我是僵尸
iZombie
第二季
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我是僵尸
iZombie S02E12
Part 4
May 1, 2020, 2:45 p.m.
Someone pulls a knife, I pull a gun.
别人把我的朋友送进医院
Someone sends one of mine to the hospital,
-我就 -我懂了
- I send... - I got it.
你真懂了吗 梅杰
Do you got it, major? Do you?
别光说 想想是什么意思
Don't just say the words. Reflect on their meanings.
拿网络水军做例子
Take these internet trolls, for instance.
谁用最伤人的话批评这家
Who say the most hurtful things about this company
我白手起家的公♥司♥
which I built from the ground up.
有人发了篇尖酸刻薄的推文 你...
So, someone sends a mean tweet, you...
还没看呢
Don't know, yet.
但是数量肯定会逐步上升的
But there's definitely gonna be some escalation.
我们为什么不给他们邮点
Hey, why don't we send him
特别尴尬的杂♥志♥呢
some really embarrassing magazine subscriptions, huh?
《半勃中心》 或者是《浴屋月刊》
Chub Hub. Or Bathhouse Monthly.
指的是供男同进行性行为的商业场所
等等 你们最喜欢哪本变♥态♥杂♥志♥
Or, wait. What's that really freaky one you like?
《蹂躏后花♥园♥》
Slow Torture and Gardens?
我们应该先拿哪个开刀呢 梅杰
So, which one should we go after first, Major? Huh?
哪个兔崽子先来受苦呢
Which one of these rat bastards gets his?
魔术师107
Trickster107.
魔术师107 曼谷人
Trickster107, from Bangkok,
给他的14个粉丝发推文说他认为
who tweeted to his 14 followers
我们的产品导致了他父亲心脏病突发
that he thinks our product caused his father's heart attack.
伙计们 好戏开始了
Oh, game on, pal.
下班啦 该走了
Your shift is over. Go.
-自♥由♥吧 -还剩一件事
- Be free! - Just one last thing.
实话实说 你的三明治鉴赏家今天
Real talk. Your sandwich artist
评论伯尼美食小屋
喝了点"恨得乐"
was chugging some serious haterade today.
和佳得乐音似
没有眼神接触 我是麻疯病人吗
No eye contact? Am I a leper?
还有 那个吐司面包辣椒酱呢
Also, where's the made-from-scratch sriracha?
花草泡菜呢 一星差评
The tisanal pickles? One star.
你难道不觉得这评价有点过分吗
A bit harsh for Bernie's Sub Shack, don't you think?
我们每两周要去那吃一次呢
We eat there twice a week.
标签 抱歉 一点都不抱歉
Hashtag "Sorry, not sorry."
你好啊
Oh, hello there.
你好 拉维 丽芙
What's up, Ravi? Liv.
我去溜圈或者干点什么吧
I'll just wander off or something...
好久没听到你的消息了 发生什么了
Haven't heard from you. What happened?
饥渴图书管♥理♥员♥的影响消退了
Sex-starved-librarian brain wear off
你没兴趣了吗
and you've lost interest?
不 只是今天工作很忙 很多凶案
Oh, no, I've just had a crazy day at work, lots of murders.
然后你还有时间发17条推文
Yet you had time to tweet 17 times today.
南瓜味拿铁 哇
Pumpkin spice latte, yay!
红灯 西雅图 阴天居多
Stop lights, boo! Wow, Seattle, cloudy much?
一个说自己不刷推特的人
That's a lot of time reading tweets
可用了挺长时间读推文啊
for a guy who claims he doesn't use twitter.
或者是一个在监狱里蹲两年的人
Or who spent two years in prison.
那个...
That...
做了点调查嘛
Doing a little digging, huh?
我是自己解释
Do I get to explain myself,
还是你认为你了解我的所有事情
or do you think you know everything you need to know about me?
我什么都不知道
I don't know anything.
我爸离异了 我妈有几个失败的男朋友
My dad split, my mom had a string of loser boyfriends.
最糟糕的是一个刻薄的酒鬼法兰克
The worst was this mean drunk named Frank.
我十九岁
So, I'm 19.
回到家 我妈妈闭着肿胀的眼睛
I come home and my mom's eye is swollen shut.
血从她的衣服上流下来
Blood down the front of her shirt.
法兰克就坐在电视前
Frank's just sitting in front of the TV
双手插兜
with his hands in his shorts.
好像什么都没发生一样吼着再要一瓶酒
Calling out for another beer like nothing happened.
我就摔门进去 走到他身边
And I just snapped. Went after him.
他拿出了一把刀 这就是这块伤的来历
He pulled a knife, that's how I got this.
检察官说我有点过火了
The prosecutor said I went a bit overboard,
因为法兰克还是无法走路
because Frank still can't walk.
或者自己吃饭
Or feed himself.
很欣慰你告诉了我这些
I'm glad you told me.
我通常约会五六次
Well, I usually wait until date five or six
才会告知女孩前科的事
to spring the whole ex-con thing on a girl.
所以 再给我一次机会吧
So, give me another shot?
带你去吃晚饭
Let me take you to dinner.
我很愿意
I'd like that.
稍等下
Hold on.
真抱歉 我们可以改日再约吗
I am so sorry, can we reschedule?
我妈妈的厨房♥水池漏水了
My mom's kitchen sink is leaking.
我知道好像并不是很紧急
Which I know doesn't sound like an emergency.
但是如果我不管的话 她就会报♥警♥
But if I don't handle it, she'll call 911.
新闻聚合告诉我们一个男人突然改变计划
BuzzFeed teaches us that when a man abruptly change his plans,
美国的新闻聚合网站
其实没什么好事
it means he's up to no good.
你跟我来家 我会很开心的
I'm happy for you to join me,
但是我妈妈有点话多
but my mom, she's a bit of a trip.
我应付得来的
I can handle it.
你的皮肤怎么了
What's going on with your skin there?
贫血还是某种阳光过敏
Anemia or some kind of sun allergy?
妈 我们说好了什么来着
Ma! What did we talk about?
先在脑袋里想想 然后再说
Roll it around inside your head first, test it out.
没事的
I'm fine.
她皮肤跟卫生纸一样白
She's got the coloring of a paper towel,
我不应该妄作评论的
but I'm not supposed to say anything.
对不起
I'm sorry.
她总是想到什么说什么
She tends to say the first thing that pops into her head.
你知道吗
Hey, you know what?
我在社区大学学过点化妆课程
I took a couple of cosmetology classes at the community college.
我可以帮你化个妆
I could give you a little makeover!
她已经足够漂亮了 妈
She's beautiful, ma!
太阳也是这样 但你还是无法直视太阳
Yeah, so is the sun, but you can't stare directly at it.
你觉得呢
What do you say?
为什么不试试呢
Why not?
太好了
Oh, good!
让我把我的化妆箱拿来
Listen, let me go get my makeup caboodle.
马上回来哦
And I'll be back in a jiffy!
如果我是你的话 我就赶紧逃跑了
If I were you, I'd make a run for it.
仪式几分钟后开始
We'll be starting the service in just a few minutes.
我很愿意邀请你们到小礼堂就坐
I'd like to invite you to make your way into the chapel.
抱歉 我们要开始举♥行♥
Excuse me, we'll be starting...
那个
The, uh...
我们要开始
We'll be doing the, um...
葬礼仪式
Service?
是的 谢谢
Yes, thank you.
葬礼仪式 在小教堂里
The service. In the chapel.
谢谢
Thank you.
好了 用你的舌头抵住上颌
Okay, press your tongues to the roof of your mouths.
你可不想被拍到双下巴吧
You know, we don't want any waddles.
微笑
And smile.
很好
Good!
如果你要把它发网上的话 记得要圈我
If you post that, you have to tag me in it.
我不知道你什么意思 亲爱的
I don't know what that means, honey.
我去找找小奶油
Uh, let me see if I can find Nutterbutter,
你们也和他合个影
get a pic with him, too,
用来做明年的圣诞节贺卡
for next year's christmas card.
妈 我们就不和猫拍照了 我们要先走了
Ma, we're not taking a picture with the cat. We gotta get going.
但是很谢谢你的毛衣 我很喜欢
But thank you again for the sweater. I love it.
好吧 在你走之前 我想给你
Well, listen, before you go, I want to give you those vouchers
几张冬季文艺复兴集♥会♥的代金券
for the wicked winter renaissance faire! Huh?
接下来去哪吃晚餐
All right, where to for dinner?
昏暗一点的地方
Somewhere dark.
莫扎特吗
Mozart?
德彪西
Debussy.
差一点
So close.
得了 布莱恩
Come on, Blaine.
别那么惊讶
我是僵尸
iZombie
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