神烦警探

Brooklyn Nine-Nine S03E11

Part 2 Oct. 2, 2020, 9:39 a.m.

for up-and-coming detectives.
针对上进警探的辅♥导♥项目
It's called "Star Achieving Mentors,Star Achieving Mentees,"
叫"星级导师星级弟♥子♥"
Or SAM-SAM for short.
简称"星师星弟"
Would you write me a recommendation?
你能帮我写封推荐信吗
Of course I will.
当然
You'd be great.
你会很棒的
Thank you, Sarge.
谢谢你警长
All right, everyone.
好了大家
Pay attention.
注意
Santiago, I'm gonna come at you,
Santiago 我要来攻击你了
and you're gonna take me down.
你得制♥服♥我
You better impress me if you want
如果你想让我写篇好推荐信的话
that recommendation to be good.
你现在最好让我惊艳一下
I'm gonna try, Sarge.
我会尽力而为的警长
All right, here we go.
好的来吧
Oh, no, no! My nose!
哦不我的鼻子
My nose! You broke my nose!
我的鼻子你打断了我的鼻子
Oh, there's so much blood!
流了好多血
I'm so sorry!
非常抱歉
Get me a towel!
拿块毛巾来
Okay, all right.
好的好的
And that's what you get
这就是你骗人
for lying about free strudel.
说有免费点心的后果
Karma's a bitch.
你逃不过报应
Get out of here, Scully!
滚开 Scully
Case closed, justice served.
真♥相♥大白正义伸张
Peralta amazing-oh, God.
Peralta最棒哦天哪
Oh, no, no...
不不
Charles, Charles!
Charles Charles
Your ex-wife is here.
你前妻来了
Eleanor?
Eleanor
The destroyer of worlds?
那个世界毁灭者
Why? Maybe it's nothing bad.
她为什么会来可能没什么坏事儿
Maybe some of your mail got sent to her house.
可能只是你的信寄到她家去了
Oh, God, I hope not.
哦天哪我希望不是
If that happened, she would be livid.
如果是那样的话她会火冒三丈的
Oh, well, just don't assume the worst.
哦那我们别假设是最坏情况
That's all I'm saying.
我就随便一说
Then why did you bring up the mail thing?
那你干嘛要提信那档子事儿
I don't...
我不
Hello, Chunk.
你好胖墩儿
Heard you want your sperm.
听说你要你的精♥子♥
You gonna have to go through me.
你得通过我这关
Oh, no, this is way worse than the mail thing.
哦不这比信糟糕多了
What mail thing?
什么信
Nothing. There's no mail thing.
没事没什么信
There's no mail thing. But it's my sperm.
没什么信但是那是我的精♥子♥
How did you even find out I wanted it?
你怎么发现我想要它的
Because the account's under my name.
因为账户是在我名下
Storage facility called me saying
贮存机构打电♥话♥给我
that you were looking to make a withdrawal.
说你想取出精♥子♥
So I went ahead and withdrew it for you.
所以我先去帮你把它取出来了
I have all of your sperm.
我手上有你所有的精♥子♥
But you don't even care about it, Eleanor.
但是你又不在乎它 Eleanor
I mean, remember?
我是说你记得吗
"Oh, hey, Charles,
嘿 Charles
"I'll never have a baby with you
我永远不会和你生孩子的
"Because I don't love you,
因为我不爱你
and a child's not gonna fix that!"
孩子也没办法补救
Oof, when he started doing the silly voice,
他刚开始用那个愚蠢的声音说话的时候
I thought it was gonna be more fun, but...wasn't.
我还以为会很好笑但是不好笑
Well, I do not want your DNA.
我不想要你的DNA
I want something else.
我想要点别的
I hit some dumbass with my car.
我开车撞了一个蠢货
Now he's suing me.
他现在在告我
What I want is for you to use your badge
我想让你用你的警徽
and your gun to intimidate him into dropping the case.
和枪吓吓他让他放弃起诉
Wow. That is so very illegal.
哇那可是违法行为
He's not doing that.
他不会干的
I don't care.
我不在乎
You have 48 hours to do so,
给你48小时最好照我说的做
or I'm gonna take your sperm,
不然我就拿走你的精♥子♥
and I'm gonna dump it into the East River.
把它全部倒进东河里
Please don't do that.
拜托不要这么做
And there will never be
这样以后再也
the possibility of a little pie-faced Charles Boyle, Jr.
不可能有一个长着呆圆脸的小Charles Boyle了
Proud of it; it's me.
我很自豪我就长这样
She can't do that.
她不能这么做
Can she do that?
她能这么做吗
Stay calm.
冷静
We're gonna talk to a lawyer
我们咨♥询♥下律师
and get a professional opinion.
获得一点专业意见
Damn.
该死
I can't believe you signed this contract.
我不敢相信你真的签了这个条约
The sperm is her legal possession.
那些精♥子♥是她的合法财产
It also says that, she-and I quote--
这上面还写了我引用下
"Owns your dignity."
"她拥有你的尊严"
You initialed right next to that.
你就在这儿旁边签名了
Oh, no, Jake, this is a total disaster!
哦不 Jake 这简直是灾难啊
I'll never be happy in my life.
我这辈子都没法开心生活了
Why are you smiling?
为什么你还在笑
Because this is exactly what we've trained for.
因为我们刚好被训练过怎么应对这种情况
It's a hostage situation,
这是一个人♥质♥被挟持的情况
and we're gonna bring your boys home.
我们会将你的"孩子们"解救出来的
All right, charles, I know that you're freaking out
好的 Charles 我知道你现在已经吓坏了
and you think you're never gonna be a father,
你可能觉得你永远当不成爸爸了
but don't worry; there's no way
但是别担心
I'm gonna let Eleanor do anything to your precious...
我不会让Eleanor伤害到你的
Boyle oil? Ugh, all right, I'm out.
Boyle精华呕够了我退出
She can do what she wants.
她想干啥就干啥吧
No, no, no, no, no.
不不不不不
We'll just call them hostages.
我们就叫它们人♥质♥吧
All right, fine,
这还差不多
let's get to work.
那就让我们行动起来吧
Here's what we know about Eleanor.
这些是我们对Eleanor的了解
Oh, my wedding day.
哦我的婚礼
I should've known it was a mistake
我当初就应该知道这是个错误
when she said, "I suppose," Instead of, "I do."
她没有说"我愿意" 而是说了"大概吧"
Yowch, all right.
好了
Hostage taker: Eleanor Horstweil.
劫匪 Eleanor Horstweil
Age 42. Occupation: bank manager.
年龄 42岁职业银行经理
No priors. Clean bill of health.
没有犯罪前科没有任何疾病
Current husband: Hercules Thikalonos.
现任丈夫 Hercules Thikalonos
Don't bring him into it.
别把他给卷进来
We're actually quite close.
我们俩关系还挺好的
Noted. You divorced in 2010.
明白你们在2010年离婚
She got the house, both cars,
她拿到了房♥子两部车子
and 85% of your salary going forward.
还有你从今往后的85%的工资
That's a typo, right?
这是打错了吧对吗
It is not. How did she get so much?
没打错她咋拿到那么多的
My lawyer was Hercules.
我的律师就是Hercules
That's how they met.
他们俩就是这样认识的
That seems real unethical.
这听上去也太不道德了
Again, lay off Hercules.
再说一遍别把Hercules牵扯进来
He's quite a decent man.
他还是挺好的一个人
All right, look, we need some sort of bargaining chip.
好吧听着我们需要一些筹码
Is there anything you got
你在离婚的时候
in the divorce that she wanted?
就没分到什么她特别想要的东西吗
Yes--Abigail.
有的 Abigail
I'm gonna just assume
我就假定