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Modern Family S09E05

Part 4 Nov. 26, 2019, 11:01 a.m.

I could say to save it.
宝贝她不过是小卖♥♥部零食
Baby, I just snack with her.
你才是主菜
You're the main course.
我真的只是引用别人的话
I did not come up with that thing.
好了
All right.
看起来不错
Looks good.
这是我帮忙装好的
You know, I helped build that.
我感觉像个真的建筑工人呢
I-I feel like a real construction guy.
我有点希望此时能路过个女人
I kinda wish a woman would walk by
好让我说点物化女性的话
so I could objectify her.
那最爽了
It's the best.
我们刚刚完成了一项工程
Listen, we just finished the project.
来和你老爹去逛一圈庆祝胜利
Now, come on. Take a victory lap with your old man.
乐意奉陪
I'd love to.
我倒要看看小卡
Hey, and I defy Cam to find
能挑出这玻璃什么毛病来
anything wrong with that window.
它真的为你的厨房♥添色不少
It really gives your kitchen some flair.
歌♥洛莉亚
Oh, hey, Gloria.
我终于找到无线网信♥号♥♥最好的地方了
I finally found a great spot for the Wi-Fi
正好赶上南瓜称重
just in time for the pumpkin weigh-in.
我泡澡时你居然坐在这吗
You sit here while I take a bath?!
你忘了我是基吗
I'm gay? Hello?
我对你这件华美的浴袍更感兴趣
I'm more fixated on that fabulous robe.
我下次泡澡时绝对要借来穿
I am so borrowing that for my next bath.
你洗澡水还没放掉吧
You didn't drain the water yet, did you?
好吧够了
Okay, that's it!
我再也受不了你了
I can't handle you anymore!
你占据我的厨房♥
You take over my kitchen!
我一转身你就蹬鼻子上脸
I turn around, and you're in my face!
连体婴都比我有更多个人空间
Siamese twins have more privacy than me!
从我家滚出去再也别回来了
Get out of my house, and never come back!
厨房♥装♥修♥好了
Well, the kitchen's done.
看来我能搬回家去了
So I guess I can move back home.
他就不能早一分钟发这条信息吗
He couldn't have sent you that message one minute ago?
没关系的歌♥洛莉亚
It's okay, Gloria.
我知道你的真实想法比较好
It's better that I know how you actually feel.
南瓜节的主席台上
Well, there seems to be a lot of hubbub
似乎有不小的骚动
on the dais at pump' fest.
他们为什么要聚集还在世的历任市长
Why are they gathering all the living mayors?
正式宣布
It's official.
达拉·宝华特女士打破了旧南瓜记录
Ms. Darla Bowater has shattered the old pumpkin record.
好吧
Okay.
我想你能理解发生这些事
I'm sure you'll understand, under these circumstances,
我会快速收拾东西泡个澡
I'll just quickly gather my things, take that bath,
然后... 走人
and... be on my way.
是哪位
Who is it?
联合快递特快邮件
Special delivery from UPS.
联合恶作剧快递
United Prank Service.
这个恶作剧我参考了历史书
I went to the history books for this one,
追溯到恶作剧鼻祖
all the way back to the first practical joke --
特洛伊木马
the Trojan Horse.
不过我用喷彩代替了大刀
Only I swapped out silly string for broad swords
用欢笑代替了谋杀
and laughter for murder.
好的
Okay.
你们喜欢恶作剧是吧
You guys want to prank?
那就来恶作剧
Let's prank.
不
Oh, no.
不
Oh, no!
不
No!
不
Nooooo!
不老天爷啊
No! God!
他们不过是朝你院子里扔了点厕纸
They just put some toilet paper in your yard.
他为什么要这么对我们妈妈
Why would he do this to us, Mother?
这是场意外
It was an accident!
毛毛哪去了我找不到毛毛了
Where's Fluffy?! I can't find Fluffy!
别担心我帮你找
Don't worry! I'll help you find her!
我的眼睛
My eye!
快进屋去快进屋去
Go in the house! Go in the house!
我为什么觉得这么有活力
Oh, why do I feel so energized?
因为满足了建造这份原始男性本能
Because you honored your primal male instinct to build.
-是啊 -曾经贫瘠的荒原
- Yeah. ?- Where once lay barren fields,
因为像我们这样的男人
because of men like us,
如今成了灯火辉煌的都市
now gleaming cities stand.
都市又是什么不过是...
And what is a city, but --
装载人类文明的衣柜
A closet for civilization.
这是我这辈子最为你骄傲的一刻
This is the proudest damn moment of my life.
那让我想起了痛苦的回忆
That brings back painful memories.
好像拐到我们家那条街去了
Huh, seems to be turning down our street.
谁能想到啊
Well, what do you know?
中间这块水晶像放大镜一样聚光了
This crystal in the middle acted like a magnifying glass.
-普里契特先生 -嗯
- Mr. Pritchett... ?- Yeah.
过去两个月内已经发生了两次
...this is the second time in two months.
很开心你这么喜欢我们
We love that you're a fan,
但或许你买♥♥本消防员日历就好了
but maybe you should just buy a calendar.
抱歉米奇我也很难过
I'm sorry, Mitch. I feel really bad.
你觉得能不能由你来告诉小卡
Do you think maybe you could tell Cam?
我已经不在这儿打工了
Oh, I don't work here anymore.
菲尔亲爱的
Phil? Honey?
克莱尔
Claire.
没有瞒下去的道理了
There's no sense in hiding it.
我确实买♥♥了个巨型南瓜
I did buy a giant pumpkin.
我看出来了
I puzzled that one out.
你说得对
You're right.
我就是个痴迷万圣节的大孩子
I'm a Halloween-obsessed child-man.
你想好过一点吗
Do you want to feel better?
我把丧尸带去公♥司♥了好吗
I took zombies to work, okay?
这馊主意死得好惨
And it died so hard.
真要命被玛格丽特同情
Oh, my God, to be pitied by Margaret...
我想孩子们是对的
I guess the kids are right.
我们是时候有个成年人的样子了
It's time for us to start acting like adults.
我们可以办晚宴看舞台剧开个人退休帐户
We can have dinner parties, see plays, open IRAs.
由政♥府♥提供税收支持
个人自愿参与的退休储蓄计划
我们有个人退休账户的吧
We have IRAs, right?
当头棒喝啊克莱尔
Rude awakening, Claire.
你以为自己是有趣有爱的爸爸
You think you're the fun-loving dad,
给人带来快乐让童真不死
putting smiles on faces, keeping childhood alive.
结果你只是一个坐在南瓜坦克里
Turns out you're just the weird guy
冲下人家车道的怪叔叔
barreling down a driveway in a pumpkin-tank.
菲尔我命令你不许再说这种话
Phil, I command you to stop speaking like that.
请你让我沉浸在悲伤中一会行吗
Please let me have my feelings for one second.
不快转过来真的画面很美
No, come on, turn around. Seriously. It's good.
神奇女侠吗
Wonder Woman?
正是我特意为你准备的
Yes! And I have plans for you!
谁管其他人怎么想啊
Who cares what anybody thinks?
孩子们吃屎吧公♥司♥的人都吃屎吧
Screw the kids. Screw everybody at work.
万圣节等我们哪天想放弃了才放弃
We'll give up Halloween when we are good and ready.
你们扮的是谁
Who are you guys supposed to be?
你们爸妈也想成为的牛人
Who your parents wish they were.
和本分手进行得并不顺利
Ending things with Ben did not go well.
他一直在帮忙我起头
He kept giving me openings,
但我就是狠不下心说出口
and I just couldn't pull the trigger.
我♥干♥嘛一直吃这块不新鲜的面包啊
Why do I keep eating this stale bread?
你也会这样吗
Do you ever do that?
明知有样东西不好
Like, you know something's bad,
但你还是要个不停
but you just keep going in for more
因为这是你面前唯一的选择
'cause it's the only thing in front of you?
对了有件事挺恶心的
Uh, hey, this is gonna sound really gross,
我手上贴了张止血贴
but I have a Band-Aid on my hand,
在手毛特别浓密的地方我知道一定会很痛
it's on a super-hairy spot, and I know it's gonna sting.
你能不能帮我撕下来拜托啦
Would you take it off for me, please?
撕快一点如果我注定会痛