神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E19

Part 1 Aug. 16, 2021, 3:05 p.m.

星期一
星期二
星期三
星期四
这伙抢劫犯多在卡伯特街作案
The muggings were confined to Cabot Street.
他们是在两个多月前开始的
They began over two months ago...
就像这次简报会一样
Just like this briefing did.
你能去培训下你的个人魅力吗
Please go to charisma class.
我来了我来了抱歉 Charles
I'm here. I'm here. Sorry, Charles.
别 Jake
No, Jake.
这么炫酷的入场就不用道歉了
Never apologize for making an amazing entrance.
我家昨晚停电了
My power went out last night,
闹钟没有响
and my alarm didn't go off.
你的闹钟是插电的吗
Your alarm is power-dependent?
那你这是自作自受了小子
You brought this on yourself, son.
关键是绝对下不为例
The point is, it will not happen again.
继续吧
Carry on.
抱歉我迟到了警长
Sorry I'm late, Sarge.
早上没有热水了
No hot water this morning.
不过我来了整装待发
But I'm here, ready to go.
不会再影响你们了
Will cause no further distractions.
抱歉抱歉抱歉 - 不是吧
Sorry, sorry, sorry. - Seriously?
今天又是什么借口
What is your excuse today?
霉运连连
More bad luck.
我的车没油了
My car ran out of gas,
洗衣店的衣服还莫名消失了
and then my clothes disappeared from the Laundromat.
我得去求我邻居给我借几件他的衣服
I had to beg one of my neighbors to loan me some of his.
你可没说过辛巴达住在你们楼里
You never told us Sinbad lives in your building.
辛巴达 <一千零一夜>中的阿♥拉♥伯航海冒险家
如果辛巴达住在我们楼里
If Sinbad lived in my building,
我会在额头上纹个纹身
I would have a tattoo on my forehead
写上"辛巴达住在我们楼里"
that said "Sinbad lives in my building."
我来了我来了我来了
I'm here, I'm here, I'm here,
还早到一个半小时
and I'm a half an hour early.
没错一连串的霉运终于结束了
That's right, my string of bad luck has finally come to an end.
Peralta 你的药检没有通过
Peralta, you failed your drug test.
你的尿液里面检测到了可♥卡♥因♥和冰♥毒♥
There were traces of cocaine and methamphetamines found in your urine.
什么
What?
警监这简直是扯蛋
Captain, this is insane.
我不嗑药的
I don't do drugs.
我确实有几颗牙有点松
I mean, sure, a couple of my teeth are loose,
但那是因为没看牙医不是吸毒
but that's from dental neglect, not meth.
对呀那些检测根本不可信
Yeah, those tests are unreliable.
好了先别怪检测
Okay, let's not blame "Tests."
我相信你的 Jake
I believe in you, Jake,
但是你看他怪检测也太离谱了
but come on, he's going after tests.
长官听我说
Sir, listen:
衣服丢了没热水
the missing laundry, the hot water,
没电没油
the power, the gas,
现在又是这事
now this?
这不是倒霉了这是有关联的
This is not bad luck, it's a pattern.
有人在搞我
Someone's trying to sabotage me.
谁会这么做呢
And who would want to do that?
可能是我抓过的犯人
Probably someone I put away.
这是唯一的解释了
It's the only explanation.
或者是你没交电费
Or you didn't pay your bills
油箱里面没有加满油
and you only put a quarter gallon of gas in your tank
因为你想省点钱去超♥市♥买♥♥牛肉干
'cause you wanted to spend the rest on mini-mart beef jerky.
错我只在网上买♥♥牛肉干
Wrong, I buy my jerky online
从世界顶级牛肉干(撸管)大♥师♥店里
from the world's top jerkmasters,
看起来你要升级下你的牛肉干收藏夹了
so it looks like you need to update your jerk Rolodex,
我不是故意开黄腔
which is not as dirty as it sounds.
话说回来我能证明我加满油箱了
Anyway, I can prove that I filled up my tank, all right?
我连发♥票♥都有
I even have a receipt,
因为我一直存着发♥票♥
because I keep all my receipts
像一个成熟的成年人一样
like a mature adult person.
激光枪
Laser tag,
轮滑鞋
wheelie shoes,
遥控怪物卡车
remote control monster truck,
啊哈
aha!
加油站
Gas station.
有人抽了我的汽油
Someone drained my tank.
好吧我知道你不嗑药
Okay, I know you don't do drugs,
所以有可能是你所说的原因
so maybe there is something to what you're saying.
我会和总部谈谈安排上诉
I'll talk to One Police Plaza and arrange an appeal.
我也会叫人调查是否存在蓄意陷害
I'll also put someone on this sabotage theory.
我来
I got it.
Jake 等我找到是谁敢这么对你
Jake, when I find whoever did this to you,
我就扣掉他们的眼珠子给他们眼窝里装满
I'm gonna rip out their eyeballs and fill their sockets...
你和Jake关系太近不适合调查这个
I think you might be too close to this.
了解
Copy that.
Santiago Diaz 你们负责
Santiago, Diaz: look into it.
很好
Noice.
在这期间 Peralta 你被停职了
In the meantime, Peralta, you're suspended.
你得把警徽和配枪交上来
I'm gonna need you to hand in your badge and gun.
好吧警徽和配枪给你
All right, fine, you can have my badge and gun,
但是我要在你办公室里给你
but we're doing it in your office
这样我就能摔在你桌子上
so I can slam them down on your desk
喊一句 "体制真是腐♥败♥"
and yell out, "The system stinks!"
其实按程序你要把警徽和配枪
Actually, the procedure is to bring your gun and badge
带去二楼的设备室
down to the equipment room on the second floor,
填好452_J表格
fill out form 452-underscore-J,
把表格送去给盘存员
hand said form in to the inventory clerk,
通过内部邮箱接收存放证
and then receive a claim check through interoffice mail.
体制真是腐♥败♥
The system stinks!
嗨 Boyle
Hey, Boyle,
你和Jake办的那个
any progress with that extortion case
敲诈案有进展了嘛
you and Jake have been working on?
没有我一直在研究他的笔记
No, I've just been going over his notes.
他的字迹真是又酷又潦草
Look how cool and illegible his handwriting is.
噢真希望我的字也能这么随性潇洒
Oh, I wish I could be that free.
不过你也知道我不是什么书法家
But you know me, ever the calligrapher.
是啊那个我觉得你可能需要一点人手
Yeah, well, I thought you might need a little more manpower.
好
Okay.
所以我要给你分配一个新搭档
So I'm assigning you a new partner.
其实不只一个
Actually, partners.
对里面肯定是有东西
Yep, there's definitely something in there.
像是个花生
Looks like a peanut.
我打赌是颗腰果
Bet it's a cashew.
赌就赌
You're on.
别警长不要
No, Sarge, come on!
他们太糟糕了
They're terrible.
别夸大其词 Boyle
Stop exaggerating, Boyle.
他们可是好警探
They're good detectives.
很不错的
They're fine.
噢不
Oh, no.
被我戳得更深了
I pushed it in deeper.
只有他们了
They're all we got.
长官
Sir,
Gina的舞会是在昨天晚上
Gina's dance concert was last night.
对啊
Right.
那个"舞动里根"(音似南希·里根)表演
The Dancy Reagan performance.
我光想着Peralta药检的事
I've been so preoccupied with Peralta's drug test,
把这个给忘了
it totally slipped my mind.
我也是
Me too.
不过别担心
But don't worry.
我告诉她我们去了
I told her we were there.
你最喜欢的舞步是不是"海鸥步"
Was your favorite move "The Gull"?
还是"太空泡泡"
Or was it "Space Bubbles"?
噢我两个都喜欢
Oh, I loved them both!
我喜欢泡泡
I'm a bubble man
也喜欢海鸥
and a gull man!
你对她说谎了