神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E10

Part 3 Aug. 16, 2021, 3:04 p.m.

*重逢*
*Reunited...*
好我们就拆开它看看里面的东西
Okay, we just unwrap it, we see what's inside,
再完好无损地包回去
then we perfectly rewrap it.
我们父母绝对不会发现异常
Our parents never know what happened.
呃天哪你都出汗了
Ugh, lord, you're starting to sweat.
你会把包装纸弄脏的
You're gonna blemish the wrapping paper.
你蹭得太狠了
You're dabbing me really hard.
这样吧这事太麻烦了
You know what? This is taking too long.
让开蠢仔
Just scooch, you pooch.
你真是帅呆了
You are amazing.
你怎么做到的啊
How did you do that?
我总是提前打开自己的礼物
I always open my gifts in advance,
所以我才能事先把反应练熟
so I can rehearse my reactions
好在圣诞节的早上显得从容自若
and nail those Christmas-morning candids.
看好了
Check it out.
惊奇得很
Be-wonderment.
并不是很喜欢诶
Disbe-loving it.
惊喜纷呈
Sparkle-surprise.
不错哦 - 注意了
I like that. - Now focus up.
你♥爸♥送给我妈的是
Your dad got my mom...
电子体重秤这也太糟糕了
A digital scale? That's bad.
糟啊糟得大快人心
So bad, so wonderfully bad.
你♥爸♥也许还用了马克笔
Your dad might as well have circled all the parts
把我妈身上他不喜欢的部分圈出来了呢
of my mom's body he didn't like with a marker.
你就是这么对我的
You did that to me.
但一点用也没有
And it didn't help at all.
的确没有
Nope.
我妈一定会恨死这个礼物的
My mom is gonna hate this gift.
而且令她更加羞恼的莫过于
And she'd hate it even more
咱俩亲眼见证她打开礼物的瞬间
if we were both there when she opened it.
不如今晚咱们带上爸妈来次送礼晚宴吧
Should we do a gift exchange dinner tonight with both our parents?
好主意
Great idea.
说不定她会扇他一巴掌然后和他绝交呢
Maybe she'll slap him in the face and never talk to him again.
真心是精彩纷呈啊
Sparkle-surprise, for real!
三份风味焗龙虾意面和肉丸子
Three lobster thermidors, spaghetti and meatballs,
用炸薯球代替炸面包球的凯撒沙拉
Caesar salad with tater tots instead of croutons.
哦那个沙拉是我要的
Oh, that's me. Salad.
我在试着健康饮食嘛
I'm trying to eat healthy.
我听到了你的身体不可亵渎
I hear that. Your body is a temple.
好了我要搜查一下
All right, I'm searching it.
哇哇哇哇哇
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Peralta 你干嘛啊
Peralta, what you doing?
居然用手指头在我的饕餮上乱抹
Putting your fingers in my fancy feast?
什么
What?
我该怎么用一只龙虾逃走啊
How am I supposed to escape using a lobster?
把柠檬汁挤进我的眼睛里让我瞎掉
Squeeze the lemon in my eyes, so I can't see,
用龙虾钳子割开我的颈静脉
stab me in the jugular with a claw,
然后把龙虾尾巴捅进我的喉咙里
and then shove the tail down my throat,
让我不能呼救
so I can't scream for help.
我必须要盯住了你 Judy
I gotta keep my eye on you, Judy.
你这个人狡猾得很
You're a slippery guy.
好吧狡猾就狡猾
Fair enough. That I am.
但眼前的情况是我要尽全力帮你
But for right now, I'm all about helping you.
咱们就不能坐下来好好吃顿龙虾宴吗
So why don't you just chill and eat some sexy-ass lobster?
够了我们已经履行了所有承诺
Okay, we held up our end of the bargain.
换你给Ruiz发信了朋友
Text Ruiz now, friend.
好吧
Fine.
"Tito 点点点"
Tito, dot, dot, dot.
"在吗问号♥"
You around, question mark.
"我想见一面句号♥"
Wanna meet up, period.
语♥音♥输入咱们真是活在奇迹的时代里啊
Speech to text, we live in a magical age.
就像<摩登家族>一样
It's like The Jetsons.
摩登家族美国动画片讲述生活在高科技时代的一家人的故事
告诉你这个叫Tito的特别警惕外人所以
By the way, this Tito dude, he spooks real easy, so...
没戏你不可能一个人去
No, there's no way you're going in alone.
我们和你一起去
We're coming with you.
我已经编出自己的卧底身份了
I've already got my cover story worked out.
我叫做但丁·雷霆之石
My name is Dante Thunderstone.
我芳龄九岁时偷到了人生中的第一辆车
I stole my first car at the tender age of nine.
你不得不自力更生
You had to fend for yourself
因为你妈被闪电击中了
since your mother was struck by lightning.
而且她当时还怀着我
While she was pregnant with me.
她死了我却活了下来
She passed. I lived.
有的人说这样宙斯就是我爸了
Some say that makes Zeus my dad.
哟呵
Oh!
神神叨叨的
Mythic.
太屌♥了
That's dope.
还有 Rosa 你可以当我的老婆
And, Rosa, you could be my wife...
就叫Rosa
Rosa.
你干嘛带着老婆去和毒贩碰头
Why would you take your wife with you to meet a drug dealer?
因为我们干什么都要在一起啊
'Cause we're partners in everything we do.
好暖哟
Aw.
哇 Tito打算碰头了
Whoa. Tito wants to meet up.
好让他们来这里见咱们
Great, tell him to meet us over here.
我们请他穿着浴袍吃龙虾
We'll get him a lobster and a robe.
不不不我是说把他当场拿下
I mean no, let's go catch him in the act.
警长我担心死那个不叫礼物的礼物了
Sarge, I'm freaking out about my gift that's not technically a gift.
我已经习以为常了
Somehow, that doesn't surprise me.
发生了些糟糕的事情我现在手足无措
Something horrible has happened, and I don't know what to do.
Holt警监跟你提到过布鲁克林烤肉狂吗
Has Captain Holt ever told you about the Brooklyn broiler?
提到过呀纵火犯
Yeah. Arsonist.
烧毁了皇冠高地的12座建筑
Burned down 12 buildings in crown heights.
警监跟我讲过好几次
Captain's told me about it many times.
你烛尽光穷了
You flamed out.
肮脏小人
Dirt bag.
那个我觉得警监可能犯了个错误
Well, I think Captain may have made a... mistake.
你是什么意思
What are you talking about?
我正在给一些案子做后续调查
I was doing follow-up research on the case
打算做个"他们去哪儿"环节
for a fun "Where are they now?" Section,
但我觉得烤肉狂被指控的纵火案中
and I don't think the broiler set three of the fires
有三起不是他干的
he was charged with.
我必须告诉警监
I gotta tell the Captain.
你觉得他会不开心吗
Do you think he'll be upset?
应该不会吧
Probably not.
我是说他应该是那种谦虚的
I mean, he seems like the kind of laid-back guy
热心听取批评和建议的人
who delights in having his mistakes exposed.
你明年也许可以做一本关于他婚姻中灰暗时刻的剪贴簿
Maybe next year you can do a collage about low points in his marriage.
警长我知道你是在嘲讽我
I know you're being sarcastic, sarge,
但我真的很喜欢做剪贴簿
but I really do love making collages.
Ruiz的保镖
Ruiz's bodyguards.
准备好和他们亲密接触吧
Prepare to be touched in some real intimate places.
我啥也没带
I'm clean.
注意点
Watch it.
你从哪儿买♥♥的这鞋啊伙计
Where did you get those shoes, man?
他来了
There he is.
Tito 近来可好啊伙计
Tito, what's up, my man?
Doug Judy 他们是谁
Doug Judy. Who are they?
这是我的保镖 Selena
That's my bodyguard, Selena.
我们搞得水深火热
We're doing it on the D.L.
他床技一流我都怀孕了
He's an amazing lover. I'm pregnant.
喔赞
Oh, nice!
这是我的搭档但丁·雷霆之石
And this here is my partner, Dante Thunderstone.
举世无双的我
The one and only.
砰砰砰
Brrrat, brrrat, brrrat!
好 Judy
Okay, Judy.
如果想干活那就亮出真本事来
If we're gonna do business, I gotta see how good you really are.
这是个测验
This is a test.
去把那车给我撬开
Go Jack that car right now.
把家伙给他
Give him the tools.
没问题
No worries.
根本就是囊中取物