外星居民（2021）

Resident Alien S02E03

Part 3 Feb. 22, 2022, 11:53 a.m.

来吧凯特宝
Come on, Kate-o.
你刚不是说把镇里都转完了吗
You just said you'd seen everything in the town.
咱们一定得去
Yeah, we should totally do it.
上一次
I mean, when's the last time
你放肯德拉出来都是什么时候了
you let Kendra out to play?
谁是肯德拉
Who's Kendra?
肯德拉是她的酒后人格
Kendra was her alter ego when she drank too much.
之前她在家庭聚会的的时候来过一出
Oh yeah, she brought her out at a family reunion once
非常狂野
real wild child.
我好难过你都没见过肯德拉
I'm sad. You've never met Kendra.
- 我也才知道 - 我也很难过
- Yeah. News to me. - I'm sad, too.
我来杯啤酒吧你们想要什么
I'll have a pilsner, what would you ladies like?
来吧
Come on.
好吧
Okay.
好的冲
Okay. Let's do it.
走吧
We'll do it.
但是亲爱的我们已经叫保姆了
But, hon, we already got a sitter.
那不正好叫个朋友你也出去浪
Perfect. Call a friend. You can go out, too.
太好了
Yes!
我们这边能点单吗
Can we get some service around here?
萨哈我需要你的帮助
Hey, Sahar, I need your help.
等一下你什么时候养狗了
Wait, when did you get a dog?
我不能养狗
I'm not allowed to have a dog.
我帮我邻居遛肉桂
I walk Cinnamon for my neighbors.
她三天没拉屎了
She hasn't pooped in three days.
为什么
Why not?
她吞了一整个牛油果
She swallowed a whole avocado.
我都不走她后面了
I don't walk behind her anymore.
你得帮我再剃一次毛
You got to help me shave again.
你的脸看着还行啊
Your face looks fine.
不是我的脸
It's not my face.
- 什么鬼 - 怎么了
- What? - What?
- 我得需要个锄草机 - 我做什么了
- I need a lawnmower for that! - What do I do?
我可以帮你
I can help you,
但我们需要找个隐蔽的地方
but we're gonna need some privacy.
我上周发现的
I found it last week.
你妈妈的手♥机♥还有电
Your mom's phone still had battery.
他们就
They just...
留在这了
left it here.
酷
Cool.
我们要去哪将军
All right, where are we going, General?
不
No.
不不不别坏啊
No, no, no. No, don't die on me now.
拜托
Come on.
妈的
Damn it!
我上哪找新的啊
Where the hell am I gonna find a new dish?
做这个我内心不安啊
I feel bad doing this.
你为什么不看啊
Why aren't you looking?
看一个不是我亲戚也不是我丈夫的
It's against my religion to look at the naked back
男人裸背有违我的信仰
of a man who's not my relative or my husband.
而且很恶心
Plus, it's disgusting.
会疼吗
Is it gonna hurt?
我妈妈说她脱腿毛的时候
My mom says when she waxes her legs,
感觉就像被一千只大黄蜂蜇了一样
it feels like being stung by a thousand hornets.
那她为什么还这么做
Then why does she do it?
因为我们一旦进入青春期
Because as soon as we hit puberty,
西方文化就告诉女性不能保持原生状态
Western culture tells women we're not okay as we are.
我们必须要把该有的丢弃
We must rip out stuff that's supposed to be there,
加上不该有的东西
insert stuff that's not supposed to be there,
再把肉眼可见的部分都漂白
and bleach everything visible to the naked eye.
做男人也很辛苦
Hey, being a man is hard, too.
我有的时候还得刷牙
I have to brush my teeth sometimes.
我收回那句话我不觉得抱歉了
I take it back. I don't feel bad anymore.
迈克
Miguel...
我的臭宝
my belle.
你为什么这么叫我
What the hell did you just call me?
没什么老铁
No, nothing, bro-ham.
休息一下而已
Just taking a little breaky, you know?
小憩
A little break-a-rindo.
玩具狗
Dog toy.
你有一个禅宗花♥园♥
You got one of those, Zen gardens.
我很喜欢这些东西
I love these things.
我可以玩玩嘛
May I?
已经感觉放松了
Yep. Yeah, more relaxed already.
我是想
So, I was just wondering
我来我来
I'll... I'll get that.
你有喝过小麦啤酒吗
Hey, you ever tried those wheat beers?
放片柠檬的那种
You know, the one where you put the lemon in there?
我听说还挺好喝的
I hear they're, they're pretty tasty.
你到底想干嘛老铁
What do you want, bro-ham?
你是想约我出去吗
What, are you asking me out on a date or something?
不不好吧是
No, no. Well, yeah.
兄弟约会哥们间的那种
But a guy date... guy hang, you know?
喝点酒吹点牛
Just a couple brews, mano a mano,
好好嗨一下
"caliente accione."
我没时间陪你玩
Look, I ain't got time for that, okay?
我还要照顾在家的父亲
I take care of my father at home.
当然
Sure.
我需要你把那些沙子收拾好
Now, I need you to clean up all this damn sand
因为我每天需要扒拉三十分钟
'cause I need 30 minutes of raking every day
我可以放松
so I can relax.
我刚好知道路易斯很想
I happen to know that Lewis would love
出门去喝点啤酒
to get out of the house and have a beer.
我会考虑一下怎么样
I'll think about it. How about that?
千万别提起这事千万
You don't ever tell, never.
等等他说了他没有吻回去啊
Now, hold on a minute--the man said he didn't reciprocate.
这不重要
It don't matter.
这种事是死都不能说的
This is something you take to your grave, okay?
嗯也许我可以
Well, maybe I could, um--
给她写张纸条
I could write her a note,
解释一下发生了什么
you know, explaining what happened.
你还想给她写张纸条
You want to-- you want to write her a note?
好吧我觉得你应该这么做
Okay. All right, look, here's what I want you to do.
我给你5美元
Here go $5.
你就拿着这钱去一趟商场
Now, I want you to go down to the mall.
你知道那个小店吧
All right, you know that kiosk
他们可以把你的名字刻在一粒米上
where they'll write your name on a grain of rice?
你把这5刀付给店主
Right, you're gonna give that guy that $5.
他就会帮你把你想说的话刻在子弹末端
He gonna write your note on the end of a bullet, right?
然后你就拿着子弹
Now, I want you to take that bullet.
装进枪里带回家
I want you to put it in a gun and go home
站在浴缸里
and stand in your bathtub.
你同时需要一本电♥话♥簿
Now, you also gonna need a phone book--
不要像佩西恩斯的薄本
not something thin like Patience,
要丹佛那种厚厚的
something with some girth like--like Denver, right?
你就把电♥话♥簿抵在
And you gonna put that phone book
你脑袋的一边
up against one side of your head,
然后把枪抵在
and you gonna take that gun
脑袋的另一边
and put it against the other side, right?
然后朝你脑袋来一枪
And then you're gonna shoot you right in the head,
那颗子弹就会贯穿你的脑袋
and that bullet's gonna fly right through and lodge itself
正中D列代表你蠢到家了
right around the D's, for dumbass.
然后她就会收到你的信息
And she'll get your note.
但那样我就死了
But I'm dead.
反正你告诉她也是死路一条
You tell her, you dead anyway.
那边到底发生了什么
You guys, what the hell is happening over there?
哦我觉得已经显而易见了
Ooh, I think we know what's going to happen.
- 哦... - 我不相信他
- Oh... - I don't--I don't trust him.
你的脉搏在加速
Your pulse is quickening.
你的上胸口已经一片通红了
Your upper sternum is becoming flushed.