神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E17

Part 1 Aug. 16, 2021, 3:05 p.m.

我追查了两年的造假犯Gregor Minsk
Gregor Minsk, the counterfeiter I've been chasing for two years,
终于重出江湖了
has finally resurfaced.
他还是一如既往地邪恶
And he's just as evil as ever.
是哦你恨透了他
Right. You hate him
就是因为他在假♥币♥上打错了个字
because he has a typo on his counterfeit bills.
不
No.
我恨他是因为他造了足足四百万的假♥钞♥啊 Jake
Because he passed $4 million in fraudulent bills, Jake.
但话说"合众为二"是搞什么啊
But also, two Rs in "Pluribus?"
E Pluribus Unum 拉丁语意为"合众为一" 被印在美国的硬币和部分纸钞上
那些收银员都没学过拉丁语吗
I mean, did none of those cashiers take Latin?
好啦
Okay.
让我们把热烈的掌声送给Amy说的那堆什么玩意儿
Let's give Amy a round of applause for whatever that was.
警局的总结会还没完呢
Police briefing. Still in progress.
我知道你尽力了
And you did great.
但是想想正事吧各位
But let's get serious, people.
婚礼就在明天
Tomorrow is the wedding.
我的妈妈就要嫁给惊恐脸
My mom is marrying, shudder,
Charles他爸马桶表情
Charles' dad, toilet emoji.
我们俩就要变成兄妹啦
We are gonna be brother and sister.
可谁成想不久前的我们
To think this started with us just
还在猛玩对方的性感带呢
going to town on each other's sexy parts.
Charles 快告诉我这不是你的祝酒词
Charles, promise me that is not in your toast.
好吧不是
It's not.
拜托啊伙计
Come on, man.
听着我要让一切都尽善尽美
Look, I need everything to be perfect.
刷新动态
Status update.
Rosa 鲜花怎么样了
Rosa, how are the flowers?
我不知道啊
I don't know.
黄的吧
Yellow.
Terry熊呢
Terr-bear?
我特意改装了自己的晚礼服
I had my tuxedo altered
让它紧得如你所愿
to make it tighter like you wanted.
赞哟
Delicious.
Jake 你和珠宝商约好了没
Jake, have you checked in with the jeweler?
约好了他们说戒指会在婚礼当天两点时准备好
Yes. They said the ring will be ready at 2:00 on the wedding day.
去婚礼会场时我会把戒指顺路带上的
I'm gonna pick it up on my way to the ceremony.
这事至关重要 Jake
This is very important, Jake.
你确定你没问题吗
Are you sure you can handle it?
呃我想想啊
Uh, well, let's see.
简单最后通牒至关重要
Easy, last-minute, and crucial as hell.
正是我Peralta的办事标准
Meets all the Peralta criteria.
很好
Good.
这些任务在这儿享有最高优先级
These tasks are top priority around here, people.
嫌犯什么的想逃就让他们逃吧
I don't care how many criminals go free.
明白没散会
All right? Dismissed.
呃我的总结还没做完呢
Uh, I'm not done with my briefing yet.
我说了散会
I said dismissed!
各位猜猜我要见谁了
Guys, guess who I'm about to see.
波波吗
The Bubes?
麦克·波雷
Michael Buble?
Michael Buble 麦克·布雷加拿大歌♥手
好吧就你一个人会这么叫他
Okay, you're the only one who calls him that.
而且错了是Jenny Gildenhorn
And no. Jenny Gildenhorn.
那个在你的成人礼上甩了你的姑娘吗
The girl who dumped you at your bar mitzvah?
没错
Yes.
她和Eddie Fung跳慢舞的场景依旧历历在目
I can still see her slow-dancing with Eddie Fung.
*我已与爱绝缘*
*I'm all out of love. *
All Out of Love - Air Supply
*失去你的我已迷失方向*
*I'm so lost without you. *
那婊♥子♥这样对你我绝不宽恕她
I'll never forgive that bitch for what she did to you.
你最好还是宽恕她吧
Well, you better forgive her
因为她马上就要成为
because she's about to become, uh,
我的女朋友
my girlfriend.
原来Gina的妈妈和Jenny Gildenhorn的妈妈是朋友
Turns out Gina's mom is friends with Jenny Gildenhorn's mom,
于是Jenny也要出现在婚礼现场
and Jenny is gonna be at the wedding.
没错
That's right.
我终于要跳上那段曾被Fung抢走的慢舞了
I'm finally gonna get the slow-dance that Fung denied me.
她还是单身吗
She even single?
是呀
Uh-huh.
在我们13岁后第一次单身
For the first time since we were 13.
Eddie Fung被Colin Brandow取代了
Eddie Fung was replaced by Colin Brandow,
然后是Ethan Stokes
then Ethan Stokes,
然后是Tanya Astor(女名) 别告诉她妈妈
then Tanya Astor, don't tell her mother,
然后她遇到了她的老公 Matt Hench
then she met her husband, Matt Hench,
他们在三个月前刚离婚
who she divorced three months ago.
八成因为那男的是个大废柴
Probably because he's a major loser.
你想啊美国律师助理这活也太不正经了
I mean, Assistant U.S. Attorney? Get a real job.
看来你监视她好久了呢
You really kept tabs on her, huh?
我在这儿基本上就在干这个
It's most of what I do here.
怎么了 Charles是中风了吗
What's happening? Is Charles having a stroke?
不他是在警告我你来了
No, he's warning me you're here
然后我就不会聊别的姑娘的事了
so I won't talk about other girls.
我怕你们这样会很尴尬
Just thought it might be weird for you,
因为你们俩的往事
because of your history.
一点儿也不尴尬
It's not weird at all.
是啊
Yeah.
我告诉Amy我喜欢她
I told Amy I liked her,
她说自己深深地爱着我
she told me she was deeply in love with me,
不过这些都是往事了
and it's all in the past.
我可没说"爱"和"深深地"
I did not say "Love" Or "Deeply."
都说了是往事了 Amy 醒醒吧
It's in the past, Amy. Move on!
Rosa 我想问问Marcus和婚礼的事儿
Rosa, I had a question about Marcus and the wedding.
我不会带上Marcus的
I'm not bringing Marcus.
你们分手了吧
You guys broke up, huh?
嗯就让它这么过去吧
Mm, just hit it and quit it.
我们的命运是如此相似
We are so similar.
我们才没有分手
We did not break up.
我只是对这段感情还有顾虑
I'm just not totally sold on the relationship yet,
而且我可不想把他带到什么白♥痴♥婚礼上
and I don't wanna bring him to some stupid wedding
听他腻腻歪歪地说"我爱你"
where he might get all romantic and say, "I love you."
他要是说了我该怎么办啊
I mean, what am I supposed to do then?
也跟他说"我爱你"呗
Say "I love you" Back?
我只对三个人说过"我爱你"
I've only said "I love you" to three people.
我妈我爸和我快死了的爷爷
My mom, my dad, and my dying grandpa.
而且其中一个让我后悔至今
And one of those I regret.
哪个
Which one?
爷爷
Grandpa.
他战胜了癌症搞得我现在像个白♥痴♥
He beat cancer, so now I look like an idiot.
我的天
Wow, man.
你们俩有谁愿意
Would either of you like
成为这场世纪之婚的主角
a starring role in the wedding of the century?
都说过了我是不会跳艳舞的
I already told you, I'm not go-go dancing.
这活儿总会有人揽的
Well, someone's getting in that cage.
更重要的是我妈的牧师请退了
But more importantly, my mom's priest dropped out,
所以我需要你们俩里的一个站出来
so I need one of you two to step up.
谁更擅长
Who would be better equipped
情真意切地来一段关于真爱的演讲呢
to deliver a heartfelt, emotional speech about love?
看来我不得不弃权了
I have to imagine it's not me.
我可以的我已经做过一次了
I could do it. I'm already ordained.
Mario Karen 昨日胸与肩的锻炼
Mario, Karen, yesterday was chest and shoulders.
成就了你们今日心与灵魂的下半生
Today, and for the rest of your life, it's heart and soul.
妙啊
Smart.
你把庆典和新人们的兴趣结合在了一起
You tailored the ceremony to the bride and groom's interests.
是的是的我就是这个意思
Yeah. Yeah. That's totally what I was doing.
我是说我愿意谈论的事情
I mean, working out is not the only thing
可不止健身这一件
I feel comfortable talking about.
所以你妈在健身时最喜欢做什么动作
Uh, what would you say is your mom's favorite move at the gym?
我妈喜欢香槟烤通心粉还有巴哈马群岛
My mom likes champagne, baked ziti, the Bahamas.
Charles他爸应该是住在桥底下
Charles's dad probably lives under a bridge
用脏水潭当镜子吧
and uses a puddle as a mirror.
我不知道你自己问去吧
I don't know. You figure it out.
好了