摩登家庭
Modern Family S10E12
Part 3
Nov. 25, 2019, 7:19 p.m.
我想我应该不能带刀去学校
I don't think I'm allowed to bring a knife to school.
刀一点都不锋利[机灵]啦
It's not sharp at all.
显然你也不机灵
And neither, apparently, are you.
我说了吧 如果我们等几分钟
I told you if we waited a few minutes
他就会帮我们铺好梗
he'd give us a delicious segue.
你的先祖伊拉兹马斯·普利契特
Your uncle Erasmus Pritchett
在阿♥拉♥莫之战中是英雄没错
was a hero at the Alamo...
不过是敌军那边的
but for the other side.
没错 交战时他躲在衣柜里
Yeah, he hid in a closet during the fighting,
然后偷了一条裙子
then stole a dress and escaped
假扮成妓♥女♥逃走了
by pretending to be a prostitute.
什么 我不相信你说的
What?! I don't believe you.
这些是官方教会文献
These are official church documents.
这一段说到他用军方机密
In this part, it says that he traded military secrets
交换朗姆酒和新胸衣
for rum and a new corset.
"至今 在新拉雷多 '伊拉兹马斯'
"To this day, in Nuevo Laredo, 'to Erasmus'
仍代表'趴在地上哭'的意思"
means 'to cry facedown on the ground.'"
这有一张他谄媚的照片
There's a picture of him cringing.
我不敢相信我给我的蜥蜴取名伊拉兹马斯
I can't believe I named my lizard Erasmus.
那是战时 乔
It was wartime, Joe!
他遭受了地狱般的经历 我们不能因此鄙视他
We can't judge a man who has lived through that kind of hell.
他战后一直在
He spent his post-war years
散布素食主义的福音
spreading the gospel of vegetarianism.
我没这个先祖
I have no uncle.
这种顺势治疗药
Oh. This homeopathic remedy
一定能改善海莉的孕吐
is really gonna help Haley with morning sickness.
我坐优步时
Uh-huh. I got the recipe from a doula
遇到的助产师给我了这个偏方
I met in an Uber pool.
你有一件事是对的
Well, you were right about one thing.
的确闻起来像
It does -- It does smell like
被闪电击中的水牛
a buffalo that was struck by lightning.
你什么时候回俄勒冈啊
When -- When are you heading back up to Oregon?
我在那儿待够了
Oh, I'm done with that place.
世上最老套的故事
Oldest story in the world.
我以为我找到了一个好人 但一天早上
You know, I thought I found a nice guy, then one morning,
他说他找到了六个新女人
he up and tells me he's found six new women.
我受够那些奥修大♥师♥了
Mm. I'm done with Bhagwans.
以迪兰妈妈的身份重返人间
Coming back as Dylan's mother?
不好玩 妈妈
Not funny, Mom.
一点都不好玩
Not funny at all!
老兄 你真的没事吗
Buddy, are you sure you're okay?
相信我 我是个护士
Trust me, I'm a nurse.
如果我有脑"真"荡 现在就会有明显症状
By now there'd be clear signs if I had a concursion.
天 你妈看起来好眼熟
Gosh, your mom looks familiar.
她之前做过一阵模特
She used to do a little modeling.
她最近照片还被人盗用去
Recently, she had her likeness stolen
"脂肪冷却手术"的广♥告♥牌上
for one of those "Freeze-the-Fat" Billboards.
迪兰的妈妈是
Dylan's Mom was the hot chick
《性感小野猫》音乐视频里的辣妹
in the "Sex Kitty" music video.
♪ 性感小野猫 ♪
♪ Sex kitty ♪
♪ 性感小野猫 ♪
♪ Sexy kitty ♪
♪ 性感小野猫 ♪
♪ Sex kitty ♪
♪ 性 ♪
♪ Se-- ♪
歌♥写得不怎么样
The songwriting isn't perfect,
但这个视频让歌♥起死回生
but this video changed everything.
♪ 性感小野猫 性... ♪
♪ Sex kitty, se-- ♪
那俩自行车不住那吧
Those bikes don't live there, do they?
因为那是摆放生产浴缸的绝佳位置
'Cause that is an ideal north-facing spot
刚好面朝北
for a birthing tub.
我不知道海莉
I wasn't aware that Haley
考虑在家生孩子
was considering a home birth.
我本来没打算 但法拉让我看清了
Oh, I wasn't, but then Farrah really opened up my eyes
生产工业的丑陋面目
to the birth-industrial complex.
这个房♥间有点在散发出
You know, this room is kind of vibrating
古老伤痕的感觉
with ancient wounds.
-我们用驱邪鼠尾草熏一下 -好的
- Let's sage the area. - Okay.
迪兰 亲爱的 你能拿个电风扇
Dylan, honey, do you think you could grab that fan
吹散下厨房♥的怪味吗
and maybe de-funk the kitchen a little?
天啊
Oh, my God.
迪兰的妈妈是不是很眼熟
Is, uh -- Is Dylan's mom at all familiar to you?
是的 谢天谢地你也注意到了
Yes! Thank God you noticed it, too.
我不敢相信这将会成为我们生活的常态
I can't believe that is gonna be in our life on a regular basis.
我知道 她快要把我弄疯了
I know. She's been driving me kind of crazy
自我小时候开始
since I was a kid.
你知道有多少个夜晚我在床上
Do you know how many nights I went to bed
用枕头捂着嘴大叫她的名字吗
screaming her name into a pillow?
继续说
Go on.
-她弄坏了 -不 是你弄坏了
- She broke it! - No, you broke it!
姑娘们 没关系 另外 你们是谁
Girls, it's fine! Also, who are you?
我每月得带一次我的继女
Oh, I get my stepdaughters once a month
我前妻要在国民警卫队轮班
when my ex-wife's on rotation with the National Guard.
孩子们 小心南美栗鼠 好吗
Mm. Girls, be careful with the chinchilla, okay?
你们知道他很容易被吓得屁滚尿流
You know he has a nervous bowel.
-姑娘们 -阿嬷
- Hi, girls! - Gammy!
阿嬷
Gammy?
姑娘们叫你阿嬷吗
The girls call you Gammy?
有意思了 因为我也希望
That's funny, because I was hoping
海莉的双胞胎将来
when Haley's twins came along,
这么叫我
they might call me that.
那恐怕会容易弄混
Oh, well, that might be confusing.
但你可以被叫做其他啊
But maybe you could be something else.
-嬷嬷怎么样 -或许我们现在
- How about "Gaga"? - Maybe we don't have to lock
还不用确定任何叫法下来
anything down right now.
天啊 我喜欢
Oh, my God. I love it!
你好啊 嬷嬷
Hey, Gaga!
小鼠跑了 抓住他
Squeaker's loose! Get him!
我来
I'll get him!
-你看到了吗 菲尔 -什么
- Do you see it, Phil? - What?!
没 我什么也没看到
No, I didn't see anything, so...
对不起 小迪
I'm so sorry, D!
如果你不是我的偶像
If you weren't my hero,
我要怀疑你是故意的了
I'd wonder if you're doing this on purpose!
天啊 爸爸
Oh, my God, Dad!
他怎么回事啊 妈
What's wrong with him, Mom?
-妈 -克莱尔
- Mom? - Claire?
嬷嬷
Gaga?
帅哥 这个座位有人吗
Hey, handsome, this seat taken?
你来这干嘛
Hey, what are you doing here?
我给你带了奶昔 但...
Well, I brought you a smoothie, although,
你不需要 因为你已经是
you don't need it because you're already
百分百的美味果缤纷了
100% fruity deliciousness.
或许我该直奔主题
Maybe I just get right to it.
米奇尔 我很感激你的心意...
Look, Mitchell, I appreciate what you're doing --
不 听我说
No, no, listen.
莉莉今晚去朋友家过夜
Lily's at a sleepover tonight,
所以我在耳语度假水疗中心定了套房♥
so I got us a suite at Whispers Resort and Spa.
就是珍妮弗·安妮斯顿离婚后
Isn't that the place, uh, Jen Aniston goes to
-去的那家吗 -是的
- after her divorces? - Yes.
《花花女郎》的事我很抱歉
And I'm sorry about the silly Playgirl thing.
我想让你体验我每天所体验的感觉
I-I want you to feel what I feel every day.
就是你眼里除了我没有别人
That you only have eyes for me.
你可以说我传统 我就是心里容不下别的男人
Call me old-fashioned. I just don't see other men.
亲爱的 你的心率高到警报响了
Sweetie, your-your heart rate's setting off an alarm.
你还是先别骑车了
Why-why don't you get off that bike?
是啊 好主意 不如这样
Yeah, that's a good idea. You know what?
我们先去水疗 看能不能提前开始项目
Why don't we go to the spa, see if we can get an early treatment?
我喜欢
I love that.
奶昔
Oh, smoothie.
好的
Okay.
你真的出了好多汗
Hey, you're-you're really sweating.
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