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Modern Family S10E21
Part 4
Nov. 25, 2019, 7:20 p.m.
今天的第二个毕业典礼
the second graduation of the day.
运气真好
How lucky is that?
我正拉着优步订单 你们就打过电♥话♥来了
Me cruising by with an Uber fare right when you called.
-幸运幸运 -真好
- So lucky. Very lucky. - Very good.
你到了 杰拉尔德
Well, this is you, Gerald.
希望今天开始你能
Let's have today be the day
不再是为了你父亲演奏
you stop playing for your dad
而是为自己演奏
and start playing for Gerald.
话说 这提醒了我
That -- That kind of reminds me --
对不起 我骗你说自己上了小号♥课
I'm sorry I lied about the trumpet lessons.
没事 这才不是我今天最倒霉的部分
Oh, please. Not the worst part of my day.
我现在想明白了布朗校长是故意坑我让我失败
I'm realizing now that Principal Brown set me up to fail.
根本没有什么车祸
There was no car crash,
跟登月一样都是骗人的
just like there was no moon landing.
-小卡 -太空里旗帜是不会飘扬的 米奇尔
- Cam - Flags can't wave in space, Mitchell.
好了好了 我被羞辱得比你们都过分
Hey, hey, hey, I was humiliated much worse than you.
太不公平了
It was so unfair.
兢兢业业一辈子最后无人赞誉
A lifetime of service out the window.
你们以为我每晚闭上眼睛
You think I don't see the faces of owls
不会看到那些猫头鹰的脸吗
every night I close my eyes?
至少你有大家心服口服的成就
At least you've accomplished something they can tear down.
我是个骗子
I'm a fraud!
你看到你对你弟弟做了什么吗
You see what you did to your brother?
看那难过又受伤的大眼睛
Look at those sad, hurt eyes.
就像难过的小猫头鹰
Like a sad little owl.
也许要是你相信自己的儿子
Well, maybe if you believed in your sons
而不是跟每个人都来哥伦比亚式握手
instead of giving everyone Colombian handshakes.
什么
What?!
我可从来没有当着哪个男人家室的面
I've never sanded down a man's fingers
跟他亲密握手
in front of his family!
你是说贿赂的事啊
Oh, you mean the bribes?
你没法否认了
You can't deny it anymore.
看我们院长发出来的照片
Look at this photo on my dean's Instagram.
他戴着的表跟你给罗恩老师的一模一样
He's wearing the same watch you gave Sensei Ron.
地区教育局长也戴着一样的表
The superintendent was wearing that same watch.
典礼结束后他跟我握手
I-I noticed it when he shook my hand at the end of the ceremony
他说我"滑天下之大稽"时 我有注意到
and said I was a "Horrifying disgrace."
你贿赂他了吗
You bribed him?!
是因为这样我才有资格演说的吗
Is that how I got my speech?
好了 够了
Okay, enough!
我相信你们凭自己也能做到
I'm sure you would have gotten all these things on your own,
但世界有时就是那么不公平
but the world sometimes is very unfair!
那些手表只是以防万一啦
And the watches are like an insurance.
你为什么会有那么多啊
Why do you even have so many?
有时候我吃安♥眠♥药♥后会梦游网购
Sometimes I do a little bit of Ambien shopping
然后把同样的东西买♥♥一堆
and I buy too much of one thing.
难道你们圣诞节
Didn't you all wonder
收到一样的有趣袜子时没想过这事吗
when you got the same fun socks for Christmas?
-一样的耶 -我了个去
- Oh, samesies. - I'll be damned!
-我怎么没收到 -可有趣了
- I don't have those. - They're fun!
对不起 是我不好
I'm sorry, okay?
但我太爱你们了
But I love you guys so much
我不想把你们的愿望交给命运来安排
to leave your dreams to chance.
我想在你长大的故乡
I suppose where you grew up,
钻漏洞也是生存的一部分
bending the rules was just a part of life.
你必须得这样才能活下去
It's what you had to do to get by.
你又怎么会不拿来帮忙你爱的人呢
Why wouldn't you do that to help the people you love?
谢谢你 曼尼
Thank you, Manny.
你谢什么啊 我才不是那么觉得呢
You're not welcome. That's not how I feel.
这是我演出的剧的台词
I-It's a speech from a play I was in.
在我说完刚才的台词后
Right after that line,
我点事后烟然后重新穿上我的衣服
I light up a cigarette and put my clothes back on.
我是没事啦 但是...
Yeah, I'm good, but...
我现在不知道我到底是不是凭实力了
now I'll never know if that's why I made the cut.
好了 别这样 听我说
Okay, stop. Look.
大家今天都过了很惨的一天
We've all had a terrible day today --
我没有啊
Not me.
拉的客人都是大单 超赞的瑜伽课
Tons of great fares, amazing yoga class --
我这边在酝酿一个点呢 兄弟
I-I was building to something, buddy.
但是大家庭有这么一个好处
But that's one of the great things about being in a family.
我们能分享其他人的胜利荣光
We get to share in each other's victories.
而艾丽克斯今天有一场大胜利
And Alex has a huge victory today
能让我们大家都感觉好受
that can make us all feel better.
所以我们...
So let's...
把这糟糕的一天转亏为盈 感觉美...
turn around this crap day with a nice, feel-good --
那是艾丽克斯吗
Hey, is that Alex?
天啊 停车
Oh, my God. Pull over!
停
Back up!
艾丽克斯 亲爱的 怎么了 你还好吗
Alex! Honey, what happened? Are you okay?
今天周几
What day is it?
无所谓 反正时间根本不会循环
Not that time is anything but a flat circle.
我们课都结束了 期末考也考完了
So...we were done with classes, done with finals,
就跟史上所有大四生一样
and, like college seniors since the beginning of time,
我们也决定来疯狂一把
we decided to get a little nuts.
查格[干杯] 查格 查格 查格 查格
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!
我们的同学阿施施·查格
Our classmate Ashish Chug...
成功啦[喝完啦]
I did it!
黑进了我们的出入证
...hacked his key card to get us access
往里面加了进出图书馆限制区域的权限
to the restricted section of the library.
我们决定去读阿利斯特最后定理
We decided to read Alister's Last Theorem.
哥特罗布·阿利斯特写出了0=1的证明
Gottlob Alister wrote a proof showing that zero equals 1.
这代表数学是无意义的
This rendered mathematics meaningless
并且害他发了疯
and drove him insane.
根据传说 同样的命运降临在了
According to legend, the same fate befalls anyone
每一个阅读并能理解他证明的人身上
who reads and understands the proof.
天啊
Good God.
如果数学没有意义
If mathematics doesn't matter,
那大家再也没有任何确定的事物了
then no one can be certain of anything,
而我浪费了我过去4...
and I've just wasted the last four --
不对 是过去16年的人生
no, 16 years of my life,
我毕业不毕业根本无所谓啊
and there's no point in me graduating!
我看得出来你非常不开心
Okay, I can tell that you're very upset,
你还可能因为期末考而累过头
and you're probably really overtired from finals.
但如果你不去参加毕业典礼 会后悔一生
But you are gonna regret it if you don't go to graduation.
我跟你保证 无论你现在有什么烦心事
Look, I promise -- whatever is bothering you,
在典礼之后就会想通
figure it out after the ceremony --
-之后吗 -是啊
- After?! - Yes.
有"之后"就意味着有"之前"
"After" implies "before"!
但如果1分钟之前等于0分钟之前
But if one minute ago is the same as zero minutes ago,
那之前就是现在 而现在就是之后
then before is now and now is after!
我通常听到这种对白
Usually when I hear people talking like this,
都是在听到别人点餐在催上菜的时候
we're walking through a Taco Bell drive-through.
亲爱的 你有一半的人生都在被事物所震撼
Sweetie, half your life is having your mind blown.
我还记得我第一次听到原来银河系中的星星
I remember when I heard there were more stars in the galaxy
比一盒即时米饭里的米还多时的样子
than grains of rice in a box of Uncle Ben's.
不是的 是宇宙中的星系总数
No, there are more galaxies
比世界上所有海滩中的沙加起来还多
than grains of sand on all the world's beaches.
我不能一下失去他们两个
Okay, I can't lose 'em both!
-我来 艾丽克斯 -谁快来啊
- I got this! Alex... - Somebody?
"我一直不知何为真正的力量 直到..."
"I never knew true strength until --"
"我遇到一个没有脚的人"
"I met a man with no feet."
等等 不是 这些卡没按照顺序摆
Wait. No. These cards are not in order.
等等 你们不许跟我抢
Wait. Nobody help her right now --
艾丽克斯 你是个聪明又自信的女孩
Alex, you're a smart, confident girl.
我知道你会做出正确的决定
I know that you're gonna make the right decision.
你刚把这表戴我手上了吗
Did you just put this watch on me?
我有病得治啊
I have a problem.
我觉得如果艾丽克斯不想参加毕业典礼
I say if Alex doesn't want to go to her graduation,
那她自己决定了就好
that's her decision.
谢谢你 卢克
Thank you, Luke.
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