现在 我要教教你们
Now, I'm about to introduce you squids
什么叫做
to a little thing called
鞠躬尽瘁外加心力交瘁的辛勤工作
back-breaking, soul-crushing hard work.
你们这里过去五年有多少人犯过心脏病
How many heart attacks have you had here in the last five years?
一次都没有吗 我这是在哪
Zero? Where am I?!
美国人热爱衣柜
America loves closets,
我是来造衣柜的 妈的
and I'm here to build them, damn it!
等我看到每早有人上班前先在车里痛哭时
And you get this back when I see people pull up in the morning
我再把乒乓球还给你们
crying in their cars.
对
Yeah.
你非得这样吗
Okay, must you?
我们一定要
You know what, we are gonna make sure
让那个素描专家看到你最帅气的一面
that sketch artist sees the best possible version of you.
掐掐苹果肌 脸色会更红润
Let's get those apples a-shining!
好了 住手 别掐了
Okay, okay, stop. Don't!
你发"O"音时脸会变得很奇怪
Okay, your face gets weird when you make that "O" sound,
别发这个音
so avoid that.
你认真的吗
A-Are you serious?
被告管理的是含4个"O"音的
The defendant runs the Orange County
橘子郡海洋与鸟类组织
Oceanic and Ornithological Organization.
-画面太惊悚我不忍♥看 -什么
- That was hard to watch. - Wha--
全体起立
All rise.
最后整理一下
Last looks.
坐下
Be seated.
普里契特先生 你可以继续询问证人了
Mr. Pritchett, you may resume your questioning of the witness.
好的
Okay.
米奇尔 米奇尔 他来了
Mitchell. Mitchell. He's here.
用你最好看的角度对着他
Only give him your best side.
别让日光灯直射你 别发"O"音
Avoid the fluorescent lights, no O's,
无论你做什么 都千万别站到那个法警旁边
and whatever you do, do not stand next to the bailiff.
他帅得令人窒息
He is breathtaking!
真的好帅
Oh, my God.
律师
Counselor?
抱歉 法官大人
Uh, sorry, Your Honor. Um...
-卡彭特小姐... -丑脸警告
- Miss Carpenter... - Bad side!
你在案发当晚
...do you recall seeing this man
有否见过这个男人
on the night in question?
见过 先生
Yes, sir.
据你所知 他是不是
And is he, to your knowledge, the C.E.O...
橘子郡海洋与鸟类组织的总裁
of the Orange County Oceanic and Ornithological Organization?
律师 你说话很含糊
Counselor, you're mumbling.
请你重复一遍问题
Can you repeat that, please?
他是不是负责管理那个鸟和水的地方
Does he run the bird and water place?
是的
He does.
他今天是否在...
And is he here today in this, uh...
-我刚刚问... -再过来一点
- As I was saying... - Little further.
他今天是否
...is he here today in this,
在法庭内
uh -- in this courtroom?
那个就是他
That's him.
请注意 我很肯定
Let the court note that I am pretty sure
证人已经指认出了被告
that the witness has identified the defendant.
肘部有补丁
Elbow patches?
你是不是又在铁板烧餐厅烧坏了外套
Did you burn through another blazer at Benihana's?
其实是特地为新工作准备的
Actually, it is for my new position
我要去你学校教房♥地♥产♥课
teaching real estate at your school.
你在说什么
What are you talking about?
他们给了我一份工作
They offered me a job.
不过 听我说
But hey, listen -- listen to me.
先不说这是我的毕生梦想
Lifelong dreams aside,
除非你不同意 否则我不会接受的
I'm not taking this unless you're on board.
我绝对不同意
I'm definitely not.
我懂
I get it.
你不希望被自己老爸破坏了形象
Don't want your old Pops cramping your style,
所以我不去了
so I'm -- I'm out.
说来好笑
It's just funny.
我都不记得上次这么兴奋是几时的事了
Can't remember the last time I was this excited.
但除非你也为此兴奋
But it wouldn't -- wouldn't make any sense
否则这事就没意思了
unless you were excited, too.
我的内心没有一丝波澜
Not even a little bit.
好吧
Right.
不过那些孩子真可怜
Those poor kids, though, huh?
我有那么多知识可以教给他们
I have so much to offer.
比如说
For example,
销♥售♥不同风格的房♥屋时应分别搭配哪些饼干
which house styles are sold by which cookie type?
法国折衷主义风格
French Revival --
搭配马卡龙
Macaroons.
英国都铎风格
English Tudor --
搭配牛油酥饼
shortbread.
但 我明白你的想法
But... we both know what you want,
所以我会辞职
so, uh, I'll resign and go back
继续思考我退休前的年头可以做些什么
to trying to figure out what to do with my final years.
好
Okay.
我需要找个地方借住几天
I need a place to stay for a couple of days.
不能回家 也不能去学校
Can't go home, can't go to school,
我也不想谈论这事
don't want to talk about it.
知道了
Got it.
我知道艾丽克斯很想聊这事
I knew that Alex wanted to talk about it,
但我自己也有一堆烦心事
but I had a lot on my mind.
今早乔让我很头疼
I had a rough morning with Joe.
第一天上学愉快哦
Have a great first day.
你不送我进去吗
Aren't you gonna walk me in?
不送 一年级学生都定点下车自己走进去的
No. In first grade, you have drop-off.
没人说过有这件事啊
No one said anything about drop-off.
要是我找不到我的小杂物间怎么办
What if I can't find my cubby?
学校没有小杂物间 只有储物柜
They don't have cubbies. They have lockers here.
等一下 等一下 我的午餐盒呢
Wait. Wait a second. Where's my lunchbox?
我帮你申请了在学校用餐
Oh, I signed you up for the hot-lunch program.
这里到底是什么鬼地方
What is this place?
我最近有些压力
Okay, I've been feeling some pressure
不知道今年毕业后该做什么
about what to do after I graduate this year,
我爸妈又一直问个不停
and my parents are constantly asking me about it.
你不是打算工作吗
I thought that you were going to work.
我本来也这么想 但最近我质疑一切
So did I, but lately, I've been questioning everything.
我甚至考虑要当研究生[男人]
I even thought about becoming a fellow.
艾丽克斯 这可是巨大的改变
Ay, Alex, that's a big change.
但至少你就能保住自己的姓氏了
But at least you get to keep the same name.
我都不确定我是否真想这么做
I'm not even sure it's what I really want.
你得考虑清楚了
Okay, you have to be very sure,
因为我听说要变回去更难
because I heard it's even harder to reverse it.
我们能聊点别的吗 乔人呢
Can we talk about anything else? Where's Joe?
他今天开始上小学
He started school today.
我在校门口放他下车时 他很慌
He was so panicky when I dropped him off.
我不知道为什么 不过是一年级而已嘛
I don't know why. It's just first grade.
不过是一年级而已
Just first grade?!
压力就是从那时开始的
That's when the pressure starts!
你要吓死人家啦
Ay! You're freaking me out!
艾丽克斯以后会是一个神经质的男人
Alex is going to be a very nervous man.
不好意思 画素描的
Uh, e-excuse me, sketch man.
-我们想跟你聊聊你的画 -对
- We'd like a word with you about your little drawings. - Yes.
你们不记得我了 对吧
You don't remember me, do you?
你是...
It's -- Um...
很明显我们得罪过你
Well, obviously, we have offended you somehow.
你是我们害你被炒鱿鱼的咖啡师 对吗
Oh, were you the barista we had fired?
给你们个提示 我租过你们家楼上的房♥间
Here's a hint -- I once stayed in your upstairs rental.
谁会用光一整篮迎宾用品啊
Who consumes an entire welcome basket?
我们通常有一半能重复使用
We usually reuse half this stuff.
薄荷糖都吃光了 他不过住了一晚而已
All the Altoids. He was here one night.
连辣根芥末酱都吃完了
He -- He even ate the horseradish mustard.
他都拿来蘸什么吃了
What did he put it on?
我们故意没提供饼干啊
We purposely don't give crackers.
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