神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S02E04

Part 4 Aug. 16, 2021, 3:02 p.m.

Please, I'm begging you.
规矩就是规矩我无能为力
Rules are rules. I can't do nothing for you.
拜托别关窗户
Please, don't shut the window,
别关窗户等等
don't shut the window, just don't...
你赢了
You got it!
我放弃了我现在要
Just gonna give up on this and
什么鬼花招都不尝试直接乖乖回家
head straight home without trying anything else.
围网上风景真好
look at the view from up here.
我们这居然还临湖呢
I didn't know we were near a water!
真棒
Perfect!
我还能打赢那个赌
I can still win the bet.
我还能打赢
I can still win...
别不要啊
No, no...
住手啊啊啊啊
Nooooooo!!!
站住不许动
Freeze! Don't move!
好吧我有一丁点的几率要输了
Oh yeah, there is a tiny chance I may not win this bet.
老实交代马上
Talk. Now!
你怒气外露了
You seem upset.
好吧事情的经过是这样的
Well, here's how the story goes:
还记得咱打的那个万圣节小赌不
Remember that little Halloween that bet we made?
你八成不记得了
You probably don't even remember.
毕竟已经是今天早上的事儿了
It was so early this morning.
不论如何吧我发现
Any whozzle, it turns out
我派去摘你表的小偷不太靠谱
the criminal I hired to lift your watch was not trustworthy.
接着我染上了脚界肺结核
And I ended up contracting tuberculosis of the foot.
还搞丢了你的临终赠表
and subsequently, losing your death watch.
不过到头来我还是觉得
But, in the end, I'd like to think
这件事让我们的关系更加亲密了
this thing is going to bring us closer together and
这才是一切的意义所在嘛
isn't that what's really all about?
圣诞快乐
Merry Christmas!!
你在说什么
What are you saying?
我的表就在这里
My watch is right here.
不我把你的表换了这是个赝品
No. I made a switch; that's a fake.
不
No.
这个才是赝品
This one is a fake.
啥
What?
不
No.
你怎么
What?
不对呀
No...
到底怎么
What?!
不可能啊
No...
这整件事都是你一手策划的
You were behind all this?
你耍了我
You played me.
像Franz Blenheim耍笛子一样耍了你
Like Franz Blenheim plays the flute.
但你是怎么做到的
But how?
这次盗窃我都计划了三个月了
I've been planning this theft for three month.
我知道但是我可是计划了
I know. But I have been planning it
一整年
for a year.
去年万圣节你赢了我之后
Last Halloween, after you won the bet,
我说回办公室去做文书工作
I went back to my office to do everyone's paperwork,
但是我其实没做
but I did no paperwork,
我在那准备我的复仇计划
I started to plot my revenge.
从"云算计"开始
And begin by creating word cloud!
但你怎么可能知道我会想偷你的表
But how could you possiblely know that I'm gonna try to steal your watch?
我知道你会选一样对我很重要的东西
I know you would try to take something important to me.
过去这一年我都在设法让你注意到我的手表
During the year, I drew your attention to my watch.
你迟到了八分钟
You are eight minutes late.
你迟到了十四分钟
You are fourteen minutes late.
你早到了三分钟
You are three minutes early,
按照芝加哥时间算的话
in Chicago.
芝加哥与纽约属于不同时区比纽约晚一小时
你用烦死我的手段引诱我去偷它
You annoyed me into stealing it?
没错
Exactly.
你有了目标之后
Now you had a target,
还需要一个计划
but you needed a plan.
幸运的是那个计划被Diaz铐进了警局
Fortunately, it walked through the door, handcuffed to Diaz.
这个混♥蛋♥扒手 Dan McCreery
This scumbag pickpocket, is Dan McCreery
他能从任何人那里偷走任何东西
He can take anything off anyone.
任何东西任何人
Anything? anyone!
当时你的表情可真有意思
Look on your face! Priceless.
我马上把McCreery招进复仇计划
I put McCreery into my employee, immidiately.
快进到今早你开始行动
Fastforward to this morning, you commenced your plan.
McCreery偷了我的表换了一块假的
McCreery stole my watch and then replace it with the replica.
在你庆祝的时候他又把手表塞回了我的口袋
And while you celebrate it, McCreery put my watch back in my pocket.
从始至终那块表一直在我身上
The watch never left my person.
嗒嗒嗒
Da-da-da.
看得出来你很享受这件事
I can see that you enjoy this.
不如第二阶段享受了
Not nearly as much as I enjoy phase two.
还有第二阶段
phase two?
你们和McCreery接头的时候
While you met with McCreery,
Santiago搬了一个消防栓到你们车子前面
Santiago placed fire hydrant in front your car,
然后把你的车拖走了
when she then towed it.
然后我得把Charles弄走
Next, I had to take Charles out of equation.
他有枪有警徽而且愿意为你做任何事
He got badge, got gun, and he will do anything to help you.
闯进醉醺醺的游♥行♥队伍里之后你们俩分开了
Enter up a parade of drunks that seperate the two of you,
这段时间足够让Terry把Charles绑走了
long enough let Terry to kidnap Charles.
然后两只熊把饮料撒你身上顺手偷走了你的钱包
Then two bears spill the drinks on you and stole your wallet.
那两只熊是Scully和Hitchcock
Those bears, Scully and Hitchcock.
头套脱不下来了
I can't pull my head off.
如果Terry绑走了Charles
If Terry kidnaped Charles,
那Charles是怎么告诉我去派对巴士的
how did Charles tell me to get on the party bus?
八个月前的一次早会
Eight month ago, at a morning briefing,
我告诉大家有一群扒手盯上了派对巴士
I told the squad that a group of thieves was targeting party buses.
那时候我录下了Charles说
So I could recall Charles saying
Jake 派对大巴上去吧
Jake, party bus, tuto, get on board.
我就知道Boyle不会故意背叛我
I knew Boyle would never knowingly to betray me
你没穿着制♥服♥的时候虽然看起来不像警♥察♥
With your jacket and shoes gone, you didn't look like a cop,
但警徽还在你身上
but you still had your badge.
直到你上了派对巴士
That is, until you entered the party bus.
Rosa的猫咪舞吸引你注意力时
Rosa's feline dancing distracted you
一个神秘的派对伙伴偷走了你的警徽
as a mysterious partier stole your badge on...
在万圣节这天
Halloween.
面具人是你你个狡诈的小贱♥人♥
It was you in the mask, you sly son of bitch.
干得漂亮
Well done!
不过我最后有个问题
But I do have to ask,
扣我车的那些人真的砸了我的车吗
those guys at the impound, do they really smash my car?
没有我还让他们帮你洗了车
No. In fact, I had them wash it.
真逗啊警监车子怎么能洗呢
Good one, captain. You can't wash a car.
你是怎么说服全部人都帮着你骗我的
So how did you convince the whole squad to betray me?
你给了他们什么好处
What did you offer them?
我问他们想不想看你出丑
I ask them if they want to embarrass you,
每个人都坚定地点了点头
and they instantly say yes.
不瞒你你这话让我起性致了
I'm not gonna lie that turns me on a little bit.
除了五周免费加班我想你还欠我一件事
So in addition to the five weeks of free overtime ,I believe I'm owed one more thing.
是的开始吧 - 等等
Yes, here we go. - One second.
哈喽
Hi!
好吧 Raymond Holt警监
Very well. Captain Raymond Holt
你是个很棒的警监以及
you are an amazing police captain slash
天才
genius
哇噢
Wow!
但你小心点这一秒我已经开始计划明年的万圣节了
But be warned, I started planning next year's heist just this minute.
不错那你只落后了三个月而已
Good. Then you're only three month behind.
你这个杀千刀的大混♥蛋♥
You sick son of bitch!
嘿别这么难过
Hey! Don't look so sad.
没有你板潮就是个没有灵魂的舞蹈团
Floorgasm is just a rudderless dance ship without you.
我会管她们叫白♥痴♥集团
I would have gone with Flock dumb dumbs.
我找过警监了
I talked to the captain.
我们会一起帮你计划时间
We all gonna pitch in and help you manage you times
这样你就可以兼顾上学和跳舞了
so you can pursue dance and school.
而且我愿意免费当你家教
And I'd like to volunteer my time to tutor you for free.
呃这个我残忍♥的拒绝
Ugh, a hard pass on that.