神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E03

Part 1 Aug. 16, 2021, 3:02 p.m.

开门
关门
恶心护卫车队
Ugh, motorcade duty.
太无聊了
So boring.
我真心更乐意坐定
I honestly would rather sit around
听你讲做西班牙什锦饭的正确方法
and listen to you talk about the right way to make paella.
做什锦饭的正确方法可不止一种 Jake
There's more than one right way to make paella, Jake.
可以多达十种
There are ten right ways.
例如经典巴伦西亚法摩登 - 别等一下
You got classic Valencian, modern... - No, wait.
打住我改主意了刚才脑子犯浑
Stop, I changed my mind. I've made a horrible mistake.
嘿 Rosa 我正要找你呢
Hey Rosa just who I was looking for.
简单问一句能把你朋友Katie的号♥码给我吗
Quick question, can I have your friend Katie's phone number?
我想约她出去
I want to ask her out.
不行我不会把私事公事混为一谈
No, I don't mix personal and professional.
你做梦都别想要到她的号♥码
You're never getting her number.
是那种"我们会有一个黑人总统"的梦
Never like, "We're never gonna have a black President" Never?
毕竟那梦想成真了 - 春秋大梦
'Cause that happened. - A real never.
你要是再敢问我一次
Like if you ever ask me about this again,
你下半辈子就靠吸管吃东西吧
you're never gonna be able to eat without a straw.
好吧这个
Yeah, okay, well...
你在历史的节点上站错了队这位朋友
you are on the wrong side of history, my friend.
Katie呀
Katie, huh?
难以置信你对Amy的渴求就这么没了
Wow, I can't believe you're not still pining for Amy.
我可是痴情种子
I mean, I pine for years.
我现在还想着Mia
I still think about Mia,
那个送我奶奶最后一程的护士
the nurse that helped my nana pass.
我知道你都跟我说了无数遍了
Yes, I know. You've told me, like, a hundred times
说你奶奶瘫倒在地
about the time your nana collapsed
意外把Mia的裤子扯掉了
and accidentally pulled Mia's pants down.
我人生中最美的一天
Best day of my life.
我对Amy没感觉了
I don't have feelings for Amy anymore.
所以是时候走出阴影
So time for me to get out there
张开双翅迎接 - 双腿
and spread my w... - Legs.
走出阴影张♥开♥双♥腿♥
Get out there and spread my legs?
其实都可以的
Well, e-either way.
才不是都可以只能是双翅
No, not either way. Only wings.
注意车队出了点状况
Listen up. There's been an issue with the motorcade.
塞尔维亚总统被滞留在了华盛顿
The Serbian President is delayed in Washington,
在他起飞前我们都无法封锁交叉口
and we can't start locking down intersections until he takes off.
显然他正在和阿尔巴尼亚总统进行着很重要的通话
Apparently he's on an important call with the Albanian President.
总统是Bujar Nishani还是原来那个Bamir Topi
Is that bujar nishani or is it still bamir topi?
Ames 我来查一下吧
Oh, ames, let me check.
嗯只查到说你这人不讨喜
Hmm, it just says no one likes you.
至少要晚三个小时
There's a three-hour delay, minimum.
Holt警监和我要去警♥察♥总局开会
Captain Holt and I will have to leave for a meeting at one police plaza.
你们时刻做好准备
You should all stay prepped and ready.
散会
Dismissed.
各位各位各位各位
Guys. Guys, guys, guys.
三个小时延迟 Holt和Terry还都不在
Three-hour delay with no Holt or Terry?
知道这意味着什么吗
Do you have any idea what this means?
化妆大变身 - 不对 Charles
Makeovers. - No, Charles.
是夹弟大赛 - 耶
The Jimmy jab games! - Yeah!
第一届夹弟大赛于2008年举办
The first Jimmy jabs were held in 2008,
那一年伊♥拉♥克♥国王
when the King of Iraq...
是伊朗总统
President, Iran.
爱蛤♥蟆♥的内夹德 - 艾哈迈迪内贾德
Armen Jimmy jab - Ahmadinejad
访问纽约
Came to New York,
我们酸爽地待命了九小时
and were on call for nine glorious hours
以防有反抗示♥威♥
in case there were protests.
就在当天一个名叫Jake的天才青年
On that day, a young genius named Jake Peralta
用他手中最后一块百吉饼
used the last piece of his bagel
自创了第一项夹弟比赛
to create the first Jimmy jab event.
百吉饼投怪物嘴
The monster mouth bagel toss.
后来的事情就众所周知了
And the rest was history.
等到Holt和Terry一走
As soon as Holt and Terry leave,
我们就开始第七届夹弟大赛
we will commence with Jimmy jab seven,
傻瓜马戏团
circus of fools.
夹弟大赛夹弟大赛
Jimmy Jabs, Jimmy Jabs,
夹弟大赛夹弟大赛
Jimmy Jabs, Jimmy Jabs,
夹弟大赛夹弟大赛夹弟大赛
Jimmy Jabs, Jimmy Jabs, Jimmy Jabs,
看来我们已经准备好和副局长Wuntch的会议了
Seems like we're ready for our meeting with deputy chief Wuntch.
你打算开会用这样的坐姿吗
Is that how you plan on sitting?
后仰着像是去看戏的
Leaning back like a matinee-goer?
Madeline不整死你才怪
Madeline will eat you alive.
这也不行
That's no better.
双手交叉置于膝上像个变♥态♥
Hands folded on your lap like a pervert.
长官你紧张什么
Sir, what are you so nervous about?
片区里出现了一种新♥型♥毒♥品♥
There's a new drug in the precinct,
我们需要更新毒品测试工具包
and we need updated narcotics field kits.
我们不过是申请一千两百刀
All we're asking for is $1,200.
她怎么会不同意
How could she say no to that?
警长只要是我开的口
Sergeant, as long as I'm asking for it,
Madeline Wuntch什么都会拒绝
Madeline Wuntch can say no to anything.
呃用下
Ugh, may I?
这是我的纸巾 Raymond
Those are my tissues, Raymond.
你要是想打喷嚏就该自备纸巾
If you were planning on sneezing, you should have brought your own.
长官她是副局长
Sir, she's a deputy chief.
我确信她会为片区谋求最大福利
I'm sure she wants what's best for the community.
她才不在乎片区
She doesn't care about the community.
她只在乎打败我
She only cares about defeating me.
这是一场战争警长
This is war, sergeant.
Wuntch之战
The war on Wuntch.
真牛你连名字都起好了
Oh, good. You've named it.
这个夹弟大赛
So Jimmy jabs, huh?
今年要来点什么好玩的呢
What do you say we make it interesting this year?
啊哈我们可以用Katie的号♥码作为奖品
Aha! We could play for Katie's number.
不行这就是你为什么要玩夹弟大赛吗
No. Is this why you wanted to do Jimmy jabs?
不是确实是但是你怎么发现的
No. Yes. Why? What gave it away?
你说了一声"啊哈" 还打了响指 - 啊
You said, "Aha" And snapped your fingers. - Ah
你是想约Rosa那个叫Katie的朋友吗
Oh, you wanna go out with Rosa's friend Katie?
挺好的她很不错
That's great. She's cool.
我也这么觉得但是Rosa有个破原则
I know, but Rosa has this dumb rule
一定要公私分明
about not mixing work with personal stuff.
那不是什么破原则
That's actually not a bad policy.
我以前给我姨妈开过一张乱穿马路的罚单
I once gave my aunt a jaywalking ticket,
然后我俩的关系一落千丈
and things really deteriorated between us.
这样 - 但是Jake和Katie在一起会很配的
Hmm. - But Jake and Katie would be awesome together.
就是她无主我光棍
I know, right? She's single. I'm single.
她美貌我如花
She's pretty. I'm pretty.
就这么定了
So it's settled.
要是我夹弟大赛折冠你就把她的号♥码给我
If I win the Jimmy jabs, you give me her number.
要是我输了你就不用给我了
And if I lose, you don't have to give it to me.
我本来就没义务给你
I already don't have to give it to you.
好吧那我就给你两百刀而且再也不会向你问号♥码
All right, I'll give you $200, and I'll never ask you for another phone number again.
成交
Done.
你好 Gina
Hello, Gina.
大白天的你为什么跟我讲话
It's daylight, Boyle. Why are we talking?
情况紧急
This is an emergency.
我最近一直在用公家的录像机
I've been filming my fitness routine
拍自己的健身录像改善体型
with the precinct camera to help improve my form.
这也是为什么我手臂如此健壮
That's where I got these tree trunks.
但我想起来我把录像带落在相机里
But I realized that I left the tape in the camera,
相机不见了
and now it's gone.
关我屁事
Who cares?
关我屁事关我屁事
Who cares? Who cares?
还真关你的事
You probably will.
Boyle 我钦佩你如此努力的提高床技呢
Oh, Boyle, I love that you're trying to step up your sex game.
但是你的问题不在力量
But strength is not your issue.
别哼唧
Stop humming.
而且你弯腰后入我的时候
And it does not turn me on
一点都不性感
when you bend over and back up into me.