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Modern Family S09E02

Part 3 Nov. 26, 2019, 11:01 a.m.

我觉得我不小心成心地
I-I-I think I accidentally, on purpose,
下意识地故意地烧了咱们的厨房♥
subconsciously, willfully, burned our kitchen down.
我不... 这很难说吧
Okay. I-I don't -- I don't know about that.
不面对现实吧
Um -- ?No. Let's face it.
就像德鲁·巴里摩尔我是个可爱的纵火犯
Like Drew Barrymore, I'm an adorable fire starter.
知名女星曾在小时候出演过电影《凶火》
这就是为什么我们家胶布总是没了吗
Is this why we never have any tape?
牛皮胶布抽丝可以拿来当做生火用的火种
对我是个危险人物所以应该由你
Yes. I'm a menace, which is why you deserve
全权负责这次改造
to be in charge of this entire remodel.
你说了算
Anything you say goes.
小卡你听完这话感觉会好点的...
Cam, you're about to feel a lot better because
我觉得这烤面包机还行
I don't hate this toaster,
我觉得我能找到位子摆放
and I think I can find a place for it.
太好了
That's great.
我能习惯这种生活
I could get used to this.
我已经习惯了所以在我亡夫特么的钱
I have, which is why I need to snag another meal ticket
用完之前我得另找一张饭票
before my late husband's fracking money runs out.
没事你可以在我面前直接骂脏话
It's okay. You can swear in front of me.
那边那个在打网球的男人怎么样
How about that guy over there, playing tennis?
他体态挺好
He's in good shape.
对吧
Right?
不这个不行
No, that's a negative.
我要那种拿网球当助行器缓冲的老头
I want my guys' tennis balls to be at the end of their walkers.
好吧... 那...
Okay. Uh, how about, uh...
那个怎么样
that guy over there?
我想那是个被人丢弃的高尔夫球袋
I think that's just an abandoned golf bag,
不过你开始理解我的意思了
but you're starting to get me.
你想当我的私人助理吗
You know, would you like to be my personal assistant?
平时要我做什么
What would I have to do?
除了帮我找个新老公
Apart from helping me find a new husband,
大部分时间就是玩一玩喝喝酒去派对浪一浪
it's mostly... hanging out, drinking, going to parties.
我是完美人选
I am perfect for this.
有太多人可以为我举荐
I have so many references.
好的
Okay, uh...
那个在玩推圆盘游戏的怎么样沃里斯先生
what about that guy going to play shuffleboard -- Mr. Voorhees?
他比我以前的那些老公年轻
Uh, he's a little younger than I normally do.
给你点参考他向来
If it helps, he always orders
只点那些适合心脏病人的鸡尾酒
from the HeartSmart side of my cocktail menu.
你很在行啊
You are good at this.
让我去给他的心脏起搏器添加点压力
Let me go give that pacemaker something to do.
海莉你应该在高尔夫球场端酒
Haley, you're supposed to be on the course serving drinks.
我很忙卢克
I'm busy, Luke.
我们不能让客人清醒着打球
We can't have people golfing sober.
他们会发现那就是在浪费时间
They'll realize it's a waste of time.
我不太想再继续当球车女郎了
I'm not even sure I want to be a cart girl anymore.
罗娜要我当她的私人助理
Rhonda asked me to be her personal assistant.
我知道这不算什么迷人的职业
I know this isn't the most glamorous job,
但是这份工作提供的未来
but...it offers more of a future
比给色♥诱♥老男人换钱的女人当助理靠谱多了
than being an assistant to some gold digger.
喂
Hello?
好消息沃里斯有个朋友
Hey, good news -- Voorhees has a friend,
他想带我们飞去旧金山玩就今晚
and he wants to fly us all to San Francisco tonight.
这里能带你走向阳光大道
You're on a good path here.
你在赚钱有很好的晋升机会
You're making money. There's opportunity for advancement.
这趟旅行肯定很棒
It's gonna be great.
最豪华的酒店最高档的餐厅全天候护理
Best hotels, best restaurants, round-the-clock nursing.
你比她强海莉
You're better than her, Haley.
-算我一个 -很好
- I'm in. - ?Oh, good.
车子五点钟来接我们也就是吃完晚饭后
The car will pick us up at 5:00, right after dinner.
我♥干♥嘛跟你浪费唇舌
Why do I even bother?
我跟你说的话你都右耳朵进
It's like what I say to you goes in one ear...
左耳朵出了
out the other.
不知道你是怎么样我反正准备好独♥立♥生活了
Don't know about you, but I am ready to live on my own.
的确照顾我的父母是艰巨的责任
Yep, it was a big responsibility taking care of my parents,
但是我也交棒给了一个可靠的人
but I left a good man on the job.
又来
Come on.
歌♥洛莉亚你又把电视弄坏了我看不了节目了
Gloria, you messed up the TV, and now I can't watch my program!
记得你让我在你像个老年人时提醒你吗
Remember how you told me to say something when you sound old?
没事了我弄好了
Ah, never mind. I fixed it.
瞧瞧这些美丽的花儿
Look at those beautiful flowers.
哪儿来的
Where did they come from?
不知道
Not a clue.
你弄的吧
Aww, you.
乔
Joe?
你在做什么
What are you making?
纸上写了这是一种古老的饮料
According to this, an ancient beverage
苏丹王和流氓们都喜欢喝
enjoyed by sultans and scoundrels.
"捡报纸做咖啡
"Bring in the paper, make coffee...
捡起杰的脏袜子"
pick up Jay's dirty socks."
你怎么在做这些事
Why are you doing all this?
曼尼说以后这些都靠我了
Manny says it's my job now.
一直以来都是曼尼在做这些事吗
Manny was doing all these things?
我还很高兴你终于开始自己捡起脏袜子了
And I was so happy that you were picking up after yourself.
我上世纪70年代起就没捡过了
I haven't picked up socks since the '70s.
这么久以来我们都以为是我们在照顾曼尼
Huh, all this time, we're thinking we're coddling Manny,
其实是他在照顾我们
and Manny was coddling us.
我要打给他夸他是个多么好的孩子
I am going to call him and tell him what a good boy he is.
歌♥洛莉亚要是你这么激动地打给他
Gloria, if you call him all worked up,
他肯定两秒钟就开哭了
he'll be in tears in two seconds.
他只想洒脱地离开
What he wanted was a nice clean exit.
我们得坚持住让他完成心愿
We have to stay strong and give him that.
好吧
I guess.
我们找点事儿分散下注意力
I say we distract ourselves.
我去俱乐部讲点荤段子
I'll go to the club, crack some inappropriate jokes,
给宇航员排个名在桑拿池里打个盹
rank the astronauts, fall asleep in the sauna.
好玩得开心点
Okay. Have fun.
我跟乔去逛街
I'll go shopping with Joe.
买♥♥玩具吗
For toys?
不买♥♥鞋子
No. For shoes.
现在难过的人是我不是你
I'm the one that is sad, not you.
太酷了
How cool.
别分心菲尔
Just stay focused, Phil.
亲爱的亲爱的
Honey, honey.
不管这些机器人给人的感觉多真实
No matter how realistic these robots get,
我还是会永远爱你
I'm always going to love you.
谢谢
Thank you.
她在这儿呢
There she is.
-看这里 -亲爱的
- Hi! Hi! - Honey!
抱歉那是无尘工作间
Uh, excuse me, that's a clean room.
你们必须穿上无尘服在空气浴尘室
You can't go in there without putting on a sterile suit
去除所有可能的污染物后才能进入
and taking an air shower to remove all possible contaminants.
真的很像真人啊
They really are lifelike.
我觉得还是你去跟她说吧
I think you should handle this.
我不... 我不想让我们女儿
I don't, uh... I don't want to overwhelm
太... 太难以承受
our -- our daughter.
打到你啦
Yes.
你在干嘛
What are you doing?
这是设计来做心血管外科手术的机械手
That was designed to perform cardiovascular surgery.
真... 真是对不起
I'm -- I'm -- I'm so sorry.
那请问有趣的机器人是在哪里
Um....where -- where are the fun ones?
感觉还不差
I didn't hate that.
妈你来这里做什么
Mom, what are you doing here?
是这样的我跟你♥爸♥爸本来要出你房♥间了
Okay, well, your father and I were leaving your room,
结果我们发现到
and we noticed, oh,
你把你很爱的那件可爱裙子给扔了
you'd thrown out that cute dress you love so much.
我就想"为什么她为什么会丢掉"
And I thought to myself, "Why? Why would she do that?"
我就想也许... 也许是你穿给某个男生看
And I thought maybe -- maybe you tried to wear it for a boy,
想给他留下好感结果事与愿违心里难受
to impress him, and it didn't go well, and it made you feel bad.
也可能只是我不喜欢那件裙子啊
Or, maybe I just didn't like the dress.
或是我猜的那样
Or my thing.