反恐特警队

S.W.A.T. S04E09

Part 7 March 6, 2021, 1:49 p.m.

而且过去三天我还很讨厌自己
And I've hated myself the past three days.
睡觉的时候也翻来覆去
Been tossing and turning in my sleep.
这件事一直压在我心里
It's been weighing on me.
什么事
What has?
当艾丽卡倒下时
When Erika went down,
我最开始感受到的不是震惊或伤心
initially I didn't feel shock or sadness.
我只是松了一口气
I was just relieved
庆幸不是你
that it wasn't you.
克里斯如果是你中了那一枪
Chris, if you took that bullet
我失去的是你
and I lost you...
我永远也无法痊愈
I wouldn't have recovered.
我知道我们的处境不可能在一起
I know our situation is impossible.
我刚刚在回家找莫莉的路上
I was on my way home to Molly
但我反而来了这里
when I came here instead.
但跟她在一起我感觉不对
But being with her feels wrong.
-别说了 -因为我一直想着的是和你在一起
- Stop. - 'Cause all I think about is being with you.
你为什么要告诉我
Why are you telling me this?
你就...
Just...
请你走吧
Please leave.
克里斯
Chris...
现在就走
Leave. Now.
-克里斯 -请走吧
- Chris. - Please go.
我爱你你知道的
I love you. You know that.
我当然知道
Of course I do.
你和孩子们
You and the kids--
你们是我的一切
you're everything to me.
今天发生了什么事
What happened today?
我们又抓到了一个帝国公爵团的成员
Well, we grabbed another one of the Imperial Dukes.
这是好事对吧
Well, that's great. Right?
是的
Yeah.
但是...
But...
我的小队受到了重创
...my team is broken.
在把帝国公爵团伙一网打尽之前
I don't know if we're gonna be okay
我不知道我们是否能坚持下去
until we... we grab every last one of this crew.
所以你不想退休
So you don't want to retire.
我不能离开我的小队
I can't leave my team.
不能就这样离开
Not like this.
安妮
Annie...
你是我的家人
you're my family.
他们也是
And so are they.
我想上帝安排我在那里
And I think God put me here
是为了让我能帮助他们
so I can help them.
吉·尼亚美社区中心
我只是想过来给你个惊喜
I just thought I'd drop by for a surprise visit,
希望这样不会唐突
if that's okay.
邀请是面向所有人的
It was an open invitation.
怎么了
What is it?
尼歇尔
Nichelle...
我一直没有向你敞开心扉
I haven't been as open with you as I should.
我想告诉你一件事
I want to tell you something that...
但我也许不会告诉任何人
I probably wouldn't tell anyone else.
如果我说这三天不是最难熬的
I'd be lying if I said these past three days
那我就是在说谎
haven't been some of the toughest.
你失去了一位朋友怎么可能轻松
You lost a friend. That can't be easy.
只是这一年...
It's just, this past year, with...
警♥察♥的不当行为
with police misconduct,
黑人在镜头前被杀
black folks getting killed on camera...
执行任务时失去一名警官
and losing an officer in the field, it just,
都让我痛之入骨
it cuts deep.
现在我开始怀疑
And now I got doubts
为改变现状而奋斗
about whether the fight to change things
是否值得
is even worth it.
当你想要
It's natural to have doubts
改变人们的生活现状时有犹疑是很正常的
when you're trying to make a difference in people's lives.
我懂的洪都
I get it, Hondo.
但是这次
But this-- I mean,
让我开始怀疑自己在世上
it's got me wondering about myself as a police officer,
作为警♥察♥
as a leader
作为队长作为黑人的身份
and as a black man in this damn world.
今天我威胁说要辞职
I threatened to resign today.
为了保护他人
To protect someone else.
我愿意抛弃特警队
I was willing to lose SWAT.
他们并不知道但我不是在虚张声势
And they don't know it, but I was not bluffing.
然后呢
So what happened?
市长让步了
The mayor backed down.
所以我们的情绪暂时没这么紧张了
So the heat's off of us, for now.
你觉得你必须自我牺牲
You felt like you had to sacrifice yourself
才能改变现状吗
to make a difference?
是的
Yeah.
因为如果我们都在外面
Yeah, because if we're all out there
努力改善现状
trying to change things for the better,
那为什么艾丽卡·罗杰斯要付出更沉重的代价
then why did Erika Rogers have to pay a bigger price?
洪都你不能让这些想法吞噬你
Hondo, you can't let that eat at you.
这只会让你筋疲力尽
It'll only wear you down.
你是怎么排除这些干扰声继续向前的
How do you manage to push through all the noise?
或许外表无所畏惧是与生俱来的
Or maybe it's just looking fearless just comes naturally.
也许我和你的感受是一样的
Maybe I feel the same things you feel.
我只是想要释放出来说出来
I just try to get it out, talk it through,
就像我们现在这样
like we're doing right now.
你听到了吗
Do you hear that?
没我什么也听不到
No. I don't hear anything.
这就是我在说的
That's what I'm talking about.
看到没你已经在排除干扰声了
See? You're pushing through the noise already.
称职的队长会有自我意识
A good leader has self-awareness
有想要做到更好的渴望
and the desire to do better, be better.
不安感不会让你成为不称职的队长洪都
Insecurities don't make anyone less of a leader, Hondo.
那只会让你更有人性
They make 'em human.
这样很好说出来很好
This is good, talking it through.
你应该多试试
Yeah, you should try it more often.
你有时间接受我惊喜的造访吗
Well, you available for any more surprise visits?