摩登家庭
Modern Family S10E15
Part 2
Nov. 25, 2019, 7:20 p.m.
是啊 但是她正处在
Yeah, but she's in her, like,
第好多个月的孕期
thousandth month of pregnancy.
天啊
Oh, my God.
那我就不是这里最丑的孕妇了
That means I won't be the grossest preggo here.
太爱你了
Bless you.
谢谢
Thanks.
谢谢你今天邀请我过来
And thanks for inviting me today.
当然了 你是孩子的爸爸
Of course. You're the baby's father.
是 但是这是家庭聚会
Yeah, but it's a family thing,
而我一直觉得不能融入你们
and I don't always feel like I belong.
有的时候他们看我就像
Sometimes they look at me like
俗话中的"扫兴使[屎]者"一样
the proverbial bird in the punch bowl.
难得只错一个字
Almost.
三乘
Uh, three times...
不好意思 不过不管你怎么看
I'm sorry, but every way you look at it,
迪兰的钱数不对[不够格]
Dylan comes up short.
海莉完全就被骗了
And Haley's totally getting rooked.
好吧 这有点意思
Oh! Okay, well, that's interesting.
他们在郡监狱里找不到黑寡妇了
Um, they lost track of the Black Widow at the county jail.
-她越狱了 -是啊
- She escaped? - Mm-hmm.
-你害怕吗 -开什么玩笑
- Are you scared? - What?!
就是嘛
Exactly!
应该害怕的是她
She should be scared of you.
如果她够聪明 就应该逃得远远的
If she's smart, that young lady will run and keep running.
这里面放了什么调料
What spice is in here?
是茴香吗
Is it -- Is that dill?
里面放茴香[迪兰在这]干什么
Why the hell is dill in here?
真是灾难啊
It's a -- It's a catastrophe.
我重新利用一下这里的一点头发
So, I'm just gonna repurpose some of this hair
盖住秃处和青春痘
to cover the bald spot and zits --
-还有青春痘 -全"痘"会看起来美美的
- Zits?! - And "Zits" Gonna look amazing.
完成啦
Ta da!
-成了吗 -是啊
- Ta da?! - Yeah.
我真有胆梳这种遮秃发型
I have a huge gut and a comb-over.
看上去像个离了婚的牙医
I look like a divorced dentist.
丹妮尔
Oh, Danielle!
你看起来真不错 为什么
You look so good. Why?
是怀孕的魔力咩 话题"老天保佑"
It's the magic of pregnancy? #Blessed?
什么情况
What the hell?!
艾丽克斯说我可以早点过来
Alex said it was okay if I came early?
海莉 我真为你高兴
Haley, I'm so happy for you?
我需要迪兰 迪兰呢
I need Dylan. Where is Dylan?
迪兰去哪了
Where's Dylan?
海莉找不到他的
Haley's not gonna find Dylan.
他走了
He's gone,
你们每个人都有错
and it's everybody's fault!
怎么都哭丧着个脸
What is up with all the funeral faces?
来嗨呀 大伙 这可是
Come on, people, this is supposed to be
-迎婴派对啊啊 -别再这么称呼了
- a baby show-ahhh. - Don't say "Show-ahhh".
没人觉得好
Nobody wants it.
好吧 所以迪兰误会了我们
Okay. So, Dylan misunderstood
说的一些话 伤了感情走了
a bunch of the things he heard us say, got upset, and ran off.
我们就别假装是什么误会
Let's not pretend this was some mistake
或者迪兰太敏感了
or Dylan being oversensitive.
我们都做了很多让他觉得
We've all given him plenty of reasons
在这个家里不受欢迎的事
to feel unwelcome in this family.
有的人确实很无情
And some of us do have a meanness.
我就这么说吧 毫无人性的残酷
I'll leave it at that. A monstrous cruelty.
简而言之 就是虐待狂
Enough said. Sadistic.
我们家就挺冷静的
My family is really chill?
就不该让你来
You were a mistake.
好了 卢克拖住了海莉
Okay, Haley's being occupied by Luke,
所以我们还有些时间
so we have some time.
我们得找到迪兰
We just have to find Dylan
不能让海莉知道他跑掉了
without letting Haley know he's run away.
不过这听着是迎婴派对的问题
That kind of sounds like a shower problem, though.
我不是很理解为什么要
I don't know how fair it is to bring in
把看超级碗的人搅和进来
the Super Bowl folk into this.
我的姐姐给了我这个机会为她办迎婴派对
My big sister gave me the honor of hosting her shower,
我就要办得漂漂亮亮
and it's gonna be great.
所以 唯一可能知道
So, the one person
迪兰去了哪里的人 也就是海莉
who might know where Dylan went, Haley,
却不能知道他不见了
is the one person who can't know he's missing.
这就是我所称的戏剧性的一幕
That's what I call a dramatic situation.
你不是应该趁势大导特导一下这部戏吗
Shouldn't you be directing the life out of it?
乔 迪兰不高兴的时候喜欢去哪
Joe, where does Dylan like to go when he's depressed?
艾丽克斯 他喜欢迪兰没错 但也没有
Alex, he likes him, but it's not like --
公园 宠物店 吉他店
Park, pet store, guitar shop.
怎么 我关注他的照片分享网了
What? I follow his Instagram.
他有双发现美的眼睛
He finds beauty in the mundane.
好 我们分头找迪兰
Okay. We'll search for Dylan in teams.
-米奇 歌♥洛莉亚 找公园 -太好了
- Mitch, Gloria -- park. - Score.
吉他店 小卡 杰
Guitar store -- Cam, Jay.
宠物店 菲尔 曼尼 走吧
And the pet store -- Phil, Manny, go.
-我能换个... -你想把漂亮脸蛋
- Actually, could I trade? - Your pretty face
换成被打得肿起来的脸吗 来试试看啊
for one that's been freshly whooped? Try me!
我可不可以...
Would it be possible if I could --
-快走 -算了 到店里再去洗手间好了
- Move! - Ah, they'll have a bathroom at the store.
他没卡在旋转滑梯里
He's not stuck in the tube slide.
去儿童节目主持人去世时
Ah, it was too much to hope he'd be
他躲起来的地方找他的确有点勉强
where we found him when Mister Rogers died.
"你惹错老娘了 我来找你了"
"You messed with the wrong girl. I'm coming for you."
这人是谁
Who is this?
310.
贝尔艾尔区号♥
That's Bel Air.
黑寡妇越狱后就开始威胁你了
The Black Widow is out and already threatening you?
太好了
This is good.
你可以抓住她 再做一次英雄
You get to catch her and be a hero again.
或许我该给黑寡妇发条信息
You know, maybe I should-I should send the Black Widow
告诉她"只是公事公办 别记仇"
a-a "no hard feelings" text.
-不 -不
- No. - No?
你在庭上说的都是对的
What you said in court was right.
那个禽兽不值得姑息
That animal deserved no mercy.
她活该被关在笼子里
She deserves a cage.
我说了些狠话 她也说了些狠话
Well, you know, I said some things, she said some things.
这 等等
It's -- Wait, um...
"我不怕 放马过来"
"I am not afraid. Bring it on."
好吧
I -- Oh, okay.
所有恶霸都一样
All bullies are the same.
他们装出一副狠相
They act like they're tough,
可当你朝他们鼻子来一拳 他们就缩了
but when you punch 'em in the nose, they back down.
是啊
Yeah.
"我知道你住哪 你死定了"
"I know where you live. You're dead."
这种回复很罕见
That response is rare.
他在这
There he is.
迪兰
Dylan.
迪兰
Hey, Dylan!
抱歉
Oh, sorry.
这是我第三次犯完全一样的错误了
That's the third time I've made that exact same mistake.
让我开始质疑越战时的一些约会对象
Makes me wonder about some of my dates in 'Nam.
他不在这 我们走
Well, he ain't here. Let's go.
我知名的辣椒酱从凌晨五点就在炖了
My famous chili has been simmering since 5:00 a.m.
说来有趣
Y-you know, it is funny
你一直说你的辣椒酱"知名"
that you keep calling your chili "famous"
可我觉得有点
when I find it a little...
吃过就忘
forgettable.
小卡 我是个成功的男人
Cam, I'm a successful man.
业界巨头
Captain of industry,
跟嘉宝姐妹之一亲热过
made out with a Gabor sister,
1910年代出生的美国知名老牌演员三姐妹
假如我能在董事会再拉点票
and if I can swing a few more board votes,
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