神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E16

Part 3 Aug. 16, 2021, 3:05 p.m.

原来你就是Jake啊
Oh, you're Jake.
该死的下班后聊聊吧 Gerald
Damn it. What are you doing after this, Gerald?
我们的网络怎么了
What is wrong with our Internet?
每15分钟我都要备份数据
I like to back up my data every 15 minutes,
而现在每次居然用了17分钟
and it's taking 17 minutes per backup!
我的数据备份效率下降了
I'm in a data backup deficit.
难兄难弟啊我这视频都下载了一天了
We are in the same boat. I've been trying to load this video all day.
你居然在工作的时候看视频
You're watching videos during work?
我让他做的和一个案子有关
I told him to do it, sir. It's case-related.
"乌龟和鼠标的艳情故事"
"Turtle humps computer mouse."
呃乌龟是我们正在追捕的一个色狼的名字
Yeah, Turtle's the name of a local pervert we're chasing.
拜托 Hitchcock 能不能靠谱点
Come on, Hitchcock. Get it together.
上周你和Raymond交手的时候有发生什么事吗
So did anything strange happen when you and Raymond sparred last week?
没有如往常一样 Raymond擅长滑剑远击
No, as usual, Raymond was the king of the croise,
而我的弓箭步攻击也不赖
and I got in a few good raddoppios.
我们完全听懂了
So just a bunch of normal words.
你确定是上周三吗
Are you sure we're talking about last Wednesday?
确定自那起我就没见过他了
Positive. Haven't seen him since.
就再没见过了吗 - 对
You haven't? - Mm-mm.
抱歉我得走了借过一下
I'm sorry. I need to leave. Excuse me.
Kevin Kev
Kevin. Kev.
怎么了
What's going on?
Raymond对我说谎了
Raymond has been lying to me.
这周的三个上午他都骗我说在和Dan练习击剑
Three mornings this week, he told me he was fencing with Dan.
他为什么这么做为什么要骗我
Why would he do that? Why would he lie to me?
不知道也许和他的坏心情有关
I don't know. Maybe it's connected to his bad mood.
我的丈夫没有欺骗过我
My husband does not lie to me.
我就不该和你们进行这个调查
This investigation of yours was a bad idea.
我要回家和Raymond谈谈
I'm going home. I have to sort this out with Raymond.
再见 Peralta Linetti
Good-bye, Peralta. Linetti.
Linetti 别呀
Linetti? No.
我们本来可是互称名字的关系啊
We were on a first-name basis.
Gina 这下惨了 Kevin郁闷了警监肯定要生气
Gina, this is bad. Kevin's upset. Holt's gonna be angry.
我们要被炒了然后我就要孤独终老了
We're both gonna get fired, and I'm gonna die alone.
Jake 你为什么不能干点正事跳窗自尽呢
Jake, why don't you just do the right thing and jump out a window?
警监要是知道我在哀悼一位挚友的话一定不会炒了我
Captain Holt will never fire me if he knows I'm mourning the death of a close friend.
或者我们可以试试B计划解决掉这个问题
Or we could try plan B and just fix it.
你连A计划都还没实施过好吗
You never even tried plan A, though.
嘿和Kevin的调查进行得怎么样了
Hey, how'd it go with Kevin?
你愿意承认这一切都是你的错了吗
Are you willing to admit everything's your fault?
不 Amy 这一切并不是我的错
No, Amy, because none of this is my fault.
除了你今天介入了警监的生活
Except for how you meddled in the captain's life today,
并很有可能给他的婚姻带来了不可磨灭的影响
possibly causing repercussions in his marriage that could last a lifetime.
好吧这件事赖我
Yes, that is completely on me,
但Amy并不知道这个情况所以你还是错的
but, Amy, you didn't know that, so you were still wrong.
你们俩赶紧走吧
You two need to go.
你俩就不该在这儿
You're not supposed to be here,
此外警监出现了新的愤怒症状笑不停
and the captain's at a new level of anger: constant smiling.
简直太可怕了
It's horrible.
所有笑容都是可怕的但那个是毁灭级的
All smiling's horrible. This is worse.
我们在这儿是因为我要启动
We're here so I can activate
神圣的行政助理网络简单来说就是神助网
the Holy Network of Administrative Assistants,acronym HNAA.
我们这些高层助理可以时刻关注每位老大的动向
We high-level assistants keep track of what's going on with all the bosses.
羡慕吧 Amy
Jealous, Amy?
是呀我爱"上"她了
Yeah, I'd tap that.
网络那个她我指的是网络
Network. I'd tap that network.
大家都是这么说的
That's a thing people say.
才怪
Yeah? No.
年轻人我该说的都说了
I've answered all your questions, young man.
你还想怎么样
What more do you want from me?
我想让你跟Santiago说说
I'd like you tell Santiago about
你抢劫银行并暴♥力♥逃逸的事
the banks you robbed and how you get off on violence.
天哪 Boyle
What? Boyle, oh, my God.
你在干什么
What are you doing?
为什么举止这么怪异
Why are you being so weird about this?
Marvin Miller是有罪的而他却认为自己可以逍遥法外
Marvin Miller is guilty, and he thinks he can get away with it.
他还认为乘地铁应该改成骑马呢
He also thinks the subway should be horses.
我想说的是他已经很老了
He's old, is what I'm saying.
他记得他做过的每一件事
He knows exactly what he's doing.
你之所以戏弄我是因为我不如Terry那样有威慑力
He's messing with me because I'm not intimidating like Terry
也不如Jake那样严肃帅气幽默
or dignified like Jake or model-handsome like Jake or funny like Jake.
我也许会去儿童商店买♥♥鞋
Yeah, I might buy my shoes at a kids store,
也许会害怕鹅
and, yeah, I might be scared of geese,
但我仍然是个很棒的警♥察♥ 并且不会这么容易被骗
but I am a damn good cop, and I will not be made a fool of.
我要回到审问间里
So I'm gonna go into that room,
让那个欠揍的老家伙承认他的罪行
and I'm gonna get that lousy old geezer to admit on camera that he robbed those banks.
他刚刚死了
He just died.
什么
What?
听着我打听到了
Okay, here's what I learned.
局长的助理 Ryan 是假装染上单核球增多症的
The chief's assistant, Ryan, was only pretending to have Mono.
我要听关于Holt的事 - 好吧
Okay, Gina, about Holt. - Fine.
他本应该在9点30分与Ash副局长在击剑俱乐部附近见面
Apparently he was supposed to meet Deputy Chief Ash near his fencing club at 9:30,
但他在最后时刻取消了那次见面没说为什么
but he canceled at the very last minute with no explanation.
神助网又立功啦
HNAA does it again.
这么说在咖啡厅和击剑馆之间发生了什么
Okay, so something happened between fencing and coffee.
我们只要找出来是啥就行
We just have to figure out what.
说得对但是首先我们去问问Ryan
Totes, but first, let's check in with Ryan
如何假装单核细胞增多症的要是我能学会
on how to fake mono, 'cause if I can nail that...
颠覆世界啊
Ooh, game changer.
那么Holt警长离开了俱乐部往北走
Okay, so Captain Holt leaves fencing and heads north.
如果我们想搞定这个必须要换成他的思维
If we really want to do this, we got to get in his head.
要成为Holt警长
We have to be Captain Holt.
Gina 你好
Hello, Gina.
听起来如何
How does this sound?
Holt警长是你吗
Captain Holt, is that you?
不是是Jake模仿你的声音以假乱真
Oh, no, it's Jake nailing your voice exactly.
像吧
Right?
窍门就在掌握他一定会说的话
The trick is to find a key phrase you know exactly how he'd say.
他对我的口头禅 "Peralta 够了"
Mine is, "Peralta, that's enough."
Jake 说真的这都像得恐怖了
Seriously, Jake, this is getting scary.
一起吧我年轻聪慧的助手
Come with me, young, wise assistant.
这边走
Let us walk in this direction.
热狗我会停下来买♥♥吗
Oh, a hot dog. Would I stop?
不会的我不会停
Not for one of those, I wouldn't.
我去已经变成英国腔了
Damn it, it's morphing into British.
来句口头禅
Do your catchphrase.
Peralta 够了
Peralta, that's enough!
我一路走是有任务的我一路走是有任务的
And I'm walking with purpose. And I'm walking with purpose.
找到了
And bingo.
一扇门
A door.
跟<纳尼亚传奇>一样
It's a Narnia situation.
不是不过我喜欢这脑洞
No, but I love that.
是安全摄像头
It's a security camera.
要是Holt路过的时候发什么啥事
If something happened to Holt when he walked past here,
我们很快就能知道了
we'll be able to see it.
Peralta 你是天才
Peralta, you genius.
这听着不像他
Mm, that does not sound like him.
好了私人照片没有了
Okay, personal photos are down,
厨房♥光亮如新
kitchen is spotless,
我也让外面浑身银漆的霹雳舞艺人
and I got the silver-painted break-dancer outside
把他吵吵嚷嚷的音响挪到别处去了
to move his very loud boom box elsewhere.
你斗舞把他打败了 - 不是打垮了
You beat him in a dance-off? - No, I destroyed him.
这儿绝对没有再让Holt生气的东西了
There's absolutely nothing here that will set off Holt.
我想用照明火把加热燕麦粥的
I was trying to cook my oatmeal with a road flare,
但是它烧起来了
but it caught on fire.
为什么要用照明火把
Why are you using a road flare?
你说了厨房♥不准用
You said the kitchen was off-limits.
是啊都怪你警长
Yeah, this is your fault, Sarge.
快给我
Give me that.
我只是手拿照明火把
I'm just holding a road flare,