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Modern Family S10E02

Part 4 Nov. 25, 2019, 7:18 p.m.

我简直不敢相信自己这么蠢
I can't believe how stupid I was.
我让迪兰扰乱了我的内心
I let Dylan get in my head,
现在我和阿尔文的感情可能都被毁了
and now I might have ruined everything with Arvin.
那么
So...
通过这件事我们可以学到
what we're learning is that
有时候秘密还是不说出来为好
sometimes it is better to keep the secret.
你竟然有脸为此感到骄傲
You can't be proud of that.
宝贝其实这种事也是常有发生的
Look, honey, sometimes these things happen.
在他们身上发生过
They happened with them,
结果却发展成了一件好事
but that turned out to be a good thing.
不好意思怎么就是好事了
I'm sorry. In what way?
因为米奇尔在酒吧亲完那个人之后
Because after Mitchell kissed the guy in the bar,
哭着给我打了电♥话♥
he called me crying,
肝肠寸断啊
so tortured.
他说他亲下去的那一瞬间
He said the second he did it,
他就意识到他想和小卡共度余生
he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with Cam.
米奇尔真的吗你为什么不早说呢
Mitchell, is that true? Why didn't you say that?
因为我们都在一起15年了小卡
Because we've been together for 15 years, Cam.
我刚刚太想维护自己了抱歉
I got defensive. I'm sorry.
不该道歉的是我
No. I'm sorry.
是我失控了
You know, I freaked out,
我只顾考虑我自己了
and I made this whole day about myself.
你是对的我有时以自我为中心又很情绪化
And you're right -- I can be self-centered and emotional.
我觉得
I guess it's, you know,
是因为我爸爸和他的猪在一起太久的缘故
because of all that time my daddy spent with his pigs.
-小卡拜托该闭嘴了 -嗯
- Cam. ‭Please. It's time. - ‭Mm-hmm.
海莉你不是个坏人
Haley, you're not a bad person.
也许这个吻告诉了你一些你需要知道的事
Maybe this kiss taught you something you needed to know,
就像米奇舅舅那样
just like it did with Uncle Mitch.
如果是那样的话
If that's the case,
你需要去争取你爱的那个人
you need to fight for the man you love
并且果断离开你不爱的人
and shut it down with the one you don't.
-你说得对 -嗯嗯
- You're right. - ‭Mm-hmm.
-我得去见迪兰 -好的
- I have to go see Dylan. ‭- Okay.
坚强一点不要让他掌控你
Be strong. Don't let him manipulate you.
-他有时候很... -她可以的
- He can be a very em-- - She's good.
她没事的
She's good.
真高兴你出来了[出柜]
Ah, so happy that you came out.
你怎么回事
What's going on with you?
你从哪弄到这么个气垫
Where did you get that raft?
从一个超级感人的同志活动送的礼品袋里
It was in a gift bag from a very moving Pride benefit
我和米奇还有小卡一起去的
that I went to with Mitch and Cam.
你要是想知道我是不是同性恋直接问我好了
If you want to know if I'm gay, just ask me.
不我不想给你太大压力
No, I don't want to be pushy.
我喜欢女人妈
‭I like women, Mom!
你怎么会觉得我是同性恋呢
Why on earth would you think I'm gay?
公平地说你确实符合基佬的很多特征
In fairness, you do check a lot of the boxes.
我会这么想是因为杰说
I only thought it because Jay said
加拿大女朋友是假的
that the Canadian girlfriends are fake
而且米奇和小卡也有过加拿大女朋友
and that Mitch and Cam had them.
你觉得我的女朋友是假的
You think my girlfriend is fake?
你一张照片都没有
Well, you didn't have any pictures,
而且在吧台那儿你说她的名字
and at the bar, you said that her name
叫什么橄榄·鸡尾酒-餐巾纸
was something like Olive Cocktail-napkin.
是雪莉·桃久奇
It's Sherry Shaker!
我很抱歉
I am sorry,
但是我问你有没有瞒着我什么的时候
but when I asked you if you were hiding something from me,
你就变得很防备你还羞辱了我的胸
you got all defensive, and you boob-shamed me.
因为确实有事情发生
Because something did happen.
雪莉和我
Sherry and I...
我们携手
we joined our...
我们打开了美丽新世界的大门
We crossed that beauteous threshold
用肉体缠绵互诉真情
into the physical expression of love.
你什么时候听到过一个直男那样形容性♥爱♥
Have you ever heard a straight guy describe sex that way?
他原来是这个意思吗
That's what he meant?
我怎么觉得听了更难受
Why does that feel worse to me?
艾丽克斯你是最后一个处子了
Hey, Alex. You're the last virgin.
拜托我可是在和一个消防员约会
Please, I'm dating a fireman.
我的性生活火♥辣♥得比...
I'm having hotter sex than...
你好啊爸
Hey, Dad?
你在干什么
What are you doing?
他不会的
He wouldn't.
我意识到他在"以彼之贱还施彼身"
I realized he was "Mean Girls-ing" Me back
并且加入了《律政俏佳人》的某些招式
with a weird nod to "Legally Blonde,"
我敢说他不知道我注意到了
which I'll bet he thinks I didn't notice.
我得改变战术了
I had to change tactics.
我不能再像一个贱女孩那样
I had to stop acting like a mean girl
我要做让杰意想不到的事
and do the last thing Jay would ever expect me to do --
就是像个男人一样
act like a man.
你这是搞什么鬼
What the hell are you doing?!
大家都饿了
Oh, yeah, well, everybody's hungry,
而且大家都觉得
and the prevailing opinion is that
我比你更会烤肉
I'm a better griller than you.
-完了 -哇你自以为是硬汉对吧
- No. - Wow. You must think you're pretty tough.
-没你烤的肉硬 -克莱尔
- Not as tough as your meat. - ‭Claire!
没错很好所有人都出来
Yes, good, everybody get out here!
怎么了出什么事了
What? What's going on?
是菲尔菲尔要烤肉了
It's Phil! Phil is grilling!
这个傻蛋刚刚告诉我
This bozo just told me
你们认为我烤的肉太老了
that you think I overcook your meat.
是真的吗
Is that true?
卢克
Luke?!
爸我们爱你不过
Dad, we love you, but...
你真的不懂什么叫三分熟
you don't know what medium-rare is.
我已经连续三年父亲节
I've-I've given you a meat thermometer
送你烤肉温度计了
for three Father's Days in a row.
看在老天份上求你用用吧
For the love of God, just use one!
那好我才不在乎
Fine. See if I care.
但我不知道你今天跟我较什么劲
But I don't know what you have against me today --
把我赶下我的烤架
kicking a man off his own grill,
笑话我的冰镇薄荷杰丽普酒
making fun of my Mint Jay-leps.
你笑话他的冰镇薄荷杰丽普
You made fun of his Mint Jay-leps?
那是他专门为你调的
He did them for you.
-什么 -我不知道她在胡说什么
- What? - ‭I don't know what she's talking about.
杰一想到冰镇"薄荷杰丽普"这个点子
The minute Jay created the Jay-leps,
就一直在说
all he could keep saying was,
"菲尔肯定超喜欢这个名字双关的美酒"
"Phil's gonna get such a kick out of this."
可他不喜欢他说这点子很蠢
But he didn't! He said it was dumb!
他说那是老太太喝的
He said it was an old lady's drink!
你什么时候在意起我的想法了
Since when do you care what I think?
一直啊
Always!
他觉得你是每一场派对的活力源泉
He thinks that you're the life of the party.
他想变得像你一样
He wants to be more like you.
我只是说有时候
All I've said is that sometimes
我嫉妒那些不介意出洋相的人
I envy people who don't mind being an ass
因为他们玩得很开心
because they're having fun,
我想
and I guess...
你就是那种人
you're one of those people.
所以这些年来你一直对我很刻薄
Wow, so all this time, you've been mean to me
是因为你特别羡慕我
because you admire me so much?
来看着我
‭Hey, look at me.
我很喜欢你的冰镇薄荷杰丽普
I loved those Mint Jay-leps.
-真的吗 -真的
- You did? ‭- Yeah.
你听见了吗歌♥洛莉亚他喜欢
Did you hear that, Gloria? He did.
我说那酒不好只是因为婚礼那天
I only trashed them because of what you called me
你在我跳舞时给我起外号♥
when I was dancing at the wedding.
什么外号♥ 菲鹅·邓菲
What? Flail Dunphy?
傻尔·笨妹
Shrill Dummy?
你弄洒饮料时我说了洒尔·蹬飞
When you dropped your drink -- Spill Bumbly?
迈克尔·抽筋逊
Michael Jerkson.