摩登家庭

Modern Family S09E17

Part 3 Nov. 26, 2019, 11:03 a.m.

-那好 -快来
- Okay. - ?Yeah. Come here.
我给你讲讲松焦油门的事
Let me tell you the story about the Pine Tar game.
松焦油有助于打者握棒在83年的一场比赛
他被检举使用过量应取消得分最后被驳回
你想听吗
You wanna hear that?
-当然 -快来
- Sure. ?- Come on.
-好的 -但我先给你讲讲
- Okay. ?- But first, let me tell you about --
我从前一晚的晚饭讲起
I'm gonna tell you about dinner the night before.
你肯定是那个天才男友
You must be the genius boyfriend.
大伙都那么叫我
That is what the guys call me.
他们总那么叫
They're always, like, you know,
"天才" 我就说"大伙"
"Hey, genius". I'm like, "Hey, guys".
告诉我有没有外星人
So, tell me, are there aliens?
你认真的吗百分之百有
You kidding? 100%.
我就知道等等那僵尸世界末日呢
Oh, I knew it. Wait, and the zombiepocalypse?
哥们我总对所有人说
Dude, I tell everyone,
"现在就开始培养对僵尸病毒的免疫力"
"Start building up an immunity to zombie bites. Now".
和你聊两句我收获良多
I'm so glad we talked.
抱歉我刚才得去接电♥话♥
Um. Sorry for the interruption.
一切还好吗
Everything okay?
简单来说是的
Well, the short story is, yes.
展开来说我用了职业生涯大部分时间
The long story is, the theory on which I've based
来研究的理论刚刚被证明是错误的
much of my career has just been disproven.
什么你的真空能量密度理论
What? Your Vacuum Energy Density Theory?
我很遗憾
I'm-I'm so sorry.
我也是那是我最支持的密度理论
Me, too. That was the density theory I thought really worked.
真的吗菲尔你的第二支持的理论是什么
Really, Phil, what was your second choice?
这都是研究过程的一部分不是吗
Well, that's all part of the process, isn't it?
而我的理论也让别人的理论无效了
My theory actually invalidated someone else's.
那人跳楼了
He jumped off a building --
非常戏剧化
just very dramatic.
但我是英国人所以别担心
But, well, I'm British. So, no worries.
什么菜这么香
What smells so good?
是鸡肉
Uh. Uh, it's the chicken!
比尔你是消防员
So, Bill, you are a firefighter?
是的我最喜欢的三件事是帮助他人
Yeah, my three favorite things are helping people,
滑竿和在大卡车上待着
sliding down poles, and hanging off trucks,
所以我想不如就拿这个当事业吧
so I figured might as well make a career out of it.
幸好你最喜欢的三样东西
Well, it's good that your favorite things
不是氯仿布基胶带和没有窗口的货车
weren't chloroform, duct tape, and windowless vans.
克莱尔这个笑话是说他是绑匪
Claire, the joke is he'd be a kidnapper.
我听懂了
I got it.
要知道菲尔过去以为
You know, Phil used to think
那个词是"鸭子"[音似]胶带
it was "duck" tape.
鸭子
Like, duck.
克莱尔没看懂《爱乐之城》的结局
Claire didn't understand the ending of "La La Land".
抱歉他们平时不是这样的
Sorry. They're not normally like this.
很显然他们在争论某件事
Clearly, they're going through something
连这么重要的午餐都不能休战一会
they can't even drop for one important lunch.
他们在争论谁更聪明
They're arguing over who's smarter,
而这事只有一个方法能解决
and there's only one way to settle it.
改天去找婚姻顾问解决吗
Another time, in the presence of a marriage counselor?
不头脑大战
Nope. Brain Battle.
不不我们现在不能玩这个
No. No, we're not doing that right now.
我很抱歉阿尔文我们真不该这样
I'm so sorry, Arvin. We're being silly.
有多少位总统在职期间去世
"How many presidents died in office?"
-八位 -六位
- Eight. - Six.
正确答案是八位
The correct answer is eight.
见鬼再问一个
Damn it. Give me another one.
六为什么害怕七
Why was six afraid of seven?
因为七"扒"九
'Cause seven, eight, nine.
它"扒了"九
Like he "ate" it.
《白鲸记》是谁所著
"Who wrote 'Moby Dick'?"
赫尔曼·曼斯特赫尔曼·曼斯特
Herman Munster. Herman Munster.
-赫尔曼·麦尔维尔 -麦尔维尔
- Herman Melville. - Melville!
木星有多少颗卫星
"How many moons does Jupiter have?"
我可以回答这个问题吗
Oh, is it alright if I take this one?
27颗
?27.
67颗
67.
不不是的
Hmm? No, that's-that's wrong.
天王星才有67颗
67 is Uranus and...
木星是27颗对吗艾丽克斯
Jupiter's 27, right, Alex?
其实不是的
Actually, no.
但那只是个小错误
But it's a simple mistake, though.
你只是记反了
You just flipped them.
这太令人羞愧了不是吗
Well, this is mortifying, isn't it?
我有天体物理学的博士学位
I have a doctorate in astrophysics.
白♥痴♥
Idiot.
先是一个傲慢的瑞典人作废了我一生的研究
First, some puffed-up Swedes invalidate my life's work.
然后我败给了小水杯上的脑筋急转弯
And then I'm bested by a little bedtime gurgle cup!
对不起我得自己静一静
I'm sorry. I'm going to need a moment.
67颗卫星真是白♥痴♥
67 moons. What an idiot.
我只知道
Well, all's I know is
地球只有一个月亮[卫星]
the Earth only has one moon
我看过一部纪录片说我们根本没登月
and I saw a documentary and we didn't even land on it.
我的天闭嘴吧
Oh, my God, stop talking.
你这样有点刻薄
You know, you're being kind of mean.
我也得自己静一静
I'm gonna need a moment, too.
这就是为什么我不带男友回家
This is why I don't bring boyfriends home.
你们邀请他来吃午餐之前怎么不问问我
Why didn't you ask me before inviting him to lunch?
保罗·纽曼在哪部电影中的角色
"This Paul Newman character
被称为"辣手"
had a 'cool hand'?"
-卢克[铁窗喋血男主] -答对了
- Luke! - ?Yep.
这道也算也算
Counts! Counts.
亨利的爸爸单手攀岩太帅了
Henry's dad climbed the wall with one hand! It was awesome!
他的事业全仰仗马特·达蒙
Yeah, well, his career rides on Matt Damon
不拍需要动脑子的艺术片
not doing any artsy, think-y movies,
所以亨利很可能
so I wouldn't count on Henry
很快就读不起你的学校了
going to your school much longer.
搞什么我赶在红灯之前了
What the hell? I made that light.
老天又一张罚单
Oh, geez. Another ticket.
亨利的妈妈会开坦克
Henry's mom drove a tank!
亨利的妈妈亨利的妈妈
Henry's mom! Henry's mom!
你做什么歌♥洛莉亚
What are you doing, Gloria?
我倒想看看亨利的妈妈这样做
I want to see Henry's mom do this!
他在追我们
Yay! He's chasing us!
我觉得这是个馊主意
This feels like a bad idea.
太晚了这事情已经没有回头路了
Okay, too late, because I'm already committed!
心率过高心率过高
Heart rate -- high. Heart rate -- high.
你打算怎么做歌♥洛莉亚
What is the plan, Gloria?
我们要去商场
We're going to the mall!
现在知道我为什么用购物的事打趣你了吗
You know why I tease you about your shopping?
你这的确是病
Well, you do have a problem.
身子压低不要动
Okay, get down and don't move.
这可不容易我闻到肉桂面包店的味儿了
That's gonna be tough. I can smell Cinnabon.
你都去哪了
Where have you been?
我在水里多泡了一阵子加强一下
I just stayed in the tank a little -- a little extra.
真是场太棒的经历了
How -- What a great experience.
与自己独处
Just being alone with yourself --
我完全没独处到
Oh, I was never alone.
我看到了每个欺负我的人
I-I saw the face of every bully,
重新经历每一次羞辱
I replayed every humiliation --
又要提念错贝蒂名字的事了吗
Is this about "Bett" Davis again?
我们当时刚看完电影《家有恶夫》
Okay, we had just watched "Ruthless People".
你弄混贝特·米德勒与戴维斯了放手吧
You're thinking Midler. You gotta let it go.
我知道啦我会尽量
I know. I'm -- I'm gonna try.
但尽管我在里面感到如此害怕
But as scared as I was in there,
我一直不断地想着
I kept thinking about how
你是唯一令我感到有安全感的人
you're the one person who makes me feel safe.
让我有动力想要当一个更好的丈夫
And it made me want to be a better husband... ?Aww.
要给你更多陪伴给予你更多理解来...
...and to be more present, to be more understanding, to --