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Modern Family S10E20

Part 4 Nov. 25, 2019, 7:20 p.m.

maybe you should go up and change, huh?
再说最后一次这就是我
Oh, for the last time, this is what I'm --
算了我去换
Screw it. I'm changing.
-不不用 -不用换如果那就是
- No, don't - No, don't change, if that's --
-真是的 -对不起我错了
- Damn it! What - Sorry. I'm sorry.
歌♥洛莉亚
Gloria, Gloria.
帮我个忙
Do me a favor.
往我的电视机里放点腊肠
Put some salami in my TV.
不管这是什么的暗号♥ 我都不答应
Whatever that is a code for, the answer is no.
好吧那我自己来
Okay, fine. I'll do it myself.
拖住奥森一小会儿
Keep Orson occupied for about a minute.
亚瑟乖仔过来
Arthur Goodboy, come.
亚瑟乖仔过来
Arthur Goodboy, come.
奥森先生
Mr. Orson.
我想知道你生活的一切都是你的狗狗吗
Um, I need to know -- is your whole life your dog?
不不我对单人喜剧也有所涉猎
Oh, no. I also dabble in stand-up comedy.
我以前会把自己的段子给亚瑟乖仔试讲一遍
In fact, I used to try out all of my material on Arthur Goodboy
直到后来善待动物组织指控我拿动物做试验
until I got in trouble with PETA for animal testing.
话说回来亚瑟去哪了
Speaking of, where is Arthur?
我相信它没事的
I'm sure he's fine.
亚瑟亚瑟
Arthur? Arthur?
它在活动室里狼吞虎咽什么冷切肠
He's in the family room, wolfing down some cold cuts.
不不不它消化不了那个
No, no, no. He can't digest that.
西装可是租来的还要还回去
And that tuxedo is rented.
别等一等
No, please! Wait!
住手
Aah! Stop!
住手什么不要
Stop? What, no!
它很喜欢这个床别啊它喜欢在里面
He's enjoying the bed. No, he loves it in there.
别说了
Don't.
那个机器人什么都跟我说了
The robot told me everything.
-对不起但是我以为只要它 -别说了
- Oh, I'm sorry, but I thought once he got - Stop! Unh!
我会待到婚礼结束
I will stay for the wedding
免得不毁掉海尔西和德里克的大喜日子
so as not to ruin Halsey and Derek's special day,
但是我们的合作没戏了
but this partnership is off.
我这是在做什么
What am I doing?
让自己丢人现眼
Making a fool of yourself --
你一整天都在这样
what you have done the whole day.
对我表现得像个傻瓜
Yeah. I'm acting like an idiot.
这个点子太蠢了
I mean, this was a stupid idea,
在我这把年纪还想重新创业
trying to launch a whole new business at my age.
我还以为会很有意思
I thought it would be fun,
我早就该知道的我该金盆洗手了
but I should've known I-I need to hang it up.
我想静静
I need a second.
狗床确实很滑稽很悲哀
Dog beds are ridiculous and sad.
但是对杰来说很重要
But they're important to Jay.
我想爱一个人就意味着你也需要尊重他们
So I guess that loving someone means that you have to respect
愚蠢又令人恶心的梦想
their idiotic, nauseating dreams.
你好老兄弟
Hey, old-timer.
我喜欢你的轮椅
I dig those wheels.
为什么这个吸尘器在跟我说话
Why is this vacuum cleaner talking to me?!
我们剩的时间不多了
Okay, we are definitely cutting it close,
不过我觉得我们能赶上的
but I think we're gonna make it.
你知道吗按传统的婚礼仪式
You know, it's just that, uh, traditionally,
是新娘的爸爸对这些事情说了算
the father of the bride calls the shots at these things.
老天爷菲尔
Oh, my goddess, Phil.
一定要这样的话那我们彻底回到传统婚礼好了
By all means, let's return to traditional weddings.
或许你愿意讨论一下海莉的嫁妆
Perhaps you'd like to discuss the matter of Haley's dowry.
你们准备陪嫁牲畜还是土地呢
Are you prepared to offer livestock or land?
法拉如果这是在你们的
Farrah, I would defer to you
圆顶帐篷里我会听你的
if this were happening in your yurt.
好吧
Fine.
我们来掷橡子决定吧
We'll settle this over a game of acorns.
伸出你的手来
Put out your hands.
橡子说话吧
Acorns, speak.
对不起菲尔
Oh. Sorry, Phil.
三局两胜
Best of 3.
这是在干什么
What am I doing?
好了你们俩停下来
Okay, both of you, stop!
你们两个都主持行吗
You can both officiate, all right?
但是那不会花两倍的时间吗
Yeah, but won't that take twice as long?
不管谁主持能不能抽出点时间
Uh, whoever's officiating, if you can carve out some time
让我读一下我写的诗
for a poem I've written.
这是《贝奥武夫》和《电子情书》的结合版
It's sort of a "Beowulf" Meets "You've Got Mail."
天啊求求不要读诗了别啊
Oh, God, no! No poems! No!
-没人想听诗 -谁要听啊
- Nobody wants a poem! - No one wants that!
-快点吧流程走下去 -继续下去
- Come on! Let's move this thing along! - Get it going!
你们得交出《苏菲的抉择》票
You need to give your "Sophie's Choice" ticket
给那个养狗怪人
to the dog weirdo.
我爸居然想看音乐剧吗
My dad wants to see a musical?
不是是另一个养狗怪人
No, the other dog weirdo.
你们没看到他听到时有多兴奋吗
Didn't you see how excited he got when he heard about it?
但这事绝对没门您慢走
Yeah, well, that's not happening. No, thank you.
想想这些年来
Think about all the sacrifices
你父亲为你做的牺牲啊
that your father has made for you.
但我真的不在意啊
Oh, I just don't care.
你们反正也来不及赶到
You're not gonna make it anyways.
我们能赶到婚礼马上就要开始了
Y-Yes, we are, 'cause the wedding's about to start.
-他们来啦 -是吗
- Here they come. - Is it?
不好意思
Excuse me.
在我们开始这场美好的仪式之前
Um, before we start this beautiful ceremony,
我们在座各位何不轮流一下
why don't we go around the room
聊聊这场婚礼对他们代表的意义
and talk about what this wedding means to us?
我想应该没人想被拱上台做出发言吧
Yeah, I don't think anybody wants to be put on the spot.
就继续把婚礼流程走完吧
Let's just get on with the wedding.
对我来说婚姻不只是两个人心的联结
To me, a marriage is not just the joining of two hearts.
还是两个家庭合而为一
It's the melding of families.
请听我说这句
And can I just say this --
-不听坐下 -不听坐下
- No! Sit down! - No! Sit down!
去吧去吧这就对啦
Go on, go on. There you go.
撒的是泡沫塑料吗
Are those... packing peanuts?
我只有十分钟准备还没经费
I had 10 minutes and no budget.
-真的要发生了呢 -是啊
- This is happening. - Yep.
这只狗在对斯黛拉做什么啊
What's this dog doing to Stella?
坏狗狗不许日
Bad dog! No humping!
不许羞辱他这是她的错
Don't shame him! That's her fault.
她自己在他脸上扭屁♥股♥
She's wagging her hips in his face!
那是她腰不好
That's her dysplasia.
而且都2019年了
And it's 2019.
他怎么可以强抢民女呢
What he did is not okay!
糟糕我是不是在动啊
Uh-oh. Am I moving?
好像有东西卡住了
Something's stuck!
-菲尔我跌倒了 -看就是这样
- Phil, I'm falling! - See, this -- this --
这就是为什么我不想请人来
this is why I didn't want anyone here!
这就是为什么我想私奔
This is why I wanted to elope!
海莉我知道你不高兴但他们是你的家人啊
Haley, I know you're upset, but this is your family.
你谁啊
Who are you?!
好够了够了
Okay, enough! Enough.
迪兰海莉现在都到厨房♥来
Dylan, Haley, in the kitchen -- now!
鞋真好看
Nice shoes!
很抱歉各位
I am, uh, so sorry, folks.
可能可能需要大家等一小段时间
This is -- This is gonna take a little while.
或许艾丽克斯和比尔可以给大家奏点音乐
Maybe Alex and Bill can play something.
-不要 -别了
- No! - No!
-我们是赶不上了对吧 -好吧不行
- We're not gonna make it, are we? ‭- Okay, no.
我们估计来不及感觉就没戏了
We're not gonna make it! ‭It -- It doesn't look like it.
不好意思
Hey, um...
我爸爸希望你能收下这些票
Hi. My dad wanted you to have these tickets.
我勒个大丹犬太谢谢你们了
Great Danes! Thank you!
别着急你还有一件事情没做呢
Not so fast. You still have something to do.
听听我说
Listen. Listen to me.
妈我不想听