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Previously on "Brooklyn Nine-Nine"...
神烦警探 前情提要
I'm being transferred to the public relations office.
我要被调去公共关系办公室了
I am leaving the Nine-Nine effective immediately.
我将马上离开99区
Hello. I'm your new commanding officer,
大家好 我是你们新上任的指挥官
Captain Seth Dozerman.
Seth Dozerman 警监
My motto is simple: Efficiency, efficiency, efficiency.
我的格言很简单 效率 效率 效率
Could probably just say it once.
其实说一次就可以了
Are you making fun of my stutter?
你在嘲笑我的口吃吗
Oh, uh...
啊 这样啊
Tricked you. I don't have a stutter.
骗到你了吧 我没有口吃
Boom, I've already established my authority
瞧 我已经通过我不一般的幽默感
through my amazing sense of humor.
建立起了威信
Well done, sir.
很棒 先生
Welcome to the Nine-Nine.
欢迎来到99区
I'm Sergeant Terry Jeffords.
我是Terry Jeffords警长
And I'm not interested.
不感兴趣
I have no use for people
我不需要用人
I find people weird and confusing.
我觉得人类奇怪又令我困惑
I live my life by numbers.
生活中我只会用到数字
You see this watch?
看到这只手表了吗
It tells me how many calories I burn at any time.
它可以随时告诉我消耗的卡路里数
Question, how many calories do you think I burned
你们觉得我从那里走到那里
walking from there to there?
消耗了多少卡路里
You, female closest to me.
离我近的女的 你来说
Oh, uh, three?
呃 呃 3
Three? Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!
3吗 啊哈哈哈哈哈哈哈哈
Try 0.8, numbnuts.
是0.8 傻子
I have made promises to my superiors
我已经向上级做出了
that I most certainly cannot keep.
我不能实现的保证
That's why I need you idiots to work twice as hard.
所以我需要你们这些蠢子们加倍努力地工作
No, no, strike that. Four times as hard.
不不 我重说 加加倍地努力
No, no, no, strike that.
不不不 我再重说
I need you morons to work eight times harder
我需要你们这些白♥痴♥比起你们以前
than you've ever worked in your entire life!
任何时候都加加加倍地努力
I'm having a heart attack.
我心脏病犯了
Yeah, I'm having a heart attack.
是的 心脏病犯了
Get back to work.
回去工作吧
Get a doctor!
快叫医生
Yeah, I'm just gonna make some copies in here.
我就在这儿复印些东西
Perfect cover. Nailed it.
完美的掩护 漂亮
So apparently, the new captain survived,
新警监抢救过来了
and his heart attack... not the craziest thing
还有他的心脏病 并不是今天发生在警局里
that happened at the precinct today.
最疯狂的事情
We kissed, like, three hours ago.
我们三小时前接吻了
Yes, we did kiss each other for reals.
是的 我们确实接吻了 真接了
For reals, reals.
真的 接了
Listen.
听着
I know you said you don't want to date cops,
我知道你之前说你不想跟警♥察♥约会
but I really like you.
但我真的很喜欢你
I like you too.
我也喜欢你
Good.
那好啊
But what if we start dating
但万一我们开始约会了
and it makes things weird at work?
然后一起工作就变得很尴尬怎么办
So let's just keep it light and breezy,
那我们就保持轻松愉快
see where it goes.
看看会发展成什么样
Totally. Yeah.
行 很好
So how do we keep it light and breezy?
所以怎么保持轻松愉快呢
I know. A comprehensive set of rules.
我知道了 一套综合规则
How am I attracted to you?
我怎么会迷上你的
Doesn't matter. I am. Go.
不重要 反正迷上了 说吧
Rule one, let's not tell anyone
第一条 不告诉任何人
so we can figure out what this is first.
先让我们自己弄清楚我们的状态
Smort. Rule number two,
机智 第二条
let's not put labels on it.
我们不要给关系定性
We're not boyfriend and girlfriend;
我们不是男女朋友关系
We're just "Mrmmzeep" And "Jinglebin."
我们只是 说不清的关系
Great. Rule number three,
很好 第三条
let's not have sex right away.
咱们先不上♥床♥
Cool, cool, cool, cool, cool, cool...
行 行 行行行行行
No doubt, no doubt, no doubt, no doubt.
当然 当然 当然当然
Good rule. No sex, good rule.
这条好 不上♥床♥ 说的好
So should we go out tonight?
我们今晚出去玩吗
Yeah, totally.
行 当然
Maybe 8:00, maybe 9:00. Doesn't matter.
8点也行 9点也行 无所谓
We're light and breezy.
我们轻松点
Totally light and breezy.
当然非常轻松愉快
No!
不
Briefing room.
简报室
Five minutes.
5分钟之后到
Wow, very chill.
哇 真是放松
Wuntch.
Wuntch
Hello, Raymond.
你好 Raymond
You're looking old and sickly.
你看起来又老又弱
So nice of you to greet us, Madeline.
你能来迎接我们真好 Madeline
I thought surely you'd still be crushed under that house
我以为你还被压在
in Munchkinland.
Munchkinland的房♥子下面呢
Sticks and stones, Raymond.
你说这话伤不到我(直译为棍棒与石头)
Describing your breakfast?
那是什么 你的早餐吗
I came out as a gay cop in the 1980s,
我20世纪80年代就以同性恋警♥察♥的身份出柜了
so it's gonna take more than reassigning me
所以只是把我调职还不至于
to break my spirit.
摧毁我的意志
I'll turn this place around just like I did the Nine-Nine.
我会把这里像对99区一样整顿好的
I doubt that.
我不信
Everyone, this is your new commanding officer,
各位 这是你们的新指挥官
Raymond Holt.
Raymond Holt
He's going to be with you for a long, long time.
他会跟你们一起工作很久 很久的
Thank you, Chief Wuntch.
谢谢 Wuntch局长
I'm excited to be back.
能回来我很高兴
I look forward to doing meaningful work
我很期望能完成一些有意义的工作
beginning with my eight-point plan for community engagement.
从我的八点团队协定条例开始
Wonderful.
很好
But no new initiatives
但在你完成正在进行的
until you finish the meaningful work
有意义的工作前
that's already in progress here.
不能定新的协议
Could be a while, Raymond.
可能要花些时间哦 Raymond
They're trying to come up with a name
他们打算给纽约警署的新鸽子吉祥物
for the NYPD's new pigeon mascot.
起个名字
Oh, no.
哦 不
What? Naming a pigeon?
什么啊 给鸽子起名
How long could that possibly take?
这能花多长时间啊
They've been at it for months.
他们已经想了好几个月了
I love my life.
我爱死我的生活了
Holy Moses, he's alive.
我的天啊 他还活着
So I want to explain what happened back there.
我想解释一下刚刚发生的事
I did not have a heart attack.
我并不是心脏病发作
The doctors have informed me
医生跟我说
that I have a genetic heart condition.
我有遗传的心脏问题
My aortic valve is 16% too narrow,
我的主动脉瓣比正常要窄16%
which lowers my life expectancy from 103 to 6♥4♥.
所以我的预期寿命从103岁降到了6♥4♥岁
So sorry, sir. That's terrible.
抱歉 长官 这太不幸了
Yes, it's depressing.
是的 是很沮丧
They also informed me that I carry the gene for webbed feet,
他们还告诉我我带有蹼足的隐性基因
which is interesting, more than anything else.
比起其它来说 这还挺有趣的
But, uh, when you stare death in the face,
但是 当你面对死亡的时候
as I have, it really puts things into perspective,
像我刚刚一样 你会真的换一种角度看问题
namely that I've been wasting too much of my time
比如 我浪费了太多的人生
farting around!
无所事事
So that stops now!
这必须现在就停止
Say good-bye to the fun, hilarious,
所以请你们和曾经热爱的
laid-back Seth Dozerman
有趣的 幽默的 轻松的
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