无耻家庭

Shameless S09E06

Part 5 Jan. 6, 2020, 2:30 p.m.

It's actually the only sex toy we have, Father.
那我肯定你们都同意
Well, I'm sure you would both agree that
让艾米接触这种道德败坏的东西
exposing Amy to this kind of depravity
对她的成长非常不利
is not in her best interest.
恕我直言神父
With all due respect, Father,
我们没有让艾米接触任何道德败坏之物
we're not exposing our daughter to any depravity.
还需要我提醒你们吗令媛把这个
Need I remind you that your daughter brought
青筋贲张的硕大震动假阳♥具♥带到了幼儿园
a massive, veiny, vibrating dildo into preschool?
你们或许在想
Now, you may be asking yourselves how
像我这样的虔诚之人
a pious man like myself
怎么会对性恋物癖和性瘾
could have such carnal knowledge
这样的肉♥欲♥知识如此熟悉
of sexual fetishes and addictions.
不我们没有这个疑问
Yeah, no, we weren't asking that.
我倒是有点好奇为什么呢
I'm actually kind of curious. Yeah?
在我侍奉上帝之前
Well, prior to serving God,
曾在美国海军待过
I was in the United States Navy.
当一个人离家出海
You have no idea what loneliness is
在海上一困就是数月的时候
until you're trapped out at sea,
才会明白什么是孤独
away from home for months at a time.
当我们的船驶进苏比克湾时
I was at a low point in my life as our ship
我处在人生低谷
pulled into Subic Bay.
我根本不知道我的人生将急剧坠落
Little did I know that my life was about to spiral downward.
我们下了船
As we disembarked from our ship,
迎接我和船员战友的
my fellow seamen and I were greeted
是苏比克湾女人热情的笑容
by the warm smiles of the Subic Bay women.
我跟你们说苏比克湾女人的一个拥抱
Let me tell you, a hug from a Subic Bay woman
能赶走你所有的孤寂
can take away all your loneliness,
尤其是一位
especially from one woman,
叫作明衡的女人
named Ming-hang.
当然我必须花钱买♥♥她的陪伴
Of course, I had to pay for her companionship,
但为了像国王一样
but what's a few pesos
被伺候一小时花个几比索算什么
when you're treated like a king for an hour?
我会和她待上几小时后来是几天
Or in my case, a few hours, which turned into days,
甚至是几周
which turned into weeks,
最后我做了逃兵
and then, eventually, my going AWOL,
军队下了军事逮捕令捉拿我
and being served a military warrant for my arrest.
一个奶酪三明治要22块吗
Is this $22 for a grilled cheese?
管他呢想吃什么就点什么
Who cares? Get what you want.
我要放纵一把点个科布沙拉
I'm gonna splurge and get the Cobb salad.
不纠结了
Final answer.
点个沙拉就算放纵了
Oh, salad's splurging?
上面淋了奶油酱
It has creamy dressing.
你有什么特长能当醒酒陪同
So what qualifies you to be a sober companion?
我也不知道
I don't know, really.
我之前也没干过
I mean, I've never done it before.
大概是巴尼信任我吧
Barney trusts me, I guess,
还有我懂酒鬼的脑回路
and I know how a drunk thinks.
你点的无酒精血腥玛丽
Here we go. Virgin Bloody Mary.
你肯定这是无酒精的吗
Are you positive it's virgin?
百分百确定无酒精的
It's absolutely, 100%, a virgin.
还有这位男士的可乐
Uh, and Coke for the gentleman.
我去把托盘放好
Let me put this tray down.
马上就来为你们点单
I'll be right back to take your order.
好吧我的杯子上
Okay. This is, like, an entire salad
-好像放了一盘沙拉 -是的
- on my glass. - Oh, yeah.
可能因为是无酒精的要给我点补偿
Guess they have to make up for it being a virgin.
天呐
Oh, my God.
你趁我上厕所时跟那个服务员弗莱德说了
Hey, you told Fred the waiter that a virgin meant
无酒精的意思是要加双份酒
to make it a double when I was in the bathroom.
靠我想念巴尼了
Fuck, I miss Barney.
真是够了
Jesus Christ.
一开始我和明衡只是聊聊天做做♥爱♥
Anyway, at first, Ming-hang and I just talked and made love.
后来她给我介绍了一个叫作滚烫卡尔的东西
Then she introduced me to something called the Hot Carl.
你知道滚烫卡尔是什么吗
Do you know what the Hot Carl is?
在脸上裹一层布
在布上拉一泡热腾腾的大便
让对方感受大便的温度
-知道知道 -了解
- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - We got it.
很快就发展到了下流桑切斯
That quickly led to the Dirty Sanchez,
指男女进行肛♥交♥
随后男性用阴♥茎♥在女性上唇摩擦
在女性嘴上留下"胡子"印记
然后是大猩猩面具
and then the gorilla mask.
男性颜♥射♥后将女性的阴毛剃下
黏在女性的脸上
看起来就像一头"大猩猩"
最后情况严重到
It got to the point where I couldn't orgasm
将女性的阴♥唇♥打开
在里面拉屎然后进行性♥交♥
我必须做阿♥拉♥巴马热口袋才能高♥潮♥
unless I was doing the Alabama Hot Pocket.
就是要先排便...
Oh, that's when you defecate--
不神父不能再说了
Nope, Father. Too far.
你现在想起来阻止他了
Oh, you're gonna stop him now?
言归正传下次你们再碰这个假阳♥具♥
Anyway, the next time you reach for that dildo,
或者肛♥门♥插座或者情趣口塞时
or that butt plug, or that ball gag,
请想起我
you remember me,
一个纯洁的海军士兵一心想报效祖国
an innocent seaman just trying to serve his country
却差点因为苏比克湾
while getting choked out to the point of asphyxiation
一个叫明衡的女人
by a Subic Bay woman named...
窒息而死
Ming-hang.
神父我们如何忏悔
Father, our penance.
好差点忘了
Oh, yes, right.
说四遍"万福玛利亚"和六遍"我们的主啊"
Um, say four Hail Marys and six Our Fathers.
谢谢
Thank you.
好的
Okay.
-需要看一下你的证件 -当然
- I just need your license. - Sure.
谢谢
Thank you.
你已经在我们这里贷了两笔款了
I see that you already have two mortgage loans with us.
是的根据我现有房♥产
Yes. How long would it take
再贷一笔需要花多长时间
to get more money against my property?
-你想要多少钱 -两万五美金
- How much were you looking for? - $25,000.
我们需要重新走一遍申请流程
Well, we would have to start the whole approval process again
先进行信用核查
and run a new credit check.
需要您近两年来纳税申报单的复印件
We would need copies of your tax returns for the last two years,
近三个月的工资存根
pay stubs for the last three months.
还要浏览您所有的银行账单
Then we'll review all of your bank statements,
为了确保您有还款能力
just to ensure that you can complete the payments.
只要所有资料齐全了
After we have everything we need,
大约六周之后核保人会批准贷款
it usually takes the underwriter about six weeks to approve.
六周
Six weeks?
我急着用这笔钱
I need the money immediately.
我们有快速流程
Well, there is an expedited procedure,
但得多花10%的钱
but that will cost you 10%.
-有多快 -十天
- How expedited? - Ten days.
你想开启申请流程吗
Do you want to start the application process?
是的
Yes.
好了
Okay.
这是贝克曼监狱的布局明白吗
So this is the layout of Beckman Correctional, all right?
这个地方你得避开
This is the area you want to avoid.
西边的所有东西
Anything on the west side,
淋浴池院子的这个角落
the showers, this side of the yard,
还有这些牢房♥
and these cells.
这么多地方都要避开吗
That is a lot of area I'm avoiding.
以后你会感谢我的
You'll thank me later.
这里关的都是杀人犯杀人犯
All the inmates over here are murderers. Murderer,
杀人犯杀人犯
murderer, murderer.
老天啊
Jesus.
这里
So this
是贝克曼最好的地方
is the primo area at Beckman.
明白吗跟那个鬼地方比
All right? I'm talking about
这里简直就是迪士尼
Disney compared to that shit over there.
在这里可以搞到不赖的大♥麻♥
So over here, you'll get your good weed,
可♥卡♥因♥ 烟和士力架
your coke, your smoke, and your Snicker bars.
想要什么都有
Anything you need.
你要记住西边弄来的东西
Assume that anything you get from the west
上面全部都有毒
is gonna be laced with some shit