让你不舒服
And for your meds, even if they're making you feel bad,
你还是要吃所以目前没有什么办法
you still need to take them. So no, not at this time.
说实话你的余生
And frankly these are medications
可能都要吃这种药
you probably will be taking for the rest of your life...
我喜欢经典著作
I love the classics.
过去几年我花了很长时间来读它们
I actually spent a lot of the past year reading them.
肯定的
I bet.
如果能让我把自己锁起来读书的话
Oh man, what I wouldn't give for some time to just...
我什么都愿意放弃
lock myself away and read.
我的意思是...
I mean...
你明白的就像有点空闲
You know what I mean, just to have the time.
是有种说法是
I mean, well, there is such a thing as...
坐牢太长时间
doing too much time.
我是说有有太长时间
I mean, having it. Having too much time.
对你不会真的想把自己锁起来
Right, you wouldn't wanna literally be locked up.
因为这会让整个过程
Because then it sort of takes the fun
没有任何意思相信我
out of the whole experience. Believe me.
你不是在取笑我
You wouldn't be making fun of me
曾经坐过牢吧
being incarcerated, would you?
如果你敢的话我就打断你的腿
'Cause if you are, I might have to break your legs.
我很抱歉
I'm so sorry.
不不不我开玩笑的我开玩笑的
No no no, I was kidding. I was kidding.
我很开心多米尼克告诉了你
No, I'm glad that Dominic told you.
他能跟个不错的人谈谈很好
It's nice that he has someone nice to talk to.
你看起来很不错
And you seem nice.
有点诡异但我也是
A little quirky, but so am I.
你是怎么认识我家多米尼克的
So how do you know my Dom?
然后我们就暂时分手
And then we were on this break
我和我支持小组的一个人睡了
and I slept with a guy from my support group.
就一次
one time.
一次好吧不止
One time. I mean, okay-- one time then.
只有又有几次只是...
A few times since. Just...
不管怎么说...
Anyway--
多米尼克一直没原谅我
Yeah, Dom just has never forgiven me.
我觉得他永远不会原谅我了
And I just don't think he ever will.
你知道吗听起来
Well, you know what, it sounds like
就算他不原谅你你也该原谅你自己
that even if he doesn't, you should forgive yourself.
我和多米尼克之间
You know, things are really complicated
关系很复杂你可能也猜到了
with me and Dom, as I'm sure that you can guess.
我们以前很亲近
We used to be really close.
我一直告诉自己我所做的
See, I convinced myself that what I was doing
并不那么坏
wasn't really that bad.
我只是帮我的老板隐藏罪行
I mean, I was just covering the tracks of my boss
那些金融罪行
for this financial thing.
然后我被抓了
And I got caught.
一想到要告诉他...我就...
And the idea of telling him-- I just...
我受不了...
I couldn't bring myself...
告诉他我是个罪犯
to tell him I'm a criminal.
所以我骗了他
So I lied to him.
我骗了我儿子
I lied to my son.
这是我最后悔的事
And that's actually the thing I regret the most.
也是他没有原谅我的事
And that's the thing he hasn't forgiven me for.
但是...
But...
我现在只能不停出现
All you can do is keep showing up,
等着他原谅我
ready to be forgiven,
期待有天他会原谅我
and hope that one day he'll be ready too.
你真是很平静
You are just so peaceful...
面对一切都很平静
about everything.
你知道是什么救了我吗
You know what, you know what saved me?
这本书
This book.
《寻找佛教》
给你拿着吧
Here, you can have it.
这本书帮我度过了监狱岁月
That book got me through prison.
这对于像我这样的天主教♥徒♥
Which is a tall order for somebody like me
可是很不容易
who was raised Catholic.
有很多的评论对你的思想有一定影响
A lot of judgment, kind of really does a number on your head.
我妈妈说你不舒服
My mom said you weren't feeling well.
你一晚上都挺奇怪的
You seemed a little weird all night.
我吃了一点大♥麻♥饼干
I ate a little bit of a pot cookie.
是医用大♥麻♥
It was medicinal.
显然大♥麻♥劲儿很大
But apparently, pot can be pretty potent.
押韵啊
That rhymes.
等等是押韵吧
Wait, does it?
你不能这样回家
You can't go home like this.
不我只是...需要躺下
No, I just... I just need to lie down
一会儿就一会儿...
for like one second. Just a quick little...
跟我来
Come with me.