摩登家庭

Modern Family S09E11

Part 2 Nov. 26, 2019, 11:02 a.m.

我对所有孩子的爱都是平等的
I love all my children equally.
这是冠军喝的水
That's winner water.
怎么回事小卡
What's going on, Cam?
我才离开四十五分钟
I was gone for 45 minutes,
咱家客厅就变成了美容沙龙
and now our living room's a beauty salon?
难不成你有一队[赛车]专业技师吗
What, do you have a pit crew or something?
你居然挺有男人样地
Ooh, look at you using "pit crew"
用"专业技师"成功造句了
in a sentence like a boy.
这都是为了莉莉的派对吗你...
Is this all for Lily's party? You --
我以为我们的计划是吃披萨看电影
I thought we were just gonna do pizza and a movie.
要来的可是一帮十二岁少女
Okay, there are 12-year-old girls coming over here.
你忘了海莉在那年纪多毒舌多爱评头论足吗
Do you remember how mean and judgmental Haley was at that age?
记得逼得我在感恩节装病
Yeah, I faked being sick that Thanksgiving.
我都不敢在她面前吃玉米
I was too scared to eat corn in front of her.
你当然不敢
Of course you were.
那一整年她对我说的唯一一个词是"恶心"
The only word she said to me that entire year was "Ew."
总之莉莉想给这些学姐留个好印象
Anyway, Lily wants to impress these older girls,
于是我弄了全方位沙龙帮她们大改造
so I set up a full-service salon to do makeovers.
你拥有这个资格是因为...
And you're qualified to do that because...?
我叔叔就是干这行的
Okay, my uncle was in the business
他让骡子看起来更年轻好卖♥♥出去
of mules appear younger for sale,
所以我认为我对美发和化妆略知一二
so I think I know a thing or two about hair and make-up.
我拿了些东西来帮莉莉的派对做准备
I brought y'all some stuff for Lily's party.
我的天
Oh, my God.
我想你可能不愿意用自己的护肤品
Thought you might not want to get into your own stash.
我知道你的贵妇面霜有多贵
I know how pricy your lady creams are.
她发脾气是因为我继承了老妈的皮肤
Okay, she's lashing out because I inherited Mama's skin.
-而我继承了老爸的弹脑门绝招 -别
- And I got Daddy's strong flickin' finger. - Don't do it! Don't!
小卡你说过你不会搞得太大的
Cam, you said that you were gonna keep this small.
你瞧我觉得你故意不告诉我
See, now I feel like you didn't tell me about this
好在我拒绝前把这些都弄好
so that you could set it all up before I could say no.
你这话可说错了
Okay, that is just not true.
不是每个人都像你想得心机那么深
Not everyone is as calculating as you think.
但我知道你为什么这样
But, hey, I know where this is coming from,
这不是你的错
and it's not your fault.
真的假的又来这套
Seriously? This again?
这似乎是私人话题
This sounds private.
如果你想让我回避想都别想
If you want me to leave, forget it.
好吧我们每次起了争执
Okay, a-any time we have an argument,
小卡都说是我童年阴影的错
Cam blames it on how I was brought up.
我的心理咨♥询♥师说
My therapist says
这是他转移责任的方式
that it's his way of deflecting responsibility.
你去做心理咨♥询♥
You go to therapy?
像伍迪·艾伦的电影里演得那样吗
You mean like one of those Woody Allen movies?
很多人都做心理咨♥询♥
Plenty of people go to therapy.
我们农场人就不去
Not farm folk.
我们有问题自己解决尤其我们问题也不多
We solve our own problems, not that we had many.
没错因为你们的童年像故事书里一样
That's right, because you had a storybook childhood.
我可没说过"故事书" 不过有一次
I never said "storybook," although one time
我回家时的确看到一家熊在吃我们的粥
I did come home to a family of bears eating our porridge.
别说得好像我们是乡巴佬一样
Don't make us sound like hicks.
是微波炉意面
It was Tuna Helper.
但我们也有过烦恼
But we did have our share of problems.
烦恼什么烦恼
Problems? What problems?
老妈和老爸啊
Mama and Daddy?
他们的婚姻又不完美
It's not like they had the perfect marriage.
谢谢你谢谢你
Thank you. Thank you.
我就知道有阴影人人都有阴影
I knew there was stuff. Everybody has stuff.
不没有阴影
No, there is no stuff.
她在编故事想气皱我容光焕发的皮肤
She's just making this up to get under my radiant skin.
如果你不知道我在说什么
If you don't know what I'm talking about,
我可不想在你主持大型派对前告诉你
I'm not gonna tell you right before you host a big ol' party.
不我们有时间快说给我们听听
Oh, no, no. We've got time. Come on, come on. Let's hear it.
你不记得有次老爸离开我们一整年
You don't remember that time Daddy didn't live with us for a year
因为他和那个餐厅服务员同居了吗
'cause he was shacked up with that diner waitress
-珍妮·苏·巴特勒 -拜托
- Jannie Sue Butler? - Oh please.
老爸唯一离开我们那次是去参战了
The only time Daddy ever left was to go to war.
1977年哪来的战争小卡
It was 1977. What war, Cam?
越...
The V-
他离开我们是因为他到了四十岁
He left us 'cause he turned 40,
脸上长了第一块老年斑
he got his first liver spot,
他又觉得那骚货像《无敌女金刚》
and that bimbo reminded him of the Bionic Woman --
主要是因为她有条假胳膊
mostly on account of her fake arm.
你是真的不知情吗
Oh, did you really not know this?
什么
What?
我没意识到会是这么严重的问题
I did not realize how big that was gonna be.
小卡你还好吧
Cam, hey. Y-You're okay, right?
小卡我自己应付不来这些十二岁少女
Cam, I-I-I can't face these 12-year-olds by myself.
十二岁我得去换件衣服
12-year-olds? I got to change my shirt.
她们已经生气了
They're already angry.
好吧
Um, okay. Uh...
你们在做什么
What are you guys doing?
-搭击球场 -小心
- Putting up our batting cage. - Oh, careful.
这些网♥特♥别容易缠住脚
It's really easy to get caught in the net.
你们或许想先缓缓
Okay, well, you may want to take a beat.
老妈去业主协会争取女人窝了
Mom went down to the HOA meeting to fight for her shed.
我只希望她能冷静地接受他们的决定
?I only hope she keeps her cool and accepts their decision.
是啊鉴于她以往总能放手的优秀历史
Yeah, based on her long history of letting things go.
爸我们有麻烦了
Dad, we have a problem.
或许没事伙计业主协会从不反悔
Maybe not, buddy. The HOA never reverses itself.
要不然我们这场对话
If they did, we'd be having this conversation
就能在大热狗车的前座上说了
in the front seat of a giant hot dog.
-我就是业主协会 -什么
- I am the HOA. - ?What?
我截住了老妈的申请
I intercepted Mom's application
假造了一封协会的回绝信
and forged a rejection letter from the board.
-为什么 -因为你叫我那么做的
- Why?! ?- Because you told me to.
我什么时候叫你那么做的
When did I tell you to do that?!
太棒了
Ah, yes! Yes!
当年那些三维立体画海报没白看
All those Magic Eye posters paid off!
真闹心
This sucks.
谁知道
Who knows?
或许业主协会会拒绝她的申请
Maybe the HOA board will reject her application.
船到桥头自然直
Things have a way of working themselves out.
你说的是我想的吗
Are you saying what I think you're saying?
应该是
I think so.
-你给了我暗示 -什么暗示
- You gave me the signal. - What signal?!
就你想让我秘密解决某事的时候那个眨眼
That wink when you want me to secretly take care of something.
我当然得眨眼我刚结束瞪眼比赛
Of course I was winking. I was just in a staring contest.
什么你是说你以前也这么做过吗
Wait. Did you say you've done this before?
你觉得艾丽克斯的大提琴会自燃嘛
Do you think Alex's cello set itself on fire?
天啊
Oh, my God.
我得赶到那个大会趁你妈还没...
I got to get down to that meeting before your mother --
快帮我解开
Untangle me quickly!
等下你在眨眼吗
Wait. Was that a wink?
你不想我帮你解开吗
Do you not want me to untangle you?
还是你想我解慢点
D-Do you want me to untangle you slowly?
没有暗示
There's no signal!
清爽的黄瓜水不喝吗
Refreshing cucumber water? No?
清爽的黄瓜水不喝吗
Refreshing cucumber water? No?
-你渴... -你做得很棒
- Are you thirs-- - Hey, you're doing great.
就是别紧张别脸红
Just don't get nervous and turn all red.
我脸红啦我现在脸红了吗
Do I do that? Am I doing that right now?
其他人注意到了吗
Do people notice?
你不是12岁了没事
Okay, you're not 12. It's okay.
变好了变好了
It got better. It got better.
小卡你怎么样
Hey, Cam. H-How you feeling?
如果你需要时间
If you need some time to
来消化有关父亲的事你...
process that stuff about your dad, y-you sh--
不我没事
Oh, no. I'm fine.
不像梅勒妮头发上的氯
Unlike the chlorine in Melanie's hair