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Modern Family S09E03

Part 2 Nov. 26, 2019, 11:01 a.m.

Step away from the pipe, Cam.
别这样你没这么没出息吧
Come on. You're better than that.
我就是这么没出息你也一样
No, I'm not, and neither are you.
我们看电影《BJ单身日记3》的时候
You eavesdropped on that couple
你还偷听坐我们后面的情侣呢
behind us at "Bridget Jones's Baby."
不我那不是偷听
Oh, no, that wasn't eavesdropping.
那里是公共场所好吗
We were in public.
你以为我还真想听
And do you think I really wanted to hear
那个白♥痴♥复述的第一部情节吗
that moron's recap of the first movie?
何况一半的细节还说成别部电影的
Half those details were from "Love Actually."
你以为我就喜欢这样吗
Do you think I'm happy about this situation?
我恨不得完全听不到她说话呢
I wish I couldn't even hear her at all!
老板你偷听完你姐姐说话了吗
Hey, Boss, are you done listening to your sister?
兄弟们想知道他们能不能用台锯了
The boys are asking if they can use the table saw again.
好吧他在开玩笑
Okay, well, he's joking.
佛朗西斯科做包工头之前
Before Francisco was a contractor,
曾经在危地马拉讲单口相声
he did stand-up comedy in Guatemala.
不止在危地马拉
Not just in Guatemala.
其实我这周五晚上还要讲个10分钟的...
Actually, I'm doing 10 minutes this Friday night at the --
我们订好餐厅了
Oh, we have dinner reservations.
-基佬节日就是... -对啊
- Oh, gay holiday. Yeah, um... - ?Yeah.
你走之前我想跟你说一下这个水槽
So, look, but I do want to talk about the sink before you leave.
抱歉米奇木已成舟
Sorry, Mitch. That ship has sailed.
还有你有带灶台防溅墙的新瓷砖来吗
Oh, also, did you bring the new tiles for the backsplash?
有啊在我车里我马上回来老板
Yes, they're in my truck. I'll be right back, Boss.
太好了拿过来吧
Great. Okay. Yeah. Go get those.
我不想小题大做
Hey, um, I-I don't want to make a big deal about this,
但你有注意到他叫你"老板" 但叫我"米奇"吗
but do you notice how he calls you "boss" and me "Mitch"?
没有但是我有注意到
No, but I did notice
他工具腰带上其中一个小袋子
...how one of his little pouches on his tool belt
装满了软心糖豆多可爱啊
is filled with jelly beans. How cute is that?
重点是他把你当成是真正的老板
The point is, he treats you like the actual boss
而把我当成像神经病花瓶妻子
and me like I'm some, you know, ditzy trophy wife.
首先我们不是同意过
First of all, I thought we agreed
我们家的情况是罕见的花瓶双娇吗
we had the rare dual-trophy-wife situation.
-是啊 -除此之外
- Yeah. - ?And aside from that,
还可能是因为我更坚定有主见一些
maybe it's because I'm a little more, you know, assertive.
你这么认为吗其实我也想过这个
Do you think so? Because I actually have thought that.
我觉得我可能太被动了
I mean, maybe I'm too passive,
-这可能是我事业停滞不前... -不
- which could be why my career has stalled... - ?No.
以及我曾三次同意跟女人上♥床♥的原因
...or I agreed to have sex with all three women who asked me.
-好吧 -那感觉好温柔...
- Okay. - ?Oh, it was so gentle...
又好恶心
?...and gross.
你知道吗现在你的机会到了
You know what? Well, now's your chance.
你可以向佛朗西斯科展示你才是大佬
You can show Francisco that you're the big dog.
重点是肢体语言知道吗
It's all about body language, okay?
向他展示你能领导一切
Show him you can lead the pack.
我来了老板
Here you go, Boss.
告诉我你最喜欢哪一个可以吗
Let me know which one you like best, all right?
等我们决定了会告诉你的
Well, when we decide, we will let you know.
但是首先我想先来谈谈洗碗机的事儿
But first, I wanted to talk about the, uh -- the dishwasher.
我说了要放在左边
Uh, I wanted it over here on the left,
但不知为何你把它放在右边了
but now, for some reason, it's on the right.
我要你按我要求的把洗碗机放在左边
I would like it on the left like I asked.
听懂我的主张了吗
Asserted?
不不不眼睛眼睛看这里好吗
No, no, no, no. Eyes -- Eyes over here, okay?
这事儿我说了算
This -- This is my thing.
给你看个东西
Well, let me show you something.
-好 -你看看水池下面
- Yeah. ?- All right, look under the sink.
没问题
Will do.
蹲下去到最下面
Go down. All the way.
好了现在钻到里头去
Okay, now, get in there.
抬头看你看到你左边的管子了吗
Look up. Do you see that post on your left?
等等好了
Wait. Ho-- Okay.
我无法挪动那玩意儿
I can't move that,
所以洗碗机只能放在现在这个位置
which is why the dishwasher needs to stay where it is.
还有别的问题吗
Anything else?
没有我没事
No, I'm good.
衣服上沾到了一些木屑
Got some sawdust on your shirt.
很痒啦
It tickles.
孩子醒醒
Hey, kid. Wake up.
我们得谈谈
We need to talk.
怎么了
What?
你♥妈♥的♥车撞了个大坑
Your mom's car got a big dent in it.
我知道你当时和她在一起
Now, I know you were with her.
你看到事情经过了吗
Did you see how that happened?
肯定是我们在店里时有人撞到我们车了
Someone must have hit the car when we were in the store.
那是你老妈说的
That's what your mom said,
但如果有其他原因比如说...
but if it was something else, like, I don't know,
她出了点小事故你也可以告诉我啊
she got into a little fender bender, you could tell me.
肯定是我们在店里时有人撞到我们车了
Someone must have hit the car when we were in the store.
我知道她先跟你通气了但是...
I know she got to you, but, uh...
我要你跟我说实话
I need you to tell me the truth.
这冰激凌是给我的吗
Is that ice cream for me?
有可能
Could be.
你♥妈♥的♥车到底是怎么回事
What happened to your mom's car?
我可以等一整天
I can wait all day,
但是问题是冰激凌是会融化的
but the trouble with ice cream is, it melts.
我喜欢融化的冰激凌
I like it when it melts.
什么叫你喜欢融化的冰激凌
What do you mean you like it when it melts?
没人喜欢融化的冰激凌
Nobody likes ice cream when it melts.
就像汤一样
It's like soup.
你讨厌喝汤啊
You hate soup.
不讨厌巧克力汤
Not chocolate soup.
听着我们都跑题了
Look, we're getting off track here.
跟我说说你♥妈♥的♥车到底怎么回事
Tell me what happened to your mom's car,
我就把冰激凌给你
and you can have your ice cream.
你好啊杰
Hello, Jay.
歌♥洛莉亚我...
Gloria, I...
瞧瞧你
Look at you,
还想贿赂一个五岁的小孩子
trying to bribe a five-year-old.
丢死人了你
You should be ashamed.
走吧乔既然你醒了
Let's go, Joe. Now that you're awake,
妈咪给你弄健康的零食
Mommy's gonna fix you a healthy snack.
查她手♥机♥
Check her phone.
看她的手♥机♥
Check her phone.
把冰激凌留下
And leave the ice cream.
等我回来就刚好全化了
It'll be nice and warm when I get back.
菲尔你能不能换一下楼下厨房♥的灯泡
Oh, Phil, could you change the lightbulb down in the kitchen?
你先是让我帮忙清洁纱窗
First you ask me to help clean the window screens.
现在让我去做爬梯子和接触电源这种高危工作
Now you want me to do something with a ladder and electricity?
你忘记我内♥裤♥的事了吗克莱尔
Have you forgotten about my underwear, Claire?
我有些朋友的老公人很差劲
Look, I have friends whose husbands are mean
或酗酒或根本不回家
or drink too much or don't come home at all.
然而在那一刻我羡慕死了那些朋友
And in that moment, I envied those friends.
好吧我自己去厨房♥换灯泡
Fine. I will change the lightbulb in the kitchen.
你可以把这些柔软蓬松无害的衣服放好
You can put away this nice, soft, fluffy laundry.
-好的 -别担心
- All right. - ?Don't worry.
里面连拉链和纽扣都没有
There's not even any zippers or buttons.
没有任何尖锐的东西
Nothing sharp in there.
我可不想害你出什么叠衣断指意外
Wouldn't want you to lose a finger in a tragic folding incident.
我在放好那些安全无害的衣服时
I was putting away that harmless laundry
踩到了卢克的滑板
when I stepped on Luke's skateboard,
从卸了纱窗的窗口滑了出去掉到了树篱里
rolled out the screenless window, and landed in the hedge.
不过你说得对
But you're right.
我很肯定这跟我的内♥裤♥没任何关系
I'm sure it had nothing to do with the underwear.
这是自我应验
It's self-fulfilling.
菲尔坚信会有坏事发生
Phil believes something bad is gonna happen,
所以他主动让坏事发生
so he makes it happen.
被纸割伤了
Ow! Paper cut.
今天当然会这么衰了