神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E17

Part 4 Aug. 16, 2021, 3:05 p.m.

You need to start seeing my psychic.
最好的地方是我修好了这个
Best of all, I fixed this!
能用了你怎么做到的
It's working! How'd you do that?
我是在有台烟雾机的公♥寓♥里长大的 Charles
I grew up with a smoke machine in the apartment, Charles.
我喜欢在早上进入厨房♥时带点活力
I liked to enter the kitchen in the morning with vivacity.
Regina 你太棒了所有的一切都很完美
Regina, you're amazing. Everything's just perfect.
谢谢你让这变成了我生命中第三好的日子
Thank you for making this the third-best day of my life.
第三
Third?
第一是有了你
First was having you.
第二是为了史蒂夫米勒乐队
Second was sleeping with a roadie
美国摇滚乐团
和巡回乐队管♥理♥员♥上♥床♥
for the Steve Miller Band.
我爱你妈妈
I love you, Mom.
我爱你 - 我爱你
I love you. - I love you.
我也来点
Grab some of those if you're throwing 'em out.
母亲大人
My mom.
你做的太棒了
You did so great.
不过我遇到了个小障碍
I, however, hit a small snag.
不别把礼服脱了 Lynn
No! Do not take off that tux, Lynn
你干什么呢我们说好了
What are you doing? We had a deal.
"如果你伤害了我妈
I said, "If you hurt my mother,
我就把你儿子的蛋蛋切下来"
I will cut off your son's testicles."
是切了
You're right. Cut 'em off!
不 - 好吧
No! - Okay.
虽然我很想那么做
As much as I would love to do that,
我更想要我妈妈幸福
I would like my mom to be happy.
所以你能先坐下吗 - 嗯
So can you please have a seat? - Mm-hmm.
给我解释一下这是怎么回事
And just explain to me what is going on.
我就是怕是自己太草率了
I'm worried I'm just rushing into this.
我都不怎么了解你妈
I barely know your mom.
我都不知道她最喜欢喝什么汤
I don't even know her favorite kind of soup.
西红柿汤吗
Is it tomato?
没人喜欢喝汤 Lynn
Nobody likes soup, Lynn.
你们家竟然讨厌汤
You're a family of soup-haters.
我都干了什么啊 - 听着
What have I done? - Look.
你知道我妈为什么爱你吗
Do you know why my mom loves you?
因为你勇于冒险
Because you take big risks.
比如你第二次约会送她的那只狗
Like how you got her that dog on your second date.
那种事呀
Those kind of things
有一半都适得其反
just blow up in my face half the time.
虽然那狗是成功了但是
I mean, the dog worked out great, but...
送狗太糟了她特讨厌它
The dog was a disaster. She hates it.
但是她爱你勇于尝试的精神
But she loved that you took that shot.
你知道哪种人从来不草率吗
Do you know who never, ever rushes into anything?
懦夫
Cowards.
说的太对了 Rosa
That's exactly right, Rosa.
就是懦夫虽然你是个怪胎
Cowards. And you're a weirdo.
像个霍比特人 - 好吧
I'd call you a hobbit... - Yeah.
人形土豆泥 - 是吧
A human pile of mashed potatoes... - Mm-hmm.
但是你不是懦夫 Lynn Boyle
But you are no coward, Lynn Boyle.
Lynn Linetti 我跟她姓
Lynn Linetti. I'm taking your mother's name.
哎呦你可真帮倒忙
Oh! You're making this hard.
我妈爱你你也爱她
My mom loves you. You love her.
你就跟着你那不正常的脑回路走
Now follow your big, weird heart.
你说的太对了
Oh, you're right.
该结婚喽
It's time for a wedding!
裤子爸裤子
Pants, Dad! Pants!
对哦结婚得穿裤子
A wedding with pants! Yeah.
婚礼快开始了你怎么样了
Wedding's starting soon. How are things going?
我刚刚在"便宜网上牧师网"注册了牧师
I was just ordained at www.Internetministry4cheap.Com,
但是演讲稿写的不怎么样
but I'm having some trouble with my speech.
只写出来了首诗
All I've got so far is a poem.
一首诗听起来好浪漫
Ooh, a poem. Sounds romantic.
"婚姻就是一个合同联结了两个
"Marriage is a contract between two adults
无亲属关系的成年人"
of different families."
这是个三行俳句诗也是个事实
It's a haiku... and a fact.
一举两得
It works on two levels.
呃感觉有点不人性化
Uh, it feels a little impersonal.
你结婚的时候公♥证♥人都说了什么
What did the officiant say when you got married?
没什么同性结婚合法的时候
Not much. When gay marriage was legalized,
我们不确定是不是马上就会被废除
we weren't sure if or when it was gonna be struck down,
所以速度才是关键
so speed was of the essence.
Kevin 你愿意 - 愿意
Do you, Kevin... - Yes.
你 - 对对对愿意
And do you... - Yes, yes, we do!
结婚了
We're married!
现在回想起来
I remarked afterwards
到是希望那"公♥证♥人"更"快证人"些
that I wished the officiant had been more efficient.
很有趣
It was very funny.
Kevin现在还会提起来
Kevin still talks about it.
啊我应该用那小段子开场
Aha! Maybe I should open with that zinger.
真是特别有趣 - 嗯
It is amazingly funny. - Oh.
就是不确定这些人会不会特别欣赏
I'm just not sure this is the right crowd for it.
不说段子不说诗
No zinger? No haiku?
那我就没的说了没准我应该即兴发挥
Then I have nothing. Maybe I should wing it.
爱供养着人们
Love. It sustains you.
就像燕麦粥
It's like... oatmeal.
好好即兴发挥成这样不算差了
Okay, okay. Not bad for winging it.
我说谎了
I lied.
我俩小时才写出来刚才那段
Took me two hours to write that.
我看起来怎么样 - 哦
How do I look? Oh!
太棒了
You look incredible!
上面下面
Up high! Down low!
屁屁屁屁屁屁
Butts, butts, butts.
你们这家人太恶心了
You're the worst family in history,
但是至少你们准备好了
but at least you're ready.
Scully都没的唱了
Scully's run out of songs.
现在他在唱
Right now, he's singing.
*别别别别*
*Don't, don't, don't, don't*
*别忘记我*
*Don't you forget about me*
最棒的一首摇滚乐
Best rock and roll song ever written.
与<科科莫>并列
Tied with Kokomo.
嗨我们有好消息
Hey! So we have good news
也有特别好消息
and we have great news.
好消息是我们找到戒指了
The good news is we found the ring.
特别好消息是我们绝对丢不了了
The great news is we'll never lose it again.
你想说什么
What are you trying to say?
戒指卡在他手指上了
The ring is stuck on his finger.
我跟他说了别拿这个装可爱
I told him not to be cute about it.
我什么时候都可爱
I'm cute about everything.
好吧好吧怎么办
Okay, okay, what do we do?
我能把戒指拽下来
I could pull the ring off,
不过可能伤到你的小指头
but it might hurt your little fingers.
没关系我不看着
That's fine. I just won't look
就不知道你什么时候下手了
so I don't know when you're gonna do it.
Jenny 不
Jenny! No!
这是你公主抱我的最后机会了所以
Okay, this is your last chance to carry me bodyguard-style, so...
不
Absolutely not.
二十年过去我又被撬女人了
20 years later and I've been Funged again.
我被撬了
She Funged me!
她没那么好
She doesn't seem that great.
我们刚刚看见她跟一个
We just saw her making out with a guy
不怎么认识的男人亲热
she barely even knows.
不不是她的错
No, it's not her fault.
你看看那男的的礼服外套
Did you see that guy's tux jacket?
四个扣子
Four buttons.
是我们的功劳我们的性关系促成的这份姻缘
We did this. Our sex made this happen.
Charles 麦开着我们都能听见哥们儿
Charles, mic's on. We can hear all this, bud.
我是Raymond Holt警监欢迎大家
I'm Captain Raymond Holt. Welcome.
婚姻就是一纸合同
Marriage is a contract...
但并不局限于此
but it's so much more than that.
婚姻是爱
Marriage is love.