大世界之旅（2016）

The Grand Tour S03E12

Part 7 May 6, 2021, 12:15 p.m.

She looks like Elton John in Tommy.
就像艾尔顿·约翰一样
It's going to take her three hours to take each one off.
她脱每只鞋都得花上三个小时
And take your laptops out now,
现在才把电脑拿出来
while you're in the queue, not when you get there.
排队的时候干什么去了
I came here on a train, 2,000 people on it, and no security at all.
我乘火车过来的车上2000个人都不用安检
Going on an aeroplane. Wooh. Well, we'll do this.
一上飞机就得整这些玩意儿
And then, of course,
然后就是
is your bag going to be selected for a special search?
你被挑中要开包检查吗
Of course it is. All... Yes, there you go.
逃不掉的就是这样
You've been through an X-ray machine.
已经过了X光机了
If you go to a hospital and you X-ray somebody's leg,
如果你去医院给病人的腿拍X光片
OK, you say, "Right, it's not broken, I can see that,
你会说 "我能看出它没有骨折
but let's just cut your flesh open to make sure."
但还是切开来确认一下把"
It... They know. It's been X-rayed.
他们知道这已经被X光检查了
Why are they looking at it again? Oh, here we go.
为什么还要再看一遍噢这下好了
Yeah, salt.
这是盐
Self-raising flour.
自发面粉
Normal flour.
普通面粉
Baking powder. Talcum powder.
泡打粉爽身粉
That's for my athlete's foot.
这是治脚癣的
I've put them in clear bags.
我把它们都装进透明的袋子里
Every single airport
世界上
you go through anywhere in the world,
每一座机场
why are they so interested in my condiments and medical necessities?
为什么都对我的调味品和药品感兴趣
I mean... I don't know, mate.
我的意思是我也不知道
And then you're out of security
等你通过了安检
and straight into a shop,
就直接进入了一家商店
which wouldn't be so bad
如果这里卖♥♥的东西有用
if it sold something you actually wanted,
比如卫生纸和猫粮
like bog roll or cat food.
那样还说得过去
But, no, all they sell is perfume.
但是他们在卖♥♥香水
Why do they think, when you get to an airport,
他们凭什么觉得当人们来到机场
"Oh, right, I'm suddenly overcome with a need
会突然想让自己闻起来
to smell like Victoria Beckham"?
和维多利亚·贝克汉姆一样
Then you've got the adverts. Look at that halfwit.
然后是各种广♥告♥ 你瞧那个白♥痴♥
Look at him.
你看他
Every advert in every airport makes no sense.
机场出现的所有广♥告♥都莫名其妙
And then you have these moronic slogans
还有这些弱智的标语
from companies that do things you don't understand.
你完全无法理解这些公♥司♥做的事
"Manage your infrastructure like a visionary,
有远见地管理你的基础设施
not a functionary."
不要像个官僚
What's that mean? Might as well say,
这句话什么意思倒不如说
"Manage your infrastructure like a visionary, not a shoplifter."
有远见地管理你的基础设施不要像个扒手
There's a shop at Heathrow
希思罗机场有家商店
that sells a life-size pot horse.
出♥售♥真实尺寸的陶马
I mean, who, when they're about to get on an aeroplane,
我想说究竟谁会在登机前
goes, "Yes, that's exactly what I need,
认为自己需要买♥♥一个
a brittle, fragile pot horse to lumber about"?
易碎的大家伙扛上飞机呢
I'm going to start an airline called "I'll Take My Chances Air".
我打算创立一家赌一把航♥空♥
You turn up, get on the plane, it takes off.
乘客来到机场直接登机走人
Nobody on board smells like Victoria Beckham.
飞机上不会有人闻起来像维多利亚
No security, nothing. If it blows up, it blows up.
也没有安检炸了就炸了
Not that you can say "blows up" in an airport these days
不过现在你不能在机场里说炸这个字
cos then you have to go to prison for 400 years.
会被关一辈子监狱的
Why is she wearing a tracksuit?
她为什么要这么穿
Well, so she can be comfortable.
可能她觉得舒服
She's not going on a fighter jet.
她又不是要去驾驶战斗机
She's going to Spain. There's no g.
她要去西班牙客机没有那么大的加速度
Well, there's one. Well, I mean there's 1g now.
可能有1个G吧但现在也有1个G
I'm not thinking, "Ooh, these jeans are really uncomfortable,
我不会觉得这条牛仔裤太不舒服了
I wish I'd worn a kaftan."
我想换个土耳其长袍穿
And all those, they're the amuse-bouche of the problems you have at an airport.
而这一切在机场最大的问题面前都不值一提
Now it's time for the really big one -
接下来才是最大的问题
the distance to the gate.
通往登机口的距离
This never ends. Of course it doesn't end.
简直没完没了没错就是要走个没完
Oh, God. Look at that.
天呐你看
Ten-minute walk to gates.
到登机口需要走十分钟
There's no such thing as a ten-minute walk.
为什么要走十分钟
Nobody walks for ten minutes.
没人会走十分钟
Well, I mean, an ape would or a wildebeest, but not a human being.
猿类或者牛羚或许可以但是人不行
Ten-minute walk!
整整十分钟啊
The distance from the bag drop here,
从安检处开始算
to this gate we're going to, is 1.2 kilometres.
走到登机口的距离是1.2公里
In Atlanta, the walk to the furthest gate is two kilometres.
在亚特兰大机场最远的登机口要走2公里
In Beijing, it's two miles!
在北♥京♥要走3公里
The astonishing miracle is that, so far,
到目前为止我还没有被那种
I haven't actually been run over
会响个不停的小车撞到
by one of those karts going, "Beep, beep, beep, beep.
可以说已经是个奇迹了
Warning. Fat bastard on board."
滴滴滴车上有个胖混♥蛋♥
And then you get to a corner, and is it the end?
接下来你来到了拐角是到登机口了吗
No, there's another mile of corridor to get down.
错了还要继续沿着通道走下去
No-one in the history of aviation
航♥空♥史上从没有人
has ever flown from gate one.
从1号♥登机口出发
There are no gate ones anywhere in the world.
世界各地都没有1号♥登机口
"Here's your ticket. Gate 374."
请拿好机票 374号♥登机口
Where's gate one?
1号♥门在哪儿
I can see now why James May volunteered not to be in this film.
我现在明白詹姆斯·梅为什么主动提出不参与这段拍摄
And, finally, you get to the gate,
我们终于到登机口了
which is so far from civilisation
这里好像远离文明世界
they're still using a dot matrix printer.
还在用点阵打印机
We have explained to him that the walk has to be this long
我们向他解释走这么远的原因
because aeroplanes are wide because they've got wings,
飞机都很宽因为它们有翅膀
but he can't seem to understand the concept.
但他好像没有办法理解
Look, you will admit that that was a long walk, yes?
你承认我们刚才长途跋涉吧
I don't care what the reason is, it's a long walk.
我不管原因反正就是走了很远
It is quite a stretch, yes. Which is why we decided to address the problem.
确实不近因此我们决定解决这个问题
Shut him up.
来让他闭嘴
So, here we are arriving at the airport again
所以我们又一次来到机场
with what looks like normal hand luggage.
带着一个看上去很普通的手提行李
OK, what I have here, as you can see,
请看如各位所见
is a perfectly ordinary wheeled suitcase.
这是一个很普通的拉杆箱
If I fold the handle away,
把手放下以后
it will fit in an overhead locker.
可以放进头顶的行李架里
However, if I lay it down, like so,
但如果我像这样放倒
you can see... starting to look like a car.
你会发现它看起来很像车
Not really, mate. No, it is.
并不像现在是不像
And it will look even more like a car when I have completed the build.
等我整备之后就更像了
Simply open it up.
把它打开
As you can see, all the things I need
你看这里面都是我外出几日
for a couple of nights away are in there.
需要用到的
It is actually a suitcase.
这确实是个行李箱
But also in here is, um, a steering wheel.
但同时这里还有方向盘
So, shut that up...
把箱子合上
Yeah, you put your shirt over your steering wheel.
你把方向盘包在衬衫里了
It's not my shirt, it's my jacket. Oh, I'm sorry.
不是衬衫是夹克好吧抱歉
Just move it off the steering column, zip it up.
别挡着转向柱拉上拉链
Right, and then...
好了接下来
You heard that. A solid click like an M16 rifle bolt.
你听这声音就像是M16步♥枪♥的枪栓
This is my accelerator, my brake,
这是我的油门还有刹车
and then I simply... sitting on it,
然后我只需要坐在上面
being quite careful to keep that away from...my plums.
小心不要碰到我的敏感部位
And I am ready to go.
这样就可以了
So, where's yours? Here.
你的呢这儿呢
This is it. Laptop. Yeah.
这是个笔记本嗯
Put it on the floor.
放到地上
Wheeled laptop? Oh, yeah.
带轮子的电脑吗没错
Yeah, but... Oh, I see, you stand on it. Yeah.
嗯可是你要站上面是的
And I'm off.
我也好了
So where's your luggage? In my pocket.
你的行李呢在兜里
I got pants, toothbrush, everything I need.
我带了内♥裤♥和牙刷这就够了