神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E14

Part 4 Aug. 16, 2021, 3:04 p.m.

不别
No, don't.
好好好可♥卡♥因♥就可♥卡♥因♥
Okay. It was cocaine.
我只是不小心吸了些可♥卡♥因♥嘛
Turns out I was accidentally doing some cocaine.
根本不是不小心
Not on accident.
你是故意把它放到鼻子上的
You put it in your nose on purpose.
我可不觉得自己有鼻子呢 Peralta
I don't even think I have a nose, Peralta.
我根本感觉不到
I certainly cannot feel it.
辩护完毕
The defense rests!
嘘小声点
Shh. Keep your voices down.
这儿发生什么了
What is going on here?
没什么 - 什么都没有
Nothing. - Nothing at all.
Sophia的条子男友要当着我的朋友和同事的面逮捕我
Sophia's cop boyfriend is arresting me in front of my friends and colleagues.
嗨各位我叫Jake
Hey, everyone. I'm Jake.
在场的各位有谁看过<为奴十二年>吗
So who here saw 12 Years A Slave?
<为奴十二年> 获得了第86届奥斯卡最佳影片等多项大奖
最佳影片儿
Best picture...
那么 Diaz
Well, Diaz,
木已成舟了
the deed is done.
你搞垮了她的升职计划吗
You torpedoed her promotion?
可惜的是没有
Sadly, no.
我给那个白骨精写了一封很好的推荐信
I gave that goblin a good recommendation.
你讲的那个藏记号♥笔的女孩的事对我影响颇深
Your story about the marketer really hit me.
我开始发觉到
I began to realize
如果连你都觉得我应该凭良心做事
that if even you thought i should take the high road,
那我可能就该这么做了
that was probably the right choice.
抱歉你没能报仇雪恨
I'm sorry you didn't get your vengeance.
圣母Holt - 说得好
Mother Holt. - Good one.
但我还在谋划给她一些颜色看看
But I am still planning to get some retribution.
我给她准备了一个离别礼物
I got her a parting gift.
<女巫前传>的票吗
Tickets to Wicked?
<女巫前传>是百老汇著名音乐剧从女巫的角度讲述<绿野仙踪>的故事
是在波士顿演出的
In Boston.
她就要搬去一个二流的城市
She's moving to a second-class city,
我想要伤口上撒盐
and I wanted to rub her nose in it.
享受制♥作♥粗糙的音乐剧吧 Madeline
Enjoy the understudies, Madeline.
祝你看肥胖的冒牌Chenoweth
Have fun watching some chubby Chenoweth knockoff
指Kristin Chenoweth <女巫前传>首演中女二号♥演员极其代表曲目
用柔声颤出<人气女王>看得开心
warble her way through .
你好啊 Lynn
Hello, Lynn.
好啊 Regina
Hi, Regina.
不要跟我玩花招小样
Don't play games with me, boy.
这真是个馊主意
This is a bad idea.
不一切都在掌握中我爸能搞定的
No, it's okay. Dad's got this.
他可是很会讲话的
He's a real sweet talker.
废话少说
Let's cut the crap.
好 - 你对我妈到底有什么企图
Okay. What are your intentions with my mother?
每天早上都跟她爱爱一直到我们死为止
To make love to her every morning until we die.
所以只是生理上的需要喽
So it's just physical?
你疯了吗
What are you nuts?
我不过是个离异而且退休的花农
I'm a divorced, retired florist
还有严重的麸质过敏症
with a terrible gluten allergy.
你妈妈则是美丽聪明的旅行代理人
Your mom is a beautiful, brilliant travel agent.
她都跟那些周游过世界的人打电♥话♥呢
She talks to people on the phone who've seen the whole world.
我再也遇不到哪怕只有她一半好的人了
I'll never meet anyone half as good as her.
她是我生命中遇到的最美好的事情
She's the best thing that ever happened to me.
你的意思是除了Charles外吗
You mean other than Charles?
不
No.
她就是我生命中遇到的最美好的事
She's the best thing that ever happened to me.
我可以忍♥的拔拔
That's okay, Pop.
你只不过做了你该做的事情
You did what you had to do.
我爱她
I love her.
我唯一想做的就是让她永远幸福
All I want is to make her happy forever.
好吧我给你们祝福
Fine. I give you my blessing.
但如果你胆敢用任何方式伤害我妈
But if you hurt my mom in any way,
愿上帝助我我会切掉
so help me God, I will cut off
你儿子的蛋蛋
your son's testicles.
剪掉剪掉剪掉我可不是在说笑
Snip, snip, snip. And I'm not playing.
一言为定
Deal.
干得好老爸
Way to go, Dad!
你搞定了她
You bagged a babe.
Boyle家爷俩要准备婚礼啦
The Boyle boys are planning a wedding!
Boyle爷俩 Boyle爷俩
Boyle boys! Boyle boys!
Boyle爷俩 Boyle爷俩
Boyle boys! Boyle boys!
你搞砸了呀老兄
You screwed this up, buddy.
你以为这件事之后她还会爱你吗
You thinks she's gonna still love you after this?
她会看清你到底是谁
She'll see who you are now.
嘿你对我和Sophia一无所知好吗
Hey, you don't know anything about me and Sophia.
什么我在跟我自己说话好吗
What? I'm talking to myself
我在说我老婆
about my wife.
她知道了可不会高兴
She is not gonna like this.
谁关心你和你那恶心的生活啊
Who cares about you and your gross life?
Jake 小心
Jake, heads up.
哦嘿 Sophia 谢天谢地你来了
Oh, hey, Sophia. Thank God you're here.
我正准备找你谈谈
I was just gonna find you so we could talk.
Jake 我不是来跟你谈谈的
Jake, I'm not here to talk to you.
我是代表Geoffrey的律师
I'm here as Geoffrey's attorney.
哦我自己就能做看好了
Oh, I can do it myself. Watch this.
反对反对反对反对反对
Objection, objection, objection, objection, objection!
五个五个反对
Five! Five objections.
所以这个"可♥卡♥因♥"也许并不那么严重
Maybe this "Cocaine" Isn't so bad after all.
好了 Geoffrey 作为律师我必须
Okay. Geoffrey, I'm gonna have to
建议你现在在警探面前
advise you to stop talking/confessing
停止说话兼认罪
in front of the detectives.
好你看我知道你现在很生气
Okay, look, I know that you're mad,
但我已经跟地区检察官说了他也已经同意撤诉
but I talked to the D.A. And he agreed to drop the charges.
Geoffrey只需要做一点社区服务就可以了
Geoffrey just had to do a little bit of community service,
而且也不会记录在他的档案上
and nothing will even go on his record.
还不够好你没有证据
Not good enough. You have no evidence.
Sophia 他的领子上现在可还有可♥卡♥因♥呢
Sophia, there's cocaine on his collar right now.
哦现在没有了
Oh, not anymore.
喔
Whoo!
你现在可真是搞不清楚情况呢
You're really not reading the vibe right at all.
你知道吗都是因为可♥卡♥因♥
Tell you what, that's the cocaine.
我一般很能搞得清楚状况
I'm usually very tuned in.
嘘我必须逮捕他
Shh. I had to arrest him.
我没有其他选择 - 真的吗
I had no choice. - Really?
因为我可以想到另外五十种办法
'Cause I could think of 50 other ways
来处理这种情况
you could've handled this scenario.
天啊你可真是个律师
Oh my God, you are such a lawyer.
你可真是个警♥察♥
You are such a cop.
我都告诉你了我需要点空间来想明白一些事情
I tell you I need some space to figure things out
然后你就破门而入
and you come kicking down the door
实践了你脑海中的第一个想法
with the first plan that pops into your head.
这怎么就是我的错你的混♥蛋♥老板
How is it my fault that your jerk boss
非要把他的混♥蛋♥鼻子放进一堆混♥蛋♥可♥卡♥因♥中去
put his jerk nose into a pile of jerk cocaine?
你跟着他进了厕所
You followed him into a bathroom
在一个你都没被邀请的派对上
at a party you weren't even invited to.
嘿你知道吗我们结束了
Hey, you know what? We're done.
这样好吗我去跟地方检察官说说
All right, fine. I'll talk to the D.A.
看我能不能把社区服务减半
I'll see if I can cut the community service in half,
这样好不好 - 不好 Jake 不是这件案子
how's that? - No, Jake. Not with the case.
你跟我之间结束了
You and I are done.
Jake 你在干什么
Jake, what are you doing?
我想要拦住你
I wanted to stop you.
为了装逼我走的楼梯
Grand gesture. I took the stairs.
你可是有点喘啊 - 是啊
A little winded there, buddy? - Yeah.
浪漫真的好难
Romance is hard!
你能不能先说差不多 20分钟的话
Can you just talk for, like, 20 minutes
我来缓缓气
while I catch my breath?
我没什么好说的
I don't have anything to say.
别这样吧
Oh come on.
这只不过是一场无缘由的愚蠢争吵