摩登家庭
Modern Family S10E22
Part 1
Nov. 25, 2019, 7:20 p.m.
过去一年的生日
演讲 演讲
Speech! Speech!
一年前
好啦好啦 都静一下
Okay, okay, okay. Settle down.
真不敢相信我50岁了
It's hard to believe I'm 50.
从今天开始 我就步入中年了
A-A-As of today, I'm middle-aged.
那他过去十年算什么
What's he been the last 10 years?
妄想狂 他以为自己跟我们一样是千禧一代
Delusional. He thinks he's a millennial, like us.
我思考了很多 关于接下来会如何
I've thought a lot about what's next.
-变51岁 -谢谢你啊 兄弟
- 51. - Thank you, buddy.
重要的是 我要继续成长
And it's important that I continue to grow
并且继续接受精神上的挑战[当弱智]
and that I stay mentally challenged.
所以我要开始
Which is why I am starting...
学钢琴
piano lessons,
这样到明年生日时
so that by next year's birthday,
我就厉害到能当众演奏了
I'll be good enough to perform in public.
太好了 又有破事要去参加
Oh, great. Another thing to go to.
还有 我要学讲西班牙语
Also, I'm gonna learn how to speak Spanish.
好棒哦[西语]
Excelente!
我还没开始学 听不懂
Uh, I -- I haven't started yet.
最终
Um, and finally, um --
我知道这算是老掉牙的中年危机事项
and I know it's a little bit of a midlife-crisis cliché,
不过
but...
我打算学骑独轮车
I'm gonna learn how to ride a unicycle!
菲尔 有份礼物你忘记拆了
Phil, you forgot to open one of your gifts.
这一份 是杰亲手为你选的
This one, Jay picked it up for you himself.
真的吗
He did?
爸爸
Hey, Dad.
你干嘛戴那顶帽子
So, what's going on with that hat?
歌♥洛莉亚觉得我在我们家庭聚会拍的大合照里
Gloria thinks I look grumpy in the photos that we take
都很臭脸
when we go to these things,
所以我在寻找最合适的帽子
so I'm searching for the right hat
能让我看起来玩得很开心
that makes me look like I'm having fun.
或者你多笑一点也行啊
Or you could just smile more.
《品酒师的法国红酒指南》
"The Sommelier's Guide to the Wines of France."
-我太喜欢了 -真不错
- I love it so much. - Nice!
老天爷 上面还题了字
Oh, my goodness. It's inscribed.
"愿你像上等波尔多红酒般
"May you continue to age
继续优雅地老去"
as gracefully as a fine Bordeaux."
-爸爸 -"生日快乐 杰
- Dad... - "Happy Birthday, Jay.
爱你的 小卡"
Love, Cam."
小卡 没错 杰 你把我送你的礼物转送人啊
...Cam. Yeah. Jay, you re-gifted my gift?
爸爸
Dad!
我不知道他在里面写字了
I didn't know he wrote in it.
因为你都没打开过
Because you didn't open it.
现在我觉得自己好混♥蛋♥
So now I feel like a jerk.
你怎么会是混♥蛋♥呢 你可是戴着那顶可爱的小帽子
How could you be a jerk? You're wearing that hat.
你为什么对这个极度渴望你的爱的幼稚老男人这么粗心
一年后 我就知道她在说什么了
A year from now, I'm gonna know what that means.
我给歌♥洛莉亚准备了最棒的情人节礼物
I got Gloria the greatest Valentine's Day gift --
喜剧演员迪恩·马丁的全套吐槽作品集
a box set of DVDs of all the Dean Martin Roasts.
我被如此浪漫的举动深深打动了
I was so moved by the romantic gesture
于是杰生日那天
that for Jay's birthday,
我邀请了一群人来羞辱他
I invited a bunch of people over to insult him.
风云人物
我前妻和我
So, my ex-wife and I,
我们跟杰和歌♥洛莉亚一起去度假
we were on vacation with Jay and Gloria.
他俩沿着海滩漫步 我前妻说
They're walking down the beach, and my ex-wife says,
"天啊 露出那么大面♥积♥的皮肤"
"Whoa, look at all that skin."
我便说 "宝贝 别这样
And I said, "Baby, come on.
那有什么问题呢
What's wrong with that?
她是个穿着比基尼的美丽女子"
She's a beautiful woman in a bikini."
她说 "不 我是在说杰的头皮"
She said, "Oh, I'm talkin' about Jay's scalp."
杰半点拉丁血统都没有
Jay is so not Latin
以致于他每次跳舞
that every time that he dances,
都有人告诉他洗手间在哪
people point him to the bathroom.
他毫无节奏感 我意思是
He has no rhythm. That's what I mean.
不过说真的 我很喜欢白人
But seriously, I love the whites.
不 说真的 杰是不折不扣的环保人士
No, but seriously, Jay is quite the environmentalist.
去年 他就把我送他的礼物回收利用了
Just this last year, he recycled a gift of mine --
是一本关于上等红酒的好书
a wonderful book about wine.
我不想说我爸年纪很大
I-I don't want to say my father is old,
不过他对1000年电脑千年虫的恐惧还记忆犹新
but he remembers panicking at Y-1-K.
我爸很老了
My dad is old.
他有多老
How old is he?
他一开始用白宫H牌痔疮膏那个年代
He's so old that when he started using it,
那还叫白宫家御用古方痔疮膏
it was called Preparation G.
够了
Enough!
你们太过分了
This is terrible!
我不懂你们为什么觉得好笑
I don't know why any of you people think this is funny!
你们可能觉得这些只是玩笑 但其实太真实了
You may think these are jokes, but it's way too real.
我们应该尊敬外公 而不是揭他老底
We need to respect Grandpa instead of cutting him down.
没人知道他还能活多久
None of us really knows how much time he has left.
你们真的希望这是他人生最后听到的话吗
Do you really want these to be the last words he hears?
现在我难受死了
Well, now I feel like hell.
这才叫吐槽 炸裂
And that's how you roast! Bam!
我不懂大人为什么把生日
I don't understand why adults make such a big deal
搞得那么隆重
about their birthdays.
所以今年 我没有任何要求
So this year, I asked for nothing.
不搞派对 不搞活动
No party, no fuss.
一个人静静度过那晚
Just a quiet night by myself,
与我的思想相处 独自一人
with my thoughts, all alone.
好了
Okay.
跟我希望的一样 米奇尔凄惨到不行
Just as I had hoped, Mitchell is miserable.
他说他不想办派对
He said he didn't want a party,
但这就跟你在邀请函上写"不用送礼"
but it's like when you write "No gifts" on an invitation
其实暗中希望所有人都带大份
but you secretly want everyone to bring something
又昂贵的礼物来一样 约坦
big and expensive, Jotham.
我在你的派对上发表了真诚的祝酒辞
I made a heartfelt toast at your party.
没错 那12个词跟其他人带来的实体礼物
Yes, and those 12 words were just as generous
同样慷慨大方
as the actual physical gifts everyone else brought.
好 我要进去了
Okay, I'm gonna go in.
你们听到我说"米奇尔 你不是一个人"后
When you hear me say "Mitchell, you're not alone,"
你们就冲进来大喊"惊不惊喜"
that's when you come in and you yell "Surprise."
我们知道该说什么
We know what to say.
你真的知道吗
Mm. Do you?
-你怎么样 还好吗 -嗯
- How you doing? Okay? - Yeah.
现在你知道独自过生日是什么样了吧
Now do you see what it's like to spend your birthday alone?
知道了 这...
I do. And it's...
-对 -简直太棒了
- Yeah. - ...amazing.
-什么 -小卡 谢谢你 谢谢你
- What? - Cam, thank you. Thank you.
你终于有一次听进去我的话 给我我想要的
For once, you heard me and gave me exactly what I wanted
而不是你以为我该想要的
instead of what you thought I should want.
亲爱的 这是我收到过最棒的生日礼物
Honey, this is the best birthday present ever.
-真的吗 -真的
- It is? - Yes!
你一定也松了一口气吧
Oh, and you've -- you've got to be relieved, too.
我们每次跟那群朋友玩
I mean, every time we hang out with our friends,
他们走后 你都花一整晚
they leave and you spend the rest of the night
抱怨他们每一个人都哪里惹到你了
complaining about how every single one of them annoys you.
我不知道你在说什么
I don't know what you're talking about!
少来 约坦很小气 勒迈克有口臭
Oh, please. Jotham's cheap. L'Michael has bad breath.
我才不会说这种话
That doesn't sound like me!
安东尼奥的编发都快散架了
Antonio's weave is falling apart.
文森特喝醉后都失控
Vincent's a sloppy drunk.
还有 杰弗里每次都把女星
Oh, oh, Jeffrey won't stop telling
伯纳黛特·彼特斯的故事拿出来讲
his one Bernadette Peters story.
你喝醉后才失控呢
You're the sloppy drunk!
惊不惊喜
Surprise!
我发现了一件事
Here's a thing I realized --
只要不过生日 就永远不会老
you can't get older if you never have birthdays.
♪ 祝你生日... ♪
♪ Happy birth-- ♪
我说什么来着
What'd I tell you?
摩登家庭
Modern Family
剧集 | 摩登家庭 | 导航列表