神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E12

Part 5 Aug. 16, 2021, 3:04 p.m.

I should go talk to him.
好吧 - 啥
Okay. - What?
我以为你会和我先争执一番
Really thought you were gonna fight me on that,
然后我们彼此反复争取这个机会
and then we'd have a whole back-and-forth,
最后你说"Jake 我很尊重你
and eventually you'd go, "Jake, I respect you",
但是还是我去吧"
but I got to do this."
不这事太难办了
No, it's uncomfortable.
还是你去吧
I'd much rather you do it.
好吧好吧
All right, fine.
我去了
Here I go.
你在原地踏步 - 好啦去啦
You're walking in place. - All right!
嘿我要赶紧回Marcus短♥信♥
Hey, I need to write Marcus back fast.
已经很久没回了
He's already freaked out by how long it takes me
他有点吓到了
to text him back.
听着 Rosa 这个世界上我最愿意做的事情
Listen, Rosa, there's nothing I'd rather do in my life
就是给你男朋友发调情短♥信♥
than write a sexy text to your boyfriend,
但是我觉得你应该自己去做这件事
but I think this is something you got to do on your own.
为什么
Why?
这种烂事你超擅长的我一点不会啊
You're so good at being lame, and I'm not.
是啊 - 听着我喜欢他
Yeah. - Look, I like him.
我真的喜欢他
I really like him.
我不想把这破事搞砸了
I don't want to screw this crap up.
这就是你应该说的
That's what you should say.
把这句话打上去去掉"破事"这个词
Just take that sentiment, remove the word "Crap,"
然后发给他
and then send it.
对没错
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
啊我发了
Gah, I sent it.
他没回他讨厌这句话
He didn't write back, so he hates it.
不等等看啊
No, wait. Look.
好了 "点点点"
Okay, oh, okay, "Dot, dot, dot."
来了
It's happening.
一张上半身的裸照
It's a shirtless pic.
我们做到了我们成功了
We did it. We did it!
谢谢你 Boyle
Thanks, Boyle.
好了我要走了别跟过来
Okay, I'm gonna leave. Don't follow me.
接下来就会比较紧张刺♥激♥了
Things are about to get intense.
有道理
Makes sense.
Ames
Ames.
Gina
Gina.
来看这个大脚怪
You got to see the sasquatch.
是不是你梦想的东西
Was it everything you drumpt?
梦想皆是由此筑成
It was the stuff drumps are made of.
你可以在天旋地转停止前扶着我的眼睛的
Can you hold my eyes still till things stop spinning?
行了坐起来吧
Okay, let's sit you up.
小心点
There. Easy does...
好了坐好啦
there... oh, there you go.
现在喝下这杯水
Now drink this entire glass of water.
你在照顾我诶
You're taking care of me.
反正你待会也不会记得
Just cause I know you won't remember it.
嗯哼不
Mm-mm, no.
你喜欢我
You like me.
六杯Amy是你的朋友
Six-drink Amy is your friend.
而且她觉得很不舒服很想吐了
And... and she's gonna be very sick right now.
好吧
Okay.
听到你在外面呢
I heard you were out here.
真的很讨厌喷水的玩意哈
Really hate those jets, huh?
我不是小孩不需要泡泡浴
I'm not a child. I don't need a bubble bath.
听着
So listen.
在你说话之前我想先和你道歉
Before you say anything, I want to say I'm sorry.
你道歉
You're sorry?
哇还好没让Terry捡到这个便宜
Wow, I can't believe I almost made Terry do this.
接受你的道歉
Apology accepted.
我太急于弥补
I was so eager to make up
那些我错过的集体活动了
for all the joshing around I'd missed,
我忘记这次假期是属于你们警探的
I forgot this getaway is really for you detectives.
这次假期中你们想远离的
And one of the things you're striving to get away from
包括你们的警监
is your captain.
是讲真这事不是针对你个人的
Yeah, I mean, it's nothing against you as a person.
大家都爱你
Everyone loves you,
但是你是我们的警监
but you're our captain,
通常我们都会一边开上司玩笑
and normally we get really drunk
然后喝得烂醉变得疯子一样
and act like crazy idiots and play stupid games
去玩那些很蠢的游戏
where we make fun of the boss.
当上司在场的时候就不好那样玩了
Which is hard when the boss is present.
是啊
Yeah.
但也不是不可能
But not impossible.
与其把我们提升到你的水平
I think instead of us rising to your level,
也许不如让你降低到我们的水平来
it's maybe time for you to stoop down to ours.
这就是我降低水平的开始
And that's just the start.
这个游戏叫"真假警监"
I call the game "Real Ray or Fake Ray?"
有一位特殊参赛选手加入我们
And joining us is a very special contestant,
他就是Ray Holt警监
Captain Ray Holt himself.
好了游戏规则是这样的
All right, here's how the game works.
我说一个句子
I will say a phrase.
你们来分辨是我编的
You tell me if I made it up
还是Holt警监在真实生活中
or if it's something that Captain Holt
确实对某个人说过这个词
actually said in real life to an actual human being.
我明白这个游戏的逻辑
I understand the logic of this game.
很好第一个句子
Great! Phrase number one:
"枉然地点亮蜡烛
"The futility of lighting candles
只为下一秒就吹熄
only to blow them out immediately
是我认为儿童生日派对不切实际性的一个原因"
is just one reason I find children's birthday parties impractical."
是警监 - 是警监说的
Holt. - That's Holt.
不是假的
Mm, fake.
我也觉得是假的
I say fake too.
我不记得说过这话是假的
I don't remember saying it, so it must be fake.
是真的
It was real!
在Terry女儿的生日派对上说的
To Terry's kids at their birthday party.
噢我现在记起了
Oh, I remember now.
再来一句再出下一题
Oh, do another one. Do another one.
好的第二句
All right, phrase number two:
"任何一个超过一秒半的微笑
"Any smile that lasts longer than a second and a half
都是骗子的诡计"
is a con man's ruse."
是假的这是假的
That's fake. That's a fake one.
我说过这话
I said it.
而且我真这么觉得
And I meant it!
噢
Oh!