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Modern Family S10E02

Part 1 Nov. 25, 2019, 7:18 p.m.

一二三
One, two, three!
大家好我们来了
Hey, guys! We're here!
欢迎
Welcome!
泳池很爽厨房♥有小吃
Pool's cool, snacks in the kitchen,
我喝了些葡萄酒
I've had some rosé,
开启米奇尔欢乐模式
so fun Mitchell is in the house.
大秀美♥腿♥
Showing quite a bit of leg.
-可真是 -像世界杯比赛一样吗
- This is very... ? - World-cuppy?
他们来了
There they are!
啃老啃了我将近50年的
My adult children still sponging off me
-成年子女 -真"好笑"啊
- after nearly five decades. - Love it.
抱歉原想开个玩笑没想到道出了残酷的真♥相♥
Sorry, thought I'd bend that into a joke, but it stayed real.
-孩子们 -你好外公
- Hi, kids! - Hey, Grandpa.
菲尔
Hey, Phil.
他这是闹哪出
What's up his can?
我不知道
I don't know.
这年头当白人太不容易了
Not easy being a white man these days.
你懂的
You feel me.
我准备了给老爸和歌♥洛莉亚的周年礼物
So, I got Dad and Gloria's anniversary present.
你们都欠我40块
You guys both owe me 40 bucks.
等等今天是他们的结婚纪念日
Wait. It's their anniversary?
我以为是歌♥洛莉亚的生日
I-I thought it was Gloria's birthday.
不可能是她生日
Oh, it can't be Gloria's birthday.
一提到生日她就抓狂
She gets mad even if you mention it.
我曾经问过她日期
I once asked when it was,
她就在我包里塞了个肢解的贝兹娃娃
and she left a dismembered Bratz doll in my purse.
今天到底是什么日子
Then why are we here?
算了我去看看蛋糕上写的什么
You know what? I'm gonna go check what the cake says.
给我也来杯"蛋糕"吧
Oh, I'll have a glass of "Cake," Too.
没问题
Okay.
趁她不在给我点情感建议
Quick, before she comes back, I need some relationship advice,
这算是道德伦理上的灰色♥区♥域
and this is kind of in a gray area ethically.
所以问我们就没事
Oh, and it's okay to ask us
谁让我们基佬的生活如此离经叛道
because, as gays, we wouldn't dare judge anyone
哪有资格去评判别人
while living such a deviant lifestyle?
就算基佬界最美的爱情故事和你们直男直女
Even the most beautiful version of our love is a mortal stain
做出的最肮脏的事相比也是个道德污点
compared to the worst thing you could do?
我还是找别人谈谈吧
Maybe I should talk to somebody else.
-别告诉我们 -别啊快说
- No, tell us! - No! Spill, girl, spill!
不许说出去
Okay, so just between us,
我现在和阿尔文在一起他去瑞士工作了
you know I'm with Arvin and he's working in Switzerland.
我♥干♥了件坏事
Well, I did something bad.
我亲了迪兰
I kissed Dylan.
迪兰还没走啊
Whoa, Dylan's still around?
我以为他加入了个邪教什么的
I-I thought he joined a cult or something.
我听说他把曼妥思和可乐混吃然后自爆了
I heard he ate Mentos and a Coke and exploded.
我也不知道为什么亲他那个吻没有意义
I don't know why I did it. It meant nothing,
现在很后悔阿尔文一直在给我打电♥话♥
but I feel horrible, and Arvin keeps calling,
我一直没接因为...
but I'm not picking up because, like --
我一定要告诉他吗
Do I have to tell him?
亲爱的每段感情都会经历这种事
Uh, uh, honey, these things happen in every relationship.
完全不用什么事都告诉对方
You absolutely do not need to tell your partner everything.
听自己的老公说这话可真有趣
Okay, well, that's a fun thing to hear your husband say.
得了吧不要小题大做
Oh, please, do not turn this into something.
我本来想说的是没错你应该告诉阿尔文
Well, I was going to say, yes, you need to tell Arvin
感情需要建立在真实之上
because you want your relationship based on truth,
很明显我的就没有
which, apparently, mine is not.
糟透了到底该怎么办
Ugh, this sucks! I don't know what to do.
我还指望至少你们能意见一致呢
I was counting on you two to be on the same page.
-通常都意见一致 -我们什么时候意见一致过
- Well, we usually are. - When have you ever seen that?
你们几个小野鸡在叨些什么呢
What are you hens cackling about?
就一般的寒暄问暖
Oh, just asking how they are.
我去泳池玩玩
Gonna jump in the pool.
好吧再会
Okay, see you.
海莉才不关心别人的生活
Haley doesn't care how people are.
-到底怎么了 -没什么
- What's going on? - It's nothing.
她就是来取取经
She was just asking for some advice.
那她干嘛不找我呢
Why wouldn't she come to me?
我还以为我们终于要变成知心好友了
I thought we were finally becoming friends.
你自己想想克莱尔
Well, you know, think about it, Claire.
你瞒着你妈多少事
All the secrets that you kept from your mom.
好吧但我老妈
Yeah, but my mom
是个保守的疯女人
was an uptight, crazy person.
慢慢向后退别惊动她
Let's just slowly back away as that settles in.
嘿伙计
Hey, buddy!
准备享受前所未有的味觉之...
Ready for the best thing to happen to your mouth since --
编不下去了
I'm gonna bail on that.
我还没想好就脱口而出了
I took off without a place to land.
-来杯"薄荷杰丽普酒"吧 -不了吧
- How about a Mint "Jay-lep"? - I'll pass,
Mint Julep--薄荷朱丽普酒
鉴于我不是个一百岁的南方老太太
seeing as I'm not a hundred-year-old Southern lady.
我终于看完了电影《贱女孩》
I finally saw the movie "Mean Girls."
我懂我都是个中年油腻大叔了
I know. I'm a middle-aged man.
我怎么到现在才看
How'd I wait so long?
重点是我发现身边也有个"贱女孩"
The point is, I realized I have a mean girl in my life --
就是杰
Jay.
比如在上周的婚礼上
Like last week at this wedding,
我在耍太空步杰大喊
I'm rocking my moonwalk, and Jay yells,
"快看是迈克尔·抽筋逊"
"Hey, look, it's Michael Jerkson."
实在忍♥无可忍♥了
Enough's enough.
怎样才能让"贱女孩"嘴别那么贱了
How do you get a mean girl to stop being a mean girl?
就是嘴比他更贱
Be mean girlier.
不不不不你会喜欢的
No, no, no, no, you're gonna love it.
薄荷杰丽普非常流行
Mint Jay-leps are all the rage.
你一直在说"薄荷杰丽普"
Oh, you keep saying "Jay-leps."
我调了薄荷朱丽普酒然后我的名字是杰
Yeah, well I made juleps, and -- and -- and my name's Jay,
所以就叫"薄荷杰丽普"
so I call them "Jay-leps."
不我懂的
No, I get it.
这样很好玩啊
It's just a fun thing.
这就是让我们久仰大名的薄荷杰丽普吗
Ooh, are these the Mint Jay-leps we've been hearing about?
-没错 -薄荷杰丽普
- Yeah. - Oh, Jay-leps.
-真可爱 -是很可爱
- Adorbs. - They are adorbs.
我为何要质疑自己
Why do I doubt myself?
曼尼
Manny!
公路旅行如何
How was the road trip?
怎么说呢为期六周跨越33个州
Uh, what can I say? Six weeks, 33 states,
很多小货车的后面都吊着一个假阴囊
a lot of fake scrotums on the back of pickup trucks.
他遇到了一个非常棒的女朋友
And he met a very nice girlfriend,
现在坠入了爱河
and he's in love.
看看照片
Let's see a pic.
我也希望有
Wish I could.
我用的是老式胶片摄像机
I-I went old-school and used a film camera,
她的照片胶卷不慎掉入了大峡谷
and the one roll I took of her fell into the Grand Canyon.
你连一张照片都没有
You don't have a single photo of her?
手♥机♥上有张很模糊的
Uh, well, just this blurry one on my phone.
拿来看看
Oh, let's see.
快看
Look at her.
虽然看不清她的脸
You can't really make her out,
但还是能感受到她放荡不羁的灵魂
but it captures her wild spirit.
没错
Yes.
-是我瞎还是曼尼确实爱上了大脚怪 -是啊
- Is it me, or is Manny dating Bigfoot? - Yeah.
我来告诉你们曼尼的女朋友
Let me tell you the difference
和大脚怪的区别
between Manny's girlfriend and Bigfoot.
大脚怪有可能是真的
Bigfoot could be real.
她不是虚构女友
She's not a fake girlfriend.
想知道致命一击是什么吗
You want to hear the kicker?
她来自加拿大
She's from Canada.
-不要啊 -要命了
- Oh, no. - Oh, yikes.
-别这样 -孩子们支持我
- Oh, stop it! - Back me up, boys.
歌♥洛莉亚你知道吗
You know what, Gloria?
加拿大有很多好的方面