神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E10

Part 1 Aug. 16, 2021, 3:04 p.m.

嚯嚯嚯圣诞快乐
Ho, ho, ho, Merry Christmas!
哇哦谢谢你好先生
Whoa, thank you, good sir!
精灵们至少今晚不会饿着了
The elves will not starve this night.
发现目标了吗 - 没有
Any sign of our bogie? - Negative.
你确定我们的目标会出现吗
Are you sure our guy's gonna show?
我的线人说他过去三天都走过这条路
My C.I. Said he walked this route exactly the last three days.
好吧但十分钟之后我们就要撤了
Fine, but in ten minutes, we're calling this.
我必须回摇♥头♥丸♥特遣队了
I have to get back to my ecstasy task force.
我们必须尽快抓到贩卖♥♥猪咯咯的主要人员
We have to bag a major giggle pig player soon,
不然他们就要解散我们了
or they're gonna shut us down.
嚯嚯嚯你有瓶朗姆酒呢
Ho, ho, ho, and a bottle of rum.
礼物诶
Presents!
天你真是不会扮圣诞老人
God, you're bad at being Santa.
我去 Jake九点钟方向
Jake, holy crap, 9:00.
庞蒂亚克大盗又名Doug Judy
The Pontiac bandit, aka Doug Judy.
好了圣诞老人冷静就像练习过的那样
Okay, Santa, stay calm, just like we practiced.
Judy快乐啊 Doug Judy圣诞先生
Merry Judy, Mr. Doug Judy Christmas.
妈的 - Peralta吗
Damn it! - Peralta?
不是
No!
洋葱圈袭击
Onion ring attack!
啊好油
Ah! Greasy!
纽约警♥察♥ 不准动
NYPD! Stop where you are!
拜托圣诞老人你怎么这么胖
Come on, Santa. Why are you so fat?
纽约警♥察♥ 都出去
NYPD. Clear out.
你在哪儿
Where are you?
啊 - 啊抓到你了
Ah! - Ah! Got you!
Doug Judy 你被捕了
Doug Judy, you're under arrest.
把手举起来
Put your hands in the air.
嘿 Rosa 圣诞快乐啊妹子
Hey, Rosa. Merry Christmas, girl.
闭嘴
Shut up.
看清楚孩子们
Take a good look, kids.
这就是淘气的下场
This is what happens when you're naughty!
所有人请注意
Attention, everyone.
节日是许多文化表达的途径
Holidays of many cultures approach.
现在正是欢庆的时刻
This truly is a joyful time.
这周五七点至九点请前往Shaw的酒吧
Join me for a festive winter party
和我一起参加冬季节日派对
at Shaw's bar this friday, 7:00 till 9:00.
有问题吗
Any questions?
早上还晚上
A.M. Or P.M.?
你自己琢磨吧
I'm gonna let you figure that one out.
还有我想重申一下我关于礼物的规定
Also, I'd like to reiterate my gift policy.
不准送
None allowed.
享受这个欢庆的季节吧
Enjoy this merry season.
同事们呐让我来向你们介绍
Good people of the nine-nine, I present to you
世界第七大奇迹
the seventh wonder of the world,
Doug Judy 又名庞蒂亚克大盗终于落网
Doug Judy, aka the Pontiac bandit, foiled at last!
好样的
All right!
哇你们真是谢谢
Wow, you guys, thank you very much.
好了够了 Judy
All right, that's enough, Judy.
这是我的时刻没你什么事
This is my moment. You are not to enjoy it.
我忍♥不住呀我替你骄傲
I can't help it. I'm proud of you.
你就像我的儿子一样
You're like a son to me.
又白又嫩的儿子
A white, crispy son.
你觉得这科学吗我是领养的吗
How would that even work? Am I adopted?
不是是你妈妈皮肤很白
No, your mother's just really pale.
白到几乎看不见
Almost invisible.
好吧
Okay.
总之我很抱歉要毁了你的庆祝时刻了
Anyways, it's a shame I gotta ruin celebration
我愿意和你们做笔交易从而摆脱罪名
by cutting a deal and getting out of here.
我们不会答应的对吧
Never! Right?
我只是说我可是认识很多知名的重罪犯呢
I'm just saying, I know a lot of real high-profile felons.
我可是个很有价值的告密者呢
Makes me a very desirable tattletale.
我们绝对不会和你合作的
We will never cut a deal with you,
尤其在发生了去年那件事之后
not after you screwed us last year.
详见第一季第十二集
你们难道不想要关于当地盗窃团伙的消息吗
You don't want any info on a local burglary ring, perhaps?
不够好
Not good enough.
正是警监
Testify, Captain!
那做假信♥用♥卡♥的人怎么样呢
How about a guy who makes fake credit cards?
没用 - 看到没 Judy
Negative. - You see that, Judy?
不管你说什么你都要进监狱
No matter what you say, you're going to jail.
那毒品呢
What about drugs?
你们听说过猪咯咯没
Y'all ever heard of giggle pig?
你知道什么
What do you know?
我们听着呢
We're listening.
不不不不不我们没在听
No, no, no, no, no, we're not listening.
我们听不见他讲话
We can't hear him.
所有人朝天上开枪
Everybody shoot your guns in the air.
Gina 你得看看这个
Gina, you need to see this.
噢 Charles 我不能收
Oh, Charles, I can't take that.
这显然不是现金而我的人生中没有
It's clearly not cash, and I don't have time
去退货的时间
in my life to return things.
我昨晚在我爸那儿找到这个的
I found this at my dad's place last night.
这是他要给你♥妈♥的♥
It's from him to your mom.
不
No!
是的
Yes!
Boyle 这太糟了
Boyle, this is bad.
我以为我们父母只是有了一♥夜♥情♥罢了
I thought our parents were just having a casual fling,
但礼物可就相当于老年人的三垒了
but presents is like old people third base.
不这可是一起擦屁♥股♥的阶段了
No, that's rubbing butts together.
什么 - 但这也很亲密了
What? - But this is very close.
Gina 他们可能认真了
Gina, they may be getting serious.
恶
Ugh!
你怎么敢这么说
Don't you dare say that!
你知道如果我们的爸妈真的在一起了
Do you know how disgustingly entangled our lives will be
我们的生活会多恶心多乱吗
if our parents turn into a real couple?
知道你以为我想让你和你妈
Yes! You think I want you and your mom
加入只属于我们爷们的含羞草早午餐吗
horning in on the Boyle boys mimosa brunches?
那是我们男人的时间
That's our guy time.
恶我们得搞清楚这个万恶的
Ugh. We need to figure out what is in
包裹里面是什么所以我们可以确定
this horrible package, so we can determine
他们处在男女关系的哪个阶段
where they're at in their relationship.
这如果是一本爱情小说或者
What if it's a romantic book or,
比方说一张裱起来的他们俩的合照呢
like, a picture of the two of them in a frame?
噢还可能是情侣睡衣
Oh, or "His and hers" Pajamas?
那种会在你嘴里融化的
The kind that dissolve in your mouth.
恶不不 Charles 太恶心了
Ew, no! No, Charles, ew.
所有胶带都跑这儿来了
So this is where all the tape went.
我要把我女儿画的这些画贴起来
I gotta put up this pictures my daughters drew.
而我也需要一点因为我把手划了
And I need some 'cause I cut my hand.
Hitchcock
Hitchcock!
去医院啊
Go to the hospital!
给一个医生一百块钱
And give 100 bucks to some doctor
换来一模一样的胶带吗
to give me the exact same tape?
我可不干
I don't think so.
哇这些是什么
Wow! What's all this?
我在给Holt警监做圣诞礼物
I'm making a Christmas present for Captain Holt.
我知道我知道
I know, I know.
他有严格的"不送礼"政策但我找到了个漏洞
He has a strict "No gift" Policy, but I found a loophole.
就像你去年那个漏洞吗
Like your loophole last year?
我正好要扔掉这个全新的壁球拍
So I was just gonna throw out this brand-new squash racquet,
但我又想 "嘿说不定警监会能用上"
but then I thought, "Hey, maybe the Captain could use it."
我不想要你的垃圾
I don't want your garbage.
不这是个很贵的礼物
No, it was a very expensive gift.
啊哈不出我所料
Aha, suspicions confirmed.
我问过警监什么才算礼物
I asked the Captain what qualified as a gift,
他回答我任何我花了钱的东西
and he said anything I spent money on.
于是我意识到我的时间分文不值
Then I realized, my time is worth nothing.
听起来你在炫耀但这话着实可悲
Sounds like you're bragging, but that's just a sad statement.
我在为他职业生涯的光辉时刻做剪贴簿
I'm making a scrapbook of his professional highlights.
剪报警方报告照片