单亲

Single Parents S01E01

Part 3 Nov. 27, 2019, 11:45 a.m.

-好了 -我的天你怎么做到的
- There we go. - Oh, my God. What did you do?
就是个小伎俩我叫它
It's a little something I call...
晃一晃蹲一蹲停一停
Rock, squat, pause.
-听一听 -不是
- "Puss"? - No.
-挺 -晃一晃蹲一蹲
- "Puzz." - Rock, squat --
听着晃一晃蹲一蹲停一停
Listen -- Rock, squat, pause.
-挺 -停一停停一停
- Puh... - "Pause." "Pause."
停一停
Oh, "Pause"!
跟我一起说晃一晃
Say it with me. Rock --
-算了 -才不
- Never. - Nah, man.
要是我学会了这个
What if I learn to do that
然后五年不能滚床单
and then I haven't had sex in five years
还穿着那条拉一拉长裤变短裤的东西
and I'm wearing pants that zip off into shorts?
把孩子给我吧
Give me my baby.
你们你们说得对
Ah, you guys, you're right.
很明显我还没准备好
I-I -- I'm clearly not ready, okay?
今晚的约会就算了吧
I-I say we put the brakes on the date tonight,
直到我把周二塔可日安排好
okay, just until after Taco Tuesday's figured out.
我不想让它颜色变深
I want to keep that guac from browning --
不不专心点
No. No. Focus.
我现在真是有点如坐针毡
There's honestly a lot of fear that's creeping in.
深呼吸
Take a deep breath.
今晚约会你一定要去
You're going on this date.
行我可兴奋了呢
Good. I'm excited about that.
酒馆
我再确认一下
Hey, so just making sure,
今晚你照顾艾玛和艾米吗
you're gonna be taking Emma and Amy tonight?
因为我今晚要和皮肤科的伙伴们去聚会
Because I'm getting together with my dermatologist pals.
罗里让我邀请你
Oh, Rory wanted me to ask you
今晚去参加他的舞会
to come to his dance party tonight.
还真是贴心
Aww, what a sweetheart.
不去
Pass.
跟你说了他现在有个坎要过
I told you, he's going through a thing.
他都不♥穿♥最爱的紧身衣去学校了
He won't even wear his favorite leotard to school,
因为他怕别的孩子取笑他
'cause he's scared other kids will make fun of him.
他们当然会取笑他了
Well, of course they're gonna make fun of him.
我小的时候
When I was a boy,
在篮球场上微笑都被揍了
I got beaten up for smiling at a basketball game.
我也不知道为什么
All right, look. I don't know why,
但是我的孩子喜欢你
but my kid likes you, okay?
防止你没注意到
And in case you haven't noticed,
他生命中没有别的男人
he doesn't have another man in his life,
你为什么不能为了他去呢
so why don't you just show up for him?
我不跳舞尤其是和男的一起
I don't dance, okay, especially with guys.
我还是搞不明白这个地方
You know, I still can't wrap my head around this place.
为什么每本书都是有关瑜伽或者更年期的
Why does every book have to be on yoga and menopause?
道格拉斯因为你我们才提前了
Douglas... you are why we march.
天啊
Oh, God.
我们为啥要这么干来着
Yo, why do we have to do this again?
我不想让他这个样子就回归社会
I just don't want to send him out into the world like this.
简直是犯罪
I mean, it would be a crime.
就像是把孩子丢在门口
It's like leaving a baby on a doorstep
然后祈祷一切安好
and hoping for the best.
米基
Miggy.
你不能真这么做
You can't actually do that.
-我知道 -只是以防万一
- I knew that. - Just checking.
我不想让他把约会搞砸了
I just don't want him to bomb his date
然后接着用校餐的事烦我们
and start harassing us again about hot lunch.
这是我找到的第三副耳罩
This is the third pair of earmuffs I have found.
谁伤到他了
Who hurt this guy?
佐伊我想拥抱你把口香糖都给你
"Zoe, I want to hug you and give you all my gum."
是个不错的开始
That's a great start.
上幼儿园的第一天我就爱上佐伊了
I've been in love with Zoe since day one of kindergarten.
然后她戴上了兔子耳朵
Then she put those bunny ears on --
在我身上插了把叉子我完蛋了
stick a fork in me, I'm done.
这是你的初恋
It's your first love.
是件大事多让人兴奋
That's a big deal. It's exciting.
你不应该害怕让自己的感情流露
You shouldn't be afraid to let your feelings out.
的确
Exactly.
我也想用这种方式和佐伊相处
That's how I want to play it with Zoe.
纯净开放积极
Raw, open, positive.
顺便说一句
Oh, by the way,
今晚约会的事别被我妈吓到了
don't let my mom scare you about the date tonight.
她不相信爱情
She doesn't believe in love because...
因为我爸爸就是个人♥渣♥
my dad is kind of a garbage human.
谢谢你告诉我
That's good to know.
但是不能再给你喝果汁了好吗
But I'm gonna cut you off on the juice boxes, 'kay, bud?
威尔安吉让我给你打扮打扮
Hey, Will? Angie says I have to give you a makeover.
这是我的人生巅峰了
This is my Everest.
我的天
Oh, my God!
安吉你受伤了吗
Angie, are you hurt?
你为什么有这东西
Why do you have this?
老实说我从来没见过这东西
Honestly, I've never seen that before in my life.
哥们你钱包在里面呢
Dude, your wallet is in here
还有一包热着的爆米花
and a bag of popcorn that's still hot.
你今天才用过
You've used this today.
对用来装零食的行吗
Yeah, I use it for snacks, okay?
又没人告诉奶爸该怎么处理零食
Nobody ever tells dads what to do about snacks,
这东西装零食还不错
and this is a good snack holder.
这其实是我老婆的在她走之前
It was actually my wife's... before she left.
真对不起
I'm sorry.
你有没有觉得她走的时候
Do you think that maybe there's a reason --
不把包拿走或者
I don't know, just throwing it out there --
直接丢出去其实是有原因的
that this is the bag she didn't take when she left?
你想她吗
Do you miss her?
不
No.
但是我很想念拥有一个人
But I miss having someone,
不是为了那些坏事和困难的事情
and not just for the bad stuff or hard stuff or whatever,
但是是因为所有美好的事物
but -- but for all of the good things,
比如第一次掉牙
like when she lost her first tooth
第一次讲笑话
and when she told her first joke
还有一次她让我整个星期都叫她
and the week she demanded I called her
"软糖少年机器"
"Jelly Bean Teen Machine."
没有人告诉你离婚会有多孤独
Nobody tells you how lonely it can be.
有一次我把一堆脏衣服当成男朋友
One time, I made a boyfriend out of a pile of laundry...
在里面滚来滚去
and I rolled around in him.
但它不持久
It wasn't built to last.
但是有了孩子以后就变了
But when you have kids, something happens to you.
你会变得软弱
You become mush.
但必须隐藏起来像我对格雷厄姆说的
But you got to hide that. That's what I tell Graham.
不然小怪物会伤心的
Otherwise, that little weirdo's gonna get his heart broken.
我真的不知道
I-I honestly don't know
自己能不能隐藏
if I'm capable of hiding my mush.
你们都很幸运
I mean, you guys are lucky.
可以互相照应
You have each other to look out for one another,
但我孤身一人
but it's just me.
你们会不会对彼此说
Do you ever look at each other and go,
-"要举全村之力..." -不要说
- "Ah, it takes a vill--" - Don't say it.
快把包扔了
Just throw out the bag.
安吉发短♥信♥告诉你计划了吗
Did Angie text you her plan?
发了我们帮他准备约会
Yeah, we help him get ready for the date,
就再也不用做志愿者了
and then we never have to volunteer.
女士们好
Hello, ladies.
-爸爸 -爸爸
- Hi, Dad. - Hey, Dad.
-孩子们你们在干什么 -威尔的脚垫
- Hey, girls. What are you doing? - Will's floor mats.
时不时洗一下能死吗
Would it kill him to shampoo them once in a while?
一般人都觉得小孩子不会抛光上蜡
People don't think that kids can buff and wax,
但是他们的身高正合适
but they're the perfect height.
在我选外套之前扪心自问一下
Before I can commit to a blazer, ask yourself --
他适合这件背心吗
can this man pull off this vest?
他的手臂不够强壮