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Modern Family S10E10

Part 4 Nov. 25, 2019, 7:19 p.m.

It's no use.
一切都结束了菲尔
It's over, Phil.
这房♥子闻着一股烟味儿
The house smells like smoke,
我们没有圣诞树
we have no tree
还有九份烧焦又湿透的礼物
and nine scorched, yet soaking-wet gifts.
最糟的是米奇尔听了肯定幸灾乐祸
Worst of all, I have to make Mitchell's day
因为我得告诉他把聚会改到他家
by telling him we're moving the party to his house
而我永远不能再主办聚会了
and I'm on permanent host probation forever.
谁知道呢
Who knows?
或许几年后他们会丢给我一个小破节日
Maybe in a couple years they'll toss me a pity holiday --
"欢迎来到我的无酒精地球日早午餐"
"Welcome to my non-alcoholic Earth Day brunch."
好消息是
In brighter news,
几小时后我就要坐上螺旋桨飞机了
I am getting on a prop plane in a couple hours.
现在还有百慕大三角这回事吧
Bermuda Triangle's still a thing, right?
克莱尔
Claire.
亲爱的我现在应付不来
Honey, I just can't right now.
我没心情
I'm not in the mood for --
怎么做到的
How?
我送你的圣诞快乐
Merry Christmas from me.
你之前偷偷跑出去
Did you sneak out earlier
买♥♥了这些东西掩盖你的行为吗
and buy all this stuff to cover your tracks?
或者你可以选择相信这是圣诞奇迹
Or you can choose to believe it's a Christmas miracle.
我选择奇迹
I choose miracle.
节日快乐
Happy holidays!
谢谢你们接手
Thank you for taking over.
你拯救了一切圣诞快乐
You saved the day! Merry Christmas.
你知道的我就是这么厉害
Well, you know, it's kind of what I do.
快来饮料在厨房♥
Come on, drinks in the kitchen.
-太好了 -太好了
- Yay! All right! - All right!
曼尼你头上怎么起了个小包
Ooh, Manny, what's up with the noggin bump?
什么哪
What? Where?
不看起来像是香蕉蜘蛛咬的
Oh, no. That looks like a banana spider bite!
不是咬的他撞到了头
It's not a bite, he bumped his head.
不看起来像被咬了
No, that looks like a bite.
我姐姐被密苏里青贮窖蜘蛛咬过
My sister got bit by a Missouri Silo Spider --
失去了一根脚趾
lost a toe.
但结局很好她天生有十一根脚趾
Happy ending -- she was born with eleven.
曼尼我们得去医院检查
Manny, we need to get that checked.
可以用解毒剂
There is an antidote,
但假如你以前从没被这种蜘蛛咬过
but if you have never been bitten by the spider,
可能是致命的
it might kill you.
-我们上车去 -杰
- Let's go to the car. - I -- Jay.
停下他没被咬
Stop! He wasn't bitten.
他撞到了头他之前回到房♥子里去
He bumped his head when he went back in the house
帮我拿药
to grab my...medication.
什么药
What medication?
我的天爸你还好吗
Oh, my God, Dad, are you okay?
我们会挺过去的伙计
We're gonna get through this, buddy.
是一种胳膊肘霜每天晚上
It's an elbow cream that I secretly use
我都在歌♥洛莉亚睡着后偷偷用
every night after Gloria falls asleep.
你让咱儿子进入致命毒蛛的巢穴
You sent our son into the nest of a deadly spider
就为了拿润肤霜
for a beauty cream?
这是药
It's a medicine
用来治疗令人心碎的干胳膊肘症
that treats the heartbreaking condition of dry elbow!
这是兽医才能开的处方药
It requires a veterinarian's prescription
因为原本是给犀牛和大象用的
because it's primarily used on rhinos and elephants.
看来尽管我们正朝完美社会大步前进
I see on our march to become a perfect society,
人们仍旧允许胳膊肘羞辱
elbow shaming is still allowed.
我胳膊肘有时也有点干
I get a little dry sometimes.
你要记住你并不比别人差在哪里
Hey! You're just as much a person as everybody else.
我不敢相信你虚荣到这个地步
I can't believe that you're so vain that you --
等等你鞋底上粘的
Wait, is that my Christmas card
是我的圣诞贺卡吗
stuck on the bottom of your shoe?
为什么被烧焦了
And why-why is it singed?
你不能再这么看重贺卡了
Ugh, you got to be less about the cards.
我们都这么想
We all think it.
你不是在卫生间喷光了一罐强力发胶吗
Didn't you empty a can of powerful hairspray in the bathroom?
你也去卫生间了吗
And did you go in there, too?
好吧我得拿点东西行了吧
Fine! I needed something, okay?
但至少我是自己去拿的
But at least I went in myself.
因为你用二十美元雇我我没答应
After you offered me $20 and I said no.
我们中有些人是不会被收买♥♥的
Some of us can't be bought.
你要拿什么
What did you need?
无论是什么我们会一起陪你挺过去
Whatever it is, ‭we're gonna get through this.
防磨牙牙套
A night guard.
我不想告诉你但每天晚上
I didn't want to tell you, but every night,
我都等你睡着后戴上
I wait for you to fall asleep, so I put it on.
太没有吸引力了
It's so unattractive.
就这样
That's it?
太不性感了我看起来好丑
Ith not thex-thee. I look hideouth!
终于从神性中蹦出点人味儿了
Oh, that really humanizes her.
我不喜欢
I don't care for it.
我的一颗牙都松了
Okay, one of my teeth is loose.
我求求你去告诉他们吧
I am begging you to tell them.
这就是我打扮的目的啊
That's what this is.
我打扮成圣诞老人并从烟囱落下
I'm coming down the chimney as Santa,
讨乔与卡尔开心
delighting Joe and Cal.
妈能看到他跟孩子多投缘
Mom will see how good he is with kids
就会对我怀孕的事放心许多
and then be super chill with us being pregnant.
我卡住了
I'm stuck.
好啦大家都进来吧全家福时间到
Okay, everybody, come on, picture time!
到圣诞树前集♥合♥ 来吧
In front of the tree, let's go.
天啊你别出声
Oh, God. Just be quiet!
你在这里啊对了迪兰呢
There you are. Okay, where's Dylan?
妈你真有心
Aww, Mom.
想什么呢我们需要有人帮忙拍照啊
What? We need somebody to take the picture.
太狠心了
Harsh.
什么声音
What was that?
我们每年不是都会生火的吗
Don't we always have the fire on?
-没有 -我挺确定有
- No! - ‭I'm sure we do.
我们去年用那火把克莱尔没熟的火鸡烤熟
Last year we used it to finish cooking Claire's turkey pieces.
杰去生火
Jay, go turn it on.
等等等等等等
Wait! Wait, wait, wait.
各位... 各位12岁以下小朋友先离开下
Every-- Everybody 12 and under, out.
什么亲爱的这是怎么了
What? Honey, what's going on?
迪兰卡在烟囱里了
Dylan's stuck in the chimney.
为什么
Why?
他打扮成圣诞老人
He's dressed up as Santa.
想要从烟囱而降来给孩子发礼物
He was gonna hand presents out to the kids.
别现在告诉他们啊我想跟你一起公布
Don't tell them now. I want to be with you!
告诉我们什么
Tell us what?
没什么可以之后再说
Nothing. It can wait.
不能再等了求求你
No, it can't! Please!
我的全身器官都要停止运作了
My organs are shutting down!
好吧行我...
Okay, fine. I...
我们有个事情要宣布
We have an announcement.
我跟迪兰要生宝宝了
Dylan and I are having a baby.
他们表情笑了吗
Are they smiling?
你怀孕了吗
You're pregnant?
是的
Yes.
我们为此感到十分开心
And w-we're really happy about it.
怎么可能会不开心呢
Why wouldn't you be?
妈你呢
Mom?
这消息需要点时间消化但...
It's -- it's a lot to process at once, and...
宝宝呢太棒了
A baby. Unbelievable!
-恭喜你们 -天啊小宝宝呢
- Congratulations! - Oh, my gosh! A baby!
天啊
Oh, God.
你处理的方式比我当年强多了
You handled that a lot better than I did back in the day.
表面而已我的内心跟你一样
Outside. On the inside, I'm you.
能来人救救我的命吗
Can somebody save my life?
-小卡你抓一只脚 -好