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Modern Family S09E20
Part 2
Nov. 26, 2019, 11:03 a.m.
谁会想到妈妈和泰迪·罗斯福[前总统]
Who would've thought Mom and Teddy Roosevelt
门牙都长得一样呢
were identical front-teeth twins?
好吧 给我点时间让我把胶水吹干
Okay, just give me a quick minute to dry the glue.
你能把衣架上那件衬衫丢给我吗
Oh, can you throw that shirt on a hanger for me, actually?
今晚是曼尼的首映式 我得穿得帅一点
I need to look sharp for Manny's premiere tonight.
我扮演警长 这很讽刺
I play the Sheriff, which is ironic
因为我在的每一幕焦点全被我"抢"了
because I steal every scene I'm in.
爸爸 不好 胶水融化了
Dad, no! It's melting!
变大胡子了
ZZ Top!
我毁了你妈妈
I've ruined your mother.
等等
Wait a second.
今天是你妈妈的每月水疗日
Today's your mom's monthly spa day.
我没懂
I'm not following.
水疗后会有一小段时间
Afterwards, th-there's a brief window
她处于最放松最善解人意的状态
when she's at her most relaxed and understanding.
那时候最适合跟她说糟糕的消息了
It's the best time to give her bad news.
我本来打算告诉她
I was gonna tell her about the $500
我给打来电♥话♥求助的骗子英国人汇了五百块
I wired to that stranded British guy on the phone,
但这似乎更重大
but this seems more important.
妈妈在家吗
Hi. Is Mom home?
亲爱的 你打扮得真美 为什么
Honey, you look nice. Why?
是有人在说妈妈吗
Did I hear Mom?
等等 你打扮得像个女孩
Wait, you're dressed like a girl.
不 这次的机会之窗是我的
No! You are not using the window.
上次可是你用掉的
You got the last one!
大家都知道妈妈的这个机会之窗吗
Did everyone know about this window?
你们也需要吗 为什么
You guys need it too? For what?
要做出这么蠢的事可不容易
Oh, wow. It is not easy doing something that dumb.
所以男人肯定完蛋了
Yeah, this is why men are over.
希望你们享受最后一万年
I hope you enjoyed the last 10,000 years.
听着 我得推掉母亲节跟妈妈的旅行
Listen, I have to bail on our trip with Mom for Mother's Day.
不行 我也得推掉 你得去
No! I have to bail, you have to go!
我们邀请她时她都哭了
She cried when we asked her.
我老板说带我去大都会艺术博物馆慈善晚宴
But my boss invited me to the Met Ball.
她的治疗犬得了流感 所以我可以坐头等舱了
Her therapy dog got the flu, so I get to fly first class.
坐在她大腿上
Well, on her lap.
但是比尔想带我去玩
But Bill wants to take me away.
这是我第一回有男友
This is the first time I've had a boyfriend
不会要看着《为黛西小姐开车》度过母亲节
who's not spending Mother's Day watching "Driving Miss Daisy"
1989年的经典温馨电影
并从梳子上拔掉白头发
and pulling gray hairs out of a hairbrush.
一个机会之窗有三个请求 真是破天荒
Three asks in one window, it's unprecedented.
如果我们要成功 那我们要把家里
If we're gonna pull this off, we're gonna have to make this
布置成她去过的最轻松的环境
the most relaxing environment she's ever walked into.
惊喜哦
Surprise!
-外婆 -迪迪
- Nana! - Dede!
抱歉我不请自来
I'm sorry to barge in.
我之前去拜访了小卡和米奇
I was visiting Cam and Mitch,
他俩之间有些紧张
and there's some tension over there.
我女儿呢
Well, where's my daughter?
我没听到烹饪或者打扫的声音
I don't hear any cooking or cleaning sounds
所以我猜她在家
so I assume she's home.
爸爸 我们要做什么
Dad, what do we do?
肯定是米奇尔送她来的 也许他还在外面
Mitchell must've brought her. Maybe he's still out --
懦夫
Coward!
刚好赶上
Oh, just in time.
第五章 扔掉那小丑
"Chapter Five -- Toss that clown,
他在拖你后腿
he's been keeping you down."
小卡 我这辈子
Cam, I spent my whole life
都想从我妈的五指山下逃出来
trying to get out from underneath my mother's thumb,
我以为我终于摆脱了她
and I-I finally thought that that was over.
所以当我发现她一直
So to find out that she's been
秘密地通过你来控制我
secretly managing me through you --
在你气吐♥血♥之前
Okay, before you throw a clot,
本和杰瑞[冰激凌]是我唯一需要的男人
拜托你来看看我的笔电
please, come look at my laptop.
读一读你妈和我互发的电邮
Read the e-mails your mother and I have sent.
743封电邮
743 e-mails!
大部分都是同一封电邮的来回
It's mostly from one thread.
好吧 瞧她在这封里说了什么
Okay, look what she says in this one.
"一些你或许会喜欢的厨房♥用品"
"Some kitchen items you might like."
-炉灶 瓷砖 -什么
- The stove, the tiles... - What?
墙上的乡村风挂牌 小卡
...the-the-the folksy sign on the wall, Cam!
你说这些都是你的主意
You said that these were your ideas.
你没看出她潜移默化地
D-don't you see she incepted you
利用你设计了整个厨房♥吗
and-and designed our whole kitchen?!
简直不是人 而且越挖越深
It was all so diabolical, and it went deep.
她用计控制我们做了人生中的所有决定
She tricked us into making every decision in our lives.
例如 十二年前
For example, 12 years ago,
她给我发了可爱的亚洲宝宝的图片
she sent me pictures of adorable Asian babies.
同时再利用了我的逆反心理
While hitting me with a little reverse psychology.
"米奇尔 美国已经夺走了越南人那么多
"Mitchell, America has taken so much from the Vietnamese,
你真的想再抢走一个越南小孩吗"
do you really want to snatch one of their children?"
你不想让我做我当然要做
I do if you don't want me to!
我的天 2004年
Oh, my God, 2004?!
那是咱俩交往一年后
Th-that's a year into our relationship.
"小卡 想到你崴伤了脚 独自一人
"Oh, Cam, I hate to think of you living all alone
住在那间小公♥寓♥里 我真揪心"
in that tiny apartment with a broken ankle."
在同一天 她给你发电邮说
?And on the same day, she's e-mailing you,
"现在和人同居太早了
"It's too soon to move in with someone.
我强烈反对"
I strongly discourage it."
这就是为什么我和你同居了
Which is exactly why I did it.
还因为你很爱我
And because you love me so much.
还因为我们很相爱 是的
And because we were in love. Are in love. Yes.
-米奇尔 -我的天
- Mitchell. - Oh, my God.
-她无处不在 -真的
- She's everywhere. - She is.
小卡
Cam.
我好怕
I'm scared.
家庭料理
妈
杰 你这是虐待我的剪辑师
Jay, you're abusing my editor.
等等 停下 后退
Wait, stop. Back it up.
不 影片已经剪好了
No, no. The movie's done.
我们不能再争执下去
We can't keep arguing about this!
我们不是都想剪掉治安官的戏吗
Don't we both want to cut the sheriff?!
是的 他烂到没救了
Yes! He stinks on ice!
但如果我们剪短他在衣橱里满脸恐惧的镜头
But it hurts the story if we don't stay on him long enough
会对故事有影响
in the closet to see the terror on his face!
你只是想看他头顶上那块
You just want to see the Pritchett's Closets
写着普利切特衣柜的小标牌
emblem next to his head!
不不不 又来了
No, no, no, not again!
他们给我发的红毯是橙色的
The red carpet that they sent me is orange,
他们一直让我待机
and they keep putting me on hold.
我从没想过一遍又一遍地
I never thought that I could hate
听《怦然心动》会让我如此烦躁
hearing "She Bangs" over and over.
-没想过吗 -不是吧
- You didn't? - Really?
曼尼 把影片给我
Manny, give me the movie.
我需要确保放映机运转正常
I need to make sure that the projector is working
画面清晰
and that the picture is good.
给你 反正已经剪完了
Here, take it. It's done, anyway.
我不会用这个
I don't know what to do with this.
把你的宅男借我用
I'm gonna need to borrow your nerd.
你再给我拿杯番茄汁来
And why don't you go get me a tomato juice?
我知道我们在创作上意见有分歧
Look, I know we've had our creative differences,
但我真心认为这片会大火
but I really think we have a hit on our hands.
我也很为此自豪
I'm pretty proud of it, too.
还有点紧张 不敢给世人看
And a little nervous to put it out there.
因为你们让怪物听起来像老妈一样吗
'Cause you made the monster just like Mom?
-我们没有 -你在胡说什么
- No, we didn't. - What are you talking about?
怪物的叫声和她平时说话一模一样
That noise. It's what she says all the time.
她来了
She's coming!
斯黛拉 不 出去 我要宰了你
Stella, no! Out, out! I'll kill you!
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