实习医生格蕾
Grey's Anatomy S11E22
Part 10
Feb. 23, 2020, 9:22 a.m.
或是毫无预警毫无理由地被生生抽离出你的世界
or is ripped from your world without warning, without reason,
在便利店 或是遇上坠机
in convenience stores and plane crashes
或是落在不知道自己该做什么的
and podunk hospitals with podunk doctors
乡野医院的乡下医生手里
who don't do what they are supposed to do,
他们该救人的啊
which is save people!
嗨
Hey.
很高兴见到你
It's good to see you.
嗨
Hey.
感觉我已经离开好久了
Feels like I've been away forever,
不过一切都还是老样子
but I see nothing's changed,
除了那棵老树被砍了之外
except they chopped down that old tree.
是啊
Yeah.
好吧 那我
Okay, I'll...
再见了
I'll see you around.
我口袋有满满一袋黑市买♥♥的氧可酮
I have a baggie full of black-market oxy in my coat pocket,
我在纠结要不要吸
and I'm trying to decide whether or not to take it.
对德里克的死 我已经控制好自己的情绪了
I've got the dead-Derek thing completely managed.
我知道大家都在担心我
I know people were worried.
自从他死了 大家就一直看着我
Since he died, everybody's been looking at me,
等着我崩溃 抓狂
waiting for me to fall apart or freak out
或者是自甘堕落
or just become a mess.
就像所有人都认为要爆♥炸♥的炸♥弹♥
Like some bomb everyone thinks is supposed to go off.
我妈一天给我打三四遍电♥话♥
My mother was calling three, four times a day.
艾蒂逊也打电♥话♥来了 所有人都给我打电♥话♥
Addison was calling -- everyone.
我能理解
It makes sense.
这很正常
It's natural.
我爱过的每一个男人
Every man I've ever loved...
都死了
Has died.
包括我的宝宝
Including my baby.
宇宙 我真是谢谢你了啊
Thank you, universe.
我是应该
So, I should be, like...
像希腊神话的悲剧一样 变石头啊失心疯啊
Greek tragedy, turned to stone, bat-crap crazy,
但我很好
but I'm good.
我能照顾好自己 我没事的
I got this. I am fine.
我告诉你 我超屌♥的
I'm telling you, I'm amazing.
我随手就能救活几个人
I am saving lives left and right.
占据着手术观摩室的位置
I am putting butts in the seats in that O.R. Gallery.
人们争着抢着要来听我的讲座
I mean, people are fighting to hear me lecture.
我娱乐着...随口一说都是笑话
I am entertaining -- joke, joke, joke!
我很幽默 很风趣
I'm funny! I'm fun!
能让所有人都开心 我很...我很好
I'm a party! I'm doing -- I'm great!
我把德里克的死处理得很好
I'm handling the dead-Derek thing really well.
好的
Okay.
除了今天 我对理查德大吼了一通
Except today, I yelled at Richard...
他只是想请我出去喝杯咖啡
who was only trying to invite me for coffee,
然后我就跑去从一嗑药医生那儿搞了点毒品
and then I went and scored oxy from this junkie doctor.
但你还没吸
But you haven't taken any?
还没
Not yet.
但我可能会吸
But I might.
这才是问题
That's the thing.
我真的很可能会吸
I really actually might.
我已经戒毒1321天了 欧文
I have been sober for 1,321 days, Owen.
我一直很好 一直控制着自己
I was fine. It was managed.
但我可能会吸
But I might.
你在控制着的这一切
All this stuff you're...managing...
你都不该控制的
you're not supposed to be managing it.
你该去感受它 悲痛 失去 疼痛
You're supposed to be feeling it -- grief, loss, pain.
-这都很正常 -这不正常
- It is normal. - It's not normal.
它很正常
It is.
非常正常
It is normal.
你之所以觉得不正常是因为你没体验过
It's not normal to you 'cause you've never done it.
你不去感受那种悲伤与痛楚
Y-- instead of feeling it, feeling the grief and the pain,
反而埋进心底 拿药物来解脱
you've shoved it all down and you do drugs instead.
你不尝试治愈伤痛 反而选择了逃离
Instead of moving through the pain, you run from it.
你
You...
选择不去处理伤口和孤独
Instead of dealing with being hurt and alone
担心这种恐怖的空洞的感觉将伴随终生
and afraid that this horrible, empty feeling is all there is,
我也选择了逃脱
I run from it.
我逃走了 报名参加了又一次现役军旅
I run off, and I sign up for another tour of active duty.
我们都会这样
We do these things.
逃走 靠药物来治疗
We run off, and we -- we medicate.
不择手段来掩盖伤痛 麻痹自我
We do whatever it takes to cover it up and dull the sensation,
但这不叫正常
but it's not normal.
我们应该去感知的 我们应该
We're supposed to feel. We're supposed to...
去爱
love...
去恨 去受伤
and hate... and hurt...
去悲伤 去崩溃 去...
and grieve and break and...
被击垮 再
be destroyed and...
重新站起来 只为再次被击垮
rebuild ourselves to be destroyed again.
这才是人
That is human.
这才是人性 这才是
That is humanity. That's -- that's...
这才叫活着 这才是人生的意义
That's being alive. That's the point.
这才是人生的全部意义 不要去逃避
That's the entire point. Don't -- don't avoid it.
不要
Don't...
抑制它
extinguish it.
德里克死了
Derek died.
他死了
He died.
我不想去感受
I don't want to feel it.
我做不到
I, I don't think I can.
我根本不想...
I don't think I even want to...
我做不到 我做不到
I can't. I can't.
-我做不到 -你一定要做到 否则
- I can't do this. I can't. - You have to. If you don't --
-不 闭嘴 我做不到 -你必须做到
- No, I can't. Shh, I can't do this! - You ha-- you have to.
否则 这绝对不会是你最后一包氧可酮
If you don't, that bag of oxy's not gonna be your last.
你会好起来的
You're gonna be okay.
你会挺过去的 知道吗
You're gonna survive this, okay?
所有人都能挺过去的
Everybody does.
这真的很正常 甚至还有些无聊
It's perfectly normal. It's boring, even.
真的很正常
It's so normal.
小佐佐 这是你的零食
Okay, Zo-Zo, here's your snack --
奶酪 香蕉
cheese, bananas,
还有一点 妈蛋
and a little... damn it.
我痛不痛苦其实不要紧吧
It doesn't matter if I'm hurting, does it?
我孤不孤单也不要紧 我该在哪儿签名
It doesn't matter if I'm alone. Where do I sign?
格蕾女士 你必须清楚
Ms. Grey, it's important you fully understand,
签下这个
by signing these,
你就放弃了对你女儿的全部抚养权
you sign away all rights to your daughter,
现在还有将来
now and in the future.
我就孤身一人
And I'm all alone.
现在我还得孤身一人养活我女儿
Now I have to raise my daughter alone.
我怎么可能做得到
How am I expected to do that?
妈妈
Mom...
我懂的
I understand.
如果你想再多考虑几日也是可以的
It's okay if you need more time.
多几天 再多几天
More time? More time?
我想和他再多在一起几天
I needed more time with him,
可日子却过得越来越快
but it just keeps going forward faster and faster,
没有什么再多几天了
and there is no more time.
你不能倒♥退♥ 不能暂停
You can't go back. You can't press "Pause."
就像旋转木马从未停止旋转
The carousel never stops turning. It --
我不需要再多考虑几天了
I don't need any more time.
我该签在哪里
Where do I sign?
妈蛋
Damn it.
这样吧 佐拉 我们把零食拿着
Actually, you know, Zo, I think maybe we'll take that, huh?
装进袋子里 然后
We'll put it in a baggie, and we'll --
妈妈
Mommy!
没事的 佐拉 我没事
It's okay, Zola. It's okay.
你在流血啊 地上都是血
You're bleeding. There's blood!
血 不过是血而已
Blood. It's just blood.
妈妈 我该不该打电♥话♥报♥警♥
Mommy, should I call 911?
实习医生格蕾
Grey's Anatomy
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