神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E06

Part 3 Aug. 16, 2021, 3:03 p.m.

你们走吧
Dismissed.
坦白说吧法官大人
Full disclosure, your honor.
昨晚 Perez小姐和我喝醉了
Last night, Miss Perez and I got inebriated,
然后我们"醒酒"了 - 什么意思
and we had colitis. - Colitis?
是"性♥交♥"了 - 对哦就是那个
Coitus. - Yeah, that.
控方警♥察♥和辩方律师上♥床♥了
A cop and a defense attorney sleeping together.
这很少见
That's highly unusual.
那时候我并不知道她是辩方律师
At the time, I did not know she was a defense attorney.
我应该能猜出来的但是
I should have been able to guess, however,
她如此擅长对我撒谎(上下其手)
based on her ability to lie all over me.
哦哈哈一个警♥察♥还想装聪明
Ha ha... A cop's attempt to be clever.
就像看着一匹马想用叉子吃饭一样
It's like watching a horse try to eat with a fork.
高贵而又搞笑
Majestic and hilarious?
清醒清醒饥渴单身狗我们在谈工作呢
Take a cold shower, horn-dog, we're at work.
说正经的法官大人
But in all seriousness, your honor,
我真的觉得她应该从庭审中撤换出去
I do think she should recuse herself from the trial.
为什么你觉得我会告诉当庭所有人
Why? You think I might tell everybody in the courtroom
你喜欢被人抱在怀里吗
that you like to be the little spoon?
是个人都喜欢被抱在怀里这样有安全感
Everyone likes to be the little spoon. It makes you feel safe!
Carl 帮哥说句话
Carl, back me up on this.
是的我一直是被抱的那个 - 看见没
Yes, little spoon all the way. - See?
听好我是不会撤出本案的
Look, I'm not recusing myself.
我和我的辩护人谈过了他同意我留下来
I talked to my client, and he is fine with me staying on.
只要辩护人同意
If the defendant is okay with it,
还有你们两个在庭上表现得成熟一点
and you two can be mature in the courtroom,
我觉得本案可以继续
then I see no reason why we can't proceed.
好的我可以展现成熟一面
Great. I can be mature.
此话出自一个把墨镜套当钱包用的男人之口
Says the guy who uses a sunglasses case as a wallet.
一物可以两用好吗
Stuff can be two things.
打开冰箱门也能当空调生活多美妙
Open up your refrigerator, boom! Air conditioner. Life hacked.
Carl 帮哥说句话
Carl, back me up.
其实这样不太环保 - 哦 Carl啊
I mean, it's not very green. - Oh, Carl.
同志们
Guys!
大伙们父老乡亲们
Guys, guys, guys, guys!
我的披萨评论吸引了Matt Pittle先生的注意
My pizza reviews caught the eye of a Mr. Matt Pittle
他是Pittle美食的博主那可是我最爱的美食博客
of Pittle's vittles, my favorite food blog!
呵呵一个本地美食博客
Wow, a local food blog.
还真有这回事
It's all happening.
Pittle想今晚和我一起吃个5个小时的晚饭
Pittle wants to have a five- hour dinner with me tonight.
注意了愚蠢的人类们
Attention, skeezy nobodies!
Tina Knowles 碧昂斯的亲纪人
Tina Knowles, Beyonce's mom-ager,
联♥系♥了我并且今晚给我面试
has contacted me and wants to audition me tonight.
你们都跪舔吧
I've transcended you now.
听起来你们两个今晚的计划都不错
Sounds like both of you have pretty great plans tonight.
不对你冒充Pittle给我发邮件
No! You wrote the email from Pittle
为了让我放弃那个房♥间
so I'd drop my claim to the room.
那个博客可是神圣不容亵渎
That blog is sacred.
你亵渎了最神圣无上的女士 Tina kno-w-les
You defiled the most sacred and most high miss... Tina kno-w-les!
你好大的胆 Charles
How dare you, Charles?
你怎么能装出那么尖的声音的
How'd you get your voice so high?
我还能发得更尖呢
I can take it higher.
你还是别这样了
I wish you wouldn't.
那个房♥间是我的你个小婊砸
The room is mine, you scab.
不 Gina 那是我的
No, it's mine, Gina.
这次我不会让步的
I'm not backing down this time.
我要上步(倒车)
I'm backing up.
哔哔哔
Beep, beep, beep.
你紧张吗 - 才没有
You nervous? - Nope.
我有一个目睹一切的完美证人
I have an unimpeachable eyewitness who saw everything.
而且我还为我们的律师朋友做了点小准备
Plus, I've got a little something planned for our lawyer friend.
每次她一看过来我就这样发送冲击波
Every time she looks over, i'm gonna hit her with one of these.
这样会让她想起我们的吻
It'll remind her that we kissed,
这样我就能入侵她的大脑
and that's how I get in her head.
这点子我喜欢
I like it.
你想让我曲曲身把衬衫的纽扣都崩掉吗
You want me to flex and make all the buttons pop off of my shirt?
当然你真能这么搞
Yes! You can do that?
对我来说最难的是不让纽扣崩掉
The challenge is keeping the buttons on.
好吧好吧你牛你牛
Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay.
你确定这位就是你目击到
And you're sure this is the man you saw
在钻石大劫案发生时离开商店的人
leaving the store at the time of the diamond heist?
听到没 "钻石大劫案" 流行用语啊
Nice. "Diamond heist," Catching on.
是的就是这个人
Uh, yeah. That's the guy.
Wells先生有证据显示
Now, Mr. Wells, it says here
2006年你曾因为做伪证定罪是否属实
you have a 2006 conviction for perjury, is that correct?
呃属实
Uh... yeah.
没事这事我早知道了
It's okay. I knew about that.
此外你的真名是Sidney Wells还是Brian Davidson
And is Sidney Wells actually your name, or is it Brian Davidson?
呃哦这个我可不知道
Uh-oh. Did not know about that one.
而且这位Brian Davidson
As in the Brian Davidson
还面临新泽西州的诈骗指控的吗 - 是的
who is facing fraud charges in New Jersey? - Yeah.
这个也不知道天呐是时候出大招了
Or that. Oh, God... okay, time to bust out the big guns.
不妙只有法官注意到我
This is bad. Only the judge saw me.
没有其它问题了法官大人
No further questions, your honor.
哼还眨眼真成熟
Ugh, winking? Real mature.
法官允许我们休庭
Judge gave us a recess,
但是如果明天还没有新的证据的话
but if we don't get new evidence by tomorrow,
我们输定了
we have no chance.
这话真鼓舞士气 Carl
Great pep talk, Carl.
别担心我们会有证据的
Don't worry, we'll get some evidence.
失陪一下
Excuse me one second.
嘿你这样太不厚道了
Hey, that wasn't cool.
才不不厚道的是你对着法官隔空献吻
No. What wasn't cool was you trying to air make-out with the judge.
那些飞吻是打算给你的
Those kisses were meant for you!
不是什么浪漫之吻是吓死你不偿命之吻
Not in a romantic way, they were psych-out kisses.
你知道是你的辩护人干的
Look, you know your client did it.
我的辩护人干没干没关系
It doesn't matter if my client did it or not.
我一直这么说没关系
That's what I've been saying. It doesn't matter.
好了 Scott 你别说话
All right, Scott, beat it.
居然叫Scoot
Scott.
我的工作就是让你证明他犯罪了
Look, my job is to make you prove he did it.
这是我们整个司法系统的基础
It's the basis of our entire justice system.
你以为John Adams(美国司法之父)只是个傻瓜吗
What, you think John Adams was just some idiot?
不我以为John Adams(HBO历史剧)就是个迷你剧
No, I think John Adams was a mini-series
我不看是因为看它跟看书似的
I didn't watch because it looked like a book.
没有一个可信的证人你的案子就是一团糟
Look, without a credible witness, your case is a mess.
就像你的乒乓球技一样
Kinda like your ping-pong serve.
老天呐她太好闻了
Oh, my God. She smells so good.
那个牛油果核不是标准大小
That avocado pit was not regulation.
希望这话听着炫酷一点
Wish that had sounded cooler.
来吧 Terry 我们一起搞定这个案子
Come on, Terry, let's go save the day.
Carl 要一起吗
Carl, you wanna come?
不了谢谢 - 好的
No, thank you. - All right.
注意了
All right, listen up.
我们要找到这家伙更多的罪证而且事情紧急
We need more evidences on this guy and we need it quick,
所以没时间唧唧歪歪
so no time for chit-chat.
太阳打西边出来了你最爱唧唧歪歪
What's going on? You love chit-chat.
而且你的姿态也不正常
Yeah, also, your posture seems off,
看着竟然不错
like, it's good.
因为爷来真的了
Because I'm being serious
因为我不想让嫌犯逃之夭夭
because I don't want this perp to walk.
这和嫌犯没有关系
This isn't about the perp.
而是和这个女人有关系
It's about this woman.
Jake跟她上♥床♥了
Jake slept with her.
哇她好美
Oh, she's so pretty.
她看起来就像橄榄油瓶上印的女人
She looks like the woman on an olive oil bottle.
厉害啊 Jake
Way to go, Jake.
她是辩护律师
She's a defense attorney.
我的天哪你在逗我吗 - 逊
Oh, my God, are you kidding? - Boo!
嗨各位咱们别这么针对他
Hey, guys, let's take it easy on him.
谢谢你 Terry
Thank you, Terry.