实习医生格蕾
Grey's Anatomy S17E05
Part 5
March 17, 2021, 10:34 a.m.
I think she was just lucid with me,
她说了一些我不能理解的话
and she said some things that I don't understand,
现在我不知道怎么办
and now I-I don't know what do,
我需要别人告诉我怎么做
and I need someone to tell me what to do.
你一有时间就给我打电♥话♥
Just, uh, call me as soon as you can.
我爱你
I love you.
我看到你离开了 我想关心一下你
I saw you leave. I wanted to check.
她说她还没准备好离开人世
She said she's not ready to go.
有一秒钟
For a split second,
我内心充满了快乐
my heart was filled up with so much joy.
但现在我非常生气
But now I'm just mad.
我生气是因为没有人告诉我她病了
Mad because no one told me she was sick,
因为她可能都不知道发生了什么
mad because she probably has no idea what's happening.
如果诚实地说
You know, if I'm being totally honest,
我不想再让她遭受阿尔兹海默症了
I don't want her to suffer from this Alzheimer's anymore.
这是个可怕的疾病
You know, it's a horrific disease,
我想让她解脱
and I want her to be free.
但我不想让新冠肺炎成为她离世的理由
But I don't want COVID to be the reason.
我不希望
I d-- I don't want her
她只是这场疫情的数据里
to be just another Black woman statistic
又一位黑人女性
in this pandemic count.
我也同意
Yeah, I hear that.
我完全同意
100%.
没有一件事是简单的
None of this is easy.
一切都令人困惑
All of it is confusing and...
困难且可怕
hard and awful.
但即使她有阿尔兹海默症 至少她很健康
But even with Alzheimer's, she's been healthy.
但我现在却看她挣扎着
And now I'm watching her struggle
做最基本的人体反射 呼吸
to do the most basic of human reflexes -- breathing.
如果她说她还没准备好离世
And if she's saying she's not ready to go...
我不知道自己该做何感想
I don't know what to think.
我曾经非常确信
I felt so sure
她不想以这种方式生活了
that she wouldn't want to live like she's been living,
但可能我错了
but maybe I'm wrong, yeah?
可能在她的意识里
Maybe she's happy in the world
她是快乐的
her mind takes her to.
现在我在质疑自己做过的每个选择
Now I'm questioning every choice I made.
我应该再努力多做一点吗
I mean, s-should I be doing more?
我应该把她转到重症监护室吗 给她插管吗
Should I move her to the ICU? Intubate her?
我是不是只考虑了自己的感受
Am I just thinking about how I feel
没有顾及她的内心想法
instead of what's going on with her -- inside of her mind?
-你想听听我的意见吗 -请讲
- Do you want my opinion? - Please.
我曾经就是那个尝试一切手段的人
I've been the one who does everything,
用尽全力 不惜一切代价和死亡抗争
who fights tooth and nail against death at all costs.
但说实话 想起我妈妈的时候
But truthfully, with my mom,
我最终没有获得更多内心的平静
it didn't give me more peace of mind in the end.
它可能物极必反
It might have done the opposite.
我当时不那么觉得
I didn't think so at the time,
但那是个更简单的选择
but it was the easier choice.
选择像个外科医生一样行事
To fall back on acting like a surgeon
搜寻一切的答案
and searching for all the answers.
贝利 你已经给予你妈妈很多东西了
Bailey, you've given your mom so much.
她可以把你养大
She's gotten to raise you
看着你长成一名优秀的外科医生
and watch you turn into this incredible surgeon
成为医院的主任
and chief of a hospital.
她看着你恋爱
She watched you fall in love.
-两次 -两次
- Twice. - ?Twice!
然后成家
And raise a family.
当然你永远都不会准备好说再见
Of course you're never going to feel ready to say goodbye,
但...
but...
她的人生已经很精彩了
she's had an amazing life.
我费尽力气才让父母来西雅图
I brought my parents to Seattle kicking and fighting.
我向他们保证 他们搬来住
I promised them, if they moved here,
是正确的做法
it was the right thing to do
这样他们就可以和独生女住得更近了
so they could be closer to their only daughter.
我告诉他们我最清楚 听我的就好了
I told them I knew best. Just listen to me.
如果他们没有这样做 他们应该还在家
And if they hadn't done that, they would still be at home.
在家隔离
Isolated.
妈也不会死了 至少不是现在
And Mom wouldn't be dying. Not yet.
你也不知道会这样
You don't know that.
她暴露在我给他们设置的环境里
She was exposed at the place that I set up for them.
那 那养老院让一个
The -- The facility let someone
纽约来的人住了进来
move in from New York,
一名退休外科医生
a retired surgeon.
他到达后第二天就表现出症状
He became symptomatic the day after his arrival.
此前 他们已经说了不再接收外来人员
After they said they had shut down to all outsiders,
包括家人
including family.
你怎么可能知道会发生这件事
How in the hell could you have known that was going to happen?
你怎么可能知道会发生这种事
How could you have known any of this was going to happen?
贝利 你不能为这件事自责
Bailey, you cannot feel guilty about this.
我妈 去年我过生日时
My mom, she left me five voicemails
她给我留了五条语♥音♥信息
for my birthday last year.
她打个不停
She kept calling
因为她忘了她已经
because she forgot that she had already
祝过我生日快乐了
wished me happy birthday.
在这里
There they are.
*祝你生日快乐*
?*Happy birthday to you*
我没有删
I never deleted them
因为也许我意识到
because I guess I realized
这可能是最后一次她记得我生日了
that it might be the last time she remembered at all.
她把我养成一个好女儿
She raised me to be a good little girl.
就算我反抗她...
And even when I defied her...
我从来没有不尊重她
I was never disrespectful.
我努力做好每件事
And I tried to be good at everything.
当一个好学生 好妈妈
A good student, a good mother.
好妻子 好医生 好主任
Wife, doctor, chief.
她现在只是需要我当一个好女儿
And now she just needs me to be a good daughter,
而我不知道怎么做
and I'm not sure how to do that,
虽然女儿是我当了最久的角色
even though it's what I've been the longest.
你选择了姑息治疗
You've chosen palliative care.
你给了她最好的治疗
You're giving her the best care possible
同时让她尽量舒服
while keeping her as comfortable as possible.
这就很好了
That is good.
而且这样做善良 尊重且勇敢
And it is kind and respectful and brave.
我希望我能让我妈死得更有尊严一些
I wish I could've given my mom a more dignified death.
但我用力过猛了
But I pushed so hard.
这是她的错 真的
You know, it's her own damn fault, really.
我整个人生 她告诉我要竭尽所能
My whole life, she told me to push through.
要坚强 奋斗到底
Be strong. Fight the good fight.
我妈正相反
My mom was kind of the opposite.
过度保护 像直升机妈妈
Like, overprotective, like, hovering.
之前有个招待会
There was a reception
是美国革命女儿会赞助的
sponsored by the Daughters of the Revolution.
妇女组织 成员自称为美国革命参加者的后裔
思想保守 爱国心强 对美国极为忠诚
他们给了我一份奖学金
They had given me a scholarship.
我妈说我应该拿这个奖学金
So my mom said I should take the scholarship
但别去那个招待会
but not go to the reception.
但我不想让他们称心如意
But I didn't want to give them that satisfaction.
不 我想让他们看看
No, I wanted them to see
"玛兰达·贝利"到底长什么样 好吗
what "Miranda Bailey" looked like, right?
于是我和我爸一起去了
So I went with my dad.
我们好好嬉笑了一番那些仪表堂堂的女士们
We had a good laugh at those very proper ladies.
我想你指的是"白人"女士们
I think you mean "white" ladies.
是的
?Yeah.
看着她们试图掩盖她们的恐惧
Watching them try to hide their horror
当她们看见她们把奖学金给了谁
when they saw who they had given their scholarship to,
对 那太经典了
yeah, that was classic.
还有那些辅♥导♥员 天啊
And guidance counselors, oh, my God.
对 是的 总是试图建议
Yeah, yeah, always trying to suggest
某个我们可能觉得"更舒适"的学校
a school where we might feel "more comfortable."
"韦尔斯利学院
实习医生格蕾
Grey's Anatomy
剧集 | 实习医生格蕾 | 导航列表