神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S08E01

Part 1 Aug. 16, 2021, 11:09 a.m.

神烦警探
2020年6月
你们俩有空吗
Hey, you guys got a sec?
我有事情要跟你们说
I need to talk to you about something.
你想说什么都先靠边站小罗
Whatever it is can wait, Rosie.
你绝对会想看这个
You're gonna want to see this.
提问新冠病毒造成的
Question, what is the number one problem
第一大问题是什么
with the coronavirus?
民众大量伤亡经济崩溃
Mass death, economic collapse,
病毒暴露了深入美国人生活核心的
the way the disease has exposed the systemic injustice
系统性社会不公
at the core of American life.
的确但除了你这些显而易见的紧随其后
Well, yes, obviously those, but after that,
就是如何跟朋友击掌的同时
it's how to high-five your friends
还保持1.8米的社交距离
while staying six feet apart.
这困扰全世界人的问题已经被解决
But now the world can stop their worrying
因为我们发明了新冠神掌
because we have created the COVID five.
有了这个装置你就能随时随地
With this machine, you can execute
从心所欲地与人击掌
any high five your heart desires.
先来个经典击掌
There's the classic.
来一点磨磨蹭蹭
Slip me some skin.
-轻拍我轻拍我 -我拍
- Sprinkle me. Sprinkle me. - Sprinkle.
-轻拍我 -我拍
- Sprinkle me. - Sprinkle.
[剪刀式也是女同性♥爱♥姿势名]
星战瓦肯人剪刀式
The Vulcan scissor.
-这招带劲 -对啊
- That's a bad one. - Yeah.
当然啦还有电影《壮志凌云》式
And of course, the need for speed.
真的是蠢到家了
Wow. That was impressively stupid.
值回票价吧
I know, right?
所以你前面想告诉我们什么来着
So what was it you wanted to tell me?
我就想告别一下
Just wanted to say goodbye.
我递了辞呈我要离开警队
I turned in my resignation. I quit the force.
什么
What?
哥们这是你目前最牛逼的一掌
Dude, that was by far the best five.
你要离开了吗
You're quitting?
2021年春季
敬桑迪亚哥警长一杯
To Sergeant Santiago.
你的产假因为疫情影响
You were on maternity leave longer than expected
比原先预期还长了许多
because of the pandemic,
但现在第一线人员都已注射完疫苗
but now that all first responders have been vaccinated,
你要归队了
you've returned.
-干杯 -干杯
- Cheers. - Cheers.
好没有感情的欢迎会啊你是在哭吗
Not exactly an emotional welcome back... are you crying?
他总是知道说什么能击中我的点
Oh, he just always knows exactly what to say.
她可真是老样子
She's consistent.
各位快说说我不在时发生的一切
So, guys, tell me everything that happened while I was gone.
你懂的希契科克
Well, as you know, Hitchcock retired
在他满足条件的那一秒就立刻退休了
the very first second he could.
没错
That's right.
我多一秒都待不住
I couldn't wait to get out of there.
你为什么总是要跟我们大家视频
Why are you always with us on FaceTime?
因为我想斯卡利啊
Because I miss Scully.
他现在比还在职的时候更有存在感了
He's more present than when he worked here.
-这一年可真是难熬 -没错
- It's been a terrible year. - True.
但你知道什么人更不好过吗
But you know what was rougher?
我国那些受到数百年迫♥害♥的
The hundreds of years of oppression
黑人人♥民♥ 而更惨的是
experienced by Black people in this country,
直到今日他们还一直受到压♥迫♥
oppression they still experience to this day.
为什么查尔斯说话像个播客博主
Why does Charles sound like a podcast?
因为我现在正在听
Oh, because I'm listening to one right now.
节目名叫《两害必有一白人反种族歧视课》
It's called "Two Wrongs Makes a White: Lessons in Anti-Racism."
你该庆幸解放黑奴纪念日那天你不在
Yeah, you're lucky you weren't here on Juneteenth.
你搞毛呢
What the hell?
知名白人女喜剧家曾因模仿碧昂丝黑人文化MV被骂
他搞了艾米·舒默那套
He went full Schumer.
文化挪用艾米
Cultural appropriation, Amy.
-她慢慢会懂 -乱挪用黑人文化的就是你
- She'll figure it out. - You're the one who did it.
那罗莎在哪
So where's Rosa?
这时间她应该要到了吧
Thought she'd be here by now.
我都跟你说了她不会来
I'm telling you, she's not coming.
打从她离开警队
Ever since she quit the force,
她就把我们警队看作黑人问题的一部分
she thinks we're just part of the problem.
她才没那么说呢
Oh, she never said that.
美国一名受到警♥察♥暴♥力♥执法而死的黑人
在视频流出后引起社会轩然大♥波♥
她在"乔治·弗洛伊德之死"后离队
She quit after George Floyd was killed
是因为她觉得离开警队去当私♥家♥侦♥探♥
because she thought that she could do more good
更能够帮助受到警♥察♥暴♥力♥执法的受害者
by becoming a PI that helps victims of police brutality.
完全跟我们无关好吗
That has nothing to do with us.
那为什么她离队后就再也没跟我们玩过
Then how come we haven't hung out at all since she quit?
开创新事业很费时费力嘛
Setting up a new business takes time.
她大概是忙到都没空找朋友了
She's probably too busy to see friends.
但我就有空跟朋友玩啊
And yet I have time to see my friends
还能当好父亲做好工作还能打好
and be a father and do my job and straight-up crush it
我游戏机上的《模拟山羊》游戏
at "Goat Simulator" on my Switch.
这没有什么好值得骄傲的吧
That's not something to be proud of.
当个好父亲不值得骄傲了吗小艾米
Being a father is not something to be proud of, Ames?
你真的变了好多啊
Wow. You've changed, dude.
总而言之我只想告诉你们
Look, all I'm saying is, I promise you
她今晚铁定是不会来了
she is not gonna show up tonight.
如果她来了我就给你们一人一千块现金
And if she does, I'll give each of you $1,000 cash.
-我跟你们保证 -大家好啊
- That's a promise. - Hey, everybody.
杰克的发言不具有任何法律效力
Jake's word is not legally binding.
任何与现金回报有关的言论呢
Any promise of cash reward is, of course,
都可以理解为做效果
understood as hyperbole.
罗莎我就知道你会来
Rosa! I knew you'd make it.
怎么样啊好兄弟
'Sup, my guy?
-什么鬼 -抱歉很久没见
- What? - Sorry. It's been a while.
我忘了我们以前怎么打招呼了
I forgot how we used to greet each other.
对了你酷炫的私♥家♥侦♥探♥新生意如何啦
Anyway, how's the cool new PI gig going?
没什么酷炫的我在共享办公室租了个位
Eh, it's not that cool. I have a desk at a WeWork
还得跟一个推特喜剧人分享
that I share with a Twitter comedian.
-真有意思 -但最近开始有客流了
- Oh, fun. - But I'm getting more clients.
今早才接到了新单
I just got a new job this morning.
有个女人受到74分局的两名警员袭击
A woman was assaulted by two police officers in the Seven-Four.
这也太惨了吧
Oh. Well, that's horrible.
等等 74分局吗我认识他们的警监
Wait, the Seven-Four. I know the captain there.
我转到99分局前他是我的警长
She was my sergeant before I transferred to the Nine-Nine.
我能帮你拉关系她可以帮忙
I could talk to her. She can help.
拉倒吧我不敢信
Nah, I doubt that.
警♥察♥系统偶尔也是有用的啦
You know, the system can still work sometimes
只要里面的好人出手就行
when good people are involved.
这就是你想帮忙的原因吗
Is that why you want to help,
帮警♥察♥系统重新得点分数
so you can make some point about policing?
我不是什么得分好手零秒出手
No. I'm not some point maker, shot taker,
让小妞们爽到双脚发抖
making girls hot like oats with Quaker.
喂你还饶舌三押啊
Hey, man, you're rapping.
一押起来我就停不住嘴
Yeah, I had to see where it was going.
你听我说我就是单纯想帮忙
Look, I just want to help out.
而且再跟你合作感觉也挺好玩的啊
Plus, it might be fun to work together again.
-我很想念你 -好吧
- I miss seeing you. - Hmm. Okay.
我明天跟委托人见面剩下的我短♥信♥发你
I'm meeting my client tomorrow. I'll text you the details.
太好啦杰克与罗莎组强势回归
Yes. Jake and Rosa are back!
你还好吗
You okay?
你脚抖到外面窗户都在震
Your leg shake is rattling the windows out there.
我因为霍特警监现在压力好大
I'm stressed. It's Captain Holt.
你一定不敢相信他对我说了什么
You won't believe what he said to me.
你好啊桑迪亚哥午餐吃得如何
Hello, Santiago. How's your lunch?
事情挺严重的对吧
Pretty bad, right?
他很有礼貌地问你午餐如何吗
That he politely asked you about your lunch?
那可是寒暄
It was small talk.
霍特警监总是说挚友无语凝咽
Captain Holt always says that true friends sit in silence.
寒暄对待过客与骗子
Small talk is for... Strangers and con men.
所以我现在是他生命中的过客了
So I'm a stranger now.
这是我去生小孩最恐惧的事