女子监狱

Orange Is the New Black S04E05

Part 3 Oct. 20, 2019, 10:39 a.m.

你只会有一些被晒伤的感觉
your basic sunburn-level discomfort.
把它设置为第十级的话
Dial that bad boy up to ten...
那就是三♥级♥灼伤了
we're talking third-degree burns.
来呀来呀我是飞毛腿
Andale, Andale! Speedy-- Ow!
只是小小的刺痛而已
Just a little sting.
我可以
Nothing I can't--
射得好德克萨斯妞儿[枪多]
Nice shooting, Tex.
我可不想在监狱里碰到你
Wouldn't wanna run into you in the prison yard.
基普·卡宁根
Kip Carnigan.
他们就不能请别人来做主题演讲吗
They couldn't find anybody else to give the keynote this year?
比如说甘地
Gandhi, maybe?
我听说他们有联♥系♥他
Oh, I heard they approached him,
不过他的尸体已经被预定了
but his corpse was booked solid.
你这位朋友是谁
Who's your friend?
这位是来自利奇菲尔德的乔·卡普托
This is Joe Caputo from Litchfield.
他可是黑♥马♥ 很有可能成为下一个你
He is the dark horse to be the next you.
-那祝你好运了 -谢谢未来的我
- Good luck with that. - Thank you, future me.
你真幸运
You're a lucky man.
我们不是
Oh, we're not...
天呐我刚才表现的怎么样
Oh, my God, was that okay?
声音听起来正常吗是不是像
Did I sound normal? Was that like...
没问题怎么了
Sure. What's the big deal?
那是基普·卡宁根曾是西特韦尔的典狱长
That's Kip Carnigan, he used to be the warden over at Sitwell
现在他就像
and now he is, like...
美国惩教局的代言人
the face of corrections in America.
好了典狱长
Okay... warden.
杰弗逊
Jefferson.
是谁处理卫生巾采购订单之类的
Who does the purchase orders for maxi pads and so forth?
这个你要问采购部总监
You might want to talk to the VP of Purchasing for that.
叫琳达的那个
Linda... something.
你怎么在用他的电脑
Are you supposed to be on that?
卡普托先生让我确认他的文件是否都整理好了
Mr. Caputo wants me to make sure all his files are in order.
我太牛了
Ooh! That's what I'm talking about!
简直是电脑之王
I'm the boss of this bitch!
我发誓
I swear,
你要是因为这个被抓了我们就当不认识你
you get busted with that thing and none of us ever met you.
这是自卫
It's self-defense.
那个蠢货偷了我们的存货
That poi snorter stole our inventory.
存货不是问题
Inventory's not the problem.
我们还有两周时间来准备
We got two weeks of ripe fruit ready to sell.
我表弟阿隆索会帮我们卖♥♥货
And my stupid cousin Alonso is gonna do the selling.
问题在于怎么把东西弄出去
Our problem is getting everything out.
我不知道查普曼怎么做到的
I don't know how fucking Chapman does it.
也许她是通过性♥交♥易
Probably, she uses her sexuality?
为什么我们不能用性♥交♥易
Why can't we use our sexuality?
因为我们不是这种人
'Cause we better than that.
我们就不能从围栏那扔出去吗又不高
Can't we just throw 'em over the fence? It ain't that high.
那里有带枪的警卫守着
They got guards up there with guns and shit.
而且有人说现在他们用无人机监视我们
Plus, people saying they watching us with drones now.
如果我们也能造个为我们工作的无人机呢
What if we build our own drone that works for us?
还有别的想法吗
Anybody else?
我们可以挖个地道就像矮子
Or we could dig a tunnel, like we're El Chapo
或者电影里演的那样
or in the movies.
我有个主意
Guys, I got an idea.
或者可以放倒一个警卫换上他的制♥服♥
Or we could knock out a guard and take his uniform,
就像电影里演的那样
like in the movies.
有没有人有无关电影和越狱的想法
Okay, anybody got any non-movie, non-El Chapo ideas?
玛丽萨有想法或者她只是想晾干腋窝
Maritza's got an idea, or she's drying out her armpits.
你们都忘了吗我有辆货车
Seriously, guys? I have a van.
看到没门外站着性感女郎吸引客人
See, the hot girls stand out front to draw people in.
她也没多性感
She's not that hot.
你应该像她那样把头发绑起来杰茜卡
You should put your hair up like hers, Jessica.
你得融入环境
You have to blend in.
你知不知道绑个马尾辫就像是天然整容手术
Did you know a ponytail is like a natural facelift?
你第一件事要做什么
So, what's the first thing you do?
-找到目标 -很好
- I find my mark. - Good.
他的名字会不会叫马克
Will his name be Mark?
开玩笑的
Kidding!
选个有钱人
Pick a rich guy, obviously.
可以的话最好是又老又有钱
Old and rich, if possible.
你得找个如果没钱
You're looking for a guy who's too ugly to have you as a girlfriend,
相貌就配不上做你男朋友的人
if he didn't have any money.
真贴心
Aw, that's so sweet.
等等你们看
Wait. Catch this.
"宝贝你随车附送吗"
"Hey, baby. Do you come with the car?"
"哈哈我从没听过这个笑话真好笑"
"Teehee. I’ve totally never heard that joke before."
她对他甩头发了
she's giving him the head toss.
再继续下去就该吹♥箫♥了
That's like two clicks away from a blowie.
"你的钱包看起来真厚实"
"Ooh, your wallet looks so heavy."
好了你找到目标了接下来怎么做
All right. So, now you have your mark, what do you do next?
把他的证件拿到前台拿好钥匙
Take his ID to the desk and get the keys.
只不过那时你不再是销♥售♥ 而是马克夫人
Only now, instead of Judy Salesgirl, you're Mrs. Mark,
想跟你的丈夫一起试驾
and you want to take a test drive with your husband.
留下他的证件拿走钥匙
You leave his ID, you take the keys
陪着你的目标去提车
and you walk the mark to the car.
以防一会我忘了告诉你们
If I forget to tell you guys later,
我现在非常开心
I'm having a really good time.
好了现在你带着你的目标进行试驾
All right. Now, you take your mark on his test drive,
之后把他丢在销♥售♥公♥司♥门口
drop him off in front of the dealership after,
然后你就扬长而去还有问题吗
and bam, you drive off into the sunset. Any questions?
如果目标的名字刚好就叫马克呢
What if the mark's name happens to be Mark?
拜托我开玩笑啦
Oh, my God! Kidding!
这玩意最好是好用的一盒居然要十元
Man, this shit better be on fleek for ten bucks a box.
你能不能借我一根卫生棉条
Hey, you mind loaning me one of those?
你用完后还能还给我吗
You gonna give it back after?
有些人就是不能顾忌别人的感受
Some of us can't afford to feel the mountain mist.
你要知道
Well, you know,
我们之中有的人是被选中的有的则不然
some of us is chosen and some of us ain't.
一开始我们被穿着运动鞋的白人选中
Like, first, we was chosen by little white dude with the sneakers
去为耳畔私语公♥司♥缝内♥裤♥
to sew panties for Whispers.
然后我们又被上帝选中
Then, we was chosen by HaShem hisself
去品尝美味的花椰菜并遵守他的契约
to eat tasty broccoli and keep his covenant.
我记得契约中有些关于慷慨的内容
I know there's something in that covenant about generosity.
等等等等我马上就想起来了
Oh, wait, wait, um, it's coming to me now.
"如果在你周围有贫穷的人
"If there are poor among you,
请别对他们太过自私或太过贪婪"
do not be selfish or greedy towards them."
那不是基♥督♥教说的吗
Uh, I think that's a Christian thing.
用的是同一本《圣经》
It's the same damn book.
只是我们的先知不同
We just got different prophets is all.
或者说你们还在等着救世主降临
Or I guess you're still waiting for yours to show up.
你表现的一点都不像有求于我
Well, you ain't acting like somebody who wants something from me.
-采购部 -什么部门
- Purchasing. - What department?
采购部
Purchasing!
-什么部门 -人类
- What department? - Human being.
让我跟真人说话吧
Let me speak to a human.
我是人
I'm a human.
如果你想打给
If you'd like to connect to...
进来
Come in.
语♥音♥信箱留言有困难
You got voicemail trouble?
典型的公♥司♥做派没有一件事办得明白
Uh, typical corporate Charlie Foxtrot.
这就是为什么我不去当白领[穿西装]的原因
This is why I don't wear a suit.
还因为我的股四头肌太大了
This... and my quads are too big.
别等下别关门
Uh, don't... wait. Hey. Don't close that.
对不起
Sorry.
我是帕波·查普曼我不想让你恐慌
I'm Piper Chapman. I don't mean to alarm you.
我从来没像今天这样来过管理部门
I never come to the administration like this.
但我在利奇菲尔德监狱也有一段时间了
But I've been in Litchfield for a while now...
最近这里让我很没有安全感
and I have started to feel unsafe lately.
甚至感到恐惧
Scared even.
监狱有些地方变了
The prison is changing somehow.