神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E11

Part 2 Aug. 16, 2021, 3:04 p.m.

咱们有卫生间宠物了
We have a bathroom pet.
名叫Horace 它要么是个小老鼠
His name is Horace, and he's either a small rat
要么是个大蟑螂要么睡着了要么死透了
or a large cockroach, and he's either sleeping or dead.
日程是这样的
Here's the schedule:
八小时同时监视
Eight hours both on watch;
八小时我睡觉你监视
Eight hours I sleep, you watch;
八小时你睡觉我监视
Eight hours you sleep, I watch.
我订好闹钟了
I set an alarm.
还设了个完美的铃♥声♥
I made the perfect ringtone.
你听
Listen.
*今晚带我去监视*
*Stake me out tonight*
*抓到坏人之前我不会放你走*
*I don't want to let you go till we catch this guy*
哥喜欢
I love it.
好了我们准备了望远镜
All right, we got binocs,
相机夜视镜电脑以及
camera, night vision goggles, computer, and...
迷你篮球
Mini-basketball.
天呐我喜欢
Oh, my God, I love that.
我打篮球的难处就在于球大手小
My whole problem with basketball was big ball, tiny hands.
用了迷你篮球妈妈再也不用担心我打篮球了
Tiny ball, problem solved.
来耍一个
Oop me.
准备好了走起一二三
Ready? Ooping. One, two, three!
看着是不是像我感觉的那么酷
Did that look as cool as it felt?
你觉得有多酷
How cool did it feel?
各位这是我的侄子Marcus
Everyone, this is my nephew Marcus.
他刚来纽约
He's new in town.
找到住处前他先住我家
He's staying with me until he finds a place.
他31岁
He is 31.
你真不会调动气氛
You're a terrible hype-man.
你一定是Gina
And you must be Gina.
我听说过太多大家的事迹
I heard a lot about everyone.
我猜你是Amy Rosa Terry
I take it you're Amy, Rosa, Terry...
我是Jake 我俩都是Jake
I'm Jake. We're both Jake.
Scully和Hitchcock吧
Scully and Hitchcock.
我就是来Ray叔叔这儿拿钥匙的
Hey, well, I just came to get the keys from my uncle Ray.
大家回去工作吧
Let everybody get back to work.
很高兴见到大家
Nice meeting you. Pleasure.
拜拜
Bye.
我滴个亲娘啊
Holy Moses.
拜拜 - 怎么了
"Bye"? - What?
以你的标准这相当于走过去
For you, that's basically walking up to him
激吻他到喉咙深处了
and jamming your tongue down his throat.
闭嘴
Shut up.
Gina 你够了
Yes, Gina, that's enough.
好吧抱歉
You're right. Sorry.
是过火了
Too far.
但是我说句跑题的话
But let me just add one little thing off topic.
Rosa想上了你侄子
Rosa wants to bone your nephew.
*今晚带我去监视*
*Stake me out tonight*
*抓到坏人之前我不会放你走*
*I don't want to let you go till we catch this guy*
这个睡眠呼吸面具真是奇怪啊
That sleep apnea mask is something else, huh?
不得不说
I got to say,
自此有个这位美女 - 美女
ever since I got her... - Her?
她会碰到我的嘴唇 Jake
She touches my lips, Jake.
所以是美女
She's a her.
自从我戴上了她
And since she took up residence on my face,
我就睡的特别香
I sleep like a baby.
好吧
Okay.
嗯你睡觉的时候
Well, while you slept,
藏匿窝点有了点动静
there was some action at the drop site.
一辆蓝色轿车停在了对面
A blue sedan pulled up.
我拍到了车牌和司机
I got the plates and the driver's face.
另外这家伙就是藏匿窝点的主人
Also, this is the guy who runs the drop house.
我叫他"沙滩伞男" 因为他看着很"阴"
I call him "The beach umbrella" Because he looks so shady.
噢
Oh.
嘿我有个请求可能怪了点
Hey, this is a kind of weird request,
但是你能不能嚼东西的时候
but would you maybe mind chewing your nortfluskers
把嘴闭上呢
with your mouth closed?
不能但我很乐意告诉你为什么
I can't, and I'm excited to tell you why.
我新养成了一个饮食习惯
I have a new eating method.
我发现张嘴嚼会氧化食物
I realized that open mouths oxygenate the food,
就和品酒的原理差不多
so it's kind of like wine tasting.
我懂你的意思伙计
And I hear you, buddy.
我明白
I really do.
只是吧看着很恶心
It's just... It's pretty gross,
所以咱俩一起的这段时间
so maybe just while we're together,
你能不能闭上嘴嚼
you could keep the old chewer shut?
好吧但是我都没抱怨你吃的多恶心
Okay, but I don't complain about how gross your meal is.
煎饼配黄油加枫蜜怎么恶心了
What's gross about pancakes with butter and maple syrup?
你盘子里完全没有煎饼
You've completely abandoned the pancake part.
你现在就是吃黄油枫蜜呢
Now you're just eating butter with syrup on it.
是啊我不吃碳水化合物了
Yeah, I cut out the carbs.
这是我健康的吃法
This is me being healthy.
行那我们就分开去不同角落吃吧
Okay, well, maybe we just eat in separate corners of the room.
好啊我喜欢这个办法
Great. I love that plan.
等下那是单独空间
Wait! That's alone zones.
我们不需要单独空间
We don't need alone zones.
我们很好没有吵架
We're fine. We're not fighting.
我们很好吃你的黄油蜂蜜吧
We're great. Eat your butter-syrup.
是啊张嘴嚼吧
Yeah, keep that chew hole open.
*今晚带我去监视抓到坏人前我不放你走*
*Stake me out tonight I don't want to let you go till we catch this guy*
换班了爱死这歌♥了
It's a shift. Love this song.
我都记不起原歌♥词了
I can't even remember the original lyrics anymore.
黑色越野车女司机
Black SUV, female driver.
她穿了一身单调的颜色
She's wearing a lot of drab colors,
我们叫她"孔雀女士"吧
so we'll call her Mrs. Peacock.
雄孔雀身上颜色较鲜艳
Male peacocks are the colorful dressers.
天怎么人跟孔雀正好相反呢
God, how did humans get it so backwards?
千古谜题 - 嗯
We may never know. - Mm-hmm.
听着关于咱俩差点需要隔离的事
Hey, listen, about our alone zone close call...
那个啊没事的
Oh, that... It's not a big deal.
我们不会吵架的咱俩从来不吵
We're not gonna start fighting. We never fight.
对啊太对了 - 嗯
Yeah, totally. - Yeah.
我也是这么想的
That's what I was thinking.
为了安全起见我们可以
But just to be safe, we could write down
把对方讨厌的行为写下来
some of each other's annoying behaviors
我们想禁止的懂吗
that we want to be off-limits, you know?
我们可以叫它"万万不可做"
We could call it "The no-no list."
噢我喜欢
Oh, I love it.
好吧下面是我列的清单
Okay, so here's what I've got for you.
不要张嘴嚼东西
No eating with your mouth open.
讨论过了
We knew that.
不许学牙买♥♥加腔调不许背诗
No rasta-man voice, no reciting poetry,
不许跳交际舞不许学鸟叫不许做男士凯格尔运动
no ballroom dancing, no bird calls, and no male kegels.
凯格尔运动一种增强骨盆底肌肉的运动用于提高性福指数
我能偷着做吗像这样
Can I do my kegels secretly? Watch this.
你都看不出我在做
You'll never know I'm doing them.
我绝对看得出
I can definitely tell.
就这些看看我的"万万不可"吧
All right, give me my no-no's.
好的不许黄油配枫蜜不许提虎胆龙威
Okay, no butter-syrup, no talking about Die Hard...
好没问题
Okay. I can do that.
第二部第三部也不行
Or Die Hard two or Die Hard three.
什么别这样
What? Come on.
你想听我提第四部吗
So you just want me to talk about the fourth one?
还有第四部吗 - Charles
There's a fourth one? - Charles!
不许因为我没看过虎胆龙威而歧视我
No judging me for not knowing the Die Hards.
行行还有吗 - 嗯
All right, fine. What else? - Okay.
不许就着罐子吃蛋黄酱
No eating mayonnaise straight from the jar,
不许用我牙刷
no using my toothbrush.
就这些
And that's it.
Jake 这个"万万不可做" 像扣篮一样爽
Jake, this no-no list, it's a slam dunk.
让我爽一个