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Modern Family S09E07
Part 2
Nov. 26, 2019, 11:01 a.m.
那就是一个英勇的士兵冲进电♥话♥亭
where a heroic soldier dashes into a phone booth
打了拯救世界的电♥话♥
to make a world-saving call
而电♥话♥亭慢慢灌满了水
while it slowly fills with water!
这多赞啊 嬉皮士们
Come on, hippies!
天啊
God!
小家伙 你出去玩吧
All right, buddy. Run outside and play real quick.
我要去楼上忙些事
I'm gonna take care of something upstairs.
我得更新我在
I had to update my profile pic
一款新社交媒体软件"内缝线"上的用户照片
on this new social-media app called Inseam.
这软件超酷的 基本还没人知道
It's super cool. No one knows about it.
有些老家伙用它分享自♥制♥成衣
Some old guys were using it for home tailoring,
但之后两个布鲁克林DJ
but then two Brooklyn deejays
开始在上面分享一些视频 然后就火了
started sharing a couple of videos on it, and it blew up.
太严肃了
Not approachable.
太亲和了
Too approachable.
完美
There's my guy.
怎么了
What's up?
伙计 我刚准备离开
Dude, I was just about to leave,
结果在内缝线上看见了你的新照片
and I saw your new pic popped up on Inseam.
你也用内缝线吗
You're on Inseam?
是的 我已经用了一周了
Yes, I've been on it for a week.
你看看照片 乔在你身后的树上
Okay, look at your picture. Joe is in a tree behind you.
天啊 他就在那里
Oh, my God, he's right there!
等等 乔
Hang on, Joe!
喂
Hello?
乔怎么了
What's going on with Joe?
你也用内缝线吗
You're on Inseam?
当然了
Of course I'm on Inseam.
我儿子挂在树上了吗
Is my son hanging from a tree?
真棒 你信了
Oh, that's great! You fell for it.
我的改图技术越来越出神入化啊
I'm, uh -- I'm getting pretty good at Photoshop.
那是假照片吗
That's a fake picture?
是啊 我有许多张乔做危险事情的照片
Yeah, I got a bunch of Joe doing dangerous stuff.
那你晚点得让我看看 好吗
You're gonna have to show me this later, okay?
没问题
Will do.
都怪你
Well, thanks to you,
我现在满身大汗 都没办法
now I'm all sweaty, and it's gonna be impossible
鉴定丝绸衬衫了
to judge the silk shirts.
应该宽松飘逸 而不是黏身上
They're supposed to blouse, not cling.
能让我看看这张卡吗
Hey, can I see that card for a second?
-你干什么 -等你把乔的头P到鳄鱼嘴里
- What are you doing? - I'll put this card back in your hand
我才会把这张卡交还给你
when you Photoshop that kid's head in an alligator's mouth.
上游河谷在二♥码♥线上
Upper Valley on the 2-yard line
比赛时间还剩十秒
with 10 seconds to go.
一个触地得分将会获胜
A touchdown will win the game.
暂停 暂停
Okay, timeout! Timeout!
加油 海豚队
Let's go, Dolphins!
教练 我们怎么防守
Coach, what is our defense?
好吧 按理说应该用奔跑达阵
Okay, you know what? It's a running situation,
但他们用传球虐我们一天了
but they've been killing us with that pass all day.
我的直觉认为他们要传球 但是...
My gut tells me they're gonna pass, but
好吧 让我想想
Okay, just let me think about it.
让开
Move. Move!
那些蠢货
Those dumb bastards
肯定会认为我们要传球 所以我们要奔跑
are going to be thinking pass, which is why we're going to run.
左边用2包围防守
Trap Two, on the left side.
我的副校长对讲机
My vice principal walkie-talkie
不小心收听到了上游河谷教练
accidentally picked up that Upper Valley coach
说出她的白♥痴♥娘们战术
calling her dumb lady play.
我要改变我的防守策略吗
Now, was I gonna change my defense?
只有没有骨气 全力争胜 追名逐利的人
Only some spineless win-at-all-costs glory hound
才会选择赢 而不是展示高风亮节
would choose winning over showing some moral fiber.
海豚队赢了 海豚队赢了
Dolphins win! Dolphins win!
感恩节晚餐
体育场里的所有人 包括我
Everybody in that stadium, including me...
-是啊 -都以为对方会传球
- Well... - was expecting a pass.
但你的直觉告诉你不会那样
But your instincts told you something else.
真了不起 我的朋友
That's big-time, my friend.
谢谢你这么说 杰 谢谢你
Well, I-I-I appreciate it, Jay. Uh, thank you.
米奇尔
Mitchell!
我是个骗子
I'm a fraud.
那就别再和那个咖啡师吹牛
Well, then stop telling that barista
说你在百老汇做过沙威[悲惨世界]的替角
that you understudied Javert on Broadway.
他知道你叫什么 上网一查就发现了
He knows your name. He can look it up.
不 我不小心在对讲机上
No, I overheard the lady coach
听到那个女教练的战术安排
call her play on my walkie-talkie,
然后我改了我的防守策略赢了比赛
and I changed my defense to win the game.
现在我焦虑发作 我必须坦白
And now I'm having anxiety, and I have to confess.
不行 你不能坦白
No, you-you are not gonna confess.
你给我把焦虑揉成一个小球
You're gonna smush that anxiety into a little ball,
再塞到你灵魂里那个专门用来
and you're gonna push it into that little, tiny hole
密封童年阴影的小洞里去
in your soul where childhood traumas go.
这里的所有人都是赢家
Everybody here is a winner.
如果最后你成了饭桌上唯一的失败者
I-If you end up being the one loser at the table,
我仅有的收获会是所有人居高临下的同情
I'm gonna get nothing but condescending pity from everybody.
特别是克莱尔那副难以忍♥受的虚伪嘴脸
Especially Claire, that insufferable phony.
太漂亮了
Hey, so pretty!
-卢克 -歌♥洛莉亚
- Luke. - Hey, Gloria.
你的刘海真好看
Sure love those bangs.
为什么剪了刘海
What's the story with those?
我知道你一直在躲着我
I know you have been avoiding me
因为根本没有乔身处险境的合成照片
because there are no Photoshopped pictures of Joe in danger.
而你这个问题的答案很简单
And the the answer to your question is very simple --
刘海衬我的脸
They frame my face.
那些照片啊
Oh, those pictures.
就在这
Here we are.
乔捅蜂窝
Joe poking a bees' nest.
肯尼迪遇刺案主凶
乔射杀李·哈维·奥斯瓦尔德
Oh, and Joe killing Lee Harvey Oswald.
真可爱
So cute.
杰 卢克是个天才
Jay, Luke is a genius.
谢了 伙计
Thanks, buddy.
你可以去买♥♥高级衣服了
You can go do your fancy shopping now.
太棒了 为了弥补我失去的时间
Awesome. To make up for the time I lost,
我要给脚后跟涂上油
I'm gonna baby oil my heels
试鞋时穿脱就快多了
so I can try on shoes faster.
菲尔 你看过卢克合成的这些照片了吗
Phil, did you see this Photoshop stuff that Luke did?
他真是个魔术师
He's a real magician.
我想这是有其父必有其子
I guess he came by it honestly.
这话对我来说意义非凡 杰
That means the world to me, Jay.
我的人生是场谎言
I'm living a lie.
克莱尔 这家里的每个人都是赢家
Claire, everyone in this family's a winner
除了我
except for me.
我变我变我变废柴
Abraka-failure.
准备好灌水了吗
Ready to fill this thing up?
当天早些时候
我们之所以在这里拍
The-The whole reason we're here
就是为了用泳池水 能重复利用
is to use the pool water, which is recyclable.
我算是可持续魔术运动的大人物
I'm sort of a hero in the sustainable magic movement.
我可不想失去三只环保绿兔的评级
I'd hate to lose my three green rabbits rating.
好吧
Okay.
我们这就开拍吗
Should we start filming?
当然 好 当然
For sure. Yeah. For sure.
我认为我或许该先休息一下
I-I-I think I'll-I'll probably just take a quick minute.
年轻时我表演什么魔术都不害怕
As a young man, I had no fear of any trick
任何被困在狭小空间的魔术都行
where I was jammed into tight spaces --
盒中狐 另一个牧羊人
Fox in a Box, The Wrong Shepherd,
爱因斯坦的鸟浴盆
Einstein's Birdbath.
不过最近 我多少有一点幽闭恐惧
Lately, though, I have had a touch of claustrophobia,
通常我只要
which is usually cleared up
给非常支持我的妻子打通电♥话♥就好了
by a quick call to my super-supportive wife.
你终于接电♥话♥了
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