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Modern Family S10E08

Part 2 Nov. 25, 2019, 7:19 p.m.

展示一下这对宝贝的衣服
take this baby for a spin.
得了艾丽克斯
Alex, come on,
想那么说起码自己得相信啊
sell it if you're gonna talk like that.
刚好路过补鞋店
Just stopped by the cobbler
给我的乐福鞋换个鞋底
to get my penny loafers re-soled.
穿了三十年的那双
Same pair for 30 years.
你们在这儿干什么
What are you guys doing?
我们就是不我们
Oh, we're just -- Uh, no, we, uh,
在分别购物好玩的是
were shopping separately, funniest thing,
我们就突然遇到了对方
and we just bumped into each other!
是吧
Right?
是啊真是有趣
Yes, it was hilarious.
我在逛街然后就就像她说的那样
I was shopping, and -- and then all she said.
那么你买♥♥了什么
So, what did you buy?
不不不这不是我买♥♥的
Oh, no, no, no. It's -- It's not mine.
是她的你能自己拿一会儿吗
It's hers. Could you hold it for a minute?
我胳膊都酸了
My arms are tired!
她可是示巴女王
This one, the Queen of Sheba.
《圣经·旧约》中传说人物惊艳绝伦
我们都得服侍着她
We all work for her.
我们玩得很高兴
We have fun.
汉堡包很好吃
Burger's amazing.
这地方很不错
This place is great.
这些小镇上同性恋们真的厉害
These small town gays have it made.
是啊虽然他们只能躲在暗处
Yeah, I mean, they're forced to live in the shadows,
但他们能吃到薯条所以...
but they do get to eat fries, so...
我的天哪
Oh, my God!
那不是格尔·索普吗
Is that Gil Thorpe?
同性恋们并不全都互相认识菲尔
We don't all know each other, Phil.
还留着胡子
With the beard.
这里又没有女人
There are no women in here.
就在那儿他是我的死敌
Right there, he's my nemesis.
他怎么可能在这里呢
What could he possibly be doing here?
我可能知道哦
I might have a theory.
真不敢相信
Oh, my God!
他在假装自己是同性恋
He's pretending to be gay.
你在耍什么把戏格尔
What is your game, Gil?
妮可快来了吗
is Nicole coming in soon?
她的音浴进行得有点晚
Her sound bath ran late.
有什么特殊活动吗
Is there a special occasion?
为什么会有特大潜艇堡
Why the party sub?
这是普通大小的潜艇堡啊
this is a normal sandwich.
你好海莉
Hello, Haley.
这儿怎么有个这么大的潜艇堡
Why the enormous sandwich?
这是很普通的... 算了
This is an ordinary... doesn't matter.
妮可我们能聊聊吗
Nicole, can I have a minute?
当然可以
Of course.
你看现在出了点状况
Look, a situation has come up
让我很困惑
and it's pretty confusing.
我还在努力理顺情况但是我...
I'm still trying to process it, but I --
-怀上了 -什么
- Preggo? - ‭What?!
天啊我就知道
Oh, God, I knew it!
什么
What?!
我是说"淮尚乐" 随便你怎么念那个
I mean, Prego, you know, however you pronounce
装逼的意大利时尚网站
that pretentious Italian fashion website.
有人告诉我他们正试着挖走
‭Someone told me that they're trying
我的一个员工我不会允许这种事发生
to poach one of my employees, and I am not having it.
说说你想要什么吧
So, what do you need?
我我...
I, uh, well...
我给你长职位涨工资你要升职了
Title bump, money bump -- you are getting a promotion.
你会成为
You are gonna be
新的运动服饰与时代精神的负责人
the new Head of Activewear and Zeitgeist.
我的天这是我梦想中的工作
Oh, my God, this is my dream job.
我曾跟辅♥导♥员说我想做这份工作
I told my guidance counselor that I wanted to do this
她当面笑话了我
and she laughed in my face.
好了大伙
All right, everyone.
都进来我们要庆祝
Come in, we're celebrating!
拿把刀来好让我们把这个切成二十份
And bring a knife so we can cut this into 20 pieces!
塔克教练学生们是"受保护群体"
Coach Tucker, students are a "protected class"
你这样一个有特权的精英白人
and it is not okay for you,
不可以欺负他们
an elite white man of privilege, to bully them.
特权我只拿教师的薪水
Privilege? I-I make a teacher's salary.
我还是同性恋
And I'm gay.
如今同性恋的标签不像过去那么好用了
Yeah, gay doesn't really get you the mileage that it used to.
假如你是跨性别者我们就什么问题都没了
Now, if you were trans, we'd be golden.
全世界都疯了吗
Oh, has the whole world gone crazy?!
-杰 -不我受够了
- Jay -- - No, no, I've had it.
怎么所有人都如此敏感
I mean, what, everyone's so sensitive,
他们要把橄榄球也毁了
they're gonna ruin football?
我当年那个球队
In my day, our team,
汉密尔顿啃白菜佬
the Hamilton Cabbage Eaters,
队长是犹太佬布龙斯坦
captained by Knish Bronstein,
对抗林肯墨西哥大盗
took on the Lincoln Banditos,
四分卫是"飞鼠"何塞·冈萨雷斯
QB'd by Jose "Speedy" Gonzales.
我们在人堆最底下互捶对方私处
And after three hours of pummeling each other's privates
整整三小时
at the bottom of dog piles,
然后我们像兄弟般握手
we shook hands like brothers
一起去波兰饺子城吃细香肠
and all went to brawl the Sausage-Heads in Pierogi-Town.
美国
America.
美丽的大熔炉
Beautiful melting pot.
你的生活怎么会是这样
How was that your life?
你上高中时正好经历67年爱之夏
You were in high school during the Summer of Love.
年轻人聚集宣扬反战性别平等以"爱"为名的运动
塔克教练我不知道这个人为什么在这
Coach Tucker, I don't know why this man is here,
但他是"老年受保护群体"的一员
but he's a member of the "Elderly protected class,"
法律上来讲我们不能反驳他
and legally we can't contradict him.
抱歉你必须找到更温和的方法
I'm sorry, you're gonna have to find a gentler way
去激励你的球员
to motivate your players.
我只知道这一种教练方法
I don't know any other way to coach.
我们需要的是某个玩过橄榄球
What we need is advice from someone who played football
但又很矫情的千禧怪胎给我们建议
but also is a namby-pamby Millennial weirdo.
感谢各位前来
Thank you for coming.
我们今天来这教导这两位先生
We're here to teach these gentlemen
如何在21世纪与人沟通
how to communicate in the 21st century.
我们先轮流声明一下自己喜欢的性别代词
Let's go around and each say the gender pronoun we prefer.
我先开始
I'll start --
我是顺性别者他他的
I'm cisgender, he-slash-him.
她她的
She-slash-her.
他们他们的
They-slash-them.
我不是来为难你们的叫我鲍勃就行
Oh, I'm not here to bust chops, Bob is fine.
这就是你的橄榄球队
This is your rugby team?
我被你们这个商场小故事迷住了
I am fascinated by this mall story of yours...
你说你是来购物的
So, you say you were shopping?
是的你知道我有多爱买♥♥鞋
Yes. you know me and shoes.
那我们为什么不把鞋拿出来看看
Well, let's take a look, why don't we?
我都不知道你的脚这么小
I had no idea your foot was so tiny.
是啊我上面很大下面很小
Yes, I am so big in the top and small in the bottom,
就像南美洲一样
like South America herself.
-穿上 -真的吗
- Put 'em on. - Really?
我想看你穿上脚的样子
I want to see them on your feet.
遵命女士
Yes, miss.
我感觉我像灰姑娘一样
I feel like I am Cinderella.
快美美走两步给我们看看
Go on, let's see you strut your stuff.
鞋子真漂亮
‭Pretty shoes.
我从未感觉如此美丽
I've never felt more beautiful!
好了我看不下去了
Okay, I can't watch this anymore!
妈拜托别往心里去
Mom, please don't take this personally,
但我今天来和歌♥洛莉亚购物
but I was shopping with Gloria today
因为我想买♥♥些性感的衣服
because I wanted to find something sexy
跟比尔度周末时穿
for my weekend away with Bill,
她比较擅长性感
and that's more her thing.