摩登家庭

Modern Family S09E18

Part 2 Nov. 26, 2019, 11:03 a.m.

不不不不
No... No, no, no, no, no.
米奇尔打电♥话♥叫律师
Mitchell, call a lawyer!
我就是律师
I'm a lawyer.
可你输过的官司[丢掉的西装]
Yeah, but you've lost more suits
比遭遇龙♥卷♥风♥的西装大卖♥♥场还多
than a Men's Wearhouse in a tornado.
愚人节快乐
April Fool's!
他们以为你是商店扒手傻了吧
They thought you were a shoplifter! Burn!
在学校和人打架现在又搞偷窃恶作剧
A fight at school, and now a shoplifting prank?
如果你这是叛逆期
If you wanted to rebel,
为什么不能染一缕粉头发
why don't you just put a pink streak in your hair?
我说过了我不想染
I told you, I don't want one.
可你会看起来很可爱的
But you would look so cute.
好吧无论你这是什么阶段
Okay, well, whatever this phase is,
-我可不喜欢 -这都怪我们
- I'm not a fan. - ?I blame us.
-我们太纵容她了 -同意
- We've been far too permissive. - ?Agreed.
你被禁足一个月小姑娘
You are grounded for one month, Missy!
太阳马戏团的票已经买♥♥了
We got the Cirque du Soleil tickets.
-除了去看太阳马戏团 -和迪斯尼乐园之旅
- Except for Cirque du Soleil! - And the Disneyland trip.
和迪斯尼乐园之旅
And for Disneyland!
但今晚不准你去克里斯蒂娜的睡衣派对
But you are not going to Christina's slumber party tonight
-无论... -我们今晚订了仙人掌酒店了
- no matter how much -- - We have reservations at Cactus.
好吧克里斯蒂娜的睡衣派对之后
Okay, Christina's slumber party
近期都不准出去玩
is the last one for a while.
没错没错
Right. That's right.
香薰蜡烛
Scented candles.
多种香味每个6.5美元
愚人的选择
The simpleton's choice.
完美的礼物要有三个元素
The perfect gift has three elements --
不能是你会买♥♥给自己的东西
not something you'd buy for yourself,
能勾起人的情感回忆
takes you on an emotional journey,
并且勾得很有技巧
that journey is on a ship --
表演技巧
A showmanship.
想找到具备三元素的礼物很难
I mean, finding a gift that has all three is challenging,
但重点是坏点子不是你的敌人
but here's the thing. Bad ideas aren't your enemy.
事实上有时如果你根据坏点子
In fact, sometimes if you free-associate
展开自♥由♥联想就能发现好点子
from the bad ideas, you discover great ones.
我们试试看
Let's try it.
先生您到底想不想买♥♥盆栽
Sir, would you like a bonsai tree?
新奇钥匙链
Novelty key chain.
跳进脑海的第一个点子
First thing that popped into the noodle.
糟透了
It's terrible.
我们看看能解锁什么好主意
Let's see what that key unlocks.
新奇钥匙链
Novelty key chain.
新奇的锁
Novelty lock.
以下都是谐音联想
尼斯湖水怪
Loch Ness Monster.
越野摩托车
Monster bike.
车锁挂锁
Bike lock. Padlock.
鼠标垫新奇鼠标垫
Mouse pad. Novelty mouse pad!
新奇钥匙链
Novelty key chain!
什么鬼
What...just...happened?
就像我的灵感女神消失了一般
It was like my muse just disappeared.
她一去不回了
And she wasn't coming back.
香皂她又不是你外婆菲尔
Soap?! She's not your grandma, Phil!
如果我都不在乎它能拖地拂尘
If I don't care that it mops, dusts,
有刮水板有照明
squeegees, and lights up,
我为什么会在乎斯泰西·基齐[演员]说
would I care that Stacey Keach says
有了它别的清洁工具都不能入眼
it's the last cleaning tool you'll ever need?
以下都是谐音联想
一盒巧克力
Box of chocolates.
巧克拉伯爵[一种麦片]
Count Chocula.
夏卡·康[歌♥星] 骗子曼岛
Chaka Khan, conman, Isle of Man.
《我爱露西》刘玉玲
"I Love Lucy," Lucy Liu.
露露柠檬[服装品牌] 柠檬皮
Lululemon, lemon peel.
《基和皮尔》钥匙链
"Key & Peele," Key chain!
新奇钥匙链
Novelty key chain?!
不
No!!
不
No!
-洗衣服很烦吧 -洗不完的衣服
- Laundry, right? - Oh, it never ends.
说得没错
I heard that.
-对了结婚纪念日快乐 -谢谢
- Happy Anniversary, by the way. ?- Thank you.
你给菲尔买♥♥什么特别的礼物了吗
Did you get anything special for Phil?
这孩子演得太溜了
Kid's smooth like butter.
就像我教他的一样
Just like I coached him.
我给菲尔准备的礼物让我特别激动
I am very excited about the present I got for Phil.
到这来走近点
Come on over here. Come on closer.
但你必须保证你不会告诉任何人
But you have to promise that you are not gonna tell anybody.
快让我听听
Talk to papa.
我不想让其他任何人听到是什么
I don't want anybody else to hear what it is.
这是个特别棒的秘密
It's a really good secret.
礼物就是
And the present is...
你为什么要这么做
Why would you do that?!
我的耳朵还在发育阶段呢
My ears are still developing!
想得美菲尔
Nice try, Phil.
真好笑
That's so funny!
亲爱的你好吗
Oh. Hey, honey. How are you?
不好意思我得接个电♥话♥
I'm so sorry. I have to take this.
老天
Oh, boy.
你好罗伯特
Hello, Robert...
还好你呢
Not too much. How are you?
有很多方法可以在豪尔赫这样的男人面前
There are a lot of ways you can establish status
树立你的权威
over another man, like Jorge.
有力的握手
A firm handshake...
展示财富
displays of wealth...
展示力量
and feats of strength.
真有趣
Interesting.
我需要练习踢踏舞时
Moving that rug was the hardest thing
让你搬这块地毯就难于登天
in the world for you when I needed to practice tap dancing.
还有许多细微的招数
There are also more subtle moves,
我称之为微型攻击
what I call micro-aggressions.
叫错他的名字
Call him by the wrong name.
让他一见面就处于下风
Throws him off the moment he meets you.
你肯定是韦沃斯
You must be Huevos!
杰幸会
Jay! Pleasure.
豪尔赫·德拉塞尔瓦
Jorge de la Selva.
用英语说就是《森林泰山》的意思了
In English, it's George of the Jungle,
所以我一直只用西语发音
so I stick with Spanish.
是谁品味这么好
Hey, who's got the great taste?
是我
That would be me!
有品
Nice!
你好
Uh, hello...
你和歌♥洛莉亚...过去...
So, you and Gloria... you used to, uh...
是的
Yep.
他的英俊程度是超出了你的预期
Hey, so he was a little more handsome than you were expecting,
但打起精神来伙计
but pull yourself together, man.
在莉莉这个年纪打架是很常见的
Now, fights are very common at Lily's age.
有许多家长问我
I mean, so many parents ask me,
"我家可爱的宝贝哪去了"
"What happened to my sweet little kid,"
我会说"这就是青春期"
and I say, "That's puberty."
青春期莉莉还没到那个年纪吧
Puberty. Well, Lily's a little young for that, so...
不好意思
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
这是什么内耳结构吗
What is this? The inner ear?
那是女性生殖系统
That is the female reproductive system.
小卡
Cam.
我弄掉了...
I dropped the, uh --
我想叫它卵道
I want to say egg chute,
但我知道它的学名应该会更拉丁语风一点
but I know it's probably something more Latin-y.
孩子进入青春期时
It can be a challenge
可能是个挑战
when a child enters into adolescence,
所以我想着
so I was thinking --
莉莉的生活中
does Lily have any aunts
有没有姑妈或者其他女性长辈出现