神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E02

Part 3 Aug. 16, 2021, 3:02 p.m.

咱俩应该都清楚我接下来要说什么
I think we both know what I'm about to say.
Raymond
Raymond.
一切尽在不言中
I don't think we need to say anything.
我是同性恋
I'm gay.
这就是我想要说的
That's what I was going to tell you.
那好吧
Well then.
她毁了我的工作
She sabotaged my career
就是因为我不肯和她上♥床♥
because I refused to bed her.
他觉得是我捅的他
He thinks I stabbed him?
抽疯了吧
That's crazy.
他说你肯定是被他激怒了
He said you were furious at him
因为他不让你再靠近餐馆一步
because he banned you from the restaurant
而且他还说你的商业计划书很垃圾
and called your business plans terrible.
信息记录为
The text reads:
"你那点子是薄饼里傻♥逼♥兮兮的浆糊"
"Your ideas are dumb-dumb butter in a stupid pancake,
"你这坨冒着烟的人形'栅栏'"
you steaming pile of human fences."
我估计原本写的是"大粪"而不是"栅栏"
I assume that was auto-corrected from "Feces."
听着天下没有不散的筵席
Look, partners fight.
他是很难相处
He's difficult to work with,
但是我永远不会对他动杀机
but I would never try and kill him.
你周一晚上十点左右在哪里呢
Where were you on Monday around 10:00 pm?
我和我的商学院校友每周一都会聚会
Me and my business school buddies get together every monday
在一起喝喝小酒
and have a couple beers.
而且街对面有个普拉提锻炼房♥
Also, there's a... uh... Pilates studio
装了个特别大的窗户
with a huge window across the street
从那可是能看到不少妹子呢
so it's a pretty sweet view.
我猜一定比捅人有趣多了吧
I guess that's not as bad as stabbing someone?
我十点钟就离开了
I left around 10:00,
我坐地铁回了家
took the subway home,
在家门口的约克街下的车
got off at York street around my house,
冲着一个雕像狂吐
puked on a statue,
然后就睡觉去了
went to bed.
经典好了
Classy. All right, well,
我们已经占用了你不少时间
we've taken up enough of your time
请享受剩下的一天
enjoy the rest of your day
继续"一坨人形栅栏"的人生吧
and go back to your life as "A pile of human fences."
好吧我们来看看"黑暗牛奶"周边的人
Okay, let's see if any of DRK MLK's neighbors
见没见过那个普拉提变♥态♥或者别人
saw the pilates perv or anyone else
偷偷潜入过犯罪现场
fleeing the scene of the crime.
收到
Copy that.
我们会做些警♥察♥的活
We'll do some cop stuff,
将心比心地谈论你的结扎手术
have a heart-to-heart about your vasectomy,
取消你的结扎手术
cancel your vasectomy,
出去喝几杯
grab some drinks,
嘲笑你差点经历的结扎手术
laugh about the time you almost got a vasectomy.
别再担心我的结扎手术了
Stop worrying about my vasectomy, man.
你也应该注意自己的身体了
Maybe you should focus on your own body.
你上次吃胡萝卜是什么时候
When's the last time you had a carrot?
那是我最不爱吃的一种蛋糕
Well, it's my least favorite type of cake,
所以我很少吃
so rarely.
如果非吃不可
If I absolutely have to,
那我就只吃那层糖霜
I'll just eat the frosting.
嘿得了吧蛋糕仔
Hey! Cut it out, cake boy.
你就是让医疗保险不断上涨的罪魁祸首
You're making health insurance more expensive for everyone else!
当真吗
Yeah? Well,
你知道还有什么也会提高保险费吗
you know what else drives up premiums?
违背自身意愿的阉♥割♥
Unwanted genital removal!
多谢你能来
Thank you for coming.
我还怕你收不到信息呢
I wasn't sure if you'd get my message.
Charles 不太可能收不到好吗
Charles, it was kind of hard to miss.
我的神啊
Oh, God!
我没别的办法了
Hey, I didn't know what to do.
你说过工作时间不能说话
You said we weren't allowed to talk at work
因为我们已经鬼混过了
now that we're knocking boots.
这话好恶心
Ew, gross.
我想说的是我前妻这周末要订婚了
Listen, my ex-wife's throwing an engagement party this weekend
我想问你愿不愿意跟我一起去
and I was wondering if you wanted to go...
以朋友的身份
As friends.
不 Charles 虽然我们之间有不可告人的秘密
No, Charles, just because we have secret, shameful sex
但不代表我们就是朋友了
does not mean we are friends.
那不做朋友
Forget friends.
"炮♥友♥"怎么样
Let's go as "Bone bros."
你说"鬼混"我还没想扇你
I didn't strike you when you said "Knocking boots,"
但是"炮♥友♥"
but "Bone bros"?
我实在受不了
I cannot abide.
你在"黑暗牛奶"附近有没有见过这人
Have you seen this man around DRK MLK.
我不去那儿
Oh, I don't go there.
他们不让宝宝进店
They don't allow babies in there.
这些人是怎么回事
What is wrong with them?
我还是小屁孩的时候只喝巧克力牛奶呢
All I drank when I was a baby was chocolate milk.
谢谢你的配合
Well, thank you for your time.
也谢谢你可爱的小宝宝
And thank you, adorable little baby,
你可能让我的搭档心里五味杂陈
who's probably giving my partner some mixed feelings right about now.
"别做手术警长
"Don't get the operation, sarge!
还是给我生一个肌肉发达的小玩伴吧"
Instead, make a tiny muscular friend for me to play with!"
够了
That's enough.
我同意够了宝宝
I'm with you. That's enough, baby.
管好你自己的事儿吧
Mind your own business.
我从没听说过"黑暗牛奶"
I haven't heard of DRK MLK
也从没见过这人
and I've never seen this man before.
这就是你的线索
This is your lead?
我们为什么来这儿
Why are we here?
网上说
Well, according to the Internet,
Mindel医生是公园坡地区最棒的婚姻咨♥询♥师
dr. Mindel is the best couples counselor in the Park slope area,
还接受临时咨♥询♥呢
who accepts same day walk-ins.
婚姻咨♥询♥
Couples counseling?
抱歉浪费你的时间
Sorry for wasting your time.
等等别走啊
Wait, please don't leave.
我可是花了不少钱呢
This cost me so much money.
真抱歉
I am so sorry.
他离开了
He's walking out.
正如你父亲当年一样
Just like your father did.
等等我没告诉过你啊
Wait a minute, I didn't tell you about that.
用不着说
Didn't have to.
你确实够厉害的
You are good!
警长等等
Sarge, wait up!
拜托别生气嘛
Come on, don't be mad!
我只是不想让你被自己的蠢主意伤害了
Look, I'm only trying to protect you from your very stupid self.
闹够了没 Jake
That is enough, Jake!
对不起
Look, I'm sorry, okay?
但那天你精神错乱了说的可都是真心话
And the things you said when you were whacked-out were real.
你让我发了誓的作为你的朋友
You made me promise. And as your friend...
我说过了 Jake
I told you, Jake.
我们不是那种朋友
We're not that kind of friends.
不是哪种朋友
Not what kind of friends?
"交心朋友"
"Friend" Friends.
你我只是"普通同事"而已
You and I are work friends.
如果你不介意的话
Now, if you will excuse me,
我要去医生那儿了
I'm going to the doctor's office.
别想就这样摆脱我
Not good enough.
准备好被"交心朋友"制♥服♥吧
Prepare to be physically overpowered by a "Friend" Friend.
取消和医生的预约
Cancel the appointment!
我抓住你了
I've got you!
你不能动了吧
You can't move.
先生承认被打败了吧
Concede defeat, sir.
你已经被控制住了
You have been conquered.
抽查完了
Spot-checks are done.
不用说我觉得很无趣
Needless to say, I thoroughly underwhelmed.
你的表情告诉我
Huh. From your expression,
你不是便秘了就是怕冷了
I would've guessed constipated or chilly.