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Modern Family S10E12

Part 4 Nov. 25, 2019, 7:19 p.m.

你该拿条毛巾擦擦了
You should get a towel.
你表现得好奇怪
Okay, you're acting weird.
-到底怎么回事 -好吧我只是
- What's going on? - Okay, look, I just --
因为酒店很兴奋
Um, I'm excited about that hotel.
那里发生过好多好莱坞名人名事
I mean, there's a lot of Hollywood history there.
传闻
You know, they say
《小淘气》那帮演员常在那搞群♥交♥
the Little Rascals used to have orgies there.
小卡
Hey, Cam!
我差点忘了你给我们做的自♥制♥蛋白棒
I almost forgot the homemade protein bars you brought for us!
下次见
Well, I'll see you next time!
好这人谁啊
Yeah! Who is that?
这片风光可真有意思
Wow, that's an interesting view.
哪有意思了停车场而已
What? It's a parking lot.
-那有个垃圾桶 -拜托少来了
- There's a Dumpster. - Oh, please. Come on.
你选这辆单车是为了能在前排
You picked this bike so you could have a front-row seat
观摩这场猛♥男♥...
to this little peep sho-
我的天
Oh! Oh, my God.
我们那晚"超乎寻常的体验"
That night of our "Spectacular session,"
正好是你从健身房♥回家后
you had just come from the gym.
真好奇你那天劲头为什么那么足
Well, I-I wonder what got your engine so revved up, huh?
真♥相♥就在外面
The truth is out there!
你知道吗
Okay, you know what?
我很容易动摇行了吧
I'm weak, okay?
真不敢相信你因为我看杂♥志♥而羞辱我
I can't believe you shamed me for looking at a magazine
而你一直在给这群猛♥男♥
when you've been baking protein bars
-做蛋白棒 -或许就是这个原因
- for Thunder from Down Under! - Maybe that's why.
这让我很内疚
It's because I-I felt guilty about this.
不必内疚明白吗
Well, don't, okay?
我们可以去看其他男人
We are allowed to look at other men
不必觉得内疚
without feeling guilty about it.
要是这样能激发你大可去看
And-and if it inspires you, then go for it,
因为归根结底
because at the end of the day,
好处都是我享用了
I'm the one who gets to reap the rewards.
这话没错好吧我很抱歉
That's true. Okay. Look, I'm sorry.
我们快离开这吧
Let's just get out of here.
这就走好吧
Oh, now? Okay.
或许我该加入这间健身房♥
Maybe I should join this gym.
不行继续看你的怀旧裸男杂♥志♥去
No, stick to your vintage nudie mags.
这里是我的
This is mine.
-他叫什么 -查克
- What's his name? - Chuck.
查克
Oh, Chuck.
乔太可爱了
Oh, Joe, so adorable,
你看起来像幼年版阿尔瓦罗先祖
you look like a little Uncle Alvaro!
最后的点睛之笔怀表
One last touch -- the pocket watch,
永远停在3点30分
permanently broken at 3:30
因为它挡住了善妒的弗洛伦斯·南丁格尔
after it stopped a bullet shot by a very drunk
酒醉后射出的子弹
and jealous Florence Nightingale.
或许我是酸葡萄心理
Maybe it was sour grapes,
但我开始觉得这家伙是个骗子
but this guy was starting to sound like baloney.
我很确定假如我用尽一切手段
I was sure that if I left no stone unturned,
最终某天
eventually, one day,
我会找到先祖阿尔瓦罗的丑闻
I'd find some dirt on Great Uncle Alvaro.
我就知道
I knew it!
西蒙·弗朗西斯科·阿尔瓦罗
Simón Francisco Alvaro
辗转于不同小镇勾引有钱寡妇
would go from town to town, seducing wealthy widows
编造自己在战争中的勇敢故事骗她们
with made-up stories of his bravery in battle.
把她们的所有钱财都浪费在喝酒赌博上
After frittering away their fortunes on drink and dice,
然后换下一目标只给他的受害人
he would move on, leaving his victims with nothing
留下一枝红玫瑰
but a single red rose
和梅毒
and syphilis.
有人想听历史小课堂吗
Who's up for a little history lesson?
-看起来 -等一下
- It seems -- - Wait, wait, wait, wait.
再演一次
Do it again.
哥伦比亚的肩头
The yoke of Spanish oppression
将不会再套上西班牙压♥迫♥的缰绳
will chafe Colombian shoulders no longer!
我的佩剑在渴求欧洲人的鲜血
My saber thirsts for European blood!
-太可爱了 -好极了
- So cute! - ‭Bravo!
他自己查到背下来的
He looked it up and memorized it himself.
爸你知道那些孩子
Hey, Dad. You know how kids tease me
总笑我是班上最矮的吗
'cause I'm the shortest kid in the class?
可别听他们说的那些鬼话
Oh, don't listen to what they say!
没错先祖阿尔瓦罗只有一米五
Right! Uncle Alvaro was only five feet tall
可是他领导了一整支军队
and he led a whole army!
我要像他一样勇敢
I'm gonna be brave like him.
先祖阿尔瓦罗万岁
Viva Uncle Alvaro.
我享受了很多年以我先祖为荣的日子
I enjoyed a lot of years taking pride in my great uncle.
我不想夺走乔在这方面的机会
I didn't want to rob Joe of that.
忍♥着不说真的很不容易
It wasn't easy biting my tongue,
但我向家族里另一个伟大的先人学习
but I took a page from another heroic relative --
他就是鲁拉赫·麦普里契特
Lulach McPritchett --
勇敢骄傲的苏格兰勇士被英国佬所捕获
proud Scottish warrior, captured by the English,
用尽世上各种手段刑求逼供
tortured for months using every method imaginable,
但他还是没有透漏任何一点秘密
and never once giving up a single secret.
别去查他
Don't look him up.
夫人[意语] 为何如此难过
Signora, why so sad?
让我看看你如通心粉般的大微笑好吗
Let me see that big macaroni smile, ah?
你怎么找到我在这
How did you find me?
安东尼奥打电♥话♥来说
Antonio called and said
你点了一杯燃烧森布卡茴香酒...
you'd ordered a flaming Sambuca... ‭
但一口没喝只静静看它燃烧
...and just watched it burn.
一切都发展得太快了
It's all just going too fast.
五个月前
Five months ago,
海莉刚跟迪兰复合
Haley got back together with Dylan.
然后我妈妈去世再接着海莉就怀孕了
Then my mom dies. Then Haley's pregnant.
后来还发现是双胞胎
Then it's twins.
接下来"搬过来暂住一个夏天"变成了
Then, "Come move in with us this summer" turns into
"叮咚为您带来双胞胎提前体验包
"Ding-dong, we're here with an early preview of twins
与一只大小便失控的南美栗鼠
and an incontinent chinchilla,
而且呢比《猛鬼街》杀人魔佛莱迪
and, in the most terrifying return since Freddy Krueger
重返榆树街大开杀戒还可怕的是
sashayed his way back onto Elm Street,
我妈妈转世附身在了法拉的身体上"
my mother reincarnated into the body of Farrah."
你... 你怎么能对这一切都如此淡定
How -- How are you handling this all so well?
谁说我淡定了
Who says I am?
我不得不离开家里
I had to get out of there,
不然我要害海莉成为单亲妈妈了
or I was gonna make Haley a single mom.
我连伤了迪兰两次
I hit Dylan again, Claire.
-但你不是有意的啊 -能确定吗
- But not on purpose. - ‭Are we sure?
你是说你心里可能暗藏怨念
You mean, like, you might have some buried anger
记恨他偷走了你的宝贝闺女吗
towards him stealing away your baby girl?
我真希望你是故意的
Oh, I so want it to be on purpose.
我自己一个人在疯人岛上好孤独啊
Gets lonely out here on crazy island.
没事啦
Oh, well,
我们好歹还有意大利嘛
we still have Italy.
真的有吗
Do we?
听我说我上网查过了双胞胎
Listen, I've been doing some research on twins,
它们容易像我们的女儿当年那样
and it seems that, like our daughter, they --
提早出生
they tend to come early.
但哪怕只有10%的几率
Even if it's a 1-in-10 chance,
我也不想到时候海莉身边唯一的母性角色
I can't risk having the only maternal figure present
是那个浴缸生产的妖女
be that tub-birthing Wiccan.
我得在她身边陪她
I got to be there for Haley.
的确是很压力山大
It's overwhelming for sure,
但我们许许多多的美好回忆
but haven't a ton of our best memories
不都是从一家人的各种混乱中产生的吗
come from the anarchy of our house?
比如卢克把脑袋卡在栏杆中
Like when Luke got his head stuck in the banister?
哪一次被卡住
Which time?
或是艾丽克斯的科学展览设计
Or when -- when Alex's science fair project
害整个邻里各家各户都停电了
blacked out the whole neighborhood
而且还是在超级碗期间
during the Super Bowl? ‭
还有
Or when, uh,