单亲

Single Parents S01E11

Part 3 Nov. 27, 2019, 11:46 a.m.

Sweet freakin' dreams!
早上好希望大家昨晚睡得很香
Good morning. Hope everyone had a good night's sleep.
我睡得可香了
I slept like a rock.
妈妈你的脸
Mom! Your face!
-天哪 -怎么了
- Oh, boy. - What?
你俩完蛋了
Oh, you're going down.
虽然不完美但这是个开头
It's not perfect, but it's a start.
我们能搞定的
We'll find it.
谢谢大伙你们最棒了
All right, thanks, guys. Best crew in the biz.
做个精彩的节目吧
Let's have a great show.
非常感谢你能陪我一起
Thank you so much for being up here with me.
感觉更像真正的本地新闻连播了
It already feels more like a real local news broadcast.
开始
Action!
当局称之为电车史上
Authorities are calling it the bloodiest derailment
最血腥的脱轨
in trolly-car history.
现在有请威尔·库珀播报天气情况
And now here's Will Cooper with the weather!
有多血腥啊
How...How bloody was it?
我是威尔·库珀管你喜不喜欢天气
I'm Will Cooper, "Weather" You like it or not.
减少40%的手部动作
I need 40% less hands.
我是威尔·库珀管你喜不喜欢天气
I'm Will Cooper, "Weather" You like it or not.
-你眼睛一直这样吗 -你要干吗
- Do your eyes always do that? - What are you doing?
向右头发向右梳
Right. It wants to go right.
它想向右我只是在聆听
It's telling me it wants to go right. I'm just listening.
我是威尔·库珀管你喜不喜欢天气
I'm Will Cooper, "Weather" You like it or not.
它来源于厕所现在正入侵你的口腔
It started in the toliet. And now it's headed to your mouth.
接下来是天气情况威尔
And now the weather. Will?
好吧这样
Okay, try this.
这个相机是餐厅里的一位女服务员
The camera is a waitress at a diner.
她不知道自己长得很漂亮
She doesn't know she's beautiful.
她来问你要不要续杯
She asks you for a refill,
现在轮到你把握机会介绍自己了
and now this is your chance to introduce yourself.
你是谁
Who...are...you?!
威尔·库珀
Will Cooper?
你想成为谁
Who do you want to be?!
威尔·库珀气象员
Will Cooper, the weatherman?
疯了库珀你快把我逼疯了
Killing me, Cooper! You're killing me!
-向左向左 -男孩和他的骆驼
- Left, left. - The boy and his llama
都已经被医院送出
were both released from the hospital...
埋在了一起
to be buried side by side.
到你了威尔
Over to you, Will.
这些报道都是从哪来的
Where are these stories coming from?!
就差一点
You almost had it!
我是威尔·库珀管你
I'm Will Cooper, "Weather" --
补补水
Need more dew.
我是威尔·库珀管你喜不喜欢天气
I'm Will Cooper... "Weather" You like it or not.
好了不要结束信♥号♥♥了
Okay, 100% less sign-off.
不要结束信♥号♥♥
No sign-off?
那他们怎么知道我说完了
How are they gonna know when it's over?
你在给我梳刘海吗
Are you giving me bangs?
你的头发希望这样
This is what your hair wants to do.
-就它了我能感觉到 -开始
- This is the one! I can feel it! - Action.
晚上好东风将会来袭
Good evening. Winds are coming in from the east.
洛杉矶南部大部分地区会降温
We should see a cool-down for most of Southern Los Angeles.
降雨的概率很高
Chances of rain are high.
结束了吗
Is it over?
不知道
You don't know...
因为没有结束信♥号♥♥
'cause there was no sign-off.
刘海是个错误
The bangs were a mistake.
当然了
Of course they were.
这不是问题的关键米基
That's not the problem, Miggy.
我就是不酷炫
I just don't have the zazz.
也许我之前有过
Maybe I did at one point in my life,
但我现在肯定没有了
but I sure as hell don't have it now.
我已经当了五年的全职奶爸
I've been a stay-at-home dad for five years.
也许这就是我的全部了
And -- And maybe that's all I am.
听那是烤箱的声音
See? That's the oven.
我做了乳蛋饼
I made you a quiche.
一人一个
One for each of you.
我都没看到他做啊
I didn't even see him make that!
当然了我可是午餐巫师
Of course you didn't. I'm a lunch wizard.
道格拉斯
Douglas!
道格拉斯
Douglas!
你脸上有小胡子
Hey, you got a mustache on your face.
我管不了你家孩子了
Your girls are out of control.
她们把"对不起"的纸都给撕了
They tore up their "Sorry" Notes!
-你得做点什么 -知道了
- You have to do something about this. - ‭I get it.
你很生气因为你看起来
You're upset you look like
像个沙尘暴里的狂欢节小丑
a carnival barker in the Dust Bowl.
不过我和你说了在这里我们不道歉
But I already told you, we don't do apologies around here.
我的孩子们很坚强不可动摇
My girls are strong and unshakable.
就像你和你弟路易吉一样
Just like you and your brother, Luigi.
讽刺安吉是马里奥
你开够小胡子的玩笑了吗
Are you done with the mustache jokes?
够了不过乘一次贡多拉要多少钱
Yes, but how much for a gondola ride?
讽刺安吉是划贡多拉的
所以她们不打算道歉了
So they're not gonna apologize?
你的孩子们没希望了我也不想帮忙了
Your girls are hopeless, and I'm done trying to help.
我们去丝芙兰把每种遮瑕霜都试试
Now let's go try on every shade of foundation at Sephora.
我们哪也不去
We're not going anywhere!
艾玛和艾米过来
Emma and Amy, get over here!
惹我没关系
Mess with me? Fine.
但没人能惹我妈妈
But no one messes with my mom!
道歉
Apologize!
要不然
Or else.
要不然怎么样
Or else what?
你想和我们打架吗屁脸
You wanna fight us, Fart Head?
不不不
No, no, no, no, no.
没人要打架
Nobody wants to fight.
你们想打架那就来吧
You wanna rumble, let's rumble!
街上见
To the street!
你满意了
Are you happy?
他们要打群架了
There's a rumble happening!
打群架得要20人
A rumble needs like 20 people.
算了
But fine.
不敢相信我们的孩子要打架了
I can't believe our kids are fighting.
事实上他们只会
Well, technically, they've only been circling each other
-绕半小时圈圈而已 -但你看看格雷厄姆
- for half an hour. - Yeah, but look at Graham.
他的某种原始力量好像被释放了
Something primal has been released.
我从没见过他绕什么转过圈圈
I've never seen him circle anything.
我有40斤被压抑的情绪
I'm 45 pounds of pent-up emotion!
我能转上一整天的圈宝贝
I can circle all day, baby!
知道吗都是你害的
You know what? You did this.
你怎么养出了对我儿子有这种坏影响的孩子
How you raise your kids affects my kid.
你不在一座孤岛上道格拉斯
You're not on an island, Douglas.
如果这算我教会我的孩子求生技能我也没办法
I can't help it if I've taught my kids survival skills.
做个混♥蛋♥不是什么求生技能好吗
Being a jerk is not a survival skill, all right?
没人能脱离团体
No one survives separated from the pack.
但要留在团体中你得友善
In order to stay in the pack, you gotta be nice
还要会和朋友道歉
and apologize to your friends.
我不信团体这套
Yeah, I don't believe in packs.
我们生来就是孑身一人
We're born alone.
独自做♥爱♥ 独自死去
We make love alone. We die alone.
这就是个狗咬狗的世界
It's a dog-eat-dog world.
福格蒂家族永不言败
Fogerty clan all day!
小心你的脖子
Protect ya neck!
你这么快就累了
You getting tired?!
真的吗因为你有不少事都要靠我们
Really? Because you depend on us for a lot.
拼车去别家过夜
Carpool. Sleepover.
那天你说你"情绪不佳"
That one day you said you just had "The grumpies."
我真的有
I did.
靠你现在可能都要靠我
‭Hell, you're probably depending on me right now
介入阻止这场闹剧