女子监狱

Orange Is the New Black S03E05

Part 3 Oct. 20, 2019, 9:02 p.m.

I agree. Perk is for coffee. It's deplorable in people.
你有颗扣子没系
You missed a button.
好了现在完美了
There you go. Now you're perfect.
谢谢
Thank you.
我刚要去
I was just gonna go and, uh...
休息室给自己拿一杯傲慢的咖啡
get myself a perky cup of coffee in the break room.
别喝太多
Well, don't drink too much.
咖啡会刺♥激♥小肠内壁
Coffee can inflame the lining of the small intestine
造成肠过敏
and lead to irritable bowels.
我会记着的
I'll keep that in mind.
你知道在一些文化里
You know what some cultures do
人们是怎么处置偷鸡蛋的人的吗
to people who steal eggs?
他们会把小偷的手砍掉
They cut their hands off.
根据我最近一次计数你欠我
According to my last count, you owe me...
四只手
four fucking hands.
自从我帮你摆脱了维以后
When I helped you out with the Vee situation,
我们之间终于能够跨文化互相理解
we had a little cross-cultural understanding.
但是我记得我没允许过你
But I don't remember giving you
自己搞巫术吧马吉克·诺尔玛
permission to set up your own shop, Magic Norma.
尤其还是收费的
Especially not for free.
而且特别是你都不知道自己在干什么
And especially when you don't know what the fuck you're doing.
萨泰里阿教是很严肃的宗教
Santeria is some serious shit.
你这样胡闹惹怒了小精灵
You start messing around, you piss off the orishas!
米拉我可不想给自己惹事
Mira, I... I don't need that on me.
这也就是为什么我要拿回
And that's why I'm gonna take back...
我的蜡烛
my candle.
看啊我的鸡蛋珠子蜂蜜
Oh, look. My eggs, my beads, my honey.
这不是你的历史
This ain't... your history.
不是你的文化现在马上停止
It ain't your culture. It stops now.
好吧你可以留下蜂蜜但是只能吃
Fine, you can keep the honey, but it's for eating only.
再让我看到你把它涂到别的东西上
I see you anointing anything with this,
它将是你生命中尝过的最后的甜
it's gonna be the last sweet thing in your life.
我不在乎歌♥洛丽娅说什么我要试试
I don't care what Gloria says, I'm going for it.
就像搞定招聘大会一样搞定面试
Gonna kill that interview like at the job fair.
但是招聘会你输了啊
But you lost job fair.
是啊但是这一次不用当着观众的面
Yeah, but this time there won't be an audience,
所以她们不会得到所有人的支持
so they won't get all, like, PC,
支持那个肥女人让她不至于太难过
and give it to the fat mayate so she don't get all sad.
但歌♥洛丽娅是对的
Gloria's right, though.
我们都在一起会比较好
It's good all of us together.
谁知道他们会让谁取代你
Who knows who they'll stick in to replace you.
要是她很难相处或者喜欢酷玩乐队可怎么办
What if she's mean or likes Coldplay or something?
我们现在多稳定
It's all gelling right now.
所以因为稳定了我就得成天戴着发网
So, I'm supposed to put on that feo hair net
洗那些锅碗瓢盆吗
and scrub pots and pans every day because it's gelling?
我可比那强多了
I'm so much better than that.
-你是在说你比我强吗 -不是
- You saying you're better than me? - No!
你也很棒我说的都是我的愿望
You're good, too. All I'm saying is that I got aspirations.
即便在这里我也一直保有愿望
I always have, even in here.
你知道吗当我在厨房♥穿着围裙的时候
You know, when I wear that apron in the kitchen...
心里一直觉得很讽刺
I'm really wearing it ironically.
我都不知道
I had no idea.
所以我想我可以像我妈一样
So I thought, I gotta do like my mom and
搞点山寨
just knock it off.
你会搞化学吗
You can do, like, chemistry?
不不不行
Nah, nah. Not even.
我找了一些记事本剪贴画
So I found, like, blotter clip art.
把它打印出来
I printed it out.
弄湿一点
I wet it a little bit.
然后再吹干
Then, I blow dried it,
切成小方块就可以卖♥♥了
made little squares, and I was in business.
这生意就是卖♥♥假的摇♥头♥丸♥
Selling fake designer acid.
把它带去星期五的比赛
Brought it to the game on Friday.
到一半时间就卖♥♥光了
By halftime, sold out.
-什么 -昨天我又做了更多
- What? - I made some more yesterday.
小樱桃很可爱
Little cherries, so cute.
你瞧我买♥♥了厚底鞋
And check it, bought me some flatforms!
好好看这是高跟的平底鞋吗
Oh! Those are cute. They're like flats and platforms in one?
这就是为什么它们叫厚底鞋笨蛋
Wow. That's why they're called flatforms, dumbass.
玛莉索
Yo, Marisol.
阿图罗还有阿图罗的朋友们
Hey, Arturo. Arturo's friends.
威利说他吃了你那玩意后
Willy said he saw green
看到了绿色的外星人
alien guys when he was tripping on your shit.
那是爱尔兰小矮妖
They were leprechauns.
兄弟外星人听上去更酷一点
Dude, aliens sounds so much cooler.
但是他们带了小帽子
But they had little hats.
外星人不会戴小帽子的
Aliens can't have little hats
因为他们有天线啥的
because of their antennas or whatever.
你可以再帮我们通灵一回吗
Do you think you could hook us up again?
我兄弟詹森想试试
My boy Jason here wants to try it.
最近他心情不太好
Lately, he's been kind of down.
可以的我会帮你
Yeah, I could hook you up.
但是记住这不是为了逃避现实
But remember, it's not for escaping reality,
而是为了拥抱现实
it's for, like, embracing it.
好的女士
Yes, ma'am.
我的天哪真的管用
Oh, my God. It's totally working.
-人们相信我说的话 -他们会识破的
- People will believe what you tell 'em. - Until they don't.
会有人气冲冲回来要你退钱的
Someone's gonna come back pissed and ask for a refund,
或者揍你一顿什么的
or punch you in the face or something.
不不不
No, no, no, no, no.
如果他们回来我就会说
If they come back, I say,
"淡定你吃了以后发生了什么"
"Hold up. What happened when you took it?"
如果他们说 "什么都没有"
And if they say, "Nothing,"
我就会说 "什么都没有是什么"
I say, "What is nothing?
因为宇宙刚形成的时候
Because some people say there was nothing
有些人也说什么都没有
when the universe was created,
但是真空难道不是东西吗
but, like... isn't empty space still something?
打开你的心灵探索无限的可能性
Open your mind to the possibilities.
也许是你的方式不对
Maybe you're not doin' it right."
然后他们就会再来找我买♥♥
And then, they come back
因为他们会以为是自己使用的方式不对
because they feel like they didn't do it right.
妹子我早就想好如何应付了
Girl, I thought this shit through.
-你简直是个疯子天才 -没错
- You're such a mad genius. - Yup.
瞧你这也圆滚滚
Look at you! Round and round.
那也圆滚滚真好
Round all around. That's nice.
说正经的你找到他了吗
Just get to it. Did you find him?
达娅那跛脚渣男不知所踪了
Daya, that fucker hobbled away into the sunset.
我去过他家除了几件衣服什么都没剩
I got into his house, nothing left except some shitty clothes.
水池里有个马克杯造型像个手雷
I found a mug in the sink that looked like a grenade.
我觉得挺好玩的所以帮你留下了
I thought that was cool. I saved that for you.
但是找不见他人
But he's gone.
达娅去他的吧他配不上你
Daya, fuck that guy. You're better off.
他只有一条腿
He had one leg.
我是说随随便便就失去身体的一部分
I mean, you go around losing body parts,
这完全就是不负责任的表现
that's some pretty irresponsible shit!
我真是蠢货是我逼走他的
I was such a bitch. I drove him away.
你体内有个小生命在生长呢
You have a life growing inside of you.
它会让你说傻话
That makes you say and do
做毫无逻辑的蠢事
all kinds of crazy shit that make no sense.
但是一个真正的男人应该明白
But a real man knows he has
这九个月他只能忍♥着
to suck it up and take it for nine months.
也许你有些时候确实会发飙
Maybe you get a little side action if need be.
但绝不能一走了之
But you don't split.
连你那废柴老爹都能坚持到你两岁
Even your loser father stuck around till you was two.
所以这是他的错不是你的
The leaving is on him, that's not on you.
那现在怎么办
So, what's gonna happen now?
你会照顾这孩子吧对吗
You're gonna take the baby, right?
达娅我爱你也爱你妈妈
Daya, I love you and I love your mother,
但是我在外面也很不容易你懂吗
but shit is real hard out here, okay?
还有你那亲爱的老外婆
And then, your holy abuela, you know,
她跟一个打太极时遇见的老头子好上了