神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E01

Part 1 Aug. 16, 2021, 3:02 p.m.

痴呆老太
痴呆老太
愤怒的妓♥女♥
无主可疑背包
七岁男孩
七岁男孩
背景音乐是Chic的
背景音乐是Chic的
演唱歌♥曲为Billy Joel的
注意了注意了
Excuse me, excuse me.
嗨我叫Jake Peralta
Hi, I'm Jake Peralta.
多谢捧场
Alright, alright.
很高兴能在这里
So thrilled to be here today.
你们也都知道了我曾是个警♥察♥
As many of you may know, I used to be a cop.
不过一点都不清廉收了不少贿赂
And I was dirty. I took tons of bribes.
但是作为前任警探我对无期徒刑还是有了解的
But as a former detective, uh, I know a thing or two about life sentences.
Angie Marco 你们被宣判了最美好的无期徒刑
And, Angie, Marco, you just got slapped with the best life sentence there is...
婚姻
Marriage.
敬Angie和Marco 别让我们失望生个儿子
To Angie and Marco. Make us proud, have a son.
祝健康
Salute
这古铜色喷得好 Joey
I love the spray-tan, Joey.
让我拍张照
Let me take a picture of you.
我要把我的露台也刷成这个颜色
I wanna show this color to the guy who stains my deck.
恭喜你 Tony 难忘今宵啊
Congratulations, Tony. It's a beautiful night.
嘿我们是一家人了
Hey, you are one of us now.
你知道我等你们哪个老家伙亲我等多久了么
You know how long I've been waiting for one of you old men to kiss me?
他是个好孩子
He's a good kids.
我得说实话你们四个里 Vito吻技最好
I gotta say out of the four of you, I think Vito is the best kisser.
婚礼真美是吧
What a wedding, huh?
就是肉丸有点干
Although the meatballs were a little dry.
干肉丸那是Peralta的暗号♥ 我们上
Dry meatballs. That's Peralta's signal. Let's go.
快上
Let's go, let's go.
上上
Go, go, go, go.
谁都不要动双手抱头
Stay where you are. Hands on your head.
谁都别招都别招
Nobody say anything. Nobody talk.
把手给我放开你个
Put your hands off of me. You piece of...
嘿 Holt警监
Hey, Captain Holt.
好久不见还好吗
Long time no see. How you doing?
现在不是叙旧的时候 Peralta
This is not the time. Peralta.
这就对了
Oh yeah, That's the stuff.
真想念我们在一起的日子
I've missed us.
他来了他来了 Jake要来了
He's here. He's here. Jake's here.
我们来做个恶作剧
Okay, let's do the prank.
他一进门我们都装作不认识他
Where we don't even acknowledge him when he comes in.
嘘嘘大家别说话
Shh, shh. Everyone shh, shh.
我回来了
Back in the nine-nine.
Jake Jake Jake JAKE
Jake, Jake, Jake, JAKE.
好演技 Charles
Way to perfection, Charles.
我想死这个地方了
God I miss this place.
让我好好感受一下
Let me just soak it in.
对了斯蒂尔牌咖啡采指纹油墨
Oh yeah, Stil Coffee, fingerprint ink,
和Charles桌子里正在发酵的鬼东西
whatever Charles is fermenting in his desk.
豆子
Beans.
豆子一切都没变
Beans. It's like I never left.
好都跟我说说我都错过了什么
Alright, fill me in. Tell me evrything I missed.
说不了多久一共只发生了三件事
Won't take long. Only three things happened.
Terry磕了牙说话漏风了一整周
Terry chiped his tooth and had a lisp for a week.
挺豪了
Lithen up, Theven.
补豪意思我缩话很好笑吗
I'm thorry, did I that thomething amuthing to you?
汇达我你个彪子样的
Anthwer me! You thon of a bith.
第二件 Santiago和Boyle某天上班撞衫了
Number 2, Santiago and Boyle wore the same outfit to work one day.
怎么你穿得更好看
How does it look better on you?
还有自从Gina事件发生警监就把耳机禁了
And Captain banned headphones from the office due to the "Gina incident."
回顾得好
Great recap.
欢迎回来 Peralta
Welcome back, Peralta.
警监好
Captain.
大家都很忙
Everyone has a lot of work,
所以你只有两分钟时间叙旧
so you have exatly two minutes to share personal anecdotes.
从你进门开始算
Those two minutes began when you entered.
你现在还剩 12秒
You now have...12 seconds left.
接受挑战卧底生涯集锦暗箱操作了拳击赛
Challenge accepted. Undercover highlights: fixed the boxing match,
抽完一整根雪茄没有吐
smoked a whole cigar without vomitting.
和十个叫Sal的共处一室最后超级想念大家
was once in a room with ten guys named Sal and missed you all so very much.
大家回去干活吧
Everyone come back to work.
好的 Jake
Alright, Jake.
嘿还没来得及和你打招呼呢
Hey! So... haven't got a chance to say hi.
嗨 - 嗨
Hi. - Hi.
能私下聊一会儿吗
Can we talk in private for a sec?
好了
Okay. So,
现在只有我们俩我必须问你
Now that we are alone, I have to ask.
你逮捕了一个叫"子♥宫♥Joe"的罪犯吗
Did you arrest a perp named Joe Uterus?
哦天呐对的
Oh my God, yes.
我应该一见面就告诉你的
I should've told you immediately.
简直能进罪犯奇葩姓名堂了
Perp name Hall of Fame, right?
肯定的
Oh, yeah.
姓名堂最强新生代跟
First ballot. It's right up there
"屎Sylvester"和"舔♥阴♥Janet"
with Sylvester Stools and Janet Storkmuncher.
此外我还想说
But also, I just,
我知道我走前事情变得有点奇怪
I know we left things kind of weird.
你知道我说我喜欢你
You know. Me saying that I liked you
我依然和Teddy在一起
I'm still with Teddy.
恋爱的那种
romantic styles.
很好很好因为我是想说
Oh. Good. Good. Cause I was gonna say,
我知道我走前事情变得有点奇怪因为我说我喜欢你
I know we left things weird because I said that I liked you,
但那是搞错了你知道吗
but that was a mistake, you know?
面对即将开始的卧底任务我很紧张
I was nervous about going undercover.
我当时有点失去理智了你刚好在旁边所以
I think I just kinda freaked out and you were nearby, so...
我不是认真的
I didn't mean it.
但这是好事
But that's great.
很好
Good.
所以子♥宫♥Joe
Hey, so Joe Uterus.
犯了什么事
What did he do?
杀了一群流浪狗
Killed the bunch street dogs.
名字比故事有趣
Name is funnier than the story.
这有个痴呆老太
There's a confused old woman here
想找警探谈谈
wants to talk to a detective.
拜托
Oh come on!
又一个演习
Another drill?
你好
Hello!
我叫Atalie 我要报案
My name is Atalie, I'd like to report a crime.
所以我们每天都要来一次了吗
So we're just doing one of this every day.
都是你们的错别打马虎眼
Oh you got it. I know you got it.
我要拿回我的钱
I want my money.
为什么我们要搞这个
Why, are we doing this?
警监的命令
It's captain's orders.
我的名字叫Atalie Manhoi
My name, is Atlalie Manhoi.
我今年八十九岁来这里报案
I'm eighty-nine years old. And I'm here to report a crime.
没问题我们能帮助你
Not a problem, we can help you.
Atalie Manhoi
Atalie Manhoi?
八十九岁
Eighty-nine years old,
山羊胡一米九两百六十斤
goatee, six-three, two hundred and ninty pounds.
两百四的紧致身材好吗
Hey! This is tight two-fourty.
尊重Atalie一点
Show Atalie some damn respect.
嘿 Charles
Hey Charles.
Jake回来了你很兴奋嘛
You pretty excited about Jake being back?
是啊就像我小时候
Yeah. It's like when I was a kid
我祖母从医院回来了一样
and my grandma come home from the hospital,
比那还好因为Jake不是昏迷不醒
only better because Jake's not unresponsive.
每当你说话的时候
Every time you talk
我就会听到吃豆人死掉的音效
I hear that sound that plays when Pac-Man dies.
Charles 我在担心
Charles, I'm concerned that
你会告诉Jake那件事
you're gonna tell Jake about the incident.
不能让任何人知道我们上过床好吗
Nobody can ever know that we had sex, alright?
我花了好几年为自己塑造
I have spent years cultivating a reputation
只与自行车快递员或者更好的人上♥床♥的形象